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Ok then, chapter 21 is here. After a day of fun, something had to happen. I don't know why my writing naturally gravitates towards angst cause I can assure you I much prefer to read fluff. But I guess I'm just weird like that. And I read too much Stephen King. I hope you will enjoy this next chapter. Oh, and I obviously made it through the typhoon, lol. Disclaimer: Many of the characters aside from BTS are made up. And, of course, I don't know BTS personally so their personalities are probably mostly fictional. Character thoughts are in { } and words in English are bolded. Let me know if you would like to be tagged in future chapters. Please forgive me for any mistakes I make and I hope you enjoy!
Too Much Beginning: Chapter 1 Previous: Chapter 20 Word Count: 3690 Warning: May contain mild language and small trigger warning regarding depression and discussions of physical and psychological trauma.
Namjoon POV The ride to the hospital was long. Yoongi had hopped into the back seat with Rose, propping her leg up on his. Rose still refused to show how much pain she was in, but with her wearing Jimin’s athletic shorts we could all see how red and swollen her knee was. There were what looked like very precise scars on the side of her knees that I hadn’t seen before. {Did she have surgery? Is that why this happened? Is that why Nina’s not as freaked as us?} At one point during the ride, even in pain, Rose had cracked a joke, “Thank God I decided to shave my legs today.” We couldn’t help but laugh. When we pulled up to the hospital, there was a doctor and nurse waiting with a wheelchair. I guess that was what the text she sent earlier was for. “I’m gonna park the car,” Nina said as we loaded Rose onto the wheelchair. “Just text me the room number when you get there, ok?” She drove towards the parking garage and we followed Rose. “So, what’d you do this time, huh? I didn’t expect to see you so soon,” the doctor questioned. {This time?} Rose grabbed the doctor’s sleeve and gestured her head towards us while shaking it like she was saying ‘no’. The doctor nodded his head like he understood what she was saying. {What’s going on? I guess she really does have a history with the injury. She was probably trying to tell the doctor that she didn’t want him to say anything to us. I understand that she wants privacy, but that kind of hurts having her shut us out like that}. “She’s hiding it, isn’t she? Whatever the injury’s about.” Yoongi whispered in my ear. I hummed in agreement. “I wonder what happened...” he trailed off. “But don’t worry, I won’t pressure her to tell us.” “Probably a good idea,” I mumbled back. We rounded a corner. “You noticed, didn’t you?” We entered an elevator so I stopped talking to Yoongi. I put my hand on Rose’s shoulder. She turned to give me a pained smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll be ok.” {Which means you’re not ok now}. We exited the elevator. We let Rose get ahead of us again. “You noticed that something happened to her.” I continued. “Yeah...I don’t know what, but one time Nina told me that she’s like her name. A rose. She said something like, a rose has thorns, so it looks tough, but it’s still a flower. And that Rose is the same...she seems tough, but she’s fragile...” I could hear the sadness in his voice. Rose was steered into a room. I caught the end of what the doctor was saying, “—scared, but you might want to think about it. I can tell they really care.” Yoongi and I looked at each other and then we entered the room. I texted Nina the room number. The nurse helped Rose to get settled into bed and then she left. “Isn’t there anything you can give her for the pain?” Yoongi asked, he was almost pleading. “The nurse will be back in a moment, don’t worry,” the doctor said calmly. Rose laid in the bed with her eyes closed and taking slow, measured breaths. My heart broke for the pain she was in and I knew Yoongi felt the same. A minute later, the nurse was back with a vial and a syringe, a very large syringe. She filled the syringe with the liquid and cleaned a spot on Rose’s knee. “Is it ok for them to be here?” The nurse asked. “If they think they can watch. It doesn’t matter to me. It’s only a couple seconds anyway,” Rose replied. I didn’t want to leave. For some reason, it felt like if I left, I’d be betraying her. Yoongi didn’t leave either, but he couldn’t watch. He turned away and his hand rested on his eyes. I think he was trying to not cry. The needle went in deep and Rose winced and sucked in a short, sharp breath. I winced with her, but I still couldn’t look away. When Rose made a pained noise as the nurse pushed the medicine, Yoongi bit down on his knuckle. The nurse finished and disposed of the needle before bowing and leaving. “I’m gonna get a drink from the vending machine. Anyone want anything?” Yoongi asked without turning around, his voice wavering. I think he needed time to calm down. “Can you grab me one of those grape drinks?” I asked. It would give him more time to steady himself. “Noona?” Rose already looked like she was in less pain. “Umm... anything peach?” “Okay, I’ll be back.” Yoongi quickly walked to the door. “Ah. And can you grab the same thing for Nina? I’ll pay you back.” “Don’t worry, I’ll get it.” Then he disappeared around the corner. The doctor walked towards me. “She should be here for at least overnight and she should rest for at least a week after, but she never listens. Maybe you can talk some sense into her since Nina-sshi can’t seem convince her.” He gestured to Rose and she stuck her tongue out before wincing and grabbing her leg. I bowed at the doctor and he bowed as he left. I sat down in the chair next to her bed. “Are you okay? I mean—are you feeling a little better? I mean—better than earlier. Er—is the medicine working?” Rose smiled and patted my hand with her free hand. I didn’t even realize it, but I had grabbed one of her hands in mine. I immediately let go. “Sorry. I didn’t even realize.” “It’s okay. Nina does the same thing, she just usually doesn’t squeeze as hard.” I blushed, a little embarrassed. “Sorry.” “Really, it’s fine.” “ are you feeling?” “Better. The medicine helps with the pain and it gets the swelling to go down as you can see.” It did look like the swelling was starting to get better. “That’s good. You’re going to stay the night, right?” “No way. I don’t need to lay here doing nothing all night. I don’t even have my laptop so I can’t work on anything.” “Maybe that’s exactly what you need.” “Nah,” she laughed. At least she was starting to feel better. “I’ve never been the type to do nothing. I don’t think it’s possible.” I sighed as I chuckled. “You’re too much. No wonder you’re always tired.” Rose laughed with me. Right then, Nina came in. Her breathing was heavy, so I figured she must’ve ran the whole way. “I guess you got the shot. What’d he say?” “He said—“ Rose started to answer, but Nina cut her off. “Namjoon, what did the doctor say? I don’t trust Rose at all to tell me the truth about her treatment.” I looked back and forth between Rose and Nina. Nina must’ve seen my hesitancy because she reassured me by saying, “Don’t worry about Rose, she won’t get mad at you.” Nina smacked Rose’s uninjured leg. “Right Rose? So just shake or nod your head. Did he say for her to spend the night?” I nodded. “Rest for a week?” I nodded again. “And did Rose make some ridiculous excuses about why she could do neither?” I laughed as I nodded this time. “That’s exactly what I figured. Same thing every time.” Nina walked over to Rose and whispered in her ear. Rose’s eyes darted to me for a second before shaking her head. Judging by their actions, I could guess that she either asked if Rose had told us what was wrong or asked if she was going to tell us. Either way, it was a ‘no’. After a few minutes, Yoongi finally came back. I could tell that he had washed his face before coming back, but his eyes were still slightly pink. I don’t know if he actually cried or if he just almost did. He handed the drinks to us and we all thanked him. “How—“ Yoongi cleared his throat. “How are you feeling?” He couldn’t meet her eyes. “Better. Thank you both for carrying me and coming with us in the car. Usually, Nina’s too nervous to make conversation with me. It really helped to distract me. So thanks.” Yoongi finally made eye contact with her and smiled when she smiled at him. Then she looked at me and smiled. “We couldn’t do anything else, so at least we were able to do that much,” I replied. About half an hour later, the other guys joined us in the room. By then, the swelling had gone down drastically and she was able to stand having the bed covers on it. The guys kept asking questions without giving time for her to answer. “Okay, okay.” Rose raised her voice. “I can’t tell you everything that happened, but I can tell you at least a little bit if that’ll get you guys to lay off me.” We all nodded our heads enthusiastically. Even if it wasn’t very much info, we all wanted to hear however much she would share. She sighed, defeated. “Okay. I can tell you that several years ago there was an... incident. I was hurt pretty badly. My knees were practically shattered. I—I got lucky with the surgeries and they were able to repair most of the damage.” By the looks on their faces, I could tell that they felt the way I did. “I’m usually fine. I can even go running on the track, run the stadiums, and do light weight exercises. But sometimes, it’ll start acting up for no reason, or like today, I’ve slipped a couple times and caught myself wrong. I come here, they give me a shot to help with the inflammation and pain, take some meds home with me, and I’m good to go.” Nina piped up, “You forgot to mention that if it keeps happening, you could have irreversible damage and may even end up being unable to walk without support or even at all.” Rose glared at Nina. I could read her ‘You weren’t supposed to tell them that much’ expression. Nina just shrugged and looked away. “Noona,” Jungkook looked like he was about to cry. “See?” Her voice became harsh. “That’s why I didn’t want to say anything at all. I knew you guys would do that. I don’t need your pity.” The guys flinched at the tone of her voice. “I didn’t mean it like that...” Jungkook really looked like he was about to cry now. Rose’s expression softened. “He didn’t mean it like pity. It’s just empathy. You know, how one human being, even if they can’t literally feel the pain of something, they can imagine feeling the pain? We don’t pity you.” Taehyung’s voice showed his anger towards Rose as he comforted Jungkook. Rose’s eyes widened with surprise for a second at hearing Taehyung’s tone, he never talked to her like that. “Why do you think the worst about us? You wouldn’t tell us because you made assumptions about how we might act. Do you really think that poorly of us?” Jimin asked her. The younger ones were mad at Rose because of the way she said what she said. But I thought I could see that the older ones understood. It was her way of defending herself, keeping people from getting too close. She had been hurt by something and this was the only way she knew to defend herself. At first, it Rose looked hurt. She probably realized how it sounded, but the reactions of the younger boys took her by surprise. Then, Rose let her face go blank. Her tone was flat-affected as she said, “I’m tired. Thanks for visiting. I’d like to get some rest now.” She turned her head and stared out the window. Yoongi looked like he was about to hit one of the younger boys.
I’ll walk them out,” Nina said, sighing. Jin patted Rose’s uninjured leg and then walked out. Hoseok set his hand on Rose’s.
“Get better, noona. If you need anything, just ask.” Rose didn’t move. Hoseok sighed and left. The younger boys were already out of the room. Yoongi brushed his hand along the sheets and walked out.
“They know you care about them. They just—they don’t understand. I know you didn’t mean it like that and they know it too...” In her reflection in the window, I could swear I saw a tear slip out. “I’ll text you later.” I left and Nina followed. The other guys had walked ahead to an empty waiting room. I started jogging towards them when I saw Jin holding Yoongi back while Yoongi was yelling at the maknaes. Hoseok stood between all of them.
“What’s going on?” I demanded.
“Hyung’s mad at us for making his girlfriend mad.” Jimin yelled at Yoongi. Yoongi tried to push past Jin who stood firm.
“Knock it off,” Hoseok yelled at Jimin.
“All of you stop.” I said forcefully. “Yoongi, don’t get mad at them. They don’t understand.”
“Understand what? That noona doesn’t trust us? That she thinks we’re jerks?” Taehyung interjected. A few tears had made their way down Jungkook’s cheeks.
“That’s not it...” Nina said. Everyone’s attention turned to her. “Namjoon, you can translate for me?” I nodded and started translating as she spoke. “There’s something that... a lot of things have happened to Rose. I can’t tell you very much. It’s not my place. Rose will do it when she’s ready. But for now, I want you to know that—the thing that happened. She was hurt really badly. There was a large probability that she was going to die, and from what I heard, when they found her, she technically was dead for a few minutes.” As I translated the last part, the guys were in disbelief and started bombarding Nina with questions. She held up her hands telling them to wait.
I can’t say everything that happened, but the knee injuries were part of it. She was a track and field runner before and because, she had to quit. It took her a long time to get where she is now. She had to give up a lot because of what happened and how bad she was hurt. After everything, she understandably became depressed. She stopped doing anything for a while. Her parents managed to convince her to start getting back to her life before the accident. She had been 15 and about to graduate high school. She had multiple scholarships offered at several schools for her athletics, academics, and a couple other things .”
The boys looked at each other. “Yes, she’s really smart,” Nina laughed. “Though obviously not all the time. But anyhow, she was homeschooled before and, after dropping out for a while, she resumed her homeschooling. She graduated and went to college, though she had lost her scholarship offers.”
At this time, she was still depressed, but she was slowly getting better. Now, I hadn’t met her yet, but I talked to her family and friends she had then and Rose told me some. So, I may not know everything, but I know enough that I can tell you that she met a really horrible person. Angie. Angie was good at hiding what kind of person she was until it was too late. Angie used Rose’s incident and manipulated Rose into depending entirely on her for getting out of her depression. I guess Angie fooled everyone at first, but eventually, people started getting suspicious of her.”
In order to keep the truth from Rose, Angie managed to manipulate Rose to one-by-one cut off contact with all her friends. Rose said she was a master manipulator. That even when everything was revealed, she still couldn’t believe it for a long time. But Angie took advantage of Rose and even used her identity to get involved in illegal activities. Long story short, Angie was caught, Rose was devastated, and everything that Rose had worked towards was completely destroyed.” Nina sighed and stopped for a minute to let us soak up everything she said.
She met Julie before she met me. Julie said it took Rose almost a year and a half to finally open up and tell her everything. I met Rose after Julie left for Korea, about four years ago. It took Rose almost a year to tell me everything. And trust me, she was the same with Julie and me and said a lot of the same things to us that she just did to you guys. Worse, too. Just... I can’t ask you to forgive her, but at least understand where she’s coming from. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not excusing the things she just said...but I do want you to understand.”
She’s strong...but she’s also fragile. And afraid more than anything. She hides it pretty well, but she’s afraid. Afraid that something will happen to her again, that she’ll be betrayed...that she’ll let people down. She’s already let you guys in so much it took me completely by surprise. She’s closer to you guys than she is to any of the other people she works with. And I think this makes her afraid. She’s so happy that she’s afraid it’ll be taken away again. She’s afraid that you’ll betray her, that you’ll hate her, that you’ll judge her or pity her. That’s all it is. Fear. I think in her heart she knows that you wouldn’t do that, but her brain is still stuck on what happened in the past. And she can’t help it. I won’t ask you to—
“Can we go back?” The younger ones asked, interrupting me mid-sentence. They were crying and I could tell they regretted what they said back in the room and I probably looked like the hyungs, about to cry.
“No way!” Nina said immediately. “First of all, she’ll kill me for telling you. Second of all, she’ll probably refuse to talk to you guys again. She’s that afraid. Just...give her time. Message her tonight to let her know how you feel. Just don’t tell her you know, don’t even let her suspect it. Maybe after some time passes, if things go back to normal, you’ll be able to let her have hints that you know. Then maybe she’ll feel more like you’re not judging her. You know what I mean?” I finished translating and the other guys nodded. “I’ll go back. Or she’ll think—too long, ok?” We all nodded. “Thank you Namjoon for translating for me. I guess I should really study my Korean so I don’t have to keep asking you to do that.”
No, it’s no problem. I understand. And don’t worry, we won’t get you in trouble.” Nina and I laughed. We said our goodbyes and separated.
Narrator POV
As they walked out to the car, Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jimin were talking amongst themselves about what to do with the new information.
JK- “I feel bad about what happened in the room.”
T- “We didn’t know.”
JM- “Even if we did… I probably would’ve said it differently, but what she said was uncalled for either way.”
T- “But if we knew, we could’ve reacted differently.”
JM- “Yeah, I feel bad about it.”
JK- “And I feel bad about what happened to her. I’ve never wanted to hit a girl before, but that Angie girl...”
JM- “OOooo, maknae. Dangerous!” They all laughed. “But I know the feeling.”
T- “Me too. I wanna make it to where she never worries about someone like that again. We’ll protect her.” The other two nodded in agreement.
Hoseok was lost in his own thoughts. He thought about the nightmares Rose always had. The nightmares and the ‘incident’ were definitely related. The fact that Namjoon had translated ‘incident’ and not ‘accident’ and that Rose herself had said ‘incident’ hadn’t slipped past him. Whatever had happened to her wasn’t an accident and it had to have been quite traumatic for it to plague her dreams so badly. And knowing what she had gone through afterwards and the things she had lost made him want to protect her more. At the same time, he felt proud of her. Everything she had gone through and here she was. It was obvious that she’d have trust issues, but aside from that, she was functioning extremely well for someone who had been through what she had been through. He didn’t know if he could do that well. Hoseok immediately sent a text saying “You can’t scare me away that easily. I’ll still be here if you need me. Anytime.”
Yoongi, on the other hand, was not doing well. He felt sick to his stomach. He was angry at the younger boys for jumping down Rose’s throat. Not that he didn’t understand why they did it, but it pissed him off that they hadn’t been able to see what she had been doing. But now he understood Rose better. Why she had her nightmares (whatever the ‘incident’ may be), why she was so hesitant to get close to them when she first met them, why she always tried to keep busy, and why, even though he had thought all of them were pretty close, she had kept her walls up. She’s afraid we’ll judge her for her past.
Yoongi thought about what she must’ve gone through and it made him sick to think of her in so much pain, her losing everything and being depressed, her being manipulated and betrayed... Yoongi didn’t notice, but Namjoon kept looking at him worriedly. Yoongi was much more pale than usual and it scared Namjoon. It scared him that Yoongi had reacted so severely to the news. Namjoon figured that Yoongi must truly care about her, maybe even love her, for him to react like that. And Namjoon didn’t know if he could compete with that. Of course, Namjoon cared about Rose went through and it hit him pretty hard. But for was much worse.
So there's the chapter. I know it's a bit depressing, but I wanted readers to better understand Rose. For now, here is one piece of the puzzle. And poor Yoongi... Also, while I am not an expert in psychology, I did major in the subject and can assure you that Rose's type of defensiveness is a very natural reaction to trauma as well as an unfortunate proclivity towards being taken advantage of with the right circumstances. Thank you all for reading my story and this chapter. I hope is was enjoyable. Thank you to everyone reading, liking, commenting, clipping, and following. Please don't hesitate to ask questions or comment. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Let me know if you would like to be tagged in future chapters. I hope you will continue to enjoy my story and I hope to see you next chapter!!! Side note, I'm going to start writing a new story pretty soon. It looks like it will be a Hoseok and Jimin lead love interest. All the credit belongs to @Mavis2478 for giving me the story line. I hope it will not disappoint. And thank you to those who are already encouraging me beforehand. Those who I have tagged, please let me know if you would like to continue to be tagged in this next story. Forewarning, it probably won't be for a while since I don't like to post my chapters before I finish the whole story.
please tag me! it's a great story and I don't want to miss any of it.
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thank you so much @SNBlackRose
I wanna hug Kookie....
I know, me too...