Who: Reader x Jung Kiseok What: Smut & Angst Readers 18+ only Story: He liked to party and you were okay with that until you started to feel like his burden rather than his prize. (Inspired by Dean's song I'm not sorry)
Y/n's POV "I'm not sorry but there have been times you've made me regret it and even made me feel like I was just a burden." "You're not a burden Y/n... Hakyeon said you didn't want kids anymore." he said. You nodded. "So then you cried because you had tear dust in your eyes?" He said. "A woman can cry when holding a child." You said. "Yes she can but normally when she does, there's a reason behind it. I took that from you didn't I? It makes me feel uneasy that I did." "Kiseok we both want different things there's no point in staying in this." You said. He took the lollipop out of your mouth to kiss you. His kisses drew you in but you felt like it was always sex with him. His hand cradled the side of your neck, brushing your hair back slightly and tilting his head more to let his tongue go deeper than before. You two exchanged breaths through the heated kiss. He didn't go any further than a kiss. It was a passionate kiss but he only stopped at a kiss. He pulled away keeping the lollipop to himself and said, "I want you. I never said I didn't want those things, I've just haven't thought about it." You stared at him and then turned to look out the window when he placed the lollipop in his mouth. "Why do you do that?" You asked. "What?" "The whole deal with the lollipop. You'll take it from your mouth to mine or mine to yours. Saying that out loud makes it sounds gross." You said. He gave a small chuckle, "It's a candy kiss." He said. You looked back at him like he was a moron. He smiled while holding the stick to the lollipop. His tongue rolled around the lollipop and he cupped your face. "You're the only one I do it to. The first time I did it was just to tease you a little but you look really sexy when you let me slip it in your mouth. So I kept doing it. From my lips to yours, it's a kiss without being a kiss. It's a candy kiss." He said. You shook your head at him. He was a moron but you liked that he only did it to you. That little bit of rivalry in you made you happy he hadn't done it with Gi Jong. You wished you could get rid of that feeling of being inferior. You wished you could just love her as much as he did. You looked back out the window and realized you had no idea where you two were going. You thought he was going to take you back to the penthouse. "Kiseok where are we going?" You said. "I wanted to show you this place. We won't stay long." He said. You turned to look back out the window. His chin was resting in his hand while his elbow was propped up on the side of the car door. You sighed when he didn't turn back to you to say it. You felt his hand make its way to yours though. He laced his fingers with yours and you were brought back to the time that he had taken you to that dinner affair. He held your hand just like this and it brought out the desire you were trying to push down. You weren't supposed to be with him but you held his hand and you wanted him. You looked outside now recognizing some places as you guys went further along. This is the road to the grave sight. You looked back at Kiseok. "Why are you taking me here?" You asked. "I want to show you something." "What?" You asked. He came up close to you. He'd finished the lollipop a while ago and was just holding the stick between his teeth. He used his free hand to take it out and he softly pressed his lips to yours. "Are you afraid of me?" "No." You said. "Do you love me?" "...Yes." you whispered. "I want you to trust me, just enough for this moment. I'm not going to hurt you." He said. He kissed your forehead and slipped his hand from yours only to wrap it around your body and then re-lace his fingers with yours. He held you close to him. He was taking you to see her grave, wasn't he? You hadn't been here in forever and you never really thought to come back to see her. He walked you through the graveyard, despite you knowing where to go, you walked behind him slowly as if you've never been here. He stopped in front of her headstone. You swallowed hard looking at it. Your heart was racing, it was crying. Gi Jong! "This was the band she picked out for us." He said. He showed you his wedding band and inside the engraving read: With all my love and every breath. "Hers said 'I'll love you more until death'." "Why are you doing this?" You said trying not to cry. "I've held onto her for so long, nearly ten years and I thought for the longest it was just this lingering ghost of hers that wanted me to love her and only her. When I get close to women, I purpose pull away. I have too because that means I wouldn't be able to love her anymore. She wanted this for me, she wanted me to be successful and happy. So I party with the boys and I hide behind smiles but I drink every ounce of pain I feel when she comes into my head. When I met you, it took me a moment but I realized you looked like her. I thought it would be easy to love you, I thought it would be easy to let her go." "I was your patch." You said. "At first you were but like all the others I really started to feel for you. Unlike the others, I couldn't let you go. Normally, I'd cheat on the girls I was dating. I'd drink and sleep with some random woman just to give her a reason to leave but I didn't want you to leave. I wanted you to stay, when you pulled away from me I chased you but when we were content, when I was happy with you, I felt guilty and pulled away again. I didn't realize until you sent me this text that for all these years it wasn't really Gi Jong's ghost holding me back. It was just... me. I feel guilty when I start to move on, I feel guilty for actually being happy when she's gone. I feel like I betrayed her because I wasn't by her side. I was doing gigs, I was performing I wasn't there when she died so every moment since the day she passed I felt guilty. My guilt keeps me from you. When you sent that text, I couldn't stand the idea of losing you too. I can't stand the idea of not being with you. You're the only one I can never let go, I like you. " he said. "If you never let her go I'll always be second to her and you'll keep pulling away from me. It'll continue to be a push and pull and I don't know if I can do that anymore." "That's why I'm letting her go." He said. You breathed. You turned back to look at him in shock. He kissed you and came up and smiled, "You're here with me now and honestly I don't think Gi Jong would mind. She loved me and I loved her. I probably always will but she's not here anymore. I think even she would tell me to let her go. I can't hold on anymore I have to let her go." He said. He turned you back around and held your hand. He looked down at the grave and said, "Gi Jong, I hope you don't mind it but it's important I do this. The longer I hold onto you the harder it is for me to move on and the harder it is for me to love Y/n properly. I need you to let me, let you go." He said to the headstone. He bent down and pushed the ring into the dirt and he covered it as much as he could. He stood back up next to you. "Kiseok." You said. "I know I'll have to do more to prove it but I'll be better to you. I want to make you happy." "Red roses send kisses but stars give me wishes. If I only had three here's what they'd be: love me forever, smile bright as the sun and always be happy because life isn't long. With these three wishes, I send to the stars we'll make memories together that will only be ours." you recited. "How do know that?" Kiseok turned to you. You stared down at the headstone and smiled through tears. You tried wiping them away as they started to come down. "Baby Y/n." He whispered and slid his hand to the back of your neck to bring you into him. That stupid rhythm you two made up as kids on Jeju. You gave her that flower crown and pretended to be princesses. You two sat up on the little hill in the field and watched the clouds float by. You told her princesses should always have magic in their lives. You watched and read a lot of stories where princesses had magical connections. So you two came up with rhyme because your memories were magic. Kiseok held onto Gi Jong's love and that was his memory of her but you had held onto your bitterness and that was your memory of her. You were still trying to out beat her. You'd studied hard to out beat her scores in college. You had searched for a loving partner the type that she described was worth making a home with but you went above those expectations and looked for perfection which had resulted in your broken attempts at finding love. You ran away from every man because they weren't what you wanted. Kiseok wasn't what you expected to want. You didn't want his money, you may have liked the sex but you just wanted him. You didn't know why. Loving someone means to care about them more than you care about yourself. If you love someone there doesn't always have to be a reason why... You just love them. It was time for you to let go of your pettiness too. It was time to let go of your anger. You were angry at her for getting sick and dying but you were angry at yourself for not seeing her before she went. You sniffed and said, "Gi Jong is my cousin." "What?" He asked. He pulled you out of his chest so he could hear you clearly. You wiped your eyes and tried to calm yourself down enough to talk to him. "Gi Jong is my cousin. That's why I know that rhyme I was eight when we made it up." "Kim Gi Jong was your cousin? That's why you two look alike. Why didn't you tell me?" "Because you were already comparing me to her and even though I adored her, I hated being compared to her. My entire life I've spent trying to be her and be better than her but it's like I never matched up to her perfect. When you showed me the picture of you two, I felt sick. It's like no matter what I do she always beat me at everything she wouldn't even let you love me. I thought if I cut off my emotions and stopped wanting the things I wanted maybe then she wouldn't still have her effects on me. I wanted all of those things because of her. She taught me what love was supposed to be but being continuously out beaten by her finally wore me down. I loved you too much to let you go so I settled for what I had and what you gave me. I'm just tired of being this upset. I'm tired of wanting to be her when I know I never can. I love her so much but I grew up resenting her too because everyone loved Gi Jong." You said. "I love you." He said. You looked up at him sniffing and pushing tears away from your face. "I don't want you to be her I want you to be Y/n. My baby Y/n, I love you." He said. "Why?" "Because you're Y/n. You're perfectly unique and the thought of losing you is suffocating. I know I have to prove it to you and I'll do whatever it takes. You're not Gi Jong and I don't want you to be. I never did, you're not the same people you just look alike." "Looks like we both have some stuff to work on." You said. "Well I'll fix it. I'll only be to you, just don't leave." "Running away is my specialty." You said. "Then maybe I should put super glue on the bottom of your shoes." He said. You laughed a little as he came down to kiss you again softly. He grabbed your hand and laced his fingers with yours. He walked you back to the car in silence, he even opened the door for you so you could get in. The driver drove off headed for Seoul and you leaned against each other. We're you really about to do this again? After sending him a text that day that you were leaving him, he said he'd change just to make you stay. He placed the wedding band he never got to use in the dirt and let her go. You had to let her go too. Part of allowing him in meant taking off the mask you wore. "Can you take us to the candy shop?" He said. "Kiseok it's late." You said. "Sorry I just really need some candy." "You'll rot your teeth." You said. He smiled and his smile was big and white. His rounds cheeks looked so cute. You shook your head. The driver drove you to the candy shop and you two got out. He went in real quick and you stayed outside and leaned against the car. It was official, you couldn't stay away from him no matter what you did. "Gi are you pushing us together?" You whispered to yourself. He came back out of the store with a lollipop in his mouth and a bag full of lollipops, a bag full of sour worms and those tough chewy candies you liked. You shook your head, "You're a child." You said. "Yeah, so come take care of me." He said. You grabbed the stick to his lollipop and he bit down so you couldn't pull it out of his mouth. He scrunched his nose making you flustered. You covered your face in a slight nervous giggle and looked away. Damn him, you loved it when he did that; he was too cute. "Hey, look at me." He said. You pulled the lollipop out of his mouth when you turned to him. He pressed you up against the car and kissed you hard, like he was going to eat you up. The bell on your neck rang with the force of his push. His free hand made its way through your hair and you kissed him harder, holding onto his lollipop. The sweet blue raspberry taste glided over your tongue. You broke the kiss for mere seconds to get breath and he was on you again. His body pinned you into the car and you felt him swollen against you. You let out a soft moan and he pulled away to look in your eyes. "God kitten you're so beautiful." He said. You were panting, your lips swollen from the hot kiss. "I can't keep touching you like this. I said I'd stop. So I had an idea while I was in the store. How about we start over?" He said. "Start over?" "Yeah, like a restart button. A redo, like we've never met, never had sex, you've never called me your boyfriend. We hit the restart button and the slate is wiped clean. We'll start from the beginning like we just met." He said. You looked at him for a second and then at your own hand. "That's not a bad idea." You said. "Okay." He said. You kissed him again softly before you pulled back and you placed the lollipop back in his mouth. "Okay so how do we do this?" You said. "Delete me from your phone." He said. "What, really?" He nodded. "Okay." You sighed. You deleted his contact from your phone and then he did the same in his. He placed his candy in the car and then took you over to the side of a building just next to the candy store. "Now when I say redo, we start over like we've never met." He said. "Am I supposed to fangirl because you're Simon Dominic?" You said. "Did you know I was Simon Dominic back then?" You shook your head. "Then I'm just a guy to you." He said. He pecked your lips one last time. "I love you." He said. "Love you too." You smiled. He hurried to the candy shop door and turned and said, "Redo." He walked inside and you walked towards the door. He came back out and stepped in front of you with his lollipop in his mouth. He brushed his hand through his hair and looked down at you. You looked up at him and smiled politely. "Excuse me." You said. "Sorry am I in your way?" He said. You chuckled, "Kind of." "Isn't it kind of late for you to be walking around dressed like that?" He said. He nodded his head at your dress and his lips sort of puckered the way they did when he smiled but was trying not to. You looked down at yourself, "I just came from a baby shower, this isn't inappropriate at all." You said. "I didn't say it was inappropriate. You look really pretty." He said. "Thank you. Excuse me." You tried to walk past him and he turned to watch you go. "Hey, pretty girls shouldn't walk home alone at night." He said. You turned around, "What, are you going to be my knight in shinning armor?" You retorted while walking backwards. "I'm just trying to help." "My mother always told me to stay away from handsome strangers offering me a ride home." You said. "You strike me as the kind of girl that doesn't care." "It comes and goes." You said. "You think I'm handsome?" "Well you called me pretty I was only being nice." you teased. "I've got candy." "Candy! Well in that case I'll totally go." You said sarcastically. "What, are you afraid of me?" He smiled. You looked at him with a small smile and looked at the ground. "Yes." You said. He walked forward towards you and offered you his hand, "I just want to take you home." You looked at his hand. "Why would you want to do that?" "You look like someone I used to know. It makes me want to protect you." He said. "Protect me? What if I need protection from you?" You laughed. "I'm not drunk enough to do that. Just let me take you home." He said. You looked behind you and sighed, "Alright but my roommates are going to kill me for taking a ride home from a stranger." You took his hand and he gently pulled you over. "They should just be happy you got home safe. Nice collar by the way." He said. "Collar?" You said. He flicked the bell on your neck and your eyes got a little wide. You laughed to yourself. You forgot you had it on. He opened the door for you and you slipped into the car. "I wasn't kidding about the candy." "I see." You said. You leaned over to the driver and gave him your address. He nodded and drove off. You sat back and placed your hands in your lap. This was how you were the second night you were with him. It was more of who you were before you drank. "You don't listen to hip hop do you?" "No why?" You asked. "Nothing, my name is Kiseok." "Y/n." You said. He smiled, "You're very pretty Y/n." You chuckled and looked out the window. "Hey Y/n." He said. "Yes?" "Are you doing anything tomorrow?" "After work no, why are you going to lure me with candy to your creepy dungeon?" You teased. "No but maybe I could lure you with dinner and see where it goes from there." He said. You laughed, "Without a chaperone?" "The place I'd take you would be beautiful, not as beautiful as you but just enough." You covered your mouth with a soft giggle. "Why do you want me?" You said. "You seem familiar but there's something about you I like. I just haven't figured it out yet. What you don't like me?" "I don't know you." "So get to know me." He said. You laughed. "Still afraid?" He asked. "Less and less with every passing minute." The car stopped and you opened the door to get out. You turned back to him and said, "I wonder if I'll regret this." "I promise you, you won't." He said seriously. He pulled out his phone and gave it to you. You typed in your number and set the name: Kitten. He looked at it and smiled and looked up at you. "I'll call you." "I'll be waiting." You said before sneaking one of his lollipops from his bag. He smiled at you seeing you sneak it. You turned around and closed the door and walked to your apartment door your phone rang and you picked it up. "Hello?" "Just had to make sure you didn't fake me out." Kiseok said. You laughed and turned back to see the car sitting there. "Goodbye Mr.Candyman." "See you later... kitten."
Nope this is not the end. Yup I'm going back to Playmate. As always thanks for reading, hope you like. ~Babydollbre Boss Squad: @royalpandajedi @Fromblue2u @Queenpandabunny @Mmarrickej33 @BBxGD @Starbell808 @MelissaGarza @AAaliyahnewbell Sunshine Squad: @Parktaemi @Twistedpuppy Taglist: @jaysbae13 @princess2425 @Tiffany1922 @Anna5221 @VKookie47 @yaya12 @Starbell808 @kisashimizu16 @Mrsax2018 @dchapple45 @matty0203 @loljan17 @priscy513 @Izzy987 @Elizabeth1234 @reyestiny93 @Kimnam94 @Lopleaf19 @Tamaki1618 @momina427 @yeniyx23 @RKA916 @kpopaddict16 @luna1171 @Dreemer13 @MissT615 @elishafisher @griseldazenger @Alyessiazavala @Parktaemi @sarahdarwish @JaxomB @Queenlee @JessicaEvaristo @emilycayetano @herosbells @JasmineGregory @Animezkpopgirl @Xionheart @isisMayaVelasco @Melissagarza @makidabebe @orihemay @Queenlele @KpopQueenabee @sierrakuper @PrettieeEmm @ScarletMermaid @senia @JordanShuler @hskswife @AlexisRiver @StefaniTre @selfishmachines @AdeleLynn @JeniseRamos @SindyHernandez @MomoCamie @KristinaCaron @DasiaB @peachchild @pharmgirlerin @BTSxEXO @QueenPandaBunny @MaritessSison @ParkHwaYoung @SaraHanna @Ivonsvon @yukigintokie @NooRiNoona @chenisbaekasy @JacksonWangxMe @Matokokepa @Znae @Taekookiemonster