Green-eyed Monster
I'm not romantically competitive and I don't typically get jealous of other people or their lifestyles. If a guy wants to move on to the next conquest, have at it. Make moves on me? Only if I think you're worth my time....don't waste time for either of us. Got a cush job and a fancy car? I don't care, I like working hard to earn my living.
But I cannot deny that I've felt the jealousy creeping in for some time now. Little longings, little cravings. Maybe I WOULD like to try that bright, healthy looking grass over there. Maybe I WOULD like to sit behind the wheel of a vehicle that is not as likely to give up on me on my way to work.
It's an alien feeling...like a monster has taken up residence in a remote corner of my mind. I don't like it at all. I loved not worrying about what other people had or did. I loved not wanting to concern myself with flirtation and temptation.
Perhaps it's the social pressures I'm not accustomed to? The whole "When are you going to find yourself a man?" or "You need an SUV, for all those kids!" The constant, subtle hints that my life could be or should be better. I used to be so good at deflecting peer pressure, what happened to me? Surely, heartbreak doesn't make you weak to such things, right?
More likely, I have to adapt to this new environment. Learn new ways of centering myself and rejecting manipulations. As for physical trappings, I know I've got what I need and someday I'll get what I want, in my own time. Just have to remind myself there's no need to rush or feel rushed.
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Good for you! Contentment is a choice.
8 months ago·Reply
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