2 years ago1,000+ Views
Dear Significant Other,
I'm struggling right now. It is very difficult, this life... I want to hold on to my morals so I can feel worth something you know? I did think being totally honest as i write this would come naturally but after holding a lot in it is proving rather annoying. My mind is currently the way it is because i constantly refuse to express whatever i am feeling unless it is happy... positive... Which can be a good thing because it lifts those around you and it also helps with your situation because a good laugh can help any situation!
Speaking of laughter... I can make myself laugh which is a sign of insanity apparently but it's a great feeling when you're shedding tears then you say something to yourself and you begin giggling. I find it great!
I want to be able to laugh around you. I don't mean the normal Ha-Ha. I mean the kind of laughing that makes my sides hurt, the kind of laughing that generates tears which don't burn my cheeks as they race down my face. I want to laugh until i can't breathe. I want to be my fully awkward self without having to stop just because i'm worried you'll stop loving me. But this is a problem that is largely due to me, my insecurities. It has nothing to do with you because for me to truly love someone i will have to be completely comfortable around them. Meaning i would need to be able to do all these things without thinking twice. As you read this i hope you're remembering all the times i laughed uncontrollably around you and if you don't remember any of those times then i have probably grown out of it (i hope i don't). I say i've probably grown out of it because i don't plan on uttering the words "i love you" to just anyone. I refuse to let them lose meaning even though they are "just words."
About my morals; they're not easy to maintain in this world where giving in to temptation is extremely easy. I mean extremely easy! But if i don't hold on to them then I'll never feel confident enough to ask you out. Not that we've met or anything but in the event that we do! I want to know that me holding on to these morals was for something! I mean, i believe in Heaven so that is the ultimate goal. But God knows i'm not prepared to live this life without someone to love. I want to be able to wake up next to you and think "Thank you God for her because she's truly a gift!" instead of "She's going to leave you because you don't deserve her!" How do they correlate? well it makes sense in my mind so i'm going with it.
p.s. Not every letter/writing/thingy will have a poem, sometimes i just want to write until i feel something in my chest that reminds me of the power of words and expression.
Love yours,