WARNING!! SEMI ANGST AND MATURE CONTENT UP AHEAD.
Dear Diary, Its been three days since our superhero debut stage, the other members are relaxing while the other members were relaxing while Hakyeon and I were going over ideas for new songs. However we have to make music according to the guidlines that the manager gave us to follow. 1) We have to figure out what kind of music we want to make. 2) They were not allowed to curse on the first album. 3) Figure out who their audience was. 4) No sexual content for the time being. So pretty much we have to write an essay about what music we want to create and who we want to listen to it. Im going to leave the writing portion to Hakyeon though because i really hate writing essays. It was difficult for me to write them in school....however my best friend was good at them..... When i was six i met my best friend Park Min Juk. I didnt like him at first though. I believed he was a snobby nosed brat. However with him being the new kid in town my mother always made me play with him. One day on my way to meet him at the park, i saw Min Juk playing with newly hatched baby ducks. As i went over i saw that he seemed really down, which was out of order since he always had that smile plastered on his face. "Hey what's wrong?" Min Juk looked at me and pointed down the hill towards the park. oh..... As i followed the direction his finger pointed in, i saw the new born baby ducks mother....dead. "Its ironic you know, that these little ducks and i both lost a parent today." Later that day when he was ready to, Min Juk told me his father died early that day, in a car accident. After that i started to see him differently, he was strong to me, he didnt cry when his father died, he just accepted it. I helped him take care of the baby ducks everyday after that... a lot of work if i must say. On his 8th birthday, or should i say our 8th birthday since it was on the same day, i arrived to the park an hour late. At the time i didnt know we shared the same birthday, i found that out when we were 10. He said it was fine that i was late, but i saw sadness in his eyes again, he said his mother kciked him out of the house since she had things to discuss with a business partner. Then he gave me a small round chocolate cheesecake. Even though it was small, i shared half of it with him. Then his smile was back. Our childhood was rather peaceful and soon enough we were 12 and moving into our middle year education. We didnt have the same classes however on our breaks we visited eachother on the roof top. Sometimes my mother made twice as much food, because she knew i would be spending lunch with him. He likes her cooking, and i'm glad. We shared more with eacother as well, when we were 13 we had a crush on the same girl. She was in his class but she liked me instead. Seeing the way she treated Min Juk though wasnt at all, the way, a person should treat someone else, so i chose him over her, bros before hoes right? However she was the first incident. When we were 14 i started to figure out Min Juk was being bullied. What really angered me was the fact that he didnt come to me, we were supposed to be best friends yet he didnt. Afterschool in the middle of the year, Min Juk was beaten up, thats when he told me, and i had to force it out of him. He also said that it started when we were 11, and i didnt even notice. I got suspended two days later for beating up the kids who hurt Min. For being the cause of the fight Min was suspended for the rest of the week and of course so did i. Min told me that night that his mother was abusive ever since his father died, and he felt like he was with family when he was with me and my mother. At age 15....I realized i was bisexual. I belive that you cant help who you fall for and Min accepted that when i told him. I trust Min with everything.....i still do. Ath the age of 16 Min kissed me. I didnt push him away though, because he was crying. Then we crossed a boundary no friends should cross.....because we had sex. We were closer than ever. The intimacy that we shared after losing our virginity to eachother tightened our bond. We also Got jobs babysitting when were 16 Min said his mother didnt like children so would it be okay if we babysat at my house. My mother didnt mind. She loved having Min around. The childrem also like him more than me, i disnt mind though, it took mins mind off of things. Then out of no where Mins bitch of a mother kicked him out to elope with her lover. My mother however took Min in lovingly since she thought of him as her own son. I have an older brother however since hes married now she gave min his room. I was really happy because by then i had notice i started to grow feeling for Min. Another kiss at the age of 18, 2 years after our first one. This was dlifferent from our first one there were no tears involved, no doubt, it held emotions to it though...feelings of love. Iwaa sure Min only had friendly feelings toward me until our graduation night. Our third Kiss when he told me he loved me. I know we were too young for the sex we had that night to be called "Making Love" but thats what it felt like. And we were both clearly over joyed and happy. But happiness doesnt last forever. Age 19...and it was over. I believed that i was enough for him. He was and still is my everything. I came home to tell Min that Jellyfish entertainment was having auditions and this is what we were both trying to accomplish together. To one day get into the company together. I was of course stoked with the job opportunity and to see my boyfriend as well. My heart dropped however when i opened his room door. My eyes first landed on Min and then my eyes landed on the blood that surrounded his head......then the black gun that was loosely held in his hand. My Best friend had commited suicide, My boyfriend was gone. And i couldnt bring him back. I felt like i had gone to hell. I feel like im in hell. My love for Min is still strong since he died just two months ago. The only thing he left behind was "I'm sorry, This isn't about you Wonsik, i really am happy with you, however i just having nothing else in my life. Promise me that you won't cry. I love you so much...comfort your mother as much as you can. For my first and last true love. Min" in a fucking note. Thats all i got was a note. i promised Min that iwouldnt cry because it was what he asked for before he pulled the trigger....but i broke my promise.
i seriously wrote this on paper three weeks ago....but i got a job and i work 8 hrs a day....on top of school...so i had 0 time to type it until now.