AngelaDarkness
a year ago100+ Views
My Mental Health Comeing Out
So i decided to do this because there are some many people stepping out. My problems aren't near as bad as most but I still feel the need to share them. Disclaimer is that I have never been officially diagnosed with anything but you can just kinda tell with this stuff you know? I'm not diagnosed because I haven't told any of my family. I once tried to tell my mom about my depression and it went really bad. So that's why I'm talking about it here. Ok. Here goes nothing!
Mild Mental Abuse: My mom is mildly mentally abusive. I really didn't want to say this for fear of her seeing it somehow. I'm super nervous as I type this now. But she is. Everything I ever do is not good enough and she tells me all the time. She is often screaming and yelling at me when no one else is home. About how I'm a let down and can't do anything good enough. This is the reason I haven't said anything to my family.
Depression: When I was in 7th grade I became overwhelmed with severe depression. It just kinda hit me. I didn't want to do anything or talk to anyone. As soon as I would get home from school I would go into my room and cry and just sit there doing nothing but silently sobbing. It was so bad at points that I made several secret attempts at ending my life. I say secret because the moment I tried to tell my mom that I thought something was wrong she began to scream at me that I was just being an over dramatic b*tch. She actually hit me that day she slapped me a couple of times. I never told her anything about my mental health since then. So everyone I tried ending my life I was home alone. Each time I remembered though that things could possibly get better. They did. My depression is minor now but I still battle it everyday.
Anxiety: I used to not have anxiety. Until about a month ago. I live in an all Christian house hold. Except there's one catch. I'm not Christian. And I can't tell my parents because they would disown me. So I had to go to a week long Christian camp. It scared me. From the day i went until about a day or two ago I lived every moment thinking it was my last. The people at that camp somehow made me believe that at any second I would die. I was consumed with anxiety all day every day. It crippled my want and will to do anything. I was afraid that if I moved I would die or the world would end. I only recently escaped this mindset. I still have the fear and anxiety at the back of my mind but I am able to live happily-ish now. I still have anxiety about other things though. I don't even know what they are. It just grabs at anything to try and destroy me. But I'm better than I was and that's all I can ask for
Unknown: I wasn't going to put this in this card because of the fear of being seen as a freak or crazy but I decided last minute that I would. I have no clue what so ever as to what this could be. But it's there. It's strange. It's like a mix of dual personality and schizophrenia. I am (for almost every part of every day) someone else. This stems from pure self hate. I'll be blunt. I hate myself. Almost everything about the real me. Even since I was 4. That's how long this has been with me. I have never been myself. I am someone else at almost all times. So that maybe there is something to be proud of. I have a different face, voice, name, personality and basically everything. My family is aware of this. And they refuse to be around me when it starts to show to much (such as not answering to my given name) I also refuse to be around them just as much though. This stems from the mental abuse. I not only am a different person but I live in a different reality. Just like schizophrenics. I don't acknowledge that my family actually exists. That any of my life actually exists. This other reality also has its own name and inhabitants. I talk to them all the time. So basically I talk to myself almost 24/7. This is basically as in depth as I can go with explaining this but it's effects are pretty simple. I'm an outcast, I have very few friends, my family neglects me and stays away from me, and I have almost no relations with other people. It's hard I try to work past it but I honestly just don't know how. Or if I even want to anymore. I'm so used to it it's more of a safe haven to me then a mental health problem.
Self Hate: Since this card is so long. I will very briefly explain this. It's kinda hard since I feel that people will see this and think I'm asking for attention or think I'm pathetic or just all in all hate me. But that's what this is about, stepping out regardless right? Anyway, I have extreme self hate problems. I have melt down because of it. Not often but sometimes. These melt downs include me screaming at my self in mirrors or any possible reflection (you can pretty much guess what I'm saying). I throw things I just randomly scream and I cry a lot. I'll usually end up balled in a corner mumbling how I'm better off dead. Though that is the worst of it and I will never act on those words I still can't get past this either. I can't change my view of myself. I don't know how and no one is helping me try.
As you can tell most of these problems tie together some how. Another thing that isn't big is that I have mild to severe paranoia. This I cope with well though by going into my room and receding into my other world. So yeah. I made this to share about my mental health problems and to encourage others to come out as well. It honestly helps a lot. I made a small comment on another card and it helped greatly because of the positive feedback I got. So please join in on this. It is doing a whole lot of good for so many people. Sorry if my card is to long or you just don't care. Thank you to @risavalencia for starting all this and giving me hope and courage and @JaiiPanda for being someone I can relate to. And thank you to all the other people who made these cards. For being courageous and of course absolutely beautiful in their own way. I love everyone even if I don't know you! Thank you for reading this (if you did) I know it's really long. Sorry
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that dangerous to have DID
a year ago·Reply
but you can get mental help too I'm on the boarder line so I tend to know what I do some times but it's scary feeling but your not alone
a year ago·Reply
You are not alone...but you do need to find someone you trust where you live. It needs to be someone you can talk to and confide in. We are always here on Vingle, but having someone close that can support you really is needed. ((hugs))
a year ago·Reply
Thank you. I have one person who is pretty close to me but sometimes it's just hard to talk about this kind of stuff
a year ago
Aww, I'm really sorry you had to endure that type of mental abuse, nobody should ever have to be mentally manipulated like that , especially from their own parents...
a year ago·Reply
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Aww that means alot to me @angeladarkness
a year ago
I also agree with @JaxomB
a year ago·Reply
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