Hello Everyone! So this story is dedicated to @EliseB for winning Melody of the Week! She requested a story with Eunkwang and here is the story for you! I hope you like it, and congratulations on your win! Genre; Angst/Romance Length; 2,536 words. WARNING; Strong language. (Sorry for any typos) Note* My best friend helped me write the ending of this story. c:
I stumbled, shifting from side to side as I kept walking. The box in my freezing hands seemed to grow heavier and heavier. Nothing important was inside this box, other than numbing feelings and broken rhymes with a little bit of hate and a little bit of love. With a fuzzy feeling in my head, I couldn't quite decipher what it is that I'm doing. All I know, was that my brain was yelling at me to stop this nonsense. Thing is, I'm not one to pay attention especially when I can barely keep my eyes open. My mind, held the cloudiness and haziness from the consumption of liquor. I have arrived at my destination. With tired eyes and a heavy heart, I looked up at the damned house that stood in front of me. I could see all the memories scattered around the place. Tears escaped my eyes as the sudden pain of remembrance hit me. I threw the box onto the ground and my hands quickly gripped onto my hair. “You bastard!” I cried out. I hunched over as ugly sobs escaped my chapped lips. I kicked the box and then fell to my knees. More ugly sounds came out of my mouth, none of them making any sense. But it didn't matter. My feelings were all over this place, and I couldn't help but feel attached, yet detached. All these tears I've wept, all these promises I've fucking kept and for what? I shook my head and stood up. I looked down at the small box, anger filled me once more and I kicked the box a few feet away from me. And just like I came with numbing feelings and a heavy heart, I left with those feelings. . . . Eunkwang woke up to the sound of his alarm. He groaned under his breath as he reached over to the other side of the bed and turned off the clock. He sat up and looked out the window, his eyes adjusting to the bright colors of the outside. After blinking a few times, he turned his body and his feet immediately touched the cold floor. He hissed a little at the feeling, but got up nonetheless. He walked around and found his slippers and made his way into the kitchen and started making coffee. He looked outside once more and caught a glimpse of something small in his yard. Without a second thought, he adjusted his shirt and walked outside, heading straight for the item. He looked down at the small box, there was nothing special on the outside, but he picked it up anyways. The box resembled that of a shoe box, except it had no print and it had some sort of indent. He lifted the lid and was surprised to see letters inside, all with his name on it. He closed the lid and walked inside, rather quickly. Whoever was to confess to him, was more than likely going to get turned down. For he lived with a greater regret. He set the box down on the table and walked to the counter, grabbing a cup out of the a cabinet and pouring coffee into the mug. He turned back around and sat on the chair and looked curiously at the box. His hands reached out and opened the lid, and lifted the box up, turning it over and the contents spread out onto the table. He looked at the folded pieces of papers and one stood out the most, he quickly picked that one up and started reading it. (Letter below) Dear Eunkwang, I've been contemplating on how to start this stupid letter for a while now. So I'll just start with some shit. You know, I had rather high expectations for the both of us. In my mind we were to go out in public and do all that lovey dovey shit together. We would've held hands, kissed each other, and embraced each other. All your fans were to at least be supportive as you would let them know that you're happy, I practically dreamed of a happy beginning, middle, and ending. A paradise where everything was bound to be perfect, even if we fought a lot. I believed in a fantasy that was sure to be told in kids books. Heck I even wanted to have kids with you. In my eyes, you were my source of happiness, my main reason to not give up on the things that I loved. You were everything I never had, and I never wanted you to desert me. I couldn't even bare the thought of me leaving either, just the thought brought me great sadness. I may not have given up on you after everything, but I gave up so many things for you. So what changed you? What made you become into this vicious monster? Did the fire in my eyes become too great for you to handle that you decided to go with a smaller flame? Here I am, at 2 in the morning deciding whether to call you and tell you that you're a pussy or to just let you know that I miss you. Should I tell you how much of a piece of shit you are? Or should I tell you that your grey sweatshirt is on my bed and that I sleep with it every night? Should I yell and tell you that you're the biggest coward known to mankind? Or would you rather know that just the thought of you was enough to send me on a frenzy of feelings? What if I just tell you that I hate you even when I know that I'm still in love with you? God damnit, Eunkwang. You're a jerk! Am I too good for you? Or are you too good for me? It doesn't fucking matter anymore. You're happy aren't you? I should forget you. Yet it's 3 am and I'm here thinking about your bastard of a soul. Why did you leave me when I needed you the most? What the hell did I do for you to just get up and leave? I hate you…… but I fucking love you. Eunkwang felt his eyes start to tear up. Reading this hurt him, but he knew that what she said was correct. He looked at the other letters scattered around the table and stood up. He had to go see her. He quickly changed and then left to her place. . . . He arrived at her place and looked inside her windows. They were covered so it seemed to be hard to look inside. He walked to the front door and tried knocking. No one answered, nor were there any sounds of ruffling or moving around. He tried the doorknob, but it was locked. Starting to feel like something might've happened, he quickly remembered the back door. He ran off the porch and started making his way to the back. However, he quickly stopped in his position when he looked at the far side of the yard. There sat the person he was looking for, Y/N. She held a bottle in her hand, but she showed no sign of drinking anymore. Her empty eyes looked down at the grass. She made no movement as Eunkwang walked towards her. His shoes came into her sight and she slowly lifted her head to look at him, looking elsewhere. She studied his features for a few seconds and then looked around the yard, “Do you remember all the memories we had here? They told me I just miss the memories, but the thing is… the memories are what's making me miss you.” She didn't wait for his response as she started laughing to herself. She raised her hand that held the bottle and hit herself on the head. She continued on by adding, "My damned soul was yours to take- my hands were yours to hold... but before I even reached for you, you were already letting go." He felt the tears in his eyes and his chest started to ache. Instead of saying he loves her, he kneels down and takes her hands in his, "I remember… but I never let you go because I never had you. I loved you, but you were of much too value to me. Why did you have to love someone like me? I can't put the stars in the sky, but you look at me like I make the earth revolve around the sun." His words sounding like poetry, but he couldn't help but say his true feelings. She blinked and looked at him like he's crazy, trying to decipher whether she heard him right or if it's the alcohol that got to her. Either way she says, "This is why you're a coward. You carry your damn trophies like they're the best thing ever, but you couldn't even hold me. You couldn't even tell me you love me without looking away." He sighed and looked up at the tree and feel so many mixed emotions begin to stir in his newly broken heart. "I held you, alright. You weren't a trophy. You weren't even a medal or gold or diamonds. You were the stars in the sky who shined so brightly to illuminate my darkness, you were the waves of the oceans that drowned me in your presence. You weren't a simple number one victory, you were the flowers who produced my air to breathe and you were the lungs that breathed to keep me alive. But the more I held you for me, the more I loved you. And the more I loved you, the more I became afraid. Because who can live without the air in their lungs? No. You weren't a trophy. You were life." She felt tears threatening to fall because he did it again. He told her his feelings without looking at her in the eyes. Anger seeped in slowly but surely. She gripped the metal things that supported the swing and her jaw clenched, "And yet you fucking left me wondering what I did wrong. Wondering if what we had was nothing more than a beautiful lie. I stayed up writing letters because I was too much of a selfish person that wanted you close but at the same time wanted you across the ocean to where I wasn't tempted to see you. I didn't want to see you going out there and having fun with yourself while I wither away in this despair that I've grown to feel. But those feelings would disappear when I saw your smile- your smile that captivated me and would make me lose my damn insult that was supposed to be referred to you." He looked down at the ground and took in a deep breath as his hands plucked a flower from the ground. His hands trembled as he held it in his hand, quite frail and delicate, quite, just quite, like her own. "I know, I know what I did was wrong. But you scare me. Your fierce personality and the way that you were so gentle at the same time. You captivated me like no one else could and you had me wrapped around your finger. Yes, I am a coward. I am no more of a man than any other who has broken your heart. I made a promise and I broke it. And I know I held your heart in my palm and crushed it. You scared me to death because you knew me better than I know myself. And that, for me, it makes me so so afraid. So once again, I am a coward. I'm a coward for falling in love with you and promising things I couldn't keep...and I'm so sorry." She looked at the flower he held, and then closed her eyes. "I hate you," she mumbled as tears escaped her tired eyes. By this time, she didn't know whether to speak her mind or keep talking like she was walking on eggshells. She stood up, her legs aching from sitting on the swing for a long time, but she decided to ignore it. She looked down at Eunkwang's hunched over figure, her mind racing yet it was blank. What is she supposed to expect from him? "Tsk. You still can't even look me in the eyes." He stands up, grabs her arms, and smiles down at her with a sadness so deep, you could feel it in your bones. Looking at her, finally, straight in the eyes, he spoke, "I loved you. More than the sun loved the moon, more than the ocean loves the sand, more than the sky loves the stars. I loved you, but I could never look you in the eyes, because once I did, I knew I would be lost forever." Her knees twitched and her breath hitched, as his eyes looked into hers. She wanted to hold him more than anything; but she had too much pride and pulled away. Her arm still tingling from the sensation of his hand on her. "Why are you here then? Are you lost now that you've looked into my eyes?" He smiled once more and took one step back to admire her fierce beauty one last time. "Sweetheart, I've always been lost." His heart beat painfully against his ribs and he realized, girls aren't the only ones that suffer broken hearts. He now had a shattered heart, and a shattered soul. He was an aching disaster. "But your smile always made me believe I was found.” She closed her eyes a barely audible whisper, "Are you leaving me again?" He looks at her, his heart beating hopefully despite the pain flooding through his veins. "Don't you want me to?" His voice matched her pitch. He doesn't want to lose her- not again. 'Fuck my pride,' she thought to herself and shook her head furiously. "No, I want to keep being that fire in your eyes. I want to make sure that you can find yourself. Because through you, I have found myself." He felt his shoulders sag in relief and felt the odd urge to cry but kiss her at the same time. "Baby...you could even be the air in my lungs if you felt like it." She felt her heart beat at an abnormal pace and she was pretty sure her face was burning. Her hands lifted to her face and she silently squealed and turned the other way around. "Stopppp!" She giggled out, silently cursing herself out for acting like this. He laughed at her obvious embarrassment and slowly hugged her from behind, putting his arms around her waist and nuzzling his head into her neck just like she liked it. He murmured softly into her hair, the scent of strawberries that he missed so much making him want to squeal quietly just like she did. "I love you," he started, "to the moon and back." And in that moment, while he held her close and her cheeks burned a lovely pink, his heart was finally fixed, and he felt he was finally home.