2 years ago100+ Views
I've seen other vinglers do this so I thought I would. They inspired me to do this. It's my turn to come out and explain my situation. It may not be as bad theirs but I want to get it out there so people understand me more. I want to say this here K-pop has helped me through so many tough times along with my friends who have been there for me.
Wow...where do I start? Well I'm 15 years old. I was born on November 14, 2000 I'm going to be a sophomore in high school and well I really hate my life. I've never liked it. I've always wanted a different life to live for a reason. I'm not the perfect child when I want to be. I want to pass classes. I want all A's but I can't reach that goal. I want to be able to get into a great college. I want to help my mom. I've been such a horrible daughter to her. I've turned into something I've never been in my life. We fight constantly and I hate it. I can't stop it. I want everything to change. I'm always compared to my brother who gradauated. I'm told I won't make it in life. I'm even compared to my brother who didnt finish school I'm compared to so many of my family members. I don't want that. I don't want any of that in my life. I can't handle it. I want to be perfect. I want to stop being told I can't do it. Because of my ADHD I can't reach any goal I aim for. I'm in depression and my ADHD always kicks in when my anxiety happens. I'm always in depression. I've only gotten out of depression once. Since it came back I've only been in depression. Nothing has changed. I got medicated for ADHD when I was 4 years old. My depression and anxiety started at 14 years old. I hate taking pills. I really do. I've been on them my entire life. I stopped taking my medication during freshman year of high school without my parents knowing. I still don't take them often even though I should. I'm up late at night thinking about my future asking myself "Where will I be? Am I going to be successful?" all of these questions going through my head without an answer yet.
I'm in depression most of the time because of my dad. I don't get along with him. I never have. I was young when my parents got divorced. It was the same year my grandfather who I was close to had passed away. I always blamed myself for his death, but I can't remember why. My dad is strict with me. He treats me differently from my older brothers. I'm the last born so of course I'm going to be treated differently from them. We have a huge age gap that makes life that way. My dad is the one who tells me I won't make it in life. He tells me I'm useless. Many say it's because I'm a teenager and I'm going through the teenage phase. No. That's not it what so ever. Whenever I have a certain friend over, it's always this one friend, she always tells me to be nicer to my dad. She thinks she knows everything about me when she doesn't. I've been abused once by him. No one did anything. I was afraid of him. I still am. I can't stand the pressure he puts on me. My grades dropped when he changed into a father who was selfish about himself. He said to me once "You know, what did I do to deserve you?" in front of his fiance who just sat there watching. Our relationship has never been like this. It changed when he got engaged to that woman. I can't have my father back. My father who was loving and caring. He's gone now and I know he can't come back. I have family in the Netherlands who I haven't seen for 7 years now. My dad went back last year. He knew I hadn't seen my family in so long. He decided to take his fiance instead. He's going back again this September. I may never get to see my grandfather there again. He has heart problems. The next time I may see him...might be at his funeral. I don't see my dad a lot either anymore because I'm afraid of him. More than anyone. I don't want you all hating on me for this. I know it's not terrible or horrible but I had to get this out there. Thank you to the people who inspired me to make this card.
izzy you should take your med there given to you for a reason taking them whenever you want well mess up your system izzy we love you and I want you to know I'm always going to be here for u
((Hugs)) First, don's say you can' may be a tough road and take LOTS of work, but you can do it. I hope you have an adult you can talk to and confide in....if you don't, you can always email me. I've already been through it and have been through some of this with my daughter. Next, you have to get the ADD/ADHD and depression under control somehow or other. Randomly taking your meds can make things worse and even be detrimental to your health. That scares me a lot. Depending where you live, you're at an age where you should be able to decide if you want to see your father or not. I would say talk to him face to face and let him know exactly how you feel. If things don't change, then tell him for your sake and health you need to cut him out for now. Make some small short term goals for yourself. I wouldn't worry about all A's.....My daughter is dyslexic and has other issues. I KNOW all A's in school is not a reasonable goal, and she will probably NEVER get an A in English, no matter how hard she works. You need reasonable, and there are teachers that can help. I'm sure you have an IEP....and if you don't, GET ONE!!! You can do this!!! We are willing to help you.