I look at the ceiling through the dark room. I feel my heart uneasy but my mind cloudy. I cant stop thinking about him. The goods times but especially the hard times. Tears began to build in my eyes, and i grab the covers and just shield myself as if the blanket will protect me and hold me tight. "How can you do this to me? What did all these years meant to you? Why?" These questions ran through my mind. I cant seem to shake it off and deal with it. I want to breath, but i feel so sufficated. I want to see but im blind. A love which i thought was real, but the demages are too great. I grab my phone and began to look through my messages i had with him The man who i gave my heart and soul to. The man who I love dearly, but also the man who destroyed me. >your nothing Sarin! >Why your being this way? What did i do wrong. >Just forget about everything. I wont be coming back home anymore. I dont even love you anymore. How can i stand next to you if i dont have no feelings for you? Words which hurt the most for any human kind of the world. Having the person you love dealry tell you that he or she dont love you back. Those are the most painful words i have ever received. He had said ugly words during our relationship, but this has killed me. I put my phone away and just cry till I sleep.
I woke to go to work. I felt my body heavy and my eyes puffy. As I prepare myself for work, I began to walk out of the house as fast as possible. "Damn it. Im late!" I get inside my car and put music on. Drove to work as fast as possible. I park in front of the Hotel. I am a assistant manager of the hotel. As i enter inside and clock in, my boss calls me in to her office. I enter inside and I see her taking out her papers. "Sarin, You are a great worker. And i want to do something with you. Theres a great and beautiful hotel which the owner of it is asking me for the best worker of all hotels in Seoul. I choose you for this transfer. You will do great with your skills and knowledge." "Oh thats great. I would love to take this opportunity" " Thats great! So I have already set up ypur paper work and all you got to do is sign here and here. So i can do the transfer and have you collect the last check from us today." "Today? So i am leaving today?" "Yes! You will begin tomorrow in this new job. So today you may clean up your stuff and go home and rest today so you can begin your new job fresh and ready" "Ok. Sounds great!" She gives the papers and I begin to sign where I had to sign. As I sign the papers, I can only think about how can I move forward when in general life is holding me back. I return to my locker and began to clear my stuff out. Then i saw a picture. As i pick it up, my heart broke. It was a picture of me with him. We was in big smiles and he was back hugging me. I couldnt hold it in and just let my tears take over. I quickly began to clean myself up and gather my stuff and began to head home. As I arrive home. I saw his car parked outside my house. My heart began to race. My hands are getting swesty and shaky. "Is he coming back?" I grab my stuff from the car and began to head inside my place. I stand in front of the door and I began to get really nervous. I cant even get myself together and open the door, but as I took a couple deep breaths. I open the door.
I see him in my room and I see him packing his stuff. I couldnt believe that this is actually happening. "What your doing?" "What you mean what Im doing? Im taking my stuff. We not together anymore." "Why your doing this? Dont do this?" "Sarin, it's over" "No its not. Dont do this. What did i do wrong?" "Im just not into you. Im just tired of you. You aint worth it anymore." My tears has no control. I feel weak. I can't tough myself up. I am gone. "After 9 years. You just going to bounce. What did our relationship means to you" "Nothing. A waste of time of my life. I just used you for pussy and to have a roof over my head and to be feed" I couldn't talk. I couldn't defend myself. I stood quiet and just let my tears drown me. He began to zip up all his stuff. As he was about to leave, without thinking I ran to him and back hug him tight. "Dont go..please. Dont do this." "Let go Sarin" "I cant. I wont. How can I let you go?" "I dont give a fuck. But I let you go for a long time." "How can I do it when I have strong feelings for you?" "I dont care Sarin. Let me go you stupid bitch" He pushes me off and i felt my body heavy and fell to ground. He looks at me and smiles. "Your just a piece of shit Sarin. You aint even worth to be loved or to be with anyone. You dont deserve no one. Your was just great in bed and a good ass cooker. Thats all who you are. A fucking slave which I enjoyed. But now your just nothing. You aint worth the time to even live." "How can you say that? How can you treat me this way? What did i do wrong? All i did was take care of you and cherished you. I gave you everything, including my heart." "You was just not enough!" "Aint you ashamed. Im here most of the time alone. What about you? You never did wrong?" "What the hell did I do?" "Your always in the bar. You always come home every night drunk. You dont even bother stay home and spend time with me at least." "I rather be at the bar than look at your face." "Tea..." "I never loved you Sarin. I never wanted you as a woman. Your just a thing for me" He grabs his stuff and then began to leave. "Teayang..." He turns around and looks at me for the last time. "What Sarin?" "One day, you will step over my shoes." He laughs and left my apartment. I never felt so empty, so broken. My whole world just went into pieces. I stand and began to just lay in bed. Turn off all lights and just placed my alarm for the next day. Its only 11am, but i want this day to be over. I want my life over. I never felt heartbreak, and this is just too much to handle. I lay in bed and just didnt worried about food or drink. I cover myself and just let my cry and heart out. For 9 years Teayang was always beside me, but reality he just never loved me. "How can he be this way?" My mind then began to shut down as a deep sleep began to crawl inside. I let darkness took over me, including my heart.
A chapter will be dropped once a day.
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