It was funny how things worked out in life. You had imagined this very scene for the past year, replaying it over and over in your mind until you could point out the most minor details in your sleep, yet why did it play out so differently in reality? Everything that could have gone wrong, did go wrong. As unsettling as it was to consider… maybe you didn’t know who your best friend really was.
“…what?” was all he could utter to break the deafening silence. Jungkook narrowed his eyes at you with his brows furrowed as he took a few hesitant, long strides towards you.
“I…” you said as you took in a deep breath and sighed out your next words with the little courage you could muster up, “…wrote those letters.”
You didn’t dare to look up into his eyes, because frankly, you were already depleted of any form of determination. Your lips were quivering so much you had to grit your teeth in an attempt to prevent them from chattering, your hands were trembling as your muscles spasmed to thaw the wave of coldness that had dawned upon you, and your knees threatened to collapse underneath you at any moment. With your eyes glued to the ground, you didn’t notice that Jungkook had made his way towards you until you spotted his Timberland boots only a few feet away from you. Before your knees could give up on you, your hand instinctively pressed up against the cool surface of the wall to your right.
“You’re joking, right?” he spoke lowly with disbelief.
It was impossible not to feel the pang against your chest after hearing those words. Were your feelings a joke to him? All those hours you had spent carefully writing messages that came from your heart came down to this? To be taken as a joke? You drew your fingers towards your palm to form a fist, your nails clawing the dry surface of the wall and sending chills down your spine. The ache in your chest worsened by second, especially from his thoughtless words, regardless of how intentional they were. Whereas the heat in your cheeks grew as you could feel his gaze piercing your eyes that failed to meet his.
“You wish it was a joke, huh?” you somehow managed to mutter under your breath. You chuckled to yourself in an attempt to lighten up the situation, but the choke in your voice only convinced you you had done otherwise. A knot had formed itself in your throat as it was the only thing keeping your urge to cry from escaping you.
“Y/N… you know I didn’t mean it that way,” Jungkook gently explained. In your peripherals, you could see Jungkook’s hand reaching out to yours, only to stop in the midst of its track when you flinched in response. He retracted his hand slowly while his expression softened, his piercing gaze no longer drilling a hole into your already fragile self. It was difficult to see him so hesitant in engaging in skinship with you, especially since it was something he used to do so casually. Perhaps he was considering his relationship with Yuri, or maybe it was because now he could no longer see you as just his best friend. Either way, maybe this was for the best. Maybe this would only lessen the pain you had to endure.
“Yeah, but it still sounded like it…” you mumbled with your lips barely parted. You dropped your hand from the wall and grabbed your left arm’s elbow, creating a protective barrier between you and Jungkook. He glanced at your new stance and reclined his overarching shoulders, ruffling his hair nervously.
“I’m sorry. I should’ve been more careful,” he softly apologized.
It was too late to apologize now, just like how it was too late for you to confess.
“Can’t you look at me, Y/N? Please?” he asked with the utmost gentleness in his voice.
No, because if you did, you didn’t think you could keep yourself from bawling any longer.
Tears were already welling up in your eyes, and as much as you wanted him to know just how much he was hurting you, another part of you wanted to prevent yourself from exposing the you that cried because of him. Ironically, it wasn’t his business, because he had no reason to accept you and was clearly free from any obligations to see you as anything more than a friend. So you stubbornly stood there with your head hung low, your head barely shaking side to side as you avoided his worrying eyes for a little bit longer.
Seeing how unresponsive you were becoming, Jungkook quietly sighed before tilting his head to the side where he could better see your face. “So… are you saying that Yuri wasn’t the one who wrote those letters?” he murmured.
Something about the way he phrased his sentence irritated you, but nevertheless, you nodded your head. Your hand clutched onto your other elbow tightly as your stomach churned with anticipation.
“You’re saying that Yuri’s lying?” Jungkook bluntly asked.
And that was the final straw for you. You could just picture his brows quirking questioningly, and sure enough, when you raised your head to meet your gaze with his,
Jungkook was staring at you as though you were the one lying. The irritation intermixed with your pain was all in your eyes as it met Jungkook’s, his eyes widening and his brows relaxing as he was taken aback by your sudden change of expression.
“Why are you talking as though I’m just spewing out lies? ‘You’re saying’ this, ‘you’re saying’ that. Are you seriously going to side with this girl you haven’t even been seeing for a month?” you spat out one of the many things that had tangled itself deep in your chest.
Jungkook frowned at you with his brows furrowed in annoyance. “I didn’t say that you’re lying. I was just asking you if she was lying. I wasn’t even siding with her!”
“Well, if you’re going to ask me something as trude as that, then fine. You asked for it.
Your girlfriend is lying straight to your face,” you scoffed. The aggressive tone of your voice surprised you, it wasn’t like you were mad at him. To be honest, you were mostly upset about how somehow she had become to victim and you were the suspect. How could he side with someone he hadn’t even been with for more than a few weeks? How could he abandon you, his best friend of many years, for someone who dared to lie to him? He deserved better but he couldn’t even see it.
He tensed up, his lips curving downwards into a frown and his brows knitted on you.
“Don’t talk like that about her,” he sternly warned you.
“What? You asked me to,” you crossed your arms and challenged him with the toughest expression you could put up. Truth be told, your heart was breaking on the inside, piece by piece as he continued to take her side and not yours. Did all those years really mean nothing to him? Could he really throw it away so easily within a split second?
“Still. I’m serious Y/N, don’t talk about her like that,” he reciprocated your stance by crossing his arms and leaning his body against the wall. You were practically confessing your heart out to him and here he was, acting so protectively over his girlfriend, so casually leaning his weight onto the wall when you leaned on it for support in fear of collapsing onto your knees. Your confession was supposed to be light and merry with butterflies fluttering in your stomach and your heart threatening to explode with joy. Yet here you were, the feelings that you had held in for so long, waiting for the right time to confess, being disregarded this quickly. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.
“Why does she get special treatment?” you could barely squeak out without giving away the slight hitch of your voice.
“I would do this for you too, Y/N. I would do anything for you. You’re my best friend, I would never let anything hurt you,” he firmly spoke, tilting his head ever so slightly to connect his worried gaze with yours. He gave you a small reassuring smile, the curve of his lips only exuding a bittersweet aura. You knew he was waiting for you to return his smile or perhaps give some form of sign to show you acknowledged your misunderstanding, but truth was, you didn’t misunderstand. It was as clear as the sky.
Jungkook thought of you as his best friend, he would do anything for you as your best friend. Best friend, best friend, friend, friend… but they were always one word away from the label you had always longed to hear him proclaim you as.
You couldn’t return his smile, in fact, you couldn’t give him any form of recognition, because you didn’t recognize your misunderstanding. And to draw the line even clearer between you and Jungkook, between you and Yuri, between the two worlds that belonged to you and Jungkook, you asked him a simple question. “So if you would do anything for me, why won’t you believe me over Yuri?”
“I–I don’t know,” he mumbled, looking away with his head hung low in guilt and his eyes glued to the floor.
The split second he averted his eyes, a piercing pain crossed your chest and transcended in the form of chills across your body. Whether it was the stabbing sensation of betrayal or the sudden realization of his hesitation dawning upon you, either way you couldn’t help but question his intentions. What was the point of hiding from you? Was he trying not to hurt you even further? As much as a part of you so desperately begged for every speck of attention from Jungkook, the present part of you pleaded for him to look away, to forget about you and leave you without a trace of guilt. Because you knew it was the only way you could get over him. Because you knew you would take his kindness for granted and you would only hopelessly fall for him once again.
There was really nothing left for you to do but scoff in disbelief. “So it was all talk, huh?” you said aloud to yourself.
“No, no, please understand Y/N. It’s just so much to take in right now… why didn’t you tell me earlier?” he shook his head as he furrowed his brows in frustration.
“I… couldn’t,” you muttered the best answer you could come up with.
“Why not? You could’ve told me anything. We’re best friends, of course I’d listen to you,” Jungkook explained, still incapable of completely wrapping his head around what he was saying.
“That’s the whole point why I wrote those notes, Jungkook,” you sighed, “because you wouldn’t see me as anything but your best friend. I could only be something more than that on paper…but I guess it didn’t even work.” You somehow managed to reveal your inner thoughts, but all Jungkook could do was stare at you quizzically and the pent up mixture of emotions finally got to you. “You know what? Just forget what I said. Forget everything that happened today, please. I’m begging you,” your voice was interrupted by a sob, catching both of you off guard as you covered your face in embarrassment. You were surprised to find your hands dry of tears, only your chest was heaving up and down in syncopation with the sobs you tried to keep in.
“No, Y/N,” he gently pleaded you, “please believe me when I say you mean so much to me. It’s just so much to take in right now. Just give me some more time to take this in.”
You were just about to run away from all of the embarrassment when he gently took your hands in his. You didn’t notice it until now, but your hands were freezing cold as his hands cupped over yours, sending warmth throughout you and your shaking heart. It was times like this when you doubted yourself. How could you give him up so easily when your body told you otherwise? When butterflies fluttered in your stomach and your adrenaline pumped through your veins, how could you convince yourself that you were fine without him?
“–Jungkook-ah!” Yuri’s voice drowned yours out as it echoed down in the hallway. Your heart nearly stopped for a second as you intently watched Jungkook’s change of expression. His eyes widened in shock as he gaped at Yuri, not knowing what to do. Taking a deep breath, you tried to retract your hands from his before Yuri could see, but Jungkook held onto yours tight. He squeezed your hand and reconnected his eyes with yours.
“Just give me a little bit more time, okay? I swear I’ll sort everything out by then,” he firmly promised, keeping his voice low and hidden from the curious passerbys. Before you could say anything, Jungkook took a step to the side towards Yuri, but it seemed like something in you was begging for him to stay. Your hands grabbed ahold of his tightly, refusing to let him go as he looked back in confusion. It was all happening in a blur, so you could only gaze at him with tears welling up in yours eyes with your lips parted when you failed to utter any words. He winced when his eyes met yours, his brows knitted in guilt as he hesitantly and gradually retracted his hands from yours. He placed his hand over yours to gently unlatch it from him, before stroking your head as he had always done. “I’m sorry…” he murmured.
“Jungkook-ah! What’re you doing? Is Y/N okay?” Yuri called out to him loudly, causing everyone to glance between the two of you.
“A-ah, I’m coming!” Jungkook stuttered, giving you one last empathetic smile before turning his back on you to jog his way towards his girlfriend. Yuri quickly grabbed his hand in hers and swung it in the air with a gleaming smile, dragging him down the hallway with her as it didn’t take them very long to break into laughter.
With every one of his footsteps, your heart sank deeper and deeper into despair. Even if it wasn’t his intention to, it felt as though he was trampling all over your notes and heart.
Seeing Jungkook physically leave you for her made you fume inside, you had never wanted to break something as much as you did then. And as much as you wanted to hurt Yuri for inciting this whole mess, you knew Jungkook would be upset and you just couldn’t bare the thought of hurting him in the process. So all you could do was wait, wait for the day he could formulate some type of answer for you. It wasn’t like you hadn’t done this before, after all, you had waited nearly a year for him to catch onto the letters. But this time it was different. This time around, his heart already belonged to another girl… and that girl wasn’t you.
Alas, that day you had waited for never came.
For the next week, Jungkook no longer sat at the back corner of the classroom where he would usually sit waiting for you. He never waved his arms or gestured at you to come over with that adorable smile of his. In fact, you missed his toothy smile so much that you’d somehow wind up foolishly grinning at the selfie you two had taken on your phone wallpaper. He didn’t shoot you mischievous glances during class, nor did he send you silly texts behind the professor’s back. Every time you’d pass by him in the hallways, he’d hang his head low in an attempt to avoid making eye contact with you. It was as though he was making an utmost effort to break his promise. Was it all a baseless excuse formed from pity?
You sat on the bench, your knees bouncing up and down to warm yourself from the breezy weather. Lately, you had been taking the bus home instead as a way to avoid having bittersweet flashbacks of Jungkook walking you home from school. It wasn’t very long ago, but life without your best friend and crush sure did seem to drag on slowly. As another gentle zephyr blew against the exposed skin of your legs, you felt someone plopping down onto the bench right next to you.
“Y/N, I didn’t know you took the bus too!” you heard an all so familiar voice chime.
Taking a deep breath, you gathered up all the will in you not to punch the living guts out of her right then and there.
“Yeah, I didn’t know too…” you muttered under your breath as you glared at her through the corner of your eyes. There Yuri was, sitting with her hands folded neatly in her lap and an innocent, cheerful smile plastered all over her face. If you hadn’t known her for who she really was, you swore you would’ve fallen for her rather angelic appearance.
She shuffled in her seat, obviously uncomfortable from your dart-like stare. “Ah… did I do something to make you mad, Y/N? Oh, was it because of last week?” she asked, batting her eyes gracefully.
“No, I’m not mad,” you scoffed sarcastically.
“Oh. Maybe we started off on the wrong foot. I don’t really want to be in bad terms with my boyfriend’s best friend, so let’s get along, okay?” she cheekily smiled, reaching her hand out towards you. Boyfriend’s best friend, you repeated in your head, when haven’t you heard that before?
“You don’t have to get along with me. I’m not his best friend anymore,” you mumbled as you sighed, rolling your eyes at the sight of her hand but not making any attempt to shake it.
“Oh, really? But that’s not what he said…” she awkwardly laughed before taking her hand back into her lap. Your ears practically perked up as you glanced at her with your brows raised in growing impatience.
“Jungkook mentioned me?” you nearly yelled out.
Yuri jolted back in shock, her eyes widening like a deer caught in the headlights. “No… not particularly? Why…?”
“Oh, really? Never mind then. Did he talk to you about anything?” you casually switched the topic. You intently watched her in your peripherals, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to decipher her lies from the truth.
“No… why? Did he find out about anything…?” she nervously chuckled, her thumbs twiddling in her lap. Your heart sunk as you reclined in your seat, you had confirmed your suspicions. Jungkook didn’t talk to her about it after all. So he believed in Yuri’s lies and disregarded your own claims. Then why did he ask for more time? Why did he have to give you one last bit of hope before it all inevitably came crashing down? “Oh, I almost forgot! Jungkook’s walking me home today,” she jumped out of her seat and patted your shoulder, “I have to go now. I’ll see you later Y/N!”
You swore you were about to burn of jealousy, because whether it was intended or not, she was only rubbing your no where near healed wound. Thankfully, the bus arrived by the curb side before you could give it more thought. You climbed your way up the front entrance of the bus, pulling out your student ID and flashing it to the driver. The bus was already filled with students from the last stop, so it took your eyes a while to roam around and find an empty spot. Surprisingly, the only spot left was seated next to Park Jimin, who seemed to be asleep with earphones still plugged in. You’d much rather be alone at the moment, but what choice did you have? Making your way down the aisle, you plopped down into the seat, accidentally startling Jimin awake.
“Oh? Y/N, I didn’t know you took the bus?” Jimin croaked, his voice still raspy and deep from his sleep. He took off his earbuds and glanced at you with one eye closed and his other just barely peeped open. As much as you didn’t want to admit it, you couldn’t keep your eyes off of him and his alluring looks.
“Well, I do now,” you rolled your eyes having heard this question for a second time now.
“I thought you usually walked home with–” he recalled before cutting himself off, “–is Yuri coming on? I sometimes see her at the bus stop after school.”
“No. She said her boyfriend’s picking her up today,” you mimicked her voice, shrilling in such a high pitch that Jimin had to push your jaw up to shut you up.
“You didn’t have to do that,” he grimaced, shaking as though chills were making its way down his back.
“Sorry,” you simply replied as the both of you quietly chuckled.
“So have you been talking to Jungkook recently? Did things work out?” Jimin nonchalantly asked as he reached his right arm over to rest on the top back of your seat.
“Well, what do you think? Is he still dating Yuri?”
“Good point,” he reluctantly acknowledged before continuing, “so are you going to give up now?”
You sighed in annoyance, because quite honestly, you didn’t know the answer yourself.
You were sick of asking yourself the same questions over and over when in the end, you knew your heart would do whatever it desired. You never asked to fall for your best friend, you didn’t even want to confess until it was forced out of you. “I don’t know, Jimin. I really don’t know,” you exasperated.
“Come to think of it, did you ever tell him the things you told him in your letters?” you frowned at Jimin’s question and quirked your brow questioningly.
“What do you mean? Of course I comforted him in person.”
“No, no,” he shook his head before narrowing his eyes at you, “I mean, have you ever told him how you truly felt? In person?”
“How I feel…?” you repeated, your mind wandering off elsewhere.
“Yeah. I mean I know you told him you wrote the letters, but did you tell him you liked him?” he restated his question, emphasizing his last few words. “As one of his close friends, I have to say Jungkook’s pretty fucking dense. You’d probably have to shock him in some way to get it through his head.”
“I’d have to shock him? I mean, I never exactly told him that I liked him, but isn’t it obvious if I told him about the letters…?” you hesitantly said.
Jimin shrugged as he pressed his lips into a thin line, “as I said, that boy’s pretty dense.”
The bus slowed down and drifted close to the side of the curb where the next bus stop was located when Jimin’s eyes lit up. He nearly jumped out of his seat as he pointed out at something beyond the front window, “yah, isn’t that Jungkook?”
You hesitantly turned your head to glance over your right shoulder when sure enough, Jungkook was walking his usual pathway home. And to your surprise, Yuri was nowhere to be seen. Your heart skipped a beat as you saw your last bit of hope, thumping against your chest so hard as it had never done before. Maybe this was just the foolish side of you hoping there would be one more chance for you, or maybe it was truly a chance you had to grasp before it got away. So with Jimin’s help, you stammered up onto your feet and stumbled your way off the bus and down the curb.
“Jungkook,” you quietly said under your breath before breaking out into a sprint, “Jeon Jungkook!”
Jungkook turned around to face you, his eyes widening in shock and his entire body freezing in the midst of his tracks. The bus had already started to drive away from the curb, sending a warm breeze across your legs and urging you to move forward. If
Jungkook was really that dense, then maybe you had to knock some sense into him. You needed some impact, because it was now or nothing.
You closed the distance between the two of you, nearly slamming yourself against his chest as you wrapped your arms around his neck. Shutting your eyes, you took a leap of faith and pulled him down towards you, pushing your lips against his own soft, vanilla scented lips for a short second. After what seemed like eternity, you unlatched yourself from Jungkook and roughly pushed him against his chest as he stared at you with his eyes almost popping out.
“I like you, you dumbass.”
It might be a few days before I can Upload the next Chapter as Im moving to another country
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