a year ago1,000+ Views
There are people in my life right now who are making me feel less than what I am. I feel like a one-sided, flat, disposable whore if I am being quite honest. I'm frustrated and confused and I am starting to think that maybe I want more than all of this. Maybe I want more than a text at 11 asking if I am awake and maybe I want more than to say yes, no questions asked. Positive and negative experiences here have showed me that I deserve more than what I am allowing myself to have. Up until right now, on the other hand, I wasn't sure what "more" was. I thought it meant more hookups and more drunk nights with boys I don't want to give my number to. I thought it was more of the freedom that I had always wanted. And maybe "more" isn't a boyfriend either. Maybe it's just a new friend who makes me feel worth the space that I occupy. Maybe it's just someone who would miss me if I didn't exist. I miss my best friend like crazy. Many of you know she lives in England and I most definately do not. I keep thinking about the time we went to Paris and we listened to Thirty Seconds to Mars in our shared headphones as we walked under the sparkling tower and I felt so alive. I felt free. Her love for me makes me feel free. Maybe that's what "more" is. I don't need physical affirmation. Maybe I just need someone to love me as much as I love them.