merryjayne13
a year ago50+ Views
4 year and I still miss him
This man who is my grandfather celebrated his last birthday which is today July 27. He passed a away August 2013.
I loved him so much, I find a hole in my heart because he's gone. I wasn't close to him in the way that I grew up around him I lived in a different state, my cousins were lucky enough to have him around all the time. I envy them for that.
Before we left to go home I was able to have some alone time with him.
I knew before we left the last time, that I would never see him again. I looked at him rubbed his shoulder, I told him I loved him very much. I gave him my last hug, I didn't cry.
I didn't go with my parents to his funeral. I couldn't accept the fact that it was his funeral. I felt that if I didn't go I could convince myself that he's still alive and off trading for saddles and stuff he doesn't need.
I didn't know how depressed I really was until my daughter pointed it out. I would break down and cry at anything, and I was listening to Hank Williams music. My grandfather loved Hank Williams, and he sounded just like him when he sang. My favorite all time Hank Williams song is "I'm so Lonesome I could cry" I hear this song and all I see and hear is my grandfather which makes me a balling mess.
A year after he passed away my parents, my kids and I go to visit. We go to where they spread his ashes. I can't explain how I felt, except I didn't cry. My cousin's son made a cross for him and we put flowers on it.
My grandmother takes me by my shoulders and hugs me. And tells me this:
The night before he died, he wanted to go see his son (my father) and me. He had his favorite traveling hat on and he was ready to go.
He passed away in his sleep.
When I heard that I was in shock but I couldn't cry.
A few days later and we are going through old pictures and I wanted this picture of her and him when they were young. (Wasn't he handsome). I asked my grandmother how she met him. And I swear it's like a scene from a movie.
My grandmother was at her friend's house working on her hair. It was a Saturday afternoon and my grandfather was coming back with a friend from a job. He was a handy man when he was younger finding work where ever and how ever he could really. He's been supporting himself since he ran away from home (suffered abuse).
When he walks into the house with his friend. his friend says to him.
"Well C.E. there's a blonde for ya." My grandfather looks at my grandmother and it was love at first sight.
"I just found the girl I'm going to marry." my grandfather told his friend. My grandmother just looks at him and smiles.
They hadn't been dating maybe 3 months and were married in November. Against my grandmother's parents permission.
My grandfather loved my grandmother so much, they were never apart for long. He always had her by his side. She took care of him until his death. She refused to put him in a home, she couldn't, even though it was hard on her, she couldn't let him be alone like that.
A month of depression after his passing, and I find this, and it's because of this it's my #1 anime, it helped me laugh and bring me back to normal. Then my daughter finds SJ's Spy (Leetuk's smile just made me feel better) and from there I go down the Kpop rabbit hole. But every time I hear Key sing the story of the 60 year old couple I just think of my grandparents. I love it, I wish he would do a full cover of it because his voice was beautiful.
I use anime and Kpop to cope with my depression and anxieties.
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21 Like
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4 comments
i do the same thing you do, kpop helps me cope since i have family problems but if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to msg me anytime alright
a year ago·Reply
I didn't have anime or kpop back when I lost my gpa. It still pains me to not have him here. I feel you, I feel you.
a year ago·Reply
awwe this is deep. im sorry to here about your grandfathee, but hes in a good place.
a year ago·Reply
Thanks I will definitely take you up on that and same applies to me if you need to talk@taetaebaozi @NikkoNikole thanks. I know he's in a good place and I'm grateful for him being my guardian angel @BekiKunstman I honestly thought I prepared myself enough because I knew it was coming but I found I wasn't so prepared
a year ago·Reply
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