Part 1 Warning - a few words of profanity (like 2 or 3) - - - Why...why the fuck can't I stop being such a coward? As soon as things got serious in a relationship I ran off. I-i thought that I would stay this time... but I ended up hurting him more by leaving. *ring ring* Whipping a few tears I checked the caller ID, it was Jae Bum. I cleared my throat before answering. "Hey, Jae Bum. What's up?" "Why'd you do it? Because of you Mark won't leave his room or even eat or sleep! So why did you do it? All I know is that you said you didn't want to hurt him but then you broke up with him. What kind of twisted logic is that-" "Okay!" I cut him off. "I get it... Im a coward who's afraid of commitment, okay?" My voice cracked as i finished as i tried to keep the tears back. He was silent for a moment. "You dated him knowing you're afraid of commitment?" "Y-yes." It came out as a weak whisper. "What the hell is wrong with you? You knew you would hurt him and yet you still dated him. You're so selfish-" "Jae Bum, stop!" It was Jackson in the background. They were with him then... "Put me on speaker." "Hell no!" He hissed. "Please?" "No." He hung up. So here I am in front of Mark's and Jackson's dorm... I took a deep breath and knocked. I kept my head down as the door opened. "Come on." Jinyong's voice was hard as he directed me into the living room. Immediately Jackson looked up putting his finger to his lips so I would stay quiet. "Up stairs" he mouthed talking me there. I had earned the glares and quiet grunts given to me from his fellow memebers. "Mark!" Jackson sighed as there was no reply. "You said you would come out." "H-hold up..." It was a quiet whisper but it was there. The door slowly opened a crack with an eye peeking through. In the second we looked at each other the door was fully open and a crying Mark was hugging me. I sniffed trying to keep the tears away... he can't know or he won't let go. "I'll leave now." Jackson said before giving me a warning glare and exiting the hall to the downstairs. "You're here." His voice relieved but hurt. He pulled out of the hug to analyze my face. He softened when he noticed me holding back tears. "If you're hurting too why didn't you come back sooner?" "I... I-" I bit my lip trying to think of something. He smiled weakly pulling me in his room. It was the exact same... clothes on the floor never moved and the bed was still a mess. The lighting was darker though meaning he hadnt seen actual light since. I felt sick in my stomach. I did this to him...I made him small. "I'm ready." He spoke full of hope. "Let's start over." I smiled painfully. "We can't." His face fell again. "Why not?" It was barely auditable. "Because I'm a coward who can't face commitment. The longer we go on the more I'm likely to cheat on you and I refuse. It'll hurt you even more if we get together just to break up again." I cleared my throat trying to get rid of the burning sensation. "I can't hurt you Mark... I just can't." He plopped on his bed lifelessly. "So... why are you here? Seeing you with no intention of getting back together... don't you think that hurts?" His voice raised ever so slightly that I shouldn't of been able to pick it up... but I did. "You need closer. You need to know that there was nothing wrong with you. It's all me and my issues that I have to fix. I shouldn't of even started dating you until they were." I admitted. He stood up and grabbed me by the shoulders. "I'll help you!" He shook me. "If we stay together then your commitment problem will be fine! You breaking up with me only caused it to continue. So if we stay together it'll be gone!" His face full of hope 'til he saw a tear slip down the left side of my face. He let go multiple coming down his cheeks. "Please?" I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I'm not the one for you. Don't do this to yourself anymore." I gestured around the room. "Find someone else and move on." I turned around and walked out. He followed silently after a while, dragging his feet. We passed the living room causing tell others to stand since Mark was out finally and look at me as to why he was following me. "Mark?" Bambam called. - No answer - I walked out the door and turned to him. "Bye." He was resting his head on the door looking with sad eyes. "Not even a goodbye kiss?" "Not even one." We both sighed when I finished. "Please move on." He nodded. That was all I needed to turn around and walk away. I heard the door shut and continued walking. I ended up at a little coffee shop. I sat with a sigh and sipped my coffee. Maybe one day, Mark. Maybe one day.
A/N: I promised a part 2 and it took forever but here it is :) I recommend the song 11:11 by Taeyeon when reading it. The feeling of the song is what I used when writing this part. Sorry for any typos! B.A. Squad: @resavalencia @MelissaGarza @VeronicaArtino @LemonLassie @vipgirl5 @MichelleIbarra @StefaniTre @CrystalGuerra @RKA916 @Michelle305 @StefaniTre @DalyRomero @minimanim3 @CrystalGuerra @JaxomB @SugaOnTop @AvisSpirit @SugaMint @Animezkpopgirl Advanced Group: @MrsJungHoseok @kanatm @hanheeyoung1126 @shellyfuentes70 @HopeYoongi Fanfic: @VatcheeAfandi99 @twistedPuppy @Sailynn @AmberRelynn