❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀ FIRST PART HERE ➥ ❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀ The blaring sound of the TV echoed in the silent living room, as you emptily stared off into space, trying to cope with the hidden tension in the atmosphere. Jimin was sitting next to you on the couch, a few feet away. He had tried to snuggle up to you, but you repeatedly pushed him back and silently moved away. You had to constantly remind yourself that Jimin was taken, he already had a girlfriend, otherwise you’d succumb to your temptations and cause unnecessary drama. If there was any way to prevent conflict, you figured it was to hide your feelings, and maybe even cut all your ties with Jimin. It was okay if you were the only one who hurt, you told yourself. The last thing you would want was to destroy Jimin’s perfectly happy and healthy relationship. “Can we start on our project already?” you broke the silence, continuing to stare off at the wall. Jimin started stretching on the couch, reaching his arms over his head and letting out a loud yawn. “Ah, c'mon Y/N, we have plenty of time… it’s due, what, two weeks from now?” Jimin reached his hand over to ruffle your hair as he smiled at you in reassurance. You turned your head the other way, refusing to give in to your desires to admire Jimin’s beautiful, bright smile. Noticing your change in attitude, Jimin reclined, awkwardly taking his hand back and scratching the back of his head. “Then why did you come today?” you bluntly asked, keeping your head turned away from him. Trying to furthermore get your point across, you crossed your arms against your chest, taking in deep breaths to keep yourself from exploding of the overflow of guilt. “Is something wrong with you today? Did something happen?” Jimin inquired, his voice was gentle and cautious. He was always worried for you, it was as if your well being was the staple for his happiness. But you knew that wasn’t true, the only girl he needed to protect was her, not you. You remained silent, biting your lip to prevent yourself from spilling anything. You were doing this for Jimin, you reminded yourself. You weren’t worthy enough to interject with someone’s relationship, he was happy without you, and you should respect that fact. Jimin scoffed and loudly sighed, “at least look at me.” Hesitantly, you slowly turned your head back to him, your eyes meeting a frustrated Jimin, as he momentarily took off his cap to run his hand through his hair. You eyed him up and down, trying to put on a tough front, even though you felt as weak as jello on the inside. “So why did you come?” you repeated yourself, keeping your voice steady and trying not to rush your words. Jimin’s knitted eyebrows formed creases on his forehead, he looked around the room as if he was trying to find a reason. Jimin took a deep sigh, looking at you in the eye before rhetorically asking you, “can’t I hang out with my best friend? Haven’t we always been doing this?” You winced at the word “best friend,” because as much as you wanted to deny it, it was true. You would never be anything more than a friend to Jimin, you would never be the first girl Jimin would find for comfort, you would never be able to return the same feelings of butterflies Jimin gave you whenever he widely smiled after catching you staring at him. Seeing that you had no better way to counter his questions, you tapped your right forefinger against the fabric of cloth on your left arm. “Why did you choose me as your partner?” you finally said, when Jimin continued to silently and patiently wait for your answer. “What? Because we always do projects together,” Jimin’s voice raised a pitch higher, something he always did when he was genuinely confused. “Are you sure nothing’s wrong?” he tried one last time to reach out to you, but you stubbornly refused to take it. “Why didn’t you ask her?” you suddenly blurted out, the words escaping your mouth before you could take them back in. You bit your tongue, wincing in pain as a slight metallic taste of blood filled your mouth. “Wha-who?” Jimin asked, honestly confused from your sudden question. He awkwardly chuckled, trying to keep the atmosphere light, “oh her? I…” He hesitated to find an answer, causing you to look up into his eyes, genuinely curious over his unexpected hesitation. Did he not have an answer? Did he not know why he chose you as his partner over his girlfriend? Did he not realize how he was playing with you? Or was it that he only thought of you as a friend to the point that he never considered your feelings for him? You raised one of your eyebrows at him, waiting for an answer when he quietly mumbled, “because you’re fun to do projects with. She's…. not.” His voice trailed off at the end, gradually becoming so soft that you could barely hear him. You nearly leaned in to listen closer to his inaudible voice, you weren’t sure if you had heard his last few words correctly. “Don't…” you muttered, unsure if you should spill the beans now or not. Your feelings were already obvious enough by now, right? How naive and blind would someone be to remain oblivious to your feelings for Jimin. You figured Jimin had, at least by now, find out a hint of your affections for him. Taking a leap of faith, you rebelled against what you had held yourself from doing a minute ago, “don’t you think she’ll be hurt?” “From what…” Jimin muttered, his voice wasn’t that of a question, rather it was a question he already knew the answer to, but needed confirmation over. “From this. From us!” you exploded in frustration, almost yelling in Jimin’s face before quickly calming yourself down and returning to your previous composure. You pointed at yourself and Jimin, then to your surroundings and around the living room. Jimin’s eyes followed the direction of your fingers, his expression now blank as if he knew this would happen all along. “I don’t know what you’re saying Y/N,” Jimin stated aloud, his voice steady and empty, like he was trying to hide all of his emotions. You groaned and ran your hand through your hair, looking at the wall behind Jimin, infuriatingly sighing loudly. “You know exactly what I’m referring to Park Jimin.” He gaped at you, his mouth slightly open, yet he did not even utter one single word. He looked at you with a sort of surprised yet unsuspecting expression, his eyebrows knotted as he intently watched your every move. “You and I. Our friendship. We’re too close, you’re in a relationship, Jimin. Remember that,” you started to rant, taking a deep breath before continuing to ramble on,“ someday she’ll think there’s something going on between us-” “-that doesn’t matter. I’ll clear things up, just because I have a girlfriend doesn’t mean that I can’t be friends with you-” “-but it matters to me. I don’t want that,” you forced each word out of your lips, your lungs now struggling to intake more air. You felt like time stopped at that moment, the eerie silence of the living room pierced your ears. “I can’t, no, I don’t WANT to have others think that we have a thing. How would you feel if she went off to another boy, cuddled with him AND spent more time with him than with you?!” you furrowed your eyebrows over the thought of how everything you said was exactly what was happening to you. Why couldn’t he just leave you alone? Why didn’t he just go off to his girlfriend and abandon you? It only hurt more when he remained by your side, all at the same time belonging to another girl, as you fell harder and deeper in love with him. “I… wouldn’t like it,” Jimin quietly whispered, his eyes looking at the ground now and his head slightly bowed down in regret. “You have someone you care and love so much that you would be willing to sacrifice a friendship for the sake of another relationship, right?” you closed your eyes, taking a deep breath and holding it, preparing yourself to hear his next few words. You knew what his answer would be, and you couldn’t bring yourself to feel prepared enough. The next few seconds of silence felt like it would last for eternity, dragging your pain to torture you more. Your heart was aching, you could barely feel your hands as you continued to shut your eyes closed tightly. It was as if everything now depended on this very answer. “…yes,” Jimin whispered. Within a split second, Jimin had torn your heart into pieces, it felt like a thousand stabs to your feeble heart. “Then leave, tell her you love her, make her feel loved,” you instructed him, pointing at your door. You looked straight into Jimin’s eyes, he seemed bewildered from your sudden commands, his eyes widened as his jaw dropped open. “B-but I still want to be friends-” “-you can’t. It’s either me or her, and I know you love her more,” you sighed once again as you got up. You took Jimin’s hands, feeling his familiar soft, cold hands, and dragged him to the door. “Y/N, let’s talk this over at least. I really value our friendship!” Jimin begged you, his voice pitiful as he pleaded you to reconsider. You knew you wanted this, it was the only solution to your heart ache. It was the only way to maintain Jimin’s healthy relationship, to keep him happy. “No, I don’t want to. You can only have one girl in your heart, and that’s her, not me. Make her happy, not me. Make her feel like the most important girl in the world, Jimin…. not me,” you whispered your last few words, as your voice broke into soft sobs. Realizing that you were now crying, Jimin’s eyes softened as he tried to dry the tears now flowing down your cheeks, but you immediately pushed him out the door and closed it behind you. You turned the lock and felt your knees go weak, your body sliding down the wall and collapsing onto the floor. You could hear Jimin shouting at you, banging the door and begging for you to open it. But you forced yourself to drown out all sounds, hugging your legs to your chest as you openly cried out to your heart’s content. If Jimin could live out the purest and happiest moments with her, then you were willing to give up your own bliss for the sake of his. If she was going to be the happiest girl alive, then you were going to be the girl hidden in the shadows, quietly watching the love of your life with another girl.
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I almost broke out in tears goodness
omo I'm crying....so sad