a year ago
TwistedPDnim
in English · 4,233 Views
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out of the mental health closet...
Okay so I'll do it I'll step out of the mental health closet... I'm scared that I'll be seen different... I hate when I feel like people pitty me but I feel like I need to open up and be true to my readers my friends my vingle family. I want to say thank you to @resavalencia for motivating me to do this.... okay here I go....
um... my name is Verenise but I go by the name vinny... um I'm 20... September 22 1995 is my birthday I'm a virgo... and I hate myself... alot... um this is really hard for me to do... to be honest I'm hesitating while making this card... and I feel like crying... but I want to show you the real me. scared I'm scared to show you cuz I'm scared that youd don't look down on me... but I trust you so I'll tell you everything I can possibly remember okay... here I go when I was young I always wanted to grow up because I felt like no one took me serious. I was always a child in everyone's eyes and I hated it... um... okay I'm just stalling there... God this is so hard I'm so sorry.... it was a time when I was so tired that I attempted suicide... I tried to overdose... its was around October 2014 at 1am I grab my medication that has meth in it....um... and I drink 9 pills of 36MG... I told my sister my oldest sister and they rush me to the hospital. I was in a hospitalized in those what people call "crazy house" It's been 2 years since I was let out and I never gonna go back. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorders I have ADHD and I'm dyslexic... I was born I'll because as a infant I had eaten my own poop inside my mother is was yellow and my mom couldn't take me home with her... I never really felt happy... I was bullied since I was young even in high school I didn't have friend and if I did they leave me or backstab me or use me... in middle school I started cutting I cut so deep the skin tire I got so scared I cut a big chunk of my skin off the first time... til this day I have those scar and I regret them so much... everyday I'm scared to work short selve because I feel like people stared even on my first day of work i was scared when my co workers notice them... I panic.... My therapist said I'm close to the stage of having OCD or germ of phobia.... I have split personality... also I'm bad at memory things... I have a mental health issue but I don't let it stop me... my name is vinny I'm sentimental I always second guess myself I use to make my self vomit and stave myself because I was bullied because I was over weight... I hate my body and I tend to see only bad in myself... I want it be useful.... and I just want to be like.... because don't want to be hated again... I hurt easily but don't show it.... I may come off mean and judgmental that's because I'm scared to show you the real me every day I struggle with trying to be perfect by the end of the day I wonder if i made another mistake... I wanted to die since I was 10 years old but now I want to be someone who there for people who feel alone because I know what it like it's hard to thing alone... I want to be useful i want to have friends I don't want to be alone I want to be accepted and noticed... I want to be loved... I have twisted personality and sense of humor which causes people to hate me... people. find me Annoying and I get sad when I get ignore... I want to be someone in life but I have doubts... the happiest moment in my life was when I got message on vingle from some one saying their my biggest fan I have heard a few tell me that and I love knowing that I can be someone that people like... so this me a weak girl who everyone know as happy cheerful talk like to joke around and make smut... The Smut king the expert and the one who made cards of support. but I'm not always happy but I never want to bring that on anyone because I have to much pride... I don't cry in front of people I hate too.. but I hope you all accept me as me and love me because I want to be good enough.... God this is hard and I'm sorry I talk to much... I'm sorry.... please don't leave me or hate me... I'm trying... I know there more but I forgot the rest and it hard when I'm crying like crazy... but this me Vinny your Smut king and all I want is everyone to understand why I do this things I do... because that happy child that was so happy died the moment her light started crumbling that why when I say I can't relate to many idols it's because I feel the way they feel and I'm sure many of us do... please accept me... your smut king vinny everyone TwistedPuppy...
I'm sorry I say sorry alot and that I tag you guys... I just want to get to know everyone and for you to know me let all be friends and chat more.. let make a group chat.. idk... do you love me tho... I'm sorry if you don't I'll try hard I promise... I'm sorry... but now that I've came out when will you? don't be afraid it's hard but in vingle we are all accepting LIKE WHEN I PLAYFULLY MAKE FUN OF IDOL I LOVE THEM THAT WHY I MAKE FUN OF THEM AND JUDGE THEM BECAUSE I SHOW MY LOVE IN WEIRD WAYS SORRY... 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I'm glad you didn't die and you are still here today. Your existence and life is amazing ❤️❤️😘😘
a year ago·Reply
11
😶😶😢😢 thank you for saying such sweet words
a year ago
vinny. never ever doubt yourself again after this. you are so brave to even be saying this. yes it was hard to, but you did so anyways. to someone, you are useful, you are an inspiration and you are beautiful. I'm so proud of you for overcoming the fear of telling us, but just for being you alone I'm so proud of you. There is more to you than you may think and im glad you had not died. All of us on vinyl definitely love you the same if not more for this, I know I do. I want you to be hapoy and im glad that you are taking steps in that direction sweetie. Vinny Hwaiting!
a year ago·Reply
12
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@twistedPuppy you're very welcome dear. I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to sweetie
a year ago
Vinny I'm sorry it took me so long to read this card I haven't been on vingle much. I really appreciate you sharing your story and telling us about the real you. It takes a strong person to do what you did and I thank you for that. it really makes me sad hearing the things you had to go through. I just want you to know that you are good enough and you do matter in this world. I have been following you and your stories since your first day on vingle and I know you know that. I always get excited when I get a notification from you and I can't wait to see what it is. I just want to tell you keep your head up and fuck everyone who has ever hurt you. Your true friends are here for you and a text away. Love you Vinny stay strong.💙💙💙💙 hugs and kisses
a year ago·Reply
11
@lilbr0wneyes thank you so much 😣😣😢😢 I'm glad to know your stalking me xD jk jk I love you!! for being here for me since day 1 and I've noticed that too I'm so happy I met you
a year ago
\😢/ Internet hug! You are so brave! I feel it takes strength and bravery to admit ones feelings and weaknesses. Know you are not alone.
a year ago·Reply
11
@drummergirl691 omo thank you so much for your support *hug*
a year ago
TWISTED PUPPY AKA VINNY WE LOVE U WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE U I WILL ALWAYS LOVE U YOU GIVE ME SO MUCH HOPE AND FAITH EVERYDAY NOT JUST AS TWISTED PUPPY BUT AS UR SELF UR SO TALENTED AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO BECOME BETTER IN MY EVERYDAY LIFE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR OPENING UP ABOUT UR SELF IT MAKES ME FEEL ON STEP CLOSER TO U AND PLUS WE'RE BOTH FROM MISSOURI YAY😁😁😁😁 BUT I'M ONLY 15😢😢 UR BIGGEST FAN IN THE WHOLE WORLD
a year ago·Reply
11
im from LA I need to edited that out xD lol thank you for loving my work
a year ago