Genre: Fluff building up to Angst Pairing: Jungkook x Taehyung Length: 2,532 Words Warning: Boy x Boy Intimacy Summary: I just wanted him to look at me only Part: 6/? Hey guys!! Thanks for coming back, I have to apologize this is the shortest chapter I'm putting out. There just a lot on my plate but I've already started on chapter 7 and I promise you it's going to be good so stay tuned!! Read Part 1 Here: https://www.vingle.net/posts/1623023-Look-At-Me-Only-Ch-1 Read Part 2 Here: https://www.vingle.net/posts/1634252-Look-At-Me-Only-Ch-2 Read Part 3 Here: https://www.vingle.net/posts/1640589-Look-At-Me-Only-Ch-3 Read Part 4 Here: https://www.vingle.net/posts/1703246-Look-At-Me-Only-Ch-4 Read Part 5 Here: https://www.vingle.net/posts/1720041-Look-At-Me-Only-Ch-5
Tae was seriously too nice to me. I looked down at his hand and started caressing it. I want to accept Tae into my heart fully already, I'm tired of him waiting, I myself am tired of waiting. Why is it that it takes so long to rid someone from your heart. Even though my heart isn't fully ready I've made the decision in my mind that he is who I want. I looked up at him, "Thank so much Tae," I placed my hand on his cheek, "You're too kind and I sincerely love that about you, but I'm ready to accept you wholeheartedly. When I told Jin about my feelings it was pretty much easy on me because you were already replacing him in my heart. Tae, you're are who I want." He looked into my eyes for several seconds, could he tell I was lying about confessing, could he tell I wasn't yet ready but saying yes now will help me rid my feelings for Jin? I was shocked when in a mere second Taehyung expression changed from delighted to lustful. He smashed him lips on mine making me stumble back a little. The wall behind me caught me and Tae pinned one hand on the wall and the other behind my neck pushing it forward towards him. My body stiffened and I had no idea where to place my hands, I was in a trance. I moaned through my nose, which relaxed my body, yes, this is what I wanted, give me new memories to look back on, help me erase Jin from my mind forever. Taehyung pulled back for a second out of breath saying, "Are you sure this is what you want?" I nodded, "Good, because I'm not going to hold back," just his words turned me on, I smiled with my eyes half opened. He pulled me in aggressively and aimed for my neck, I winced at the pleasurable pain. We both bumped into several pieces of furniture till we were able to make our way into the living room where he laid me down on the couch while he straddle me. Our bodies were so hot I could feel the heat radiating off of him. He started unbuttoning my shirt from bottom to top undoing 3 and started kissing my stomach up. He was so close to my private It was killing me. He teased me by rubbing it softly, I jolted up from the surprise causing us to fall from the sofa. I was now on top of Tae, he laughed "I think sofa's a little too small for what we wanna do," he was still holding the back of my neck, "So how bout next time? For not we can kiss." He pulled me in to kiss me again but I stopped him. "Let's go up to my room then where there's plenty of room." "Huh?..ah a-are you s-sure?" I helped him on his feet and started making my way "O-ok," he stuttered. We made our way upstairs but before we reached my room door I saw the picture frame with Jin's picture in it laying in the middle of the hallway. I completely forgot the rage fit I was in earlier and the mess I left in my room. I stopped, I didn't want Tae to see but he still walked passed me. He noticed the glass, "Whoa! Watch the glass...wait, why's there-" He noticed the picture frame and picked it up, thank god it was just a group picture so it shouldn't be too obvious I'm mad at Jin. "Ah right, I dropped it earlier, y'know that banging at the door startled me. I forgot to clean it." "Oh yea? I'm sorry for the noise," he laughed. I wanted him away from my half opened room door, "Hey um..t-the bed in the guest room is actually bigger so let's go." I turned my back but didn't hear Tae following, I turned to look at him. He was still holding the group picture and looked confusingly at my room door that was slightly opened and took a step closer. "N-no, Tae this way." He pushed my door opened and his eyes widened. I ran to my door and closed it, "I-it's messy!" I looked down, "I didn't want you to see." I was so embarrassed. Has he realized what's going on? Tae started uncontrollably laughing and I looked up confused. "W-wah?" He held his stomach from laughing, "I-I didn't expect you to be this messy Jungkook, you look like a tidy person, it's cute really." He pat the top of my head, now composed, "I don't care that your room is a mess, I accept you for who you are. Let's go in." I stepped to the side and he opened the door and looked around for a while, I waited for a response. He looked at me and smiled, "Your room smells just like you." He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me in, "it smells so good in here." He pulled me in by the neck again and stuck his tongue in my mouth, he guided me to my bed still kissing me and I fell on my back. He placed the broken frame with the picture still inside on the dresser on the right side my bed, his eyes still closed the entire time. He took off my school shirt and I was immediately embarrassed covering myself with my hands. Tae took my hands away from my chest and said almost whispering, "Kookie, you have nothing to be shy about," he kissed my chest then sat up to take his shirt off throwing it somewhere on the floor, I gulped. He collapsed back onto me and rammed his tongue in my mouth, I felt like I was suffocating, He rubbed our bulges together, the friction was enough to make me cum. I was under such an intense high, I scratched at his back, he moaned, "Damn Kookie," he rubbed harder and I let out several loud moans into his mouth. "Damn, you're so sexy," he started sucking on the left side of my neck making me turn my head to the right. I moaned several times my eyes almost rolling back, I opened my eyes and all of a sudden my eyes were stuck on Jin in the group photo. Looking at it almost took my breathe away, almost like I've been caught. Why couldn't I look away, I-I have to say good-bye. I have Tae now, someone who's willing to accept everything about me, but it still hurt. I couldn't tell if my heart was beating as fast as it was because of the kisses and love Tae was giving me or because I was panicking at the thought of saying good-bye to a person who's been with me for so long. I felt tears forming, No! I can't do this to Taehyung, I don't want to hurt him anymore. I closed my eyes and the tears fell, fuck. I opened my eyes and looked at the photo again, I started breathing harder than before and felt Teahyung's lips release my neck and sit up. I looked at him tears still falling from my eyes. "Ah! Wha-What is it? I'm sorry! Was I being too rough, I'm sorry I'm sorry I-" "No Tae!" I wiped my tears quickly, what the hell was I doing? I glanced at the picture several times, "It's not you, it's nothing I'm just...h-happy," I forced a I told him yet another lie, what's wrong with me? Tae followed my eyes several times and picked up the picture frame examining it, he accidentally cut his hand from the broken glass still in the frame, he didn't react at all the to the blood seeping from his cut. "Ah Tae your hand! The shattered glass cut you." He laughed through his nose a little and came closer to me to put the photo down looking disappointed. He took my comforter with his other hand and threw it on me covering my exposed body. He maintained eye contact with me as he backed up from my face. "So you're telling me that even when my tongue is down your throat Jin's still all you can think about?" He grabbed his shirt with his bloody hand and started buttoning it up. He didn't seem to care about the blood stains. He glared at me, "Did'ya even tell Jin? Are you lying to me about that too?" "Tae..I-" I didn't know what to say, I was filled with guilt. He turned his head to the side breaking eye contact, "Please," he whispered, "please stop talking." Defeat was on his face, he looked down at his bloody hand and flexed it open and closed several times. "Why, why is it everything that comes out your mouth lately are lies or excuses, do you really not value me enough to give me the truth? Just tell me what's going on in your mind and heart. I know you're going through a lot and I know how hard it is for you to voice how you're feeling but all I'm asking is for you to let me in just a little, I want you to know you're not alone in all this, I'm here to help. Why can't you just do that for me? Aish, this whole situation makes me feel terrible, I feel as if I-Iv'e taken advantage of you, you clearly weren't ready for any of this. I just wish I wouldv'e caught on sooner then I wouldn't also feel like a complete idiot." I now was angry, everything was turning to shit and it was all because of me. I turned my head to the side looking down, "Then leave.." I said under my breath. He scoffed, "What was that?" Like he couldn't believe his ears. I looked into his eyes, "I said then LEAVE!! GOOO!!" His eyes widened in anger and without any word he turned fast and slammed my room door shut, I heard his foots steps going down the stairs quickly and in a few seconds I heard the front door slam. The slam of the door triggered the anger in me, "AHHHHHHHH!!" I trashed the remainder of my room. After several minutes I stood panting in the middle of my mess. I plopped on my bed a sweaty mess feeling extremely exhausted, I quickly fell asleep. I awoke at 3:00 am, everything was so quiet I never felt more lonely in my life or hungry and thirsty as I did. I rolled out of bed almost tripping on the various items on my room floor. I made an instant ramen packet and with in the first couple of bites tears fell from my eyes uncontrollably while my facial expression remained blank, I continued eating. I opened the kitchen cabinets and pulled out a bottle of Vodka. I can't believe my parents trusted me enough not to drink this while they were gone. I scoffed and took 4 gulps wincing at the taste, "Ughg," I took 2 more gulps and wiped my mouth. I put on some music trying my best not to think of the events that just took place earlier and waited for the alcohol to drown out my problems. The rest of the night was a blur; I awoke on the cold kitchen floor. I remember pacing the house as the music played, taking a couple of more shots of Vodka and crying. For the next couple of nights this grew to be my routine. I'd wake up in morning, throw up last nights alcohol, walk to school alone, got to classes late, spent my days not talking or looking at anyone, specifically Jin and Tae, walked home alone, got trashed at night and awoke at random places in my house except for my bed. It's been a week since this routine started but tonight I was feeling extra shitty. I remembered I told myself to not look at Tae because I knew it would trigger something but today I just couldnt help it, it felt like forever and when I did look all I saw was the smile I fell for but he was showing off that smile to a girl. I didnt think my heart could break anymore but I felt it shatter more. I just couldnt take my eyes off them, especially Tae. I just couldnt wait to be home. The moment I walked through the door I blasted some music. I took 2 shots and headed to my room to change, glass from the picture frame was still in front of my room door but I ignored it. It was hard to get around the mess in my room, I pulled off my shirt and looked for a clean one. I pulled out a shirt that was too baggy for me, I was able to smell a familiar scent from it…it was the way Jin smelled..this was his shirt. I stared at it for several seconds and threw it across the room and took 2 more shots. As I was making my way out the room I tripped on a pushed over chair and screamed out load, mainly in frustration. I thought of Tae and Jin and how they were doing perfectly fine without me. "I don't fucking need them," I muttered under my breathe, I felt as if I was going to cry but I forced the tears back. After various shots of vodka I stood in my room staring at the mess, barely able to stand straight from all that I drank. From the corner of my eye I noticed something ugly looking back at me, it was my own reflection. My eyes widened, w-when did I become this person? Looking at how disheveled and drained I was bothered me. I stared for a couple of seconds, each second making me angrier, I punched the mirror instantly shattering it and cutting my knuckles in the process. Blood gushed from my hand and I ran down stairs as blood dripped on the floor from my room to the kitchen where I rinsed my hand. My mind started racing, whats wrong with me, why cant I control my actions, why cant I just apologize to Tae, why cant things just go back to normal. I removed my hand from the water; the blood rushed out m like the water ran out of the faucet and it freaked me out, it was so much blood, I had no idea how to stop it. I looked around quickly now panicking, the room was spinning and couldnt tell if it was the amount of alcohol or the blood lost that made me feel like I was going to faint. I blacked in and out for several seconds, my body fell to the floor, *THUD*, but I didnt feel the impact. It was hard to breathe, I was now panting, was I having another attack? This feels different then the others. I took both hands and clenched my chest. "F-fuck, I-I need...I need..to get h-h....help. Someone..p-please-help me…anyone." Everything went black.
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