Some sexual parts, but very vague, alcohol And suicide
I look in the mirror, and I can't see myself. I haven slept or ate, my phone is just blowing up non stop but all I hear is my cries which is the only comfort I have. I lost everything because I wasn't good enough. He wouldn't have cheated if I was good enough. I always tried to make him happy and support him in his group, but meeting him Was what killed me.
I'm so happy bts won artist of the year! We worked so hard and we didn't even think we were close to getting this award. I never thought I'd be happier. But after I went back to the hotel I felt so lonely, I missed being home, but I don't feel like having do deal with y/n, I love someone else and I have loved her for years. *knock* *knock* "Who is it" I say walking to the door, "Lexi, babe open up~ I have something for you" I open the door without hesitation and she comes in tackling me on the the floor smashing her lips into mine. Being with her was just what I craved every time I was away she was there, not y/n. Did I feel bad? Yea. But would I stop? No, never. Lexi pushes me on my bed and starts to rip my close apart. Then it all when downhill. It's been about 30 minutes but I haven't kept count, as I was down in lexi's womanhood, my phone starts to ring and it's y/n. "Ugh she's calling again~" Lexi moans I ignore her and keep going -
Ugh why doesn't he just leave her already, he's always been with me, and in me more than y/n she's so pitiful, can't even keep her own man off me. 5 years together? Ha I've had him for 4 years since they even started talking. He probably just feels bad because she can't live without him. How sad. She keeps calling so I decide to answer while he's still down there. "Hey oops I saw the award show I'm so proud of you I called it! You did so-" "Oh y/n yoongi is busy" I said with a moan at the end "Who is this? Where is he?" Y/n said slightly worried I couldn't help to laugh " oh he is here with me hun but he can't speak right no- mmmmmm yoongi~. Don't bbotheer calling back, he'll be busy with me all night like he's been for years, better luck next time. Bye y/n~" I hang up the phone and yoongi shoots up as soon as he heard her name, "Why'd you say y/n?" "Oh she just called and I told her what you've wanted to say since we've been together" " WHAT?!" Yoongi grabs his phone and tries to call y/n but thankfully she took the hint and it went straight to voicemail. Yoongi is pacing around the room " what your problem you've been with me 4/5 of the years you've been with her?! It was time she knew especially from me " I start to walk up to Yoongi and hug him from behind but he pushes me away and turns around furious "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? How could you do that " "Don't act like you actually cared for her since you couldn't even last a year without cheating on her. *Humf* call me when you get your head in check" as I put my close on, Yoongi sits on the hotel bed with his head low "You just ruined my life" he says I laugh " no hun you did" and I slam the door
*End of Flashback*
It's been months since that call and I've moved out his house and got my own. It's quite cozy but still dark with out him 5 years thrown away, he was my first and I was waiting to tell him that I was pregnant but I decided it would just burden him so I got an abortion. I never felt so bad in my life. I had to change my number twice because he would always find my number . Calling and texting, asking why I left acting like he was innocent. Today I couldn't take it anymore when he texted me I love you
I was furious, love? LOVE?! If he loved me he wouldn't have pushed me away all those times if he loved me he wouldn't have cheated on me if he loved me we would be together.. I started to throw whatever got in sight and I couldn't stop screaming I didn't know what to do. I saw some soju on counter and chugged it down as if it were water. " Katie will hate when she sees this mess" I slur out my mouth. this pain is never ending I want all the memories to go away, I walk in to the bathroom and laugh bitterly at myself I look different, like im already dead I open the cabinet and saw some painkillers and didn't hesitate to take all of them.. I started drinking another bottle of soju and I started to see nothing but a blur and I heard Katie come in but before I could respond I collapse with my last tear fall to my eyes
Y/N!!! I run towards her as she falls to the flor hitting her head hard and I see 2 bottles of soju empty and a medicine bottle . EMPTY." No no no no no no no y/n please no" I start to sob and I call the ambulance and thankfully they came quickly. Everyday I tried to make her happy after what happened with Yoongi, he's such a bastard. I can't believe he did that to her. It's been week since she's been in the hospital and she hasn't improved. I was so angry I decided to go to see Yoongi at the bts dorm I bang on the door and I see namjoon answer the door " oh Katie he- omg what's wrong you look like your about to go mad" he says with a light chukle, I walk straight pas him seeing yoongi on the coach with tae and Jimin "YOU ASS WHOLE HOW COULD YOU" I scream as I run as smack him across the face and take him by the collar. Immediately jimin pulls me away and I start screaming "LET ME GO! LET ME GO HE KILLED HER HE HILLED Y/N YOU BASTARD" I scream and sob All the members come out not knowing what's going on and Yoongi went dumbfounded "What are you talking about Katie?" Jungkook said " you fcker you cheater on her for 4 years and you killed her!! You have no idea how she feels she's in the hospital because of you!! You caused her to be this way! If you didn't Love her you should have fucking let her go not be with some hoe and leave her HANGING!!!" I screamed so loud it echoes. " y/n's in the hospital?" Tae gasps "She ate 20 painkillers and tried to chug it down with 2 bottles of soju, all be cause your little member wanted to cheat on her for most of the relationship!" "Y/n" Yoongi whispers Everyone turns to him "That's all you have to say for yourself "y/n?" Are you fucking nuts, you never loved her you just played he-" "I DID LOVE HER" Yoongi screams "I do love her " he says as a tear comes out of his face "Fuck you Yoongi if y/n ever wakes up I'll make sure of it you never get to even hear her again" I say and glare at him as I stomp out "Babe wait!" Jimin says I turn back, "no! I need to be with y/n right now. She needs me more than ever... I'll call you later" More months pass by and she still hasn't woken up. It's been really hard to be with out her, I visit her everyday and I tell her what's been going on " jimin purposed to me and I said yes, I wish you were there to see but i promise you will be at the wedding. I know how much you've wanted to plan my wedding, you were the one supposed to be married first remember " I choke on my words and put some strands of hair being her ear "I miss you so much girl~ come back please" as I said that her monitor starts beeping rapidly and a giant group of doctors come in and push me out the door and I start sobbing uncontrollably. Everything was a blur . The doctor came out the door not being able to look me in the eye, " I'm sorry but ms y/l/n couldn't make it, the painkiller mixed with the alcohol made her get in to acoma and caused her to be in cardiac arrest. I'm sorry for your loss" the doctor says " no no PLEASE NO DOCTOR PLEASE SHE CANT BE GONE PLEASE" I say clinging on to him sobbing in his chest " she can't be gone please" "I'm so sorry, I will go get the paperwork for you" the doctor says and hugs me and walks away. My family is gone we only had each other I never thought I'd loose her, she wasn't supposed to die .
Jimin just told me that y/n passed away. I didn't know how to react. She was actually gone. After that night after the awards and she found out I haven't talked to Lexi and I've tried only to call y/n. She changed her number twice but I always found it. I know I hurt her and I feel terrible I've been depressed ever sense. She was everything I needed. The funeral was today but Katie made sure she kept her word and i wasn't aloud to see her one last time. The rest of my members were there while I was here siting in my room alone. I tried to move on but I couldn't stop thinking about her. I thought I didn't even love her, or so I thought. I called her phone one more time and it went to voicemail, " hey~ it's y/n I'm so sorry I can't get to the phone. Leave me a message and I'll call you back. Kisses bye~~" hearing her voice made me break down. " hey y/n it's me Yoongi, how you been? I've been terrible without you. I regretted everything I've done to hurt you but it's too late, I miss hugging, kissing, and touching you. Seeing you cute dimples when you laugh, hearing you sing was music I craved. You were there for me before I was suga, just Yoongi.. im so sorry I hurt you so bad . I love you so much y/n~" The voicemail cut off asking if I wanted to send the message. It's all my fault I wasn't good enough for her, I cheated and pushed her away. But I love her and I killed her
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