Walking through the hallways, the silence struck you as odd, in comparison to the usual rowdy, cheerful classroom, today’s atmosphere was much more tense. You strolled into the classroom, everyone was in their seats, with five minutes left on the clock until class started. Everyone was whispering to each other, glancing every once in awhile at Jimin and her. You glanced at Jimin, but he kept his eyes on the whiteboard at the front of the class, refusing to move even when you sat down next to him.
It has been two weeks since you last talked to him, he ignored you just like you wanted him to, it was as if you didn’t even exist anymore. Throughout class he would either be staring emptily at the blank paper in front of him, carving his nails into his wooden pencil, or he’d be looking off into space. It didn’t seem like he was getting enough sleep, and you weren’t either, but you didn’t dare to ask him in fear of reigniting the sparks you felt for him. But you still felt them, the longer you sat next to him, the more you wanted to hold him in your arms and tell him everything was going to be okay, when all you could tell yourself was that nothing would be okay now.
You weren’t sure of the details, but based off of the chitter chatter of your classmates, you could tell that something was off between Jimin and her. Maybe they were in a fight, maybe Jimin mentioned you. You couldn’t help but feel guilty, convincing yourself that you must have been the cause of their relationship falling apart, but you told yourself that the more you connected yourself to Jimin’s affairs, the more you would believe you meant something to him. And you couldn’t afford believing such a false assumption.
Like you had told yourself countless times before, you silently watched over Jimin, imagining what it would feel like to be her. Being in the same class, you inevitably had to hear and see them everywhere, it was as though the heavens was condemning you to eternal torture. You would be forced to listen to their intermingled laughs, and even though they laughed over the dumbest things, you couldn’t help but smile bitterly at the sound of Jimin’s giggles. You would rest your head on the surface of the desk, closing your eyes and imagining that you were the one laughing along with him, something that would only happen in your dreams. It was the only thing that kept you sane.
The day passed by quickly, seeing that it was the carbon copy of yesterday. Every day these past weeks had been the exact same, arrive at school, pretend that there was a wall between you and Jimin, silently watch Jimin walking off with her, feeling abandoned and discarded, rinse and repeat. Jimin was the one who motivated you throughout class. There was no longer the sun that provided you endless energy, all you could see now were dark, grey clouds looming over the once bright, beautiful sky.
The bell rang, signalling the end of class, as you picked up your backpack from the ground and started to pack up. You could hear Jimin silently sitting there, with all of his belongings packed up and ready to go, yet he sat there motionlessly. In the corner of your eye, you could see his girlfriend walking out of the class, passing Jimin as though he was a ghost. But Jimin seemed too occupied with his thoughts to notice, he was looking at the desk that you two shared. You bit your lip, succumbing to your desires and glancing at him only to see him standing there with his backpack hanging over his shoulders and on his back.
You bit harder into your lip, keeping yourself from saying anything to him, you knew that it would only make things harder. This was the hardest part of a fall out, getting over the temptation to reconcile was the worst, you reminded yourself. Jimin looked as though all the life inside of him was sucked out, he was as pale as ever, his eye bags were more apparent than usual.
You two sat there for a good two minutes, it was impossible for either one of you to deny the presence of the other. It was as though you were silently cheering him on as Jimin mentally acknowledged your cheers. All it took was a small gesture to confirm it all, you tried to convince yourself. Just something small, anything really, would be enough to cheer the both of you on. You took a deep breath and sighed, hesitantly reaching your hand out to his shoulder, gently patting him as you got up to leave.
Trying to swiftly bring your hand back to your side, out of the blue, you felt Jimin’s hand on yours. He gently grabbed your wrist, pulling you around to face him. The first thing your eyes landed upon was his eyes, and it felt like your heart stopped for a minute. For the first time in weeks, you were looking into the eyes that you loved, and still love, so much. The eyes that you could look into for hours, lost in its eternal beauty. He looked solemnly into your eyes, the plump lips of his were chapped and a pale pink shade. There was no way he was taking care of himself, you observed, your heart sinking at the thought of his carelessness.
“We need to talk,” Jimin mumbled, his lips barely parting as he did so.
You sighed, and reminded yourself that you could do this, that it was just one more time you had to push your love away, to push your own emotions away.
“No, we don’t,” you yanked your hand back and dashed out of the room, feeling the tears making its appearance. You used the back of your hands to wipe your cheeks dry as you bolted out of the school and onto the streets. You could hear the loud footsteps of Jimin’s, as he called out to you, begging you to stop like the first day you had proposed to end the double edged friendship. You knew it was impossible to outrun him, he had always been faster than you.
You felt your legs giving up, slowing down in the middle of the road, in the middle of nowhere, resembling how lost your relationship with Jimin was. Not too far in the distance, you could hear Jimin catching up to you, his panting syncing up with yours.
Giving up, your arms dropped to your sides, as you turned yourself around so that you were now facing the boy of your dreams head on. Jimin stopped in the midst of his tracks the second his eyes met yours again, slowing his pace down, walking the rest of the distance between the two of you.
“How many times do we have to go over this, Park Jimin?!” you shrilled out in frustration, the tears that you had kept inside of you finally made its grand appearance, slipping onto your cheeks.
“As many times as it takes to fix our friendship,” Jimin determinedly announced, his voice calm and soft, unlike yours.
“It’s only going to hurt more, the more we do this,” you pointed your finger at him and yourself before continuing, “it might not hurt for you… but it pains me a whole lot.”
Jimin sighed out loudly, ruffling his hair, but never taking his eyes off of yours. Seeing that he kept silent, as though waiting for something more, you decided to continue.
“Ignoring you in class, avoiding your eyes, not being able to touch you, to talk to you, to laugh with you, not even being able to say that you’re my friend… i-it hurts,” your voice broke into sobs, unable to finish your sentence. Your eyes were filled with tears, blurring your vision, but you could still see Jimin as clearly as you always could.
His eyes softened and he pressed his lips into a line, he looked to the ground for a split second before returning his eyes to yours, “and I feel the same way.”
Your eyes widened in shock, you could practically feel your heart painfully beating against your chest, each pump sending waves of tingles across your veins. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing, you weren’t the only one hurting these past weeks? Was he hurting just like you? This couldn’t be happening, this was the last thing you wanted. This was cheating, this was forbidden, this was everything you didn’t want Jimin to be doing.
“Remember that time you told me how you knew you liked me?” Jimin paused for a second, “well, I realized that I felt the same way-”
“-no, you feel that way with her, not me. Think clearly, Jimin! Don’t just say such absurd things because you pity me-”
“-I don’t pity you, Y/N! You think it’s easy for me to come out like this?! You think I want to be called a cheater?! I thought about it every day, every night, every second these past few weeks!” Jimin yelled back at you, it was the first time you had seen him so confused. His eyebrows were knotted in frustration.
“That’s exactly why I wanted to cut off our relationship!” you raised your voice to match his, spilling out the thoughts you held in for so long, “I was afraid because something like this would happen! I don’t want you to like me, Jimin!”
“But it’s too late! It’s not my fault that I feel like this, it’s not like I wanted to fall for someone else while in a relationship!”
“You can’t do this Jimin! You can’t like me, you have to stay with her! Just leave me now, go back to her! You’re just feeling guilty for leaving your best friend, but you shouldn’t! Don’t confuse guilt with love, Jimin! Don’t…” your sobs interrupted your train of thought, everything was crumbling down, your plan, your determination.
“I’m not going back Y/N! I know for a fact that I like you-”
“-but don’t you also love her?”
Silence ensued, the frustrated expression was now replaced with a blank one, Jimin looked at you as though this was the question he had pondered over for so long.
“…not anymore,” he said under his breath, barely audible through the pouring rain that now drenched both of you in dripping, freezing water.
“What?” your eyebrows furrowed, you scoffed in disbelief over everything that was happening, “stop spilling out nonsense, Jimin…. you love her…”
“No, I realized that the one I really love all this time, is you.”
“So what’re you going to do about it? You’re going to tell her that you love me, or better yet, are you going to cheat on her?” you laughed at the absurdity, raising your eyebrows at him, expecting some answer.
“I’m going to break up with her,” Jimin nearly whispered, you could see tears forming in his eyes now, threatening to spill in any second now.
“What?” you muttered, barely able to understand what he was saying.
“I’m breaking up with her. It’s unfair of me to keep her in a relationship when my heart belongs to someone else.”
“STOP IT JIMIN! YOU’RE JUST CONFUSED, YOU’RE MAKING THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW! GO HOLD HER BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!” you tried to reason with him, screaming at the top of your lungs as the rain continued to pour down on you. Your clothes were drenched with rain, your hands were freezing to the point that you could no longer feel them, but you were numb to everything. The only thing that mattered to you right now was the well being of Jimin.
“OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS ALREADY BEEN GOING DOWNHILL MONTHS AGO Y/N! It has nothing to do with you, stop thinking that everything is about you!” Jimin raised his voice to level out with yours.
You stared at him, your mouth slightly open, but you were unable to form any words. You didn’t know what to say. The worst situation you had been trying to prevent, the situation that you had gone through so much pain to prevent, was happening right this moment. You didn’t want Jimin to be unfaithful, you didn’t want him to ruin his relationship for you.
“I’m breaking up with her, whether or not you want me to…” Jimin whispered, all the energy in him drained out, “just wait for me, Y/N….”
Just one more part to go
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