BabydollBre
7 months ago1,000+ Views
I'm (not) sorry Ch. 5
Who: Reader x Jung Kiseok What: Smut & Angst Readers 18+ only Story: He liked to party and you were okay with that until you started to feel like his burden rather than his prize. (Inspired by Dean's song I'm not sorry)
Y/N's POV "Jihoon." You stared. "Hey, it's been a while." He said. You nodded, "Yeah it has." Not long enough. It's not like you were still in love with him it was just that if you never saw him again it would be too soon. You didn't know what you should say to him but the situation felt very awkward now. Ae-cha stepped up and grabbed your hand, "Hey Jihoon, sorry to interrupt the meeting but we have some people to be with." She said. She pulled you along with her but Jihoon reached back and caught your arm. Your eyes widened and you stared back at him in surprise. "What?" You said confused. Jihoon looked conflicted but he sighed and said, "You look really good tonight." "Thanks." You said. He let you go and Ae-cha pulled you along. You could finally take a breath. Out of all the clubs to go to and he was at this one. It wasn't like you'd run into each other again but still it had you flustered. You needed another drink. Drink after drink you drank until Hakyeon cut you off. You were so drunk you were hanging onto him all night. He pulled you into the car with him declaring it was time to go. Once he started driving your antics stopped, you didn't sober up but your mind went straight to Kiseok. "He hasn't called me." You murmured. "He's probably just busy." Hakyeon said. "Or he doesn't want me. I don't get him I'm the one that tried to make it a one night deal and he pursued me." You sat up annoyed but the seat belt yanked you back into the seat. "That's true." Hakyeon said. "We were getting along so well too. He's probably just with me for sex though." "He could be." "He's a jerk how could he just promise to call and not call? I've been a very good girlfriend to him and all I want is for him to say hi." You started crying. Hakyeon looked at you once the car came to a stop light. He reached over to wipe your tears. "Hey don't do that. You have no idea what's going on." He said. "Gray said he's partying." You pouted. "Partying is a part of a famous person's lifestyle. They like to have fun like that." "We're not meant to be together." You said sad. "Why not?" "I want more, I always do. I always want a guy that wants to settle down with me. He can party all he wants and I wouldn't care but I've always wanted kids and a husband and he just may not be the type to ever want to settle down." You said. Hakyeon was silent for a moment. Probably trying to think while you drifted off to sleep. His last words to you were, "Don't give up hope." Hope, what hope was there? Sure you two had only been dating about two months but you were in your late twenties and you were looking for a person to be in a relationship with you and your boyfriend couldn't even find a single moment to text you a hello back but he could party all night with no problem. No one wanted you two together it only made sense to want to end it. There was no future between you two but you also couldn't just walk away from him. You actually liked him, you adored him, maybe you loved him. You had no idea what you were going to do. Until the next morning came.... Hakyeon walked into your room as you sat up. He smiled and said, "Rise and shine sleepy head." You made a grumpy face and held your forefinger up to his lips, "Shhhhh I'm just too hungover for your happiness." Hakyeon chuckled lightly, he gave you a glass of water and a couple of headache pills. On your bed side there was a pickle for you. You took the pills with the water and went straight for the pickle. Hakyeon watched you carefully, "I'm never drinking again." You said. He laughed, "Yeah that's what you say but you might change your mind. I called you out of work today, I said you were sick." You nodded, "I am sick, sick of you and Ae-cha." "What did we do?" "You guys take care of me. I'm a elementary school teacher it's my job to teach responsibility in the next generation and here I am drinking my mind away." You said. "On the bright side at least you had fun." "What's that mean?" You said suspicious. "Nothing it's just that since he went on tour you've been sad. You got attached to him rather quickly, the sex can't be that good can it?" He laughed. "Hakyeon you're turning into Ae-cha." "Well that's not good we can only have one in the group." He said. You smiled and got up out of bed, "Who dressed me last night?" You asked. "I did. Sorry, you had vomit all over you I figured you'd give me hell for putting you to bed in vomit rather than seeing you a little naked." "A little? Hakyeon I wasn't wearing a bra." You said. "I know." He nodded. You laughed at him and shoved your hands in his face calling him a perv. You walked out into the kitchen after finishing your pickle and saw that the trash needed to be taken out so you threw some last things in it and took it out. As you were tossing the garbage into the can outside, from behind you someone called your name. You turned around, "Jihoon. What are you doing here?" "I came to see how you were." He said stepping up to you. You backed away slightly, "Why would you do that?" He sighed, "Because I've missed you and I needed a reason to come by. You got really drunk last night." "Last night? How would you know?" You asked. "I saw you in the club with Ae-cha. I kept an eye one you for a little while." "You were at the club last night?" Your eyes suddenly widened, shit you forgot you saw him there. You sighed and crossed your arms, "I'm fine Jihoon so you don't have to worry. Hakyeon took care of me." "You're dating again, you're in magazine's and twitter posts about being with that Simon guy." Jihoon said. You never paid attention but he was probably right, Kiseok was really popular. Did someone like you even fit his status? You were just an elementary school teacher. You looked away but you nodded as confirmation that it was true. Your head was hurting you but more than anything you just wanted Kiseok back home. You just wanted to be with him. Maybe the problem was you were too clingy, maybe you should back off from him for a while. "Does he make you happy?" He asked. "Yeah. He does." "That sucks. I mean not that you're happy I was just hoping maybe-" "I wouldn't go back to you " you said quickly. "Y/n." "No. You did something unforgivable. I asked you repeatedly were you cheating and you told me no. You continuously lied to me and made me feel like I was the problem." You said upset. "Y/n I'm sorry, I made a mistake. I left her I realized that I should've been better to you." "Why, what made you finally realize after the damage had been done that you fucked up?" You were upset but your voice was calm. That was probably the biggest indicator when it came to you about how furious you were. Calm but definitely furious. "She wasn't you." "And you didn't know that when you were sleeping with her and lying to me? She doesn't look like me, she doesn't talk like me, she doesn't dress like me so tell me Jihoon, tell me exactly what it was about her that gave you the illusion that she was me." "Y/n." "There is only one me Jihoon and you had me. Now I may have irresponsible moments and I may say some stupid shit sometimes but I'm not sorry for leaving you and I'm not sorry for not wanting you back. Your problem is that you didn't know what you had until it was gone but it's not worth leaving him to go back to you." You said. "I'm sorry." He said. "I'm not." Frustration spilled from your eyes and he walked forward a little; you crossed your arms and looked away from him. He did nothing for you expect hurt you. You didn't need him or want him around. He cupped your cheek and his hand was warm on your skin. You turned your head away from him so you couldn't see him. He turned your head back to him. You placed your hands on his chest to pull away from him and he stumbled back from you. Your eyes widened when you saw who was behind him. "Simon." You said. Jihoon turned around and Kiseok was standing behind him looking very irritated at Jihoon. Then he smiled and took the lollipop he had in his mouth out, he came over and pressed it to your lips. You never understood why he did this but he pushed it into your mouth when your lips parted for it. "I came back a little early. I've missed you baby Y/n." He said to you. He cupped your cheeks and kissed both sides of your face. As if that would erase Jihoon's touch from you. Then he kissed your lips avoiding the stick that came from the lollipop. "I got you something too." He said. "Really?" You said surprised. He smiled and nodded. He went into his pocket and he pulled out a red ribbon with a gold bell attached to it. The width of the red ribbon was wider than the black ribbon with the silver bell. He tied it around your neck making you laugh a little. "Such a beautiful kitten." He said. "Kiseok-" Jihoon was still there and you didn't want to seem like you had a problem with Kiseok. You kept your mouth shut instead. He grabbed your hand and pulled you along with him to his car and opened the door. "Y/n you may be upset at me but do you think he can give you what you want?" Jihoon called to you. You looked back at him and Simon turned his head to look at him. "I can give her the world." Kiseok smiled. "It isn't the world that she wants. Is it Y/n?" Jihoon said. You looked away from him. You liked Kiseok a lot what Jihoon was saying shouldn't bug you but he was right. You didn't want the world, there were two things in the world you desperately wanted and that was to be married and to have kids. When it came to relationships, you believed the whole point was to move forward with that possibility in the future. If Kiseok only wanted to party and he never wanted those things then you two staying together didn't make sense at least not to you. You wanted nothing more than to stay with him but you didn't know if you should. Kiseok stared at Jihoon silently almost annoyed by his presence but he turned and put you in the car anyway. Kiseok got in and told his driver to go. You were still in your pajamas you didn't even realize until the car started moving. You sat silent in your seat closer to the door and away from Kiseok. You made yourself small, with the headache still there and Jihoon showing up at your house you didn't feel good and Hakyeon didn't even know you left. He would be worried. "Can you stop the car please?" You spoke up. The driver looked into the rear view mirror to see you, "Is there anything wrong miss?" "Just please stop the car. I need to get out please. " you said. You did need to get out, you needed to breathe; you needed a second to collect yourself and above all you needed to call Hakyeon to make sure he didn't panic. You didn't even take your phone with you, you left it in the house. "Y/n?" Kiseok said. You didn't answer. You didn't want to, something inside you wanted to pull away from him for a moment. You needed to get away from him; the driver had pulled over to the side of the curb and you opened the door to get out. Kiseok leaned over to catch you while calling your name. You were able to escape his grasp. You walked down the sidewalk hearing him call behind you, "Yah! You're in your pajamas! Y/n come back." He said. There was a diner next to you that you walked into and you asked to use the phone and quickly called Hakyeon. "Y/n? Where are you? I thought you were going to stay home and rest." He said. "Jihoon came by while I took out the trash and then Kiseok came and got me." You said. "What? Jihoon was here? Wait a minute Kiseok is back already?" He said. "He said he came back early and he came to see me. I don't know what to do anymore Hakyeon." "What do you mean? You're not thinking about going back to Jihoon are you?" "No, no way. He cheated and lied to me but he just made this point that- Kiseok is great and I really like him but am I wasting my time with him?" You said. "Y/n look, me and Ae-cha tell you to be careful around him because we don't want you to get hurt but that doesn't mean you need to doubt him. He's a party guy, so what? We want you to look out for yourself so you don't get hurt again but the truth is that he's done nothing but treat you right. Just calm down okay and just becareful out there in your pajamas." Hakyeon laughed. You had a small smile, "I'll be good." You said. "Good, now get off the phone and go have some fun." He said. You rolled your eyes at the suggestive nature he had. You hung up and thanked the waitress that let you borrow the phone. You walked out of the building seeing Kiseok leaned up against the side of the building waiting for you. His arms were crossed and he looked you up and down with a hard expression. You felt your cheeks get red only this time out of embarrassment. He walked up to you and cupped your cheek and kissed you. He wrapped his jacket around you to keep you warm. "Why do you always run from me?" He asked. "I don't know." You said. "Are you upset at me?" He asked. "Yes." You mumbled because you really didn't want to admit your annoyance with him. He chuckled at the way you said it but he lifted your chin so you looked at him. "It's because I didn't text you right?" He said. You nodded. "I'm sorry. I got busy." He said. Wasn't that a lie though? Seonghwa said he was partying. "Listen baby Y/n since you're already in your pajamas let's go home and I'll put in a movie, we can make some popcorn and stay in tonight. We'll even play some video games and stay up all night." He said. "I can't I have class tomorrow." "Then I'll put you to bed at a decent hour kitten." He said before flicking at the bell to get it to make a sound. He kissed your lips softly. He pulled up almost a half inch from your lips but he was still close enough that you felt his breath on your lips. He looked down, you couldn't see his eyes and you wondered what was in them. What was he thinking? He stayed silent for a moment with you close to him and suddenly you felt like your initial reaction to pull away was too harsh. There was some kind of tension, some warning in your gut that you couldn't walk away from him right now. Your hand made it up to the side of his neck and you tried to make eye contact with him. He looked up at you, "Stop running away from me." He said softly. "Come on, let's go." You said back. He pecked your lips and turned his head to peck your lips again. His tongue slipped into your mouth again giving you a deep slow kiss you felt the way his tongue ran over yours making you hot inside. Kiseok knew what he was doing. He caught on quick that you got turned on very easily by him. His hand found your butt and you moaned into his mouth. "Let's go." He said. He got you back into the car and the driver pulled off but Kiseok wasn't done with you. His hands grabbed the trim of your pants and he pulled them down. He kissed you again before he came down and opened your legs and spread your folds apart. He licked up your slit making you moan loudly. He quickly pushed a finger inside of your heat and pushed in and out of you, curling up and making you go crazy. "Ki- kiseok." You said through clenched teeth. You didn't want to reveal how turned on you were and you didn't want your voice to be heard by the driver. His licks didn't stop on your clit, he kissed and sucked on you until your hand finally came to his hair and he looked up at you. His fingers didn't cease however. "You always taste so good kitten." He said. "Wait. We can't- here." You said trying to contain the moan in your voice. "Kitten you won't make it. You'll be begging for me all the way home if I stop now." He said. "Kiseok-ah!" You mewled. Your thighs tried to close but he pushed your legs open more. He lifted the fingers in your heat to your lips and pushed them into your mouth like he pushed his lollipops into your mouth. You sucked on his fingers tasting yourself. Your tongue swirled around his fingers and he pulled them from your mouth to hear you release an, "Ahh." He covered your neck with his hand and he kissed you. The way he kissed you was rough and then became soft quickly. Kiseok came up to look at your face and his eyes made you wonder what was on his mind. He stared at your face. He just looked at you. He began to pet the side of your head with his other hand. He kissed you softly again. He seemed to have no desire to kiss you harder. He wrapped his arm around your body and leaned down to hug you. "Kiseok oppa? Can I lift up my pants please?" You said unsure of the change in his behavior. He nodded but he didn't let you go so you wiggled to lift your pants up. He stayed resting that way, his arms around your waist and his head leaned up against your stomach. You got him back up to the penthouse but he wasn't interested in sex any more. He had you sit down and he made popcorn and he came snuggled up against you. He wrapped his arms around you and he let you lean against him. What happened that made him stop touching you? It was such a quick change and it had you feeling off. Did you do something? The question remained in the passing weeks when it seemed like Kiseok now only called you over to have sex. You'd sleep with him but then he wouldn't speak to you all day. You told yourself he was busy but that wasn't the case. He was pushing you away. "You know there's nothing between me and that guy right?" You told him one day. You were talking about Jihoon, you figured it was what he said that bugged him or even that he showed up to your place two times after that to try and talk to you. Kiseok nodded in silence and you felt your heart ache. He asked you to stop running from him yet now he was pulling away and you didn't know what you had done. He was pulling away before when he went on tour. You two were just fine then. He got jealous when Jihoon showed up and he apologized for ignoring you but there was some sudden change in the car and you had no idea what it was. You were the one to run from him that day, you were the one to go away and have doubts about staying with him but with Hakyeon's encouragement he got you to realize you were just over reacting and that you needed to enjoy Kiseok because he wasn't treating you wrong. Now Kiseok was barely paying attention to you. What used to be lunch dates for no reason and video game dates turned into booty calls. If he wanted some action he called and you came without a second thought. After five weeks of this, you were finally wearing down... You woke up to a new morning with him by your side and you thought today was the day. You were going to ask him what was going on and finally get some answers. You had been too chicken the past weeks to ask and you came up with excuses like he was busy and he was working too hard to deal with that type of stress Ae-cha said getting annoyed with you because of it. She saw it as you bending to his will, if he wanted you, you went to him but he was only showing affection to you to fuck you. Ae-cha told you if you had wanted that kind of relationship then he shouldn't have agreed to be your boyfriend. He should've left you alone when you ran from him the first two times. He was only supposed to be a one night conquest and two months of happiness turned into nothing but sex by the fourth month. He said he came back from his tour early to see you because he missed you but he had barely done anything with you since you two watched the movie the night he came back. He turned more towards you in his sleep and you didn't want to wake him because he looked so sweet. You actually allowed a smile to come up on your lips. You missed having fun with him but he was holding back from you and you didn't know why. If you could find out why then you could begin to fix things a bit. "Gi Jong-come back." He mumbled in his sleep. Your heart dropped and your stomach twisted. Gi Jong? You slipped out of bed and got your things quietly and left. Despite knowing how much he hated to wake up and see you gone, you couldn't stay there. You were brought over by his driver and you weren't going to call him over so you called Hakyeon to come pick you up at a near by clothing store a block from Kiseok's penthouse. Your phone rang. Kiseok was calling. You couldn't speak to him just yet. You head was mixed up your eyes were burning from threatening tears and you felt worse each moment your brain reminded you of how he sounded saying another girl's name. He said it so sweetly, so lovingly and then asking her to come back made your heartbreak because you could hear how heart broken he was. Hakyeon picked you up and took you home. Tears ran down your face the whole ride there. Hakyeon didn't notice until he got back to the house. "Y/n what's going on?" He asked. "Do you dream about other women?" You asked him. "Um, yeah sometimes why?" He asked confused. "Do you dream about them when you're seeing someone? Am I crazy to think that he's cheating on me?" You said. Hakyeon sighed, "I feel as though we've had this conversation before." You nodded, "We have and it seemed in the past few months I have gotten no smarter just dumber." You jumped out of the car to get into the house. Your phone rang. Kiseok again. You ignored him. He sent you a text then another, then another. Lollipop: Why did you leave? Lollipop: You promised you'd stop leaving like that. Why won't you answer my calls? Lollipop: Y/n answer the phone, what's going on? You didn't respond. He called again and again you ignored him. You sat on your bed and hid your face in your hands. You were telling yourself you were crazy but why did it take you disappearing from the bed for him to seem to care at all? Your phone sat on your bed and continued to ring non stop. Ae-cha and Hakyeon came into your room. Your phone buzzed continuously with text messages. Ae-cha sat down on your bed just as your phone got some peace. Hakyeon made his way out your bed and leaned up against the wall. You had definitely been here before. You just didn't want to hear it from them. "Don't say I told you so. I can't handle that right now." You said. "Y/n it was just a dream it doesn't mean anything." Ae-cha said. "Normally I'd believe that but he's been avoiding me for weeks. It's been a month and all we do is have sex. He wants me to stay until morning and then he wants me out of his life for the rest of the day but he'll call me to have sex. Like an idiot I keep going to him." You said. "That's because you love him." Ae-cha said. "Love doesn't mean diving into idiocy. You told me that it wasn't right for him to use me like this and I knew you were right but I didn't want to leave him. I couldn't leave him. That's what love does to me. Ignore better judgement." You said upset. "So what are you going to do?" Hakyeon said. Run. "I have somethings left at his place. I'll go pick them up and then....I don't know." You said. "It sounds like you're leaving him." Hakyeon said. You shrugged, "I don't know maybe I should." Ae-cha sighed and said, "Look I'm going to say something you're not going to like but it has to be said anyway. Y/n what you do best is run. You know how to leave just when things get too much. That's why your relationships don't last. Your problem is you hang on to guys that use you and take advantage of you. You love them with everything you have and the moment you get hurt you pull away. Taehyun was that way. Admittedly, Jihoon was in the wrong and he was a jackass for lying to you and making you feel like you were crazy but you've got this huge desire to fall in love and make it to happily ever after that when conflict arrives you want to say they're not the one. Your instinct is flight because you can't fight for what you want. You want perfect when perfect doesn't exists." She said. You stared at her. She sighed, "All I'm saying is if you really love him don't let that habit take over you. You can't just push every guy away when you get hurt or you'll never happy. Relationships don't exist without conflict. It leaves room to grow." She said. "Jihoon asked me if Kiseok could give me what I want and at the time I believed he could but Kiseok has made it clear that he likes to party and ignore me. He likes sex and not much after that. He's a foody and he loves candy. He likes watching movies and getting close under the blanket. All these things I know about him but all of these things seem pointless when I have tried to do these rings with him. I'm not giving up on us but I just don't want to be with him right now. I just need some distance." You said. "Maybe that's the last thing you need right now. Just think about it." She said. You nodded and she got up and walked out. Why has everyone changed? They were telling you to be careful and now even Ae-cha was telling you, you were basically a flight risk. You grabbed your phone and sank down into your bed. You pulled the covers over you. "Y/n don't let this get you down." Hakyeon said. "Sorry. Could you leave me alone for a while?" You said. "Alright." He said. He kissed your head through the blanket and you felt the bed shift with the lose of his weight on it. You looked at his messages. Lollipop: Baby Y/n why won't you talk to me? Lollipop: Can you please pick up the phone? Lollipop: Y/n I'm worried about you so just answer the phone. Lollipop: Why are you ignoring me? Lollipop: I'll stop by your place after I leave the studio. I want to see you. He sent all of this and all you think was to ask him. You got your phone and texted him, You: Who is Gi Jong? No response. Maybe he was already at the studio or in the shower. You fell asleep from your entire day off and woke up around seven that night. Ae-cha had left out on a date and Hakyeon was watching TV in the living room. You left out taking your tiny car over to Kiseok's penthouse. He'd given you a key and you headed in to get the things you left behind there. You had gathered the last of your things when the door opened again. "Baby Y/n." He said happy to see you. His smile soon faded when he saw you had a bag with your things in them. "What's going on?" He asked. "Nothing I just came to get my stuff." "I love your stuff here, it can stay." He said. You shook your head silently and headed for the door. Kiseok grabbed your arm and pulled you back. "Are you running away from me again? Why do you keep doing that? I thought you liked me." He said. "I love you Kiseok however, I've grown sick of your games." "What games?" "One minute you love me the next your cold and distant. It's been going on since you left for your tour. You didn't text me and you said you were busy but I texted Seonghwa when he was with you and he said you two were out partying. All I needed was for you to say hi back you didn't even need to hold a conversation with me. Then you come back early but something changed in you. You pull away from me after sex. You want me around when you're horny but then you have no use for me after that." You said hurt. "Y/n are you leaving me?" Kiseok asked still looking at the bag. "I don't know." You said. "Don't. Don't leave me. Don't go just stay here tonight okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He said he grabbed your hand. You looked up at him, "Who is Gi Jong?" You said. "How do you even know that name?" "You said it in your sleep this morning." He looked down at the ground guilty. He didn't answer you. You scoffed and turned to get to the door. "Y/n don't walk out that door." He said. "Will you tell me what's going on with you then?" You turned around to him. He walked up to you and grabbed your hand and pulled you back in towards the house. "Okay, okay I'll tell you who she is. Will you just stay, stop running away from me. I hate it, I hate it when you leave, I hate it when you're not around. I mess up I can't help it but I hate it when you disappear. You didn't answer my calls, you ignored me and I thought you were leaving me." He said. "Sucks to be ignored doesn't it?" He nodded, "I deserved that." "You keep pulling away from me. It's like you don't want me and I don't really feel like being someone's past time for sex. So either you want me or you don't." You said. "Y/n I want you. I do, you just don't understand." "Understand what?" "She won't let me have you completely." "She?" You said. He nodded, "Gi Jong." "Who is she?" You asked. Kiseok looked at you with sad eyes and your heart began to twist. He was in love with this girl wasn't he? You took two steps back from him and he looked up quickly. He came up to cupping your face. "No, no, no. Don't leave Gi." He pressed his forehead to yours. "What did you call me?" You said in pain. "Shit. Just stop, please stop walking away, stop doing that. Stop it." "Kiseok calm down I'm not moving." You said. He looked up at you, you could see him swallow. "I'll show you but I need you to stay here. Y/n. Don't go." He said. "Okay." He nodded and turned to walk into his bedroom. You thought about just going judging by the twist in your stomach. It felt like a bad idea to stay. He came back out with a small photo in his hand and gave it to you. "This is Kim Gi Jong. She was my girlfriend while I was still in underground rap. You two look alike." He said. You looked at the photo and held back tears. You two did look alike and you knew why. She was your cousin....
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holy fudge man!! cousins! ok thats messed up i swear really Simon im sorry but you need to move on like *sigh i feel so bad for her im sorry but her friends are no help at all i swear they are stupied like im sorry and btw can you tag me in this story its really good i love it omg my heartu~
7 months agoReply
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your welcome i love reading so no need to say thank you haha
7 months ago
pickle 馃槀
7 months agoReply
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pickles are delicious
7 months ago
y do u do this to me all the time @babydollbre. all the damn time. its like one huge its good then like sky dive and splat face first into feels.
7 months agoReply
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i know. but
7 months ago
OH. SHIT. CRAIG!! WTF MAN!?! ::phone throwing emoji:: ::Table flipping emoji::
7 months agoReply
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馃槀馃槀馃槀馃槀馃槀馃槀馃槀馃槀馃槀
7 months ago
wow im getting yoosung feels from mystic messenger where he was constantly calling me his cousin 馃槀馃槀馃槀
7 months agoReply
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lmfao, awe 馃槀馃槀馃槀
7 months ago
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