2 years ago1,000+ Views
Okay so I'll do it I'll step out of the mental health closet... I'm scared that I'll be seen different... I hate when I feel like people pitty me but I feel like I need to open up and be true to my readers my friends my vingle family. I want to say thank you to @resavalencia for motivating me to do this.... okay here I go....
um... my name is Verenise but I go by the name vinny... um I'm 20... September 22 1995 is my birthday I'm a virgo... and I hate myself... alot... um this is really hard for me to do... to be honest I'm hesitating while making this card... and I feel like crying... but I want to show you the real me. scared I'm scared to show you cuz I'm scared that youd don't look down on me... but I trust you so I'll tell you everything I can possibly remember okay... here I go when I was young I always wanted to grow up because I felt like no one took me serious. I was always a child in everyone's eyes and I hated it... um... okay I'm just stalling there... God this is so hard I'm so sorry.... it was a time when I was so tired that I attempted suicide... I tried to overdose... its was around October 2014 at 1am I grab my medication that has meth in and I drink 9 pills of 36MG... I told my sister my oldest sister and they rush me to the hospital. I was in a hospitalized in those what people call "crazy house" It's been 2 years since I was let out and I never gonna go back. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorders I have ADHD and I'm dyslexic... I was born I'll because as a infant I had eaten my own poop inside my mother is was yellow and my mom couldn't take me home with her... I never really felt happy... I was bullied since I was young even in high school I didn't have friend and if I did they leave me or backstab me or use me... in middle school I started cutting I cut so deep the skin tire I got so scared I cut a big chunk of my skin off the first time... til this day I have those scar and I regret them so much... everyday I'm scared to work short selve because I feel like people stared even on my first day of work i was scared when my co workers notice them... I panic.... My therapist said I'm close to the stage of having OCD or germ of phobia.... I have split personality... also I'm bad at memory things... I have a mental health issue but I don't let it stop me... my name is vinny I'm sentimental I always second guess myself I use to make my self vomit and stave myself because I was bullied because I was over weight... I hate my body and I tend to see only bad in myself... I want it be useful.... and I just want to be like.... because don't want to be hated again... I hurt easily but don't show it.... I may come off mean and judgmental that's because I'm scared to show you the real me every day I struggle with trying to be perfect by the end of the day I wonder if i made another mistake... I wanted to die since I was 10 years old but now I want to be someone who there for people who feel alone because I know what it like it's hard to thing alone... I want to be useful i want to have friends I don't want to be alone I want to be accepted and noticed... I want to be loved... I have twisted personality and sense of humor which causes people to hate me... people. find me Annoying and I get sad when I get ignore... I want to be someone in life but I have doubts... the happiest moment in my life was when I got message on vingle from some one saying their my biggest fan I have heard a few tell me that and I love knowing that I can be someone that people like... so this me a weak girl who everyone know as happy cheerful talk like to joke around and make smut... The Smut king the expert and the one who made cards of support. but I'm not always happy but I never want to bring that on anyone because I have to much pride... I don't cry in front of people I hate too.. but I hope you all accept me as me and love me because I want to be good enough.... God this is hard and I'm sorry I talk to much... I'm sorry.... please don't leave me or hate me... I'm trying... I know there more but I forgot the rest and it hard when I'm crying like crazy... but this me Vinny your Smut king and all I want is everyone to understand why I do this things I do... because that happy child that was so happy died the moment her light started crumbling that why when I say I can't relate to many idols it's because I feel the way they feel and I'm sure many of us do... please accept me... your smut king vinny everyone TwistedPuppy...
I'm sorry I say sorry alot and that I tag you guys... I just want to get to know everyone and for you to know me let all be friends and chat more.. let make a group chat.. idk... do you love me tho... I'm sorry if you don't I'll try hard I promise... I'm sorry... but now that I've came out when will you? don't be afraid it's hard but in vingle we are all accepting LIKE WHEN I PLAYFULLY MAKE FUN OF IDOL I LOVE THEM THAT WHY I MAKE FUN OF THEM AND JUDGE THEM BECAUSE I SHOW MY LOVE IN WEIRD WAYS SORRY... 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Don't worry Hun! I'll always be here for you! If you ever need me, I'm a message away! 💕 Everyone is fighting their demons, their own battles. I used to cut, I had severe depression, I have anxiety and panic attacks. I feel worthless half of the times. My health conditions: like my seizures and tuberculosis can kill me but I don't let that stop me. You shouldn't either! I know you are an amazing individual that can do anything! You have made it this far and you will make it farther. I know that I may not understand you completely but I am willing to listen and be here for you. I needed someone once and I didn't have anyone there for years. I don't wish that on anyone, especially not you! Believe me when I say I know you can get through the many demons you are fighting. You will be high above this before you know it. I know it takes time, believe me ... I know. I will gladly be with you if you need me. Sending you much love💕💕
thank you for saying these words it made me cry more but that good because I need to cry it was hard to open up I was scared but I'm glad I have you guys thank you
Oh Vinny... I am so sorry that you've felt this way. It's so hard trying to find oneself let alone accept oneself in this world that is constantly trying to make us be someone else...I've fallen to that more times than i care to count. Youre not alone. It took a lot of courage to share this with us so thank you. I just want to say that I'm happy you're here and I'm so happy I get to know you. Our talk the other night was so awesome, I never expected us to be on the same page about a lot of things. I hope we'll get to talk more. Please don't ever give up. If you're feeling down, I'm just a phone call away. I love you Vinny! 😻
I also happy I meet you too and our talk was awesome I was shock as well on how much we think alot thank you for being my family and also for accepting me
Awww Vinny. *cries* I am sorry that you had to ever feel that way. People are horrible and the say the worst critic of you is yourself and it's horrible. I hate how we have to match this 'perfect' version of ourselves thay we see and we hurt ourselves because of it. I am really sad to see that you were sad and started to do things but it makes me even happier that you are more confident about yourself now and despite a few struggles here and there you are an amazing, beautiful individual Vinny. Don't let anyone or you tell yourself that otherwise! We all love you Vinny and I am happy that you were able to tell us all this and were comfortable doing so. I am even happier that I have gotten to know you so DONT CHANGE OR I WILL HURT YOU. LOL. I love you Vinny! 😄😍😘😘💖💖💖 P.S. All say sorry all the time for everything tooo....we both need to stop that habit 😂😂😂😁
thank you lexi I'm glad I met you too 😢😢 🙂🙂 and we need to stop saying sorry haha... thank you so much I mean it thank you
Hey Vinny!! I'm proud of you love. You may not know this but to be able to admit to yourself the things that you just admitted and asking for help is such a huge step. I can't say that I k ow what you're going through and I won't pretend either. I just want to say thank you. I feel like you can and will help someone with this card you just made. You are such a beautiful person and an amazing writer. So excuse my language but day "Fuck you" to all your haters and those who have tormented you. They're not worth the words written on this card. I'm alwAys here for you. my door is always open. I love you. keep your head up and keep going!! You will help to make someone's life better ❤❤😘😃
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I will and I know I can do it when I have friends like you guys
Made me Cry T^T I ♥ you Vinny we here for ya
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