Hey guys, kinda left on a cliffhanger, so I guess maybe we'll finally get to see what Jimin's deal is? Hehehe, plus some fun with Hoseok. I hope you enjoy ;)
Please let me know if there are any issues with the card since Vingle is still apparently on and off wonky.
Thank you to all of you who are reading, liking, clipping, following, and commenting.
Disclaimer: Many of the characters aside from BTS are made up and BTS themselves are not BTS in this story. And, of course, I don't know the BTS boys personally so their personalities are probably mostly fictional.
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Beginning: Chapter 1
Previous: Hoseok- Chapter 23
Next: Hoseok- Chapter 25
Warning: Mild language. I guess a small trigger warning for the usual, I hope it doesn't rub people the wrong way. And small warning for innuendo.
“Stupid asshole!” the woman screeched. SooJin looked into the hallway to see the woman that had come in with Jimin stomping down the hallway, screaming and yelling curses. She watched the woman disappear when she turned down the stairs. SooJin stepped into the hallway. The front door slammed shut. What the hell had happened? She hadn’t even been here for 10 minutes.
SooJin walked down the hall. She was worried that something might have happened to Jimin. As she passed the approached the study next to Jungkook’s room, she could see that Jimin’s door was still open. She stopped just outside of his room. Jimin was sitting on his bed, fully clothed, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. Jimin suddenly jumped up, grabbed his alarm clock, and, with a frustrated yell, threw it at the wall next to the door. Startled, SooJin jumped back to avoid the flying pieces of plastic.
“S-SooJin?” She saw the confusion in his eyes. His mask, his damned mask, came back in the next second. He stood up. “Why are you here?”
SooJin stepped into his room, plastic crunching under her slippers. “I was worried. That... woman left here screaming curses at you. I didn’t know if something had happened.”
“N-nothing happened. Nothing you need to worry about.”
“Why did she leave like that?” Another step in and, without thinking, Jimin took a step back.
“How should I know? It’s not like she was here to talk?”
SooJin let out a frustrated sigh. “You know what? Enough is enough.” She grabbed the door handle and slammed it shut.
“Don’t even. I’m so sick of you pushing me away like this. You either ignore more or you talk down to me. Everything you say is laced with venom.” Then her voice softened slightly. “It’s not like you. Why can’t you tell me what’s wrong? If it’s a misunderstanding, we can fix it. If it’s something else, we can figure it out. But you have to tell me first.”
Against his will, tears welled up in his eyes. SooJin’s followed. It hurt her to see him hurt. “There’s nothing to tell,” he said, his words no longer had any strength behind them. Like he was tired.
“Jimin.” SooJin set her cane down and walked to him. Jimin didn’t make a move to avoid it. She put her hands on his shoulders. Tears slipped down her cheeks. “Tell me what happened. Tell me why you’re doing this. Tell me what I can do to fix this.” Jimin looked away, tears spilling over. SooJin pulled him into a hug. Jimin let out what sounded like a strangled sigh. With only a moment of uncertainty, Jimin gave in and wrapped his arms around her as well.
“Tell me,” SooJin said quietly. “The bad things we keep inside become poison. It infects our bodies, our brains... our hearts. It makes us do bad things, sometimes really bad things, to others... to ourselves... If we don’t take care of it or let others help us... it kills us. Slowly or quickly, it kills us.” She felt Jimin shaking. “Don’t let it kill you... let me help you...”
Jimin pulled away from her shoulder. He looked into her eyes and only saw love. Not the love he truly wanted from her, but love that a person feels for someone they care about like family. It hurt, but in a way, it was kind of a good thing. Besides, he had already knew that something had to be happening between her and Hoseok.
“I love you,” he finally said. SooJin didn’t look away. She suspected that was the case. But she was pretty sure he knew that she didn’t return the same feeling. “I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you almost since the beginning. Or maybe it was from the beginning and I just didn’t know that’s what it was.” Jimin stepped back and held her shoulders. “In the beginning... I thought I had a chance... I thought that maybe... maybe you felt something for me. But I shouldn't have even tried. Not someone like me...” He paused but she knew he didn’t need her to say anything.
He continued, “I shouldn’t have kissed you. I knew that right after I did it. I was drunk and I just went for it. I didn’t get your permission. And I’m sorry. When you let me pretend nothing happened, I was grateful... and hurt. But I was still so selfish. I wanted to stay next to you, even if you couldn’t return my feelings.”
“But it’s not the same as what you were doing at the hospital or since then.”
Jimin looked away. “When I heard the news, I was devastated. We all were. I was so scared you were going to die. I couldn’t understand why any god would want to take you away. You’re perfect and pure. And that’s when I thought of it. Maybe that was the exact reason why. In this world, someone like you... you’re too pure. Maybe your death was some god’s way of keeping you pure. So that you wouldn’t become tainted in this horrible world.
“Everyone around you... the people closest to you were me, your brother, Hoseok, and JiEun. Those three are good people. Jin is kind to everyone and protects all of us like an older brother. Hoseok is practically a human incarnation of sunshine and rainbows. I did something... something really bad to him... and yet... he forgave me. And JiEun, while she’s familiar with the darkness in the world, she has stayed true to herself. She loves even the people who hate her. Me, though... I’m as tainted as they come. I’m everything that’s wrong with humans. I thought, maybe me trying to stay with you... maybe that was why you were being take away. Whatever god... it was trying to protect you from me, from me trying to taint you.”
Jimin’s voice became louder and more desperate. “So I prayed hard, to whoever was listening. I prayed and prayed that they would let you live. I promised them that if they let you live... I would stay away from you.”
“But it was so hard. So I kept pushing away. And without realizing it, I wasn’t just pushing myself away, I was pushing you too. I didn’t mean to... I’m so sorry.” Jimin hung his head.
SooJin put her hands on either side of his face and lifted it to look at her. “I’m sorry that you had to go through all of this alone. I’m sorry that you think that about yourself. But I want you to know a few things. First of all, you’re not alone.” She moved his head when he tried to turn away again. “You’re not alone,” she said more forcefully. “You have all of us, your friends, you have your brother, you have Jin who, like you said, is like a brother to everyone. All of us have been worried about you. They only gave you space because they were afraid of pushing you more.
“Second of all, you’re not a bad person. Why are you tainted? Because you sleep with different women? So do a lot of other people. Including two of our friends. Are you saying they’re tainted as well? And besides, so what if you sleep with all different women? I mean, it’s obviously a bit questionable safety-wise, but that’s beside the point. Do you coerce them?” SooJin waited until Jimin realized she wanted him to actually answer. He hesitantly shook his head. She smiled.
“Do you force them?” Another head shake. “Do you drug them up or trick them into drinking more so you can take advantage of them?” Another shake. “Do you rape them?” A forceful head shake. “Do you kill them?” He just looked at her as if trying to figure out if she was serious or not. “Do you?”
“Of course not,” he answered. “None of those.”
“You don’t take advantage of them, you don’t trick them, you don’t rape them, you don’t kill them... So what are you doing that makes you so tainted? I mean, sure, you don’t exactly fit in with many people’s opinions of what’s considered moral, but who the hell cares? Morality is subjective. There are obvious lines that, when crossed, are fairly universally considered immoral, but you just said you don’t do any of those. Everything is consensual.
“The only reason why I’m disappointed in you is because you are disappointed in you. You feel like it’s shameful. You don’t like that you do it. That just means that you’ve created your own moral line. And if that’s the case, don’t cross it. But even if you do, that doesn’t make you a bad person. I know you well enough to know that you’re not a bad person. Perhaps sometimes misguided, but not bad. And remember what you told me: your past helps you to become the person you are now, but it doesn’t define you.
“Third of all... I’m not some pure and perfect person... You know what I’ve done to myself, or what I’ve tried to do, anyway. That’s a pretty damn big moral line to cross for most people. And I’ve had bad thoughts about people. I’ve wanted to kill people. I obviously haven’t done that, but if you’re talking about gods and such, I have read some theology. One thing I read was something along the lines of sins of the mind are also sins. That by thinking of killing someone, you are guilty. That would make me very guilty. And if I’m guilty, I can’t be pure.
“Besides... if there is a god, I don’t think he or she or whatever, would be so petty as to care about a couple of humans.” SooJin put her hands back on his shoulders. “I’m sorry that I can’t return your feelings... I do love you, just not in that way. I... understand if being around me is difficult. I won’t force my presence on you. But you do have other people. They’ve known you a lot longer than me so I’m sure they love you even more than I do. Don’t push them away, okay? Promise?” Jimin nodded. He choked out a laugh when she held out her pinky. They made their pinky promise and Jimin sighed.
Jimin knew it was going to be hard to get over her, but it was something that he needed to do. And he didn’t want to hurt her in the process, even though he had been lately. With all that she said, she did have good points. He felt a bit silly for being so concerned about a promise he made with something he wasn’t even sure existed. It seemed appropriate at the time, but as they say, hindsight is 20/20. He would try his best to treat her like he did when they first met. For right now, though, he was wiped out. SooJin saw the exhaustion settle on him.
“Sorry I talked so much,” she chuckled. Jimin tiredly joined her. “Let’s get you to bed.” SooJin walked with him to his bed. Jimin was too tired to even change.
“Can you stay?” Jimin asked quickly, before she could leave. “Just until I fall asleep? Just for tonight.” That’s it. Just for a few minutes...
SooJin smiled. After everything, she could do that for him. Just for a few minutes, if it gave him some peace. She nodded. Jimin scooted away from the side to give SooJin some room. She sat upright on the bed and leaned back against the headboard. Jimin was lying down on top of the covers, facing her. She put her hand on his head and gently stroked his hair. Jimin’s eyes drifted shut. He was asleep within minutes. SooJin continued to stay where she was for another half an hour, just to make sure he was fully asleep.
The next morning, SooJin woke up feeling surprisingly refreshed considering how little she’d actually slept. Apparently making up with Jimin had lifted a large enough weight that she had slept soundly. She went downstairs and found that she wasn’t the first one up, Jin, Namjoon, and Jungkook were already waiting at the table. They all waited for the others to wake up. Within 10 minutes, almost everyone else was up. Jungkook went upstairs to wake up Jimin. The two came back together.
As soon as he entered the room, the usual uncomfortable tension came over everyone. Everyone except SooJin. As soon as she saw Jimin, she had to stifle the burst of laughter that almost came out. His hair was extreme bedhead and his eyes were puffy from crying before bed. She thought he looked absolutely adorable.
Jin, who was sitting next to SooJin, hit SooJin’s leg. “Don’t do that,” he whispered quietly. He, like everyone else, was worried about setting Jimin off.
“I can’t help it,” SooJin laughed.
The seat next to SooJin was vacant since that’s where Jungkook had been sitting. Without a word, Jimin made his way over to the empty seat. He pulled the chair out and sat down. Everyone was quiet, waiting to see what would happen.
“What makes you think you can laugh at me?” Jimin asked with a straight face. Jungkook was about to go over there when Jimin spoke up again. “You didn’t even wash your face yet and you laugh at me?” SooJin looked at Jimin as if she was about to pick a fight. Suddenly, they both burst out into laughter, unable to keep up the façade. The others stared at them in confusion and then looked to each other as if trying to figure out what was happening. At their expressions, SooJin and Jimin laughed harder.
“Wow, that was too good,” SooJin said through her laughter.
“I’m just surprised you went along with it,” Jimin returned.
When their laughter died down, SooJin decided to put them out of their confusion. “Jimin and I talked last night.” She put her hand on his shoulder. “There was a... misunderstanding. We worked it out. Everything’s back to normal.” Jimin shyly smiled at them, now feeling a bit embarrassed at his actions for the last month plus. They were met with silence.
Until, “Fuck! It’s about damn time. I was getting sick of this walking on eggshell nonsense.” Yoongi, of course, had to be the one to say that. “I love you man, but you were driving me crazy.” Jimin smiled sheepishly at Yoongi. After a moment, Yoongi smiled back. And then the tension was broken. Like a dam breaking, everyone started talking over each other. The conversations didn’t just center on what had just happened. Now that things were going back to how they were before, everyone seemed to have a thousand things to talk about.
Jimin was happy. Things could go back, he could try to move on. In trying to move on the way he had before, he was just forcing himself to dwell more on the situation. Now though, he was free of those manacles. SooJin was also happy. In the hospital, she had missed this, this comradery. And then even when she came back home, things weren’t the same. Now though, they could be. She looked around the table. Her eyes locked with Hoseok’s. He was the only one not smiling. What was wrong? Immediately, he turned back to the food and dished up.
SooJin felt her heart drop. Now that she had patched things up with Jimin, something was wrong with Hoseok. Was she destined to just never be fully happy? Every time she was happy, something happened. She continued looking at Hoseok, but he never turned back to her. SooJin returned her gaze to her plate. She felt deflated. A hand on her shoulder, grabbed her attention. She turned to find Jimin looking at her with concerned eyes.
“Everything okay?” he asked quietly.
SooJin forced a smile. “Just fine,” she responded. Jimin gave her a look that she knew meant that he didn’t believe her. She felt relieved when he let her off the hook anyway.
“Alright. Then eat up.” He put her chopsticks in her hand.
SooJin smiled again. This time, it wasn’t forced. “Thank you.” Breakfast continued.
After breakfast, SooJin was hoping to talk to Hoseok. She wanted to find out what was wrong, but he was the first to finish cleaning up his plate and the first to leave. SooJin let out an annoyed sigh. Here I go again. SooJin stayed with the others for another 10 minutes before quickly cleaning up her plate and following after Hoseok. She knocked on his door. After a few seconds, she opened it a crack.
“Hoseok?” There was no answer. She opened the door more. “Oppa?” Still no answer. She opened the door and looked inside. She took a couple steps in. She didn’t see him leave the house. Was he in one of the other rooms? Then she noticed the light coming out from under the bathroom door. Oops. She was about to go back out when the bathroom door opened. “Sorry, I was about—“ The words caught in her mouth and, without realizing it, her mouth stayed wide open.
Hoseok walked into his room with only towel wrapped around his waist. He had his head down to towel dry it so he didn’t notice SooJin for a few more steps. When he brought his head up, he finally spotted her. “S-SooJin?” He told himself to run back into the bathroom, but his legs wouldn’t respond. SooJin was still stuck in place, her eyes unable to break free of the enticing sight before her. She knew Jimin and Jungkook were very fit because she had worked out with them before, but she had no idea that Hoseok was just as cut. And with a few beads of water trailing down his chest, as far as she was concerned, he looked like a Greek god.
SooJin’s mouth opened and closed soundlessly. She managed to squeak out a few words, ‘I’ ‘you’ ‘looking’ ‘sorry’ ‘I’, but they wouldn’t form into complete sentences. Hoseok couldn’t help but take in the way her breathing was short and fast and the way her face turned a beautiful red, or especially the way her eyes never left his exposed body. He knew it was very likely a reaction she would have had to any of the other guys, but he couldn’t help how pleased he felt knowing that she was ogling him and only him at that very moment. And, as much as he was jealous of her and Jimin’s new closeness (or perhaps because of it), he couldn’t help but play into it.
Hoseok took a couple steps towards SooJin and her eyes grew wider. “So, what was it you came here for?” he asked, a slight lilt in his voice.
“I—uh—at the table—you were—um—so I was just checking if, you know—uh—you were okay. But I didn’t know—shower. So, um, I’ll just, yeah, later.” The whole time, SooJin was gesturing with her hands that she would leave, but her feet didn’t seem get the message.
Hoseok couldn’t help but smile sweetly. As much as it... affected him, the way she was looking at him, her being flustered and her naivety attracted him in more than just a sexual way. But if she had feelings for Jimin, as he was finally beginning to accept the very likely possibility, then it wasn’t fair of him to take advantage of her in this way.
“Should I just change now or are you going to step outside?” he asked, putting her out of her misery. Her eyes snapped up to his.
“No—I—uh, nevermind, I’ll go—outside—my room. Don’t worry about—the thing to talk with you for the—yeah, I’m going now.” And with that, she practically flew out of the room, accidentally slamming the door behind her.
Hoseok laughed for a moment until his thoughts went back. Jimin putting his hand on her shoulder, the way the two smiled together at their ‘joke’, the way they so easily fell back into their previous rhythm. When had they talked last night? How... late did they talk? He couldn’t get it out of his head that Jimin had kissed her. If she had gotten flustered at seeing Hoseok’s naked torso, how flustered had she been when Jimin had kissed her previously? Did she stop it? Or did she fall victim to her naivety and let him keep kissing her? Touching her...?
All he could do for now was try to put distance between himself and SooJin. He wanted to be a more objective observer. And, if need be, then his heart would be that much further away from that heartbreak.
SooJin, on the other hand, left Hoseok’s room with her heart practically pounding in her throat. She rushed to her room and closed the door. She couldn’t bear to let anyone else see her like this. It was bad enough that she had acted so pathetically in front of Hoseok. He probably thought she was some pervy freak for staring at him like that. She was embarrassed and ashamed of herself. How pathetic was she that seeing him like that would have that effect on her? Was that even normal? And that was part of the problem. What was normal?
She’d tried to read books about love but most of those ended of being about ways to spice things up in the bedroom so she’d quickly close them, her face beet-red. No book she read fit her situation. So what was she supposed to do? She couldn’t ask JiEun because she couldn’t let her know about her feelings. And, of course, she couldn’t ask her brother. She couldn’t ask any of the others for the same reason.
She sat on the floor, leaning against the door and fanning herself. Her entire body was burning up, especially in areas she was uncomfortable with feeling like that. She decided she needed a cold shower; that would cool her down and get her out of her head.
So we finally know what was up with Jimin. I don't know if it sounds a bit strange to some people, but I actually know someone who said something along those lines as far as their behaviors and personalities were concerned. Just thought it'd be a good drama point and a good point in general to explore.
Aside from that though, we also had our awkward (hot) encounter with Hoseok. Though he's now on the backing up train. Kinda wanna hit him, lol.
So, what do you think, was that alright? I hope you liked it. The story's coming to its close soon so you know our awkward little love battle between the two will come to it apex soon. I hope you enjoy.
Next chapter will hopefully be out Saturday. I have a long weekend trip and I'm not sure if I'll have time to set up a scheduled card on my comp. I'll try my best though. See you soon!
Thank you @Mavis2478 for the story.