DucklingYoongi
a year ago1,000+ Views
So I actually started this last week and just now finished it because motivation flew away so sorry for the delay~ Leave comments and suggestions, let me know if you guys like it.
J-Hope, single, living life to its fullest and spreading joy to the world. It least that's what Jung Hoseok's Instagram bio read. He had quite a large following on his social media, 3.7 million on his insta, a cool 23.4 million subscribers on his YouTube channel and hundreds of thousands of comments on all of his uploads that ranged from thought out paragraphs from fans to the oh so common "YAAAS daddy !!πŸ˜πŸ’¦πŸ˜©" to hateful comments that attacked his content, fans and looks but Hoseok took everything with a grain of salt anyway. These people followed and lusted after J-Hope, a sexy street dancer on the rise that made girls swoon and guys jealous, not Hoseok, a goofy and sunshine like boy. He'd created this persona around the time he turned 15, after he started focusing more on a hip hop and b-boy dance style and less on contemporary dance. When his dance teacher had mentioned uploading videos of their class to the studio's YouTube channel, he and the other kids decided to give themselves stage names like all the professional dancers did. So when Hoseok, Taemin and Jongin uploaded a complicated choreography to a popular song that weekend under the names J-Hope, Ace and Kai, it had gone viral in hours, being shared by dance blogs, other dancers and the boy's families. After a few videos of their class had been posted, they'd noticed comments that read things like "Where's J-Hope??", "Lol I'm here for Ace and Kai! They're so good!" "I want to see them do this song!" And various other praises, the boys decided to make their own YouTube accounts to show off their dance moves and hoped to use their new-found popularity to get them into dance competitions on a national level instead of the small ones they attended now. The three boys went off in their own styles of dance, Hoseok in baggy grey sweatpants with weekly updates of his freestyles to hip hop tracks in a segment he called 'J-hope on the street', while Taemin danced mostly to dubstep and Michael Jackson songs in a very MJ fashion with sparkly suit jackets and a flare for drama with props and back up dancers, while Jongin stuck to RnB slow jams, sinful hip movements as he grinds against the floor and sometimes his female dance partner in a dimly lit room. Once a month they collaborated together, showing their skills in dance offs against each other or demonstrating their favorite celebrity choreographies in perfect sync. Soon enough they were teenage heart-throbs, Internet sensations with dedicated fans that sent gifts and asked for pictures and autographs and walked around with their faces on tee shirts and wrote inappropriate fan fictions about them. It all felt so surreal to Hoseok, of course he'd been dreaming of this since he was nearly 4 years old and taking his first dance class, but he hadn't had that much confidence in his dreams until they'd become a reality. Everywhere he went, people knew his name. He got sponsorships and traveling opportunities, had meet and greets with fans around the world, he was invited to events with professional dancers and had even been offered spots on famous dance crews. But the more popular he got, the more distance grew between Hoseok and J-Hope. You see, once he'd gone viral, his friends had started acting differently. Every time he was with them, they spent more time bragging on Twitter about how they were inside his house than they spent talking to him. They were constantly tweeting, snapping and posting his every action, effectively gaining their own popularity and following just for knowing him. "Don't call me that.." He sigh out softly everytime his friend slipped up and called him J-hope. He liked his stage name, but when he was talking with a friend he'd known since preschool he should be called by his name. The name they'd always called him. His cousin no longer posted on insta, "Out for the day with the my cousin and his friends. " but rather "@streetjhope, @ace0312 and @sohotkai are taking me to lunch! Jealous? Check it out on my snap!" and labeling it with every hashtag available. He wasn't sure why but he felt like he had to be something else in front of the camera. Going out had become a sort of chore as he had to make sure he dressed nice enough for pictures in case he ran into fans, he couldn't laugh whole heartily like Chanyeol did when they went out for dinner with the guys because he was sure Krystal was snap chatting and he couldn't let his fans see him in such an unflattering way. He couldn't pig out on comfort food at grandma's house because he needed to keep his waist slim for the next shirtless selfie he'd post. The more he focused on J-Hope's public image, the less Hoseok he'd become. He no longer laughed freely, or posted bare faced selfies. He counted calories and started visiting the gym every other day. He no longer smiled in pictures, instead showing a cool facial expression, face always done up with make up and 10-13 styling products in his hair all of which he received for free as part of his sponsorships. He'd become obsessed with being the perfect J-hope that everyone had thought he was, terrified that one day his fans may meet him in person and realize he'd never been larger than life, scared that his supporters would dwindle away if they saw his acne or little rolls in his tummy when he sat down, when they realized he wasn't as cool or as confident as he seemed in his videos. Hoseok had developed an eating disorder, eating only in private where he'd stuff himself to the point of vomiting and then he'd avoid food for as long as he could before he'd become fatigued, fainting while practicing his dances and repeating the process once he gained his stretch back. He was depressed and hated looking at himself in the mirror yet he couldn't stop, too obsessed with his image. Soon after Nike had called the three boys that lead the wild new dancing craze, J-hope announced on his Twitter that he'd be teaching elite dance classes in his own studio space, sponsored by the brand. All his fans had to do was submit videos of them dancing and a short clip as to why they should be chosen, and if chosen they'd get to come to Korea and learn from and eventually preform with Hope, Ace and Kai, who'd each gotten their own studios, at the national winter festival. A team of people had spent five weeks narrowing down the overwhelming amount of submissions they received before passing on the top 100 to J-Hope who would have to narrow it down to only 20 for his class. He'd posted up in his bedroom, wearing his pajamas and watching the tv as it played through the submissions with a clipboard on his lap, taking notes on the parts he liked and disliked. Hoseok felt a little nauseous at the thought of having to chose only 20, when all of them were just as talented as himself if not more! He was about 3/4 of the way through the pile of DVD entries when the next video started playing and Hoseok's mouth dropped open in awe. The boy on the screen was drop dead gorgeous, all full lips and sharp jawline and collarbones but still with a certain roundness in his cheeks and a sinful V-line peeking above his sweatpants that hung low on his hips. Hoseok felt like he was going to have a heart attack when the boy grinned, eyes forming tiny crescents as he waved to the camera. 'Hello~ Uh.. My name's Chimin and I really like to dance. You should pick me for the special classes because.." The boy looked like he was thinking hard for a moment before smiling in a way that Hoseok thought should've been considered illegal. "I'll just show you why." He didn't even need to watch the dance to know he was going to put Jimin in his class, the boy had won him over with his cute face and nice body, the things he himself had strived to have. He watched in awe as Jimin danced in what looked like a living room, not just showing random moves but putting on a performance, with a RnB style song Hoseok had surprisingly never heard before but it sounded like sex and Jimin looked like sex as he lip sang along to the song, shirtless torso glistening with a thin sheen of sweat as he moved his hips and body in a way you'd expect a stripper to, yet more intimate and reserved as if Jimin was giving someone, giving Hoseok a private show. It was hard to breath and the room seemed to be spinning when the video ended, Hoseok had seemingly used all of his energy to restrain himself from hyperventilating while watching. No video after than could compare at all to what he'd just witnessed and he'd be a liar if he said he didn't rewatch that tape over and over again in the days leading up to his first dance class. He'd regretted not being able to contact the winners personally, but only because he'd wanted to hear first hand, Jimin's excitement over the phone. As the day got closer, Hoseok had gotten more and more nervous. After stalking Jimin on Twitter and Instagram for a week, it was safe to say that Hoseok had a small or maybe kinda big crush on the younger dancer. He was surprised at Jimin's social media as it was the exact opposite of his own, while Hoseok's was all videos and pictures of his body with deep song lyrics as his captions, with millions of followers, likes and comments, Jimin had no images of himself besides his profile picture that featured rosy cheeks and fake bunny ears. He only followed 6 people, only one of which Hoseok recognized, Jin the semi-popular food blogger, and had a little over 20 followers. His tweets were mostly sporadic, "I'm hungry @eatJin feed meee πŸ˜”" or "@augustd please wear clothes the next time u sleep on the couch u gross 😷" and Hoseok had chuckled softly while reading the back and forth tweets between Jimin and his friends. "@chimchim oppa, bring me and @kookiesandcream ice cream~" "@jinkitty make ur own γ…‹γ…‹" "@chimchim how?" "@jinkitty mix milk and sugar and hold it near your chest γ…‹γ…‹ cold heart will turn it to ice" "@chimchim I'm telling jin on you" "@jinkitty I'm on my way with the ice cream!!!!" He was overwhelmed at the fact that someone as attractive and talented as Jimin was so simple and down to earth. If his body was as attractive as the orange hair boy's he'd post even more pictures that he did already. How could Jimin not be flaunting everything he has? Hoseok had no idea, but he found himself wanting to know more and more about the sweet boy who's dancing had Hoseok in a trance. When he woke up the morning of the first day of his dance class, Hoseok felt an enormous amount of dread and anticipation in his stomach. He was excited to meet everyone, especially the sexy orange haired boy that'd plagued his thoughts for over a week, but also terrified that he wouldn't be absolutely perfect like they were surely expecting. In an attempt to calm himself he headed to the studio an hour earlier than he planned, hoping to warm up a little to relax his muscles and his mind because dancing was the only thing that ever really helped Hoseok breathe and feel okay. He walked down the hallway that had many doors leading to studio spaces, some with large windows so spectators could watch as they walked the halls. Studio 461, Hoseok hummed softly as he walked, looking for the room number while idly glancing into the rooms where people practiced. 454... 455... 456... 457... 458.. 45- Hoseok stopped, eyes wide as he slowly took a step back to see inside Studio 458 where he'd caught a glimpse of bright orange hair as he passed. He supposed he looked quite creepy peering in through a window, face nearly pressed up against the glass as he stared at the young beauty. He thought his eyes were deceiving him as Jimin, wearing what seemed to be girl's leggings and no shirt, looked down right godly, moving his hips confidently as he stared at himself in the mirror. A chill ran down Hoseok's spine and he let out a quiet squeak when Jimin's head turned and their eyes locked, the younger boy's gaze was friendly, inviting even but his body, half naked and practically gleaming had Hoseok shifting his bag self consciously over the tent starting to form in his pants and he was 90% sure he was wearing the most unflattering face and it made him want to melt right into the floor to never be seen again. Hoseok was just about to start running, ready to race to the stairs to maybe throw himself down them when Jimin started laughing and despite not being able to hear it through the glass, Jimin's expression alone made Hoseok feel warm and fuzzy, like he'd drank a wine cooler or something. He'd imagined their meeting quite a bit in the recent week, but in his head, things would go a lot smoother, heavy flirting and sensual dance moves to make Jimin his but here and now, the orange haired boy was beautiful and opening the door to greet him while Hoseok was standing still, almost sweating as he worried about the tent in his pants and the pimple on his cheek and the fact that he'd come here to calm down before meeting Jimin and now he would have been better off staying at home to prepare because seeing the small but very fit boy in front of him was making him more anxious and overwhelmed than he'd ever been and if he wasn't careful he'd end up emptying his stomach onto Jimin's colorful sneakers. "Jung Hoseok, in the flesh." Jimin flashed a bright, dimpled grin before bowing 90 degrees and Hoseok's heart skipped a beat. No one, not since he was 15 anyway, has ever greeted him by his real name right off the bat. It was always "J-Hope this, J-Hope that" and he hated it but Jimin, Jimin that made his heart ache from a flood of new feelings and Jimin that danced in a way that made Hoseok want to /die/ but also made him want Jimin under him making those faces he does while dancing, that Jimin had not addressed him as J-Hope but rather his very real, full name. ".. or J-hope if you prefer?" Hoseok snapped out of his daze and realized Jimin had been talking the whole time, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. "I-I'm sorry.. What did you say?" Jimin's cheeks turned pink but Hoseok's whole face was red. "I uh.. You looked weird when I called you Hoseok.. I was asking if you preferred to be called J-hope?" Jimin silently wondered if he'd be a Hyung that smacked him upside the head for speaking informally, like Yoongi who would pull Jimin's ears and call him a little shit, but Hoseok didn't mention it, instead he just shook his head. "N-No! Hoseok is fine.. Yeah that's good." The hallway felt too hot and Hoseok was nervous under the younger's gaze but tried to remain calm, his cool J-hope persona slipping into place. "I-uh.. you're early?" "Oh, I take morning dance classes too.. It ended a little while ago but I figured I'd just stay and practice until it was time for your class." Jimin smiled, a casual aura around him as he leaned against the wall, while Hoseok's heart was beating out of his chest. "Oh? I came by early to warm up before the class gets here." He didn't miss the hopeful gaze that Jimin through his way. "Uh.. If you aren't busy would you wanna..?" His voice drifted a little as he waved a hand toward his studio door but he didn't have to elaborate because Jimin jumped at the chance, snatching up his gym bag and nodding furiously. "I'd love to!" To Jimin this was all pretty damn surreal. After a bit of urging from Jungkook he'd given in and submitted a video to the contest being held by his favorite dancer. He'd been following J-Hope for a few years and sometimes dreamed of doing his own videos and getting famous online but he'd worried he wouldn't do as well, mumbling about setting up for failure when Jinri had insisted he try. Hoseok's breath came in short, fast puffs as he lead Jimin into his studio room, trying not to hyperventilate over the scenarios he'd been thinking of for the past week. After setting their stuff down they stood awkwardly for a few moments before Jimin spoke up, "How do you normally warm up?" Hoseok watched the younger lick his dry lips, looking at him through his reflection in the mirror instead of at his face directly. "I, uh.. I stretch a little and just turn on music and freestyle a bit to loosen up." "Really? Me too!" The next hour was spent with Jimin dancing playfully, letting himself go with the music while J-hope, who was trying to pretend he was having fun, but in reality he was trying hard to show off, to impress Jimin in person and not just through a screen. J-hope was a bit frustrated and he tried not to let it show, but it bothered him a bit how effortless Jimin danced. J-hope had been like that too, years ago, but after he'd become famous and obsessed with his social media image, dancing was no longer as freeing as it once was. He was constantly worried about who was watching and what they thought and if he looked attractive doing a certain move. But Jimin, confident in his looks, didn't mind making ugly faces while he danced. He stuck his tongue out and raised eyebrows and made kissy faces in selfies without a care as to whether it made him look like he had a double chin or if his occasional pimple appeared. He was authentic and honest and J-Hope was entirely jealous. Soon enough the warm up ended and the room was full of hopeful teens and young adults, all eager to learn from one of the hottest dancers in Korea. Jimin had noticed Hoseok skip off to the bathroom right before the room started filling, only to return with a fresh face of make-up and looking like he hadn't just spent an hour dancing as if his life depended on it, but Jimin said nothing, simply taking a moment to admire the man he'd come all the way here to learn from. The entire class was promptly put to work and it was clear J-hope wasn't teaching a beginners class. His moves were quick and calculated and once or twice Jimin had stumbled trying to follow him. The two hours seemed to fly by for the young orange haired boy, whose classmates had stared at him for quite a bit of time after his shirt had come off after the first hour. He didn't mind people watching him, it was something he strived for in fact, spending long hours in the gym with Jungkook to keep his figure maintained. A few times he'd caught Hoseok's eye in the mirror, they'd keep eye contact for a few moments until Jimin slipped up, not watching the teacher's movements closely enough and getting lost. J-hope would simply shake his head and look away, professional as ever. In reality, on the inside Hoseok couldn't calm his heart that he was sure the entire class could hear beating out of his chest. Sure having a room full of other people trying to get his attention made it a little easier to avoid looking at the gorgeous boy who was currently laughing whole heartedly with his new friends in the corner during break, but everywhere he looked, he felt nervous, in a room full of fans his guard was up and he couldn't wait for class to be over. He'd cleaned himself up in the bathroom again, touching up the makeup he'd smudged while dancing before returning to the room to accept the selfie requests from his students, his stomach flipping as he worried over filters and angles, his face cool and calm as ever. Standing between two girls, an arm around each of them as they took a picture with him, he noticed or rather felt Jimin staring right at him shamelessly. After every single one of his students beside the orange haired enigma had gotten their selfie and effectively cleared the room, Jimin had stepped up and requested a picture, and J-hope nodded quickly, getting into his usual position, an arm slung around Jimin's shoulders and a calm expression, while Jimin had made a face that seemed like he was having the time of his life. "Why do you do that?" Hoseok's head snapped in the boy's direction at the sound of his voice, "Do what?" "That." He motioned to Hoseok's face in the picture as he stared at it. "You make that face.. You don't smile, not even for pictures." For the second time today, Hoseok found himself at a loss for words. No one had ever actually asked him that and he wasn't sure how to explain his overall obsession with himself. "I..uh.. Aesthetic." He mumbled lamely. "Well.. I think you look better when you smile. You don't look so sad then." Jimin had picked up his gym bag and slung it over his shoulder and Hoseok stared at him with slightly widened eyes. He'd opened his mouth to speak when Jimin's face changed, brightening up as he flung the door open, a petite and slightly scared looking girl standing on the other side. "Oppa! I ah.. Came to see if you'd... yet... Ice cream.." Hoseok strained to hear her soft voice, eyeing her as he drank his water. Moments later he'd choked almost dramatically as Jimin easily scooped the girl into his arms and she squealed loudly. "Guess I have an ice cream date with this princess to get to. See you tomorrow?" Jung Hoseok swears his heart stops beating for a moment when Jimin's beautiful smile shines on him for that moment. "I.. Yeah. Tomorrow." He says lamely, heart crumbling in all different ways when Jimin kissed the girl's forehead and carries her out of the studio, leaving Hoseok alone with his thoughts. Smooth talking J-hope that had,after imagining it for over a week, planned to invite Jimin to hang out after class but promptly left out the door along side the orange haired boy and petite girl, his words caught in his throat as he watches them leave. He supposed it was pretty stupid, imagining someone like Jimin, with a nice body and voice and personality and so much else, would be single AND gay enough to like Hoseok. It only made sense that he would have a girlfriend just as adorable as he was, same cute nose and bright giggles. That night he drowned himself in self pity, wallowing over his nonexistent love life and scowling as he scrolled through Twitter, the pictures of him and his class all over the screen except the picture he'd hoped to see the most. But Jimin doesn't post pictures of himself, not even if it's with a bored looking celebrity who desperately wanted to see him. The next few days come and go, a habit has formed with Jimin coming early to warm up and practice along side J-hope, asking him tons and tons of questions about him, some with easy answers and others that Hoseok would struggle for the entire class to find an answer to. He found smiles coming more and more easily with Jimin around, he didn't have to force himself to show an emotion, he didn't hold back his laugh as much. Jimin was slowly fixing all the fame inflicted wounds on Hoseok. He'd slowly but surely moved on from being infatuated with Jimin and was now fully 'head over heels and completely fucked' as Jongin had so sweetly told him one night as they sat in Taemin's bedroom, discussing the orange haired boy and tried making a plan of action but Hoseok always lost confidence when it came time to ask Jimin out. But every single day, Hoseok's heart was broken again when the same petite girl came to get Jimin at the end of every class, she'd get all giggly and wave to Hoseok who'd return it half-heartedly but Jimin would grumble something at her and usher her out the door, leaving Hoseok with the promise of tomorrow. He refused to ask Jimin about her, not wanting to hear the lovey dovey bull shit he knew Jimin would have to say, they looked so awfully happy together and it made his stomach churn. At least they have the decency not to kiss around him, Taemin always reminded him. So everyday he spent happily with Jimin at his side, easily his top student thanks to their extra hour of practice together, and every night he let his insecurities and bad thoughts swallow him whole. He'd found himself spending the nights crying himself to sleep only to have a panic attack the next morning over the dark circles and bags under his eyes. Jimin dating someone that wasn't Hoseok wasn't the source of his unhappiness, merely the tipping point that made his tears come easier at night. He'd always been eaten alive by his insecurities and nagging at the back of his head, reminding his wasn't perfect like he tried to portray. His eating disorders ran rampant and he started taking higher doses of pain medication, pills his doctor had prescribed to him when he invited his hip at a dance competition last year suddenly needed refills again and soon the boy was taking 4-5 pills a day leaving him a little doped up and very sleepy. He'd found his limit at 9 pills, Thursday afternoon while instructing his dance lessons, his right hand Jimin beside him, happily coaching his classmates through the harder steps. The room began to spin and his vision grew hazy as Jimin held his arm to straighten him up. "Hyung.. Are you okay? Maybe we should sit you down." Jimin's voice made Hoseok's stomach turn and instead of replying, his world went black and he collapsed right into Jimin's strong arms. Gasps and yells shook the room as everyone crowded around Jimin who sat on the floor with Hoseok limp in his arms, the orange haired boy panicked, screaming for someone to call an ambulance and get help, all the while he gripped onto the older man for dear life, tears prickling his eyes. That's how Hoseok woke up in a hospital bed at 3 am, hooked up to IVs and heart rate monitors. He panicked at first, unfamiliar with his surroundings until he saw a fluff of orange hair at the end of his bed. Jimin had fallen asleep in his chair, his head leaning over to rest on the bed. Hoseok took a moment to stare in awe over the attractive boy. His bare face was smooth and Hoseok just wanted to reach out and touch it. He shifted on the bed to sit up more, wanting a better look at Jimin's face but the movement startled the boy who sat upright, his eyes still squinted from sleep and his voice shakey. "Hoseok..?" He rubbed at his eyes and looked at the older boy who was sure his heart was going to burst because Jimin was here, beside his bed and looking absolutely adorable and Hoseok couldn't stand it. "I.. Hey Jimin." Jimin's soft sleepy expression slowly changed, twisting into a hard scowl. "What the fuck Hoseok? What the absolute fuck were you thinking?" Hoseok licked his dry lips, looking down at his hands as he played with his fingers. He wasn't prepared to have an angry Jimin scolding him for his addiction, he didn't have any excuses. "I don't know." Jimin scoffed, running a hand through his hair. "You don't know? Hoseok, if your hips hurt so badly, you need to stop and take a break, not take so many pain pills that you black out." Hoseok looked up, "What?" "You almost died of an overdose, Seok. From your pain meds." Jimin's face was that of a puppy who'd just been kicked and Hoseok felt it in his gut. "Why didn't you tell me it hurt? We could take more breaks or stretch a little more during practice.." Hoseok's mind was still reeling. His secret wasn't out yet. Jimin had believed that he was taking pills for the pain of an injury that'd healed months ago. Hoseok almost smiled, he'd been ready to come clean to the younger boy but once he'd been assured that his image was still intact, he had no intentions of spilling the secrets of his depression. "I'm sorry Jimin.. You didn't.. Tell anyone, right?" Hoseok's voice cracked slightly and Jimin sighed, pulling a water bottle from his bag and holding it out to the older who accepted it readily. "No.. I figured if you were hiding the injury then you didn't want anyone else to know. I texted the group chat that you'd just been dehydrated. They're all hoping you recover soon." Hoseok raised a brow after downing the bottle of water, "What group chat?" "Oh.. Everyone in the class is in a group chat, we talk about practices and events and stuff like that.." Jimin smiled softly as he thought of all the friends he'd made just in the small amount of time he'd been in the class. Hoseok felt a pang of jealously at being excluded and a little bit insecure, worrying that they may be mocking him or something in the chat but he quickly recovered, because angelic Jimin could never do something like that to him, right? Jimin noticed the look that crossed Hoseok's face and made an attempt at being playful, "Everyone in the class was too nervous to ask for your number to add you into the chat, y'know, afraid of rejection from an idol and all. The God J-hope surely wouldn't want to talk to us peasants or something along those lines." They both held serious eye contact for a second or two before bursting into laughter. After a few hours and a promise that he'd eat and drink regularly and control his pill use, Hoseok was discharged and they parted ways but not before Hoseok had slipped Jimin a note with his number on it. "Y'know, so the king can talk to his peasants." He'd explained after Jimin gave him an odd look and they'd both burst into laughter again before saying their goodbyes and Jimin had pulled his Hyung into a hug that made Hoseok gasp. "Don't hide things like this, Hyung. Let me help, okay?" Jimin had grinned and scampered off before Hoseok could answer, the older letting out a heavy breath he hadn't meant to hold in when Jimin touched him. Jimin had effectively inserted himself into Hoseok's life as his personal caretaker. For classes he'd bring a lunch box full of healthy snacks and vitamins, forcing Hoseok to take breaks between routines to eat and drink, feeding him by hand if necessary. And despite the way Hoseok's stomach turned and his head hurdled insults at him at the thought of eating food and not vomiting it up minutes later, with Jimin dutifully crouched beside him, all eye smiles and "say ahhh Hyung~" and it made Hoseok feel warm and tingly inside, easily complying with anything the boy insisted on. One day, after catching Hoseok popping a pill at the end of class, Jimin had asked him how he was feeling and the older lied easily. "My hip hurts like hell.. It's the only one I took today." Imagine his surprise when Jimin had dragged him onto the floor and ordered him to remove his shirt before laying down and he settled beside him, small hands finding their way to Hoseok's hips. "Ji-Jimin! What are you doing?" Hoseok had choked out, completely shocked as Jimin ran his hands over his torso. "I'm gonna help you! Yoongi hyung showed me some ways to help hip and back pain, he's like an old man, y'know." Jimin smiled warmly, gentle as he started massaging Hoseok's hips, warm fingers against sweaty skin and while his intentions were good, the older was left a stuttering and squirming mess beneath him. Jimin didn't understand just how much self control it took Hoseok not to pounce on him as the younger massaged his body, alone in the room Hoseok imagined him in most. He had to admit, it did feel goo, but it was too good. It wasn't dance partners helping each other out kinda good, it was a Hoseok feeling lucky he'd popped too many pills that morning to get a boner kind of good. He'd just let out a strangled moan, one that Jimin had naively encouraged because he felt it was a good sign, that it meant he was helping Hoseok's muscles relax which was the goal in a way, when the petite girl from before had opened the door. She and Hoseok had made eye contact and both were wide eyed and ready to scream but she recovered first, her cheeks red as Jimin looked up at her. Hoseok was just about to push Jimin away, ready to scream an apologize to the younger's girlfriend, to insist it wasn't what it surely looked like when Jimin offered a sheepish smile to her but his hands were still moving along Hoseok's body, his massage having extended to the dancer's thighs. "Oh.. Sorry, I forgot you were picking me up.." "N-no! It's okay!" She was still wide eyed but grinning now, holding a little thumbs up. "I'll be in the car! Take your time!!" She ran from the room as fast as she'd come, and Hoseok felt absolutely horrible. She didn't seem too upset but maybe she was just trying to be supportive, as Jimin was massaging a celebrity and she probably didn't want to embarrass him. It ended shortly after that, Jimin mumbling about not wanting to keep her waiting and Hoseok agreeing quickly, jumping up to grab his bag and nearly running from the room, too embarrassed of the tent that'd eventually formed in his pants to stay behind and talk to the orange haired boy. He ran so fast that he didn't catch Jimin's disappointed gaze. It was when he was alone at home, sitting in his dark bedroom that Hoseok's toxic thoughts caught up to him. As hard as he'd tried to keep his feelings for Jimin inside, after today he was slowly unraveling and the nagging voice at the back of his head reminded him that Jimin wasn't gay and if he found out Hoseok was, this weird friendship they had would surely be over. That night, after drinking a quarter of a bottle of cheap vodka to wash down half a bottle of pain pills, Hoseok weakly started walking. He wasn't sure where he planned to go but he couldn't stand being in his room anymore, because the walls seemed to cave in on him as he sat in bed. Each step grew heavier as he made his way through the city, walking in a daze as he passed people and building without really seeing or hearing them. He made it about twenty minutes from his house before the world suddenly went sideways and he found himself falling, face first into the cement. He didn't have time to register the pain as his vision started spotting, just mumbling a soft thank you to a god he doesn't believe in, before darkness overtakes him. To his disappointment, he wakes up. Again in an unfamiliar room but this time it's not a hospital room, instead it was a bedroom. He was settled into a queen sized bed, wrapped in a blue duvet, staring at the walls decorated in posters of musicians and piles of dirty clothes on the floor, when the door opened slowly, Jimin's petite companion peeking her head into the door. "Hoseok? Are you awake?" He lifted his head at the sound of her voice, his body feeling like lead and his mouth too dry to even open it. She let herself into the room, settling on the bed beside him and pressing her hand to his head to check for a fever. Satisfied that he had a normal temperature, she offered him the water sitting on the bedside table that he accepted graciously. "You've been out for.. Three days now?" Hoseok choked on his water, staring at her in shock. "Three days?" "Yeah, we were all really worried about you. I found you near the ferry boat bridge and didn't really know what to do so Taehyung and I brought you here." She chewed on her lip and helped him sit up in the bed, a small hand gently rubbing his back. "Chimchim should be here soon, he went to the market with Kookie to get stuff for dinner." She looked toward the bedroom door, making sure no one was around before she spoke in a soft voice. "Why'd you do it?" Hoseok looked up at her, his voice weak and he almost melted into her touch as her soft fingers brushed through his hair. "Do what?" "Try to kill yourself." She spoke quietly, as if they were discussing secrets. "Jimin said you take pills for your hip, but both of your hips are fine.. You haven't been eating enough.. Anorexic or Bulimic?" Hoseok was about to deny her claims but as he looked her in the eye, his resolve melting. "How did you know? You didn't even take me to a hospital.." "They would have locked you in a mental ward. I.. I read a lot. I don't go to school but I like learning.. Joonie oppa lets me read his books on mental disorders and medical stuffs." She pulls him closer, much like Jimin does, bringing his head to rest on her lap. And just like when does it with Jimin, Hoseok feels a comfort spreading through him. "We forced you to vomit when we first got you here, shoved a spoon down your throat. The pills hadn't even dissolved fully." "Your hair is really brittle.. And your teeth are going bad.. And you broke a few toes when you fell. " She said almost absentmindedly as she ran her fingers through his hair. "When I first came to live here I was the same way. Joonie called it malnutrition. But he says you must do it on purpose, because your throat is all messed up from the acid." Hoseok wasn't sure when, but with his head tucked into her lap and the blankets tight around him he'd started to cry quietly. She didn't say anything else, just simply playing with his hair. He'd never really been honest with himself or anyone about his problems, but with her he didn't have to. She knew without him even saying anything. "I think you'll fit in just fine here." She finally mumbled out when the sound of the front door opening echoed through the house. He looked up at her, rubbing at his red cheeks. "Really?" "Really." Hoseok grew more confused as the night wore on after Jimin burst into the room and started crying, yelling at him to not be so fucking stupid ever again. And eventually once the oranges haired boy had calmed down after a stern warning from a man with pink hair, Hoseok was curled up on the couch and one by one introduced to everyone in a very odd manor. Taehyung, without a filter gave the introductions in a way that only he could. "That's Seokjin hyung, he's famous for eating. He eats all the time. Non stop. He should be fat. I swear I've seen him eat a whole cake, frosting and all. Don't tell him you don't like what he cooks for dinner, he'll have Yoongi pull you by your ears. And it is no-" Taehyung's rambling was cut short when Jin reached over and yanked his left ear. Cradling his ear, Taehyung continued, "That's Jungkook, the all around perfect one~ anything you can do, he can do better. Plus the things you can't do. He's my bestest bestest friend~ so don't get any ideas about being his best friend. He's mine." Jungkook laughed softly, but something deeper was in his eyes as he held Taehyung on his lap because they were short a seat, or at least that's what they claimed, and he hugged Tae tighter to him. "Hmm.. Namjoon Hyung is all about his smarts. If you let him, he'll tell you all about theories of the universe for hours.. And hours.. Without an end in sight. Don't put yourself through that pain.." Taehyung dodged the book of poetry the Hyung had thrown at him. "You already know the ugly hyung, Chimchim~" Taehyung ignored the shocked expression Hoseok gave when he described Jimin as ugly and the playful curse Jimin yelled towards him. "That's Yoongi hyung, the grandpa sloth that is so lazy he won't even open his mouth to be spoon fed~ and Chim's little sister Jinri, who is really really nice unlike him. She'll make you cakes and rub your tummy after." Taehyung smiles brightly and Yoongi grumbles about useless brats while Jinri simply blushed, looking down at her lap. "And I'm Taehyung, the coolest and smartest and funniest person you'll ever meet in your whole life! Right guys?" The room was filled with groans all around except from Jinri who nodded her head with a small, "Ne!" Hoseok tried to process everything Taehyung had just thrown at him but he was stuck on one detail. "You're Jimin's sister?" He looked over to the girl who he'd envied as Jimin's girlfriend for the past month. "Ne~ only 3 years and 47 weeks apart." Jimin grinned from his spot between the two. "My favorite sister." "Your only sister." She pointed out and he shook his head. "Don't forget about Taehyung, the ugly stepsister!" Taehyung scoffed and the two started going at it while the room slowly disbursed, everyone returning the their previous tasks. Jinri gently takes Hoseok's hand, "Come on, I'll show you the bath and we'll get you some fresh clothes." He smiled gratefully, throwing one last look to Jimin who was holding Taehyung on the ground before following her to the bathroom. "What did you mean when you said I'd fit in here?" Hoseok was currently under what seemed like thousands of bubbles, soaking in a warm bath as Jinri sat on the counter top, kicking her feet. When she was too afraid to leave Hoseok alone, worried he'd attempt to off himself again, he'd told her to stay. "Well all of us.. We all have our issues." She chewed on her lower lip. "We bring out the best in each other and you, you've changed Jimin. He's happier than ever when he's dancing with you." "Issues?" Hoseok nearly scoffed. They all seemed damn near perfect to him. He couldn't imagine a world were the seven people he'd watched play together downstairs had issues like he did. "What kind of issues?" Jinri thought for a moment before deciding it was okay to trust the boy that had taken a piece of her brothers heart without knowing. She decided to tell him a shortened version of the events, figuring he'd find out more later when the time came. She'd told him about the hardships they'd each faced and Hoseok sat in shock. The bath water now cold as she's finishing their story though it isn't the temperature that makes a shiver run through his body. How could the adorable goofballs he'd met downstairs be such problematic and depressed people? The idea seemed foreign to him but it was a reality he'd soon accept. "And you.. Depressed and suicidal.. You fit in so easily with us because we know what you're going through more than anyone else." For the first time in a long time, Hoseok didn't cry himself to sleep. Instead, curled up on Yoongi's couch, he drifted to sleep peacefully, actually hopeful that's he'd wake up in the morning.
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that was good
a year agoΒ·Reply
Tag me please 😒
a year agoΒ·Reply
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