Today I was eating some pizza with friends from my youth group (at church) and this woman said some things that bothered me the rest of the day.
"Are you using that dipping sauce, knowing how many calories it is?"
What I want to eat and how I choose to enjoy it is my business, thank you very much. To tell a growing, teenage girl that she's too big when she's clearly going through an internal battle is probably one of the shittiest things you can do. The disgusting words that came out of her dirty mouth. The way she spit at me and embarassed me in front of so many people. It made me feel like a pig. A filthy, squealing, fat pig. Keep in mind I'm not very big, I'm 5' 3" and weigh 113 pounds (as of last week) but growing up as a second generation Korean, losing weight seemed like the only thing I should be doing.
In the kind of household I'm growing up in, my parents tend to make careless comments on how big my thighs are or the extra pudge that seems to be clinging onto my waist.
"Don't eat too much, but you need to finish all the food on your plate,"
ENOUGH with all of the crazy mixed messages you're sending me. I want to love my body as it is, but having people constantly tell me that it's far from beautiful makes it so hard for me. What do I have to do for you to shut up? Do I need to starve myself until my knees clack together? Oh no.. "That's too skinny" they'll say. Well then, I guess I'll have to gain some weight to look more like a human? But wait... "Now you look fat again"
"Those jeans look like they'll explode on you"
Our job is to share happiness so that others will grow to empower those who need help. Don't berate someone for the way that they look or the lifestyle they choose to live. We are all entitled to our own choices and principles - but it's not alright to go bashing others because their body is not perfect in your eyes. Last time I checked, the whole human race was not created just so you could be pleased with their appearances. Get over yourself.
So, to the lady (who I am hardly more than acquaintances with) that called me fat...
No, I would not like to take home a box of pizza and sauce because I "seemed to enjoy stuffing myself earlier". No, I do not care about how many calories are in the dipping sauce I am using because I know that calories are not everything (also, it tastes good. so fuck it) I absolutely hope you don't send those degrading messages to your daughters at home. Trying to knock down someone's pride is something only an insecure person would do. Put some respect on it. And I also hope that you know that I am eating pizza while writing this (and it tastes like heaven). Many good vibes and love, Daljiyong ♡♡♡.