smy124
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I have something to say to you

Tracey Emin
" Meet me in heaven.
Without you it hurts me living.
I'll waite for you.
I think about kissing you.
only kissing you.
you are beautiful - in my mind
and somehow staying pure
thoe a greater inocents belongs.
You are my star. "
Me
" Meet me in dream.
Without you I always feel empty somewhere in my heart.
I'm waiting for you and I will wait for you.
I think about the moment we were together
looking at you
smelling you
outlining your face.
you are beautiful - in my mind
and somehow staying pure
you are the first love to me. "
Photo by Tracey Emin
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4 Modern Gonzo Journalists To Follow
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Wie kann man ein Hochzeitsbuch schreiben?
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How To Use Writing As Therapy
I woke up this morning with every intention of crawling back into bed and forgetting what consciousness ever felt like. Car lights from outside crawled across my frosted glass window and I thought, how can it still be so dark outside? It was 5:30 A.M. and I didn't have to be up until 7. I cursed my mind for causing the stir, and couldn't fathom going back to sleep, so I sat up in bed, feeling the weight of every obligation that has fallen on my shoulders in the past few months. These days, the words aren't coming as easily, and each thought, every burst of energy is going toward auxiliary functions, like breathing and walking. This is what the first humans must have felt like when they first hit earth: firing on all cylinders in order to do such simple things. Exhaustion is the number one enemy of productivity, and still I press forward, feeling as if nothing I do is ever enough. I can't seem to figure out if I'm in the right place at the right time or not. Some days I feel stellar, and others I feel like I'm being stepped on by God's mighty boot, being jettisoned deeper and deeper into the ground by my own mused melancholy. I guess, being an artist, you can't help but be tortured right? It's been studied, people who "think too much" end up being the most depressed, because their thoughts encompass almost everything. It's hard to move and live day to day when your head is so far in the future that your body has already given out, and you're on your death bed. I feel like I've been living 20 years ahead of myself. I am never able to enjoy the moment. I am never able to give myself any credit. I am already in the ground as far as my brain is concerned. These thoughts, this person I have become is racing against time each moment they are conscious. This is why I love sleep, because the lights turn off and the party is over. I can rest. Getting there, is another story. I tried to sit down and write a song last night, but just the thought of that entire process made me so anxious that I had to walk away from it. That has never happened before. It scared me a bit. Like something was holding me back. I have to figure this out. I used to think writing a song, or writing things down could solve all of my problems, like magically once the words hit the page, I would be a new person. Sometimes it works, sometimes it makes me feel worse, but I guess it's all a form of therapy. I'm not sure what the point of this rabble is, or if it will be productive to likes, views or whatever, but for some reason I feel a bit better. Owning up to this emptiness will enable me to move forward right? This is what we have to believe in order to move on. In order to self-improve. It's like a cleansing of the thoughts. Now that they are on the page, they don't have to own my consciousness. Using writing as a means of personal excavation can be exhausting, dangerous and completely insane, but I swear by it. There is some truth to creating a reality in your head that doesn't necessarily match up with what's really going on. I have to admit there is something fearless about all of this. All the eyes and what not. There is a freak show element, though, and where the eyes and people gawk and stare, there can be real truth. I guess it's not self improvement, it's self defense.
Student Debt: The Death of The American Dream
When you wake up with a college degree and no savings, people might say you're on your way to a future or that you don't have one. I am a proud graduate of Ohio University, conferred this Spring. BFA in Theater Performance, Minor in Journalism. I loved my college, my friends and the teachers who guided me through. What I did not love, what I in fact loathed was the bureaucracy. In today's America twenty-somethings fresh out of college are offered two things: 1. Crippling debt and 2. The existential woe of not knowing if their degree was worth that debt. Thoughts like this tow the line of the young adults today. Instead of having the positive effect of feeling like the world is in your hands, we get calls from our Universities asking for donations not even a month after we finish our degrees. Seriously, you're asking me for money now? It just seems like poor taste to ask someone who graduated not even two months ago for a donation. 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Seven million of those 40 have defaulted on their loans, leaving them with trashed credit and no hope of getting housing or car loans for their future, or their families. Corporations can file for bankruptcy after failure to pay back their debts...student borrowers can't. The moral question is: is that fair? Just because we know the terms and conditions of our fate does not mean our fate is right or just. In today's America morality and righteousness, what's fair and good, bows down to money and profit. College isn't a public service anymore, it's a God damn business. And just like those sleazy car salesmen people make fun of on TV, your loan officer or FAFSA representative will look you in the eye and say, "You need college, you need these loans. There's no other way! Drive your future off the lot today." Some say that college is priceless, the best years of your life. Now I know that people put a price on everything. 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It's Ohio U, asking for a donation. I let it go to voicemail, and keep on typing. I stand up, and think: "Does all of this prove that the American Dream is really dead? Or is this the necessary cycle of debt that we signed up for when we were told we had to go to college?" Do you have student debt? What's your number?
Feeling lost, stressed, out of control? Start a Journal.
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