6 months ago
SNBlackRose
in English · 1,152 Views
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J- The Pains of Our Yesterdays   C24- I'm Not an Angel
*Cue dramatic music* Alright guys, here's the next chapter after that cliffhanger. What do you think's gonna happen? Will Jimin manage to run away again or will he finally be forced to face the woman he loves and is hurting? Well, no need to hold your breath anymore, the chapter is here. I really hope you enjoy it. ;)

Thank you to all of you who are reading, liking, clipping, following, and commenting.
Disclaimer: Many of the characters aside from BTS are made up and BTS themselves are not BTS in this story. And, of course, I don't know the BTS boys personally so their personalities are probably mostly fictional.
Please let me know if you would like to be tagged or untagged.

Beginning: Chapter 1
Warning: Mild language. Slight trigger warning for the usual. And minor adult content/sensuality, nothing really explicit.

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Narrator POV

When SooJin reached the study next to Jungkook’s room, she could see that Jimin’s door was still open. She slowly walked to the doorway. Jimin was sitting on his bed, head in hands. All of a sudden, he grabbed his alarm clock and threw it against the wall next to the door. SooJin stepped back to avoid the shards of plastic that flew everywhere. It was then that Jimin saw her.

“S-SooJin...” He jumped up and took a couple steps towards her before thinking better of it. He quickly recovered and put his mask of indifference back on. “Why are you here?”

SooJin flinched at his tone. But she wasn’t ready to give up yet... Not when she now had that one last shred of hope. SooJin entered his room, ignoring the plastic that crunched underneath her slippers. She took a couple steps towards Jimin.

“S-stop.” Jimin’s hesitation didn’t pass by SooJin. She took another step towards him.

“I saw that woman leave. She was cursing and yelling... I got worried. Why did she leave like that?”

Jimin’s countenance faltered for a fraction of a second. Then he steeled himself for what he had to say next. With all the venom he could muster, he spat, “How should I know? It’s not like I brought her here to talk.” He watched SooJin’s face fall. It devastated him. Once again, he felt the overwhelming urge to run to her and hold her tightly against him. He hated himself for all the pain he was causing her.

Tears started to drip down her face again and Jimin watched as they followed the tracks of her previous crying. It tore Jimin apart. All the pain he was causing her... But it would be worth it if it meant that she would get to stay among the living. Jimin didn’t know that SooJin already felt half-dead. In a daze, SooJin turned back towards the door. She didn’t even notice when her cane slipped out of her hand, she just kept taking steps.

SooJin steadied herself against the doorway. There was one more thing she had to ask. “Why do you hate me so much?”

Jimin clamped his hands over his mouth to stifle the sob that threatened to escape. Almost there. Don’t look back. Please don’t look back. As if she heard his thoughts, SooJin turned back to him. Her eyes grew wide when she saw Jimin standing there, both hands covering his mouth and tears overflowing from his eyes, down his cheeks and hands. SooJin took a step towards him.

Jimin held up a hand. “Stop!” he yelled desperately. This time, SooJin stepped to the side. She grabbed the door handle and shut the door. “W-What are you doing?”

“That’s... that’s what I should be asking you.” She took another step towards him. “What are you doing?” Another step. “Why do you keep doing this to me?” Another step. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

Jimin told his body to step back, but it refused to listen. SooJin took another step forward. “Jimin...” Jimin turned his eyes away from her. He couldn’t bear to look at her. If he did, he would give in. “After the party, I was completely heartbroken. Rejecting me is one thing, rejecting me like that... like I was an idiot, like my feelings were nothing... it hurt so much. I was devastated... and I decided to try to give you up, for good this time, as impossible as it seemed. But then Jungkook talked to me.” Jungkook? Jimin questioned, Why would Jungkook do that?

“He said that maybe you were being blackmailed or something. He made me promise to give you another chance. So I said I would. He made me hope. Then I saw you with that woman. Everything hurt 100 times worse because I allowed myself to hope.” The tears had not stopped for either of them. SooJin took another step towards him. Now she was within arm’s reach. “So please just tell me... why are you doing this?”

“I d-don’t know what you—“ Jimin held his breath when SooJin closed that last small distance between them. “I... I...”

“I love you...” she said quietly, almost as if she was scared to say it again.

“N-no you don’t,” Jimin said quietly, his voice betraying him again.

SooJin slowly raised her hand. Jimin couldn’t fight the overwhelming sense of peace he felt when her hand gently cupped the side of his face. He grabbed her hand, fully intending to pull it away. Instead, he found himself leaning into her touch. His eyes closed and he reveled in the feeling of her soft skin against his.

“Tell me you don’t love me,” she gently demanded.

“I don’t love you,” Jimin responded even as he held her hand more tightly against his face.

“Tell me why you can’t love me.”

“Because I made a promise...” Jimin’s eyes snapped open. He wasn’t supposed to say that. He let go of her hand and stepped back. He wasn’t supposed to tell her. She wasn’t supposed to know. She couldn’t know how much she truly meant to him. If she did, she wouldn’t stay away. And she had to stay away. What if breaking his promise meant her ending up on death’s door again?

“What promise? To who?” SooJin asked, eyes searching his questioningly. He really was hiding something from her. There was something making him push her away. What kind of promise would force him to make her suffer so much? Make him suffer so much?

“I-it’s nothing,” he said frantically.

“Jimin! Please just tell me!” she pleaded with him. “Please...” she clutched his shirt desperately. “It hurts so much...”

And with that, he felt his resolve finally and completely break down. “When...” He let out a small sob. “When I heard about the accident... I was so scared. Then they told us there was a very big chance that you would die. It killed me... You know I’m not the praying type, but that was the only thing I could think of. We needed a miracle. So I made a promise...”

“To who?” SooJin’s heart ached listening to him.

“To whoever was listening; God, Buddha, Allah, whoever. I wasn’t picky. I didn’t care as long as you were saved. I promised that if they saved you, I would stay away from you.”

“Why... Why would you promise something like that?”

“Because...” Jimin looked away guiltily. “Because you’re this beautiful, pure thing... and there was only one reason I could come up with, as crazy as it is, as to why some god would want for you to die.” SooJin waited patiently. She could see how much he was hurting. “That god must have been afraid that you would become tainted in this world. He was going to let you die so that you could stay pure. And I know how tainted I am. So I thought... maybe if I promised to stay away, that it would be enough to convince that god that you could stay here and remain as beautiful and perfect as you are.

“And when I let myself get too close... I heard about your near miss while walking around neighborhood the day of the party. The aide had to tell Jin and I heard them. I could only think that it was because I’d gotten too close to you that morning. That’s why... Hoseok...” Jimin’s voice cracked. “Hoseok’s a good guy. He’s not tainted, he’s sunshine. Even when I... did something unforgivable... he forgave me. He’s a good guy. He...” Jimin looked to SooJin again and almost lost himself in her eyes. “He could keep the darkness away from you. He’s... he’s perfect for you... You should fall for him...”

“I don’t want to,” SooJin said gently but bluntly. “You’re not tainted. And I’m not pure. There’s no such thing as either of those. All humans are a mixture of good and bad. But you’ve never killed anyone, you’ve never raped, you’ve never done those truly bad things. You’re a good man... And I love you... And anyway, there’s nothing more pure than love...” And with that, SooJin leaned up and kissed him. It was a lot more chaste than she wanted, but with her legs still not at 100% yet, she couldn’t keep herself steady in that position.

As her heels met the floor again, Jimin knew he had to ask one more thing, even as his body screamed at him to feel her again. “Why do you still love me? After—After everything I said and did to you... How can you still love me?”

SooJin opened her eyes and stared into his. She wanted him to know exactly how she felt and that she knew what he’d been trying to do, with pushing her away, with the woman tonight... “Because I fell in love with you. Not with the person you were pretending to be recently. And I now know why you did what you did. That’s why I can forgive you. Because I love the real you. Even though you hurt me so badly, you did it, however misguided, with the intention of protecting me. As... contradictory as it is, you hurt me and yourself to try to protect me. And I love you. Perhaps it makes me a fool, but I don’t care.”

SooJin barely finished speaking when Jimin captured her lips in another kiss, this time even more passionately than he had first kissed her in the library. He tasted her tears on her lips and it made him more desperate to show his apology. One hand gripped the back of her head and the other wrapped around her waist, pulling her flush against him. SooJin gasped and Jimin used the opportunity to let his tongue explore her mouth. SooJin returned the action and the two became lost in each other. They continued trying to pull each other impossibly closer and closer, fingers clutching, bodies grinding against each other as if trying to make up for the pain they had felt.

Jimin barely managed to find himself. He reluctantly broke the kiss. He wanted to continue. He so badly wanted to continue. But he didn’t want to pull SooJin into his world so suddenly. They just now made up. Even though he knew better, part of him was afraid that SooJin would think that he was trying to manipulate her into bed with him. Now that he finally decided to go after what he truly wanted, he didn’t want to lose her just because he couldn’t control his hormones. She wouldn’t be ready for something like that.

When he opened his eyes, he was met with one of the most beautiful sights he’d ever seen. SooJin stood there, her chest heaving, trying to catch her breath, her face flushed, lips dark and swollen, and when she opened her eyes, Jimin sucked in his breath. Her eyes were almost glazed and her pupils dilated. She looked at him as if asking why he stopped. Jimin gulped slowly as he fought with himself.

“Did I... do something wrong?” SooJin asked him, still breathless from their kiss.

“No! No, definitely not. It’s just me... If I didn’t stop now, then I didn’t think I’d be able to stop.”

Then SooJin understood what he was saying. But she didn’t care. “And?”

Jimin’s eyes widened. SooJin had no idea what she was doing to him. He was going to go crazy. “If we’re—If we’re going to try... ‘us’... I don’t want—I don’t want you to feel like you’re just any other woman to me.”

“Then don’t let me think that.”

“Wh—“

“If I were just any other woman, you’d see me—what?—once, twice, just for sex. So don’t let it just be that. Take me out on a date tomorrow or sometime this week. And don’t let it just be once or twice...” SooJin watched the conflict in Jimin’s eyes. She smiled. He really did care for her. “But that’s okay. I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you—which is really weird for me to say.” Both of them chuckled nervously. “We can take our time. Let it be something more traditional. That’s perfectly fine with me too. I just want to be with you. As long as you’re saying you want there to be ‘us’ from now on?”

Jimin nodded emphatically and began wiping away her tears. “Of course. I want there to be ‘us’. I’ve wanted that—I want that so badly.” I want you so badly.

SooJin smiled lovingly at him. She leaned up and placed a quick kiss on his cheek. “Then... until next time...” Her hands slowly slid down his arms and she walked backwards. When they were finally too far to touch anymore, she turned back to the door. She walked to her cane and picked it up. “Goodnight, Jimi—“

SooJin was cut off by her own gasp when she felt Jimin wrap his arms around her waist from behind. He buried his face in the crook of her neck. “I love you,” he murmured into her skin. He couldn’t stand the thought of letting her leave. She loved him. Even through everything, she loved him. And she believed in him, that he didn’t want her just for her body. And for her trust, though he didn’t think it was possible, Jimin fell in love with her even more. And she... she wanted him. Maybe as badly as he wanted her.

SooJin dropped her cane again and rested her hands on his arms. “I love you too...” she responded, her voice almost coming out in a moan. Jimin kissed her neck and she turned her head to give him more access. Her hand reached behind her and she tangled her fingers in his hair. Jimin’s right hand ghosted up her abdomen to rest on her left breast. He squeezed it gently and this time SooJin did let out a moan. Everything was new to SooJin and it felt amazing. At her moan, Jimin let out a groan of his own.

SooJin felt his desire pressed against the lowest part of her lower back and pushed back into it. Jimin let out something between a moan and a groan and SooJin turned herself around to find his lips again. Clothing was shed as the two slowly made their way to his bed. Everything after that was slow and deliberate, passionate and loving. There was no rush; they had the entire night to explore each other. And that’s exactly what they did.

--

The next morning, SooJin woke up confused. Not that she didn’t remember the events of a few hours ago, she remembered every detail. Just thinking about it started to make her feel hot again. But that wasn’t the issue. The issue was that something had woken her up, but she didn’t know what? Jimin was behind her, his naked front against her back, spooning her. One arm was under her waist, the other draped over it. He was perfectly still. So what had woken her up? She didn’t wake up on her own, that much she was sure of. So what—

Her thoughts were cut off when Jimin’s arm that was over her waist started moving. His fingers moved up and down her torso, tracing unknown shapes on her skin. She sighed and smiled. Jimin wasn’t moving aside from that motion so she was pretty positive what was happening. She remembered back to the sleepover she had with everyone when she first moved into the house. Namjoon had thrown a fit in the morning about how Jimin had violated him again while sleeping. This must have been what he meant. Though it appeared she had woken up before it got that handsy.

Suddenly, she gasped in surprise. Jimin’s hand had moved down her body to cup her completely naked womanhood. There was no way Jimin was still asleep. She quickly turned her upper body to look back at him. He looked like a sleeping angel. Anyone who saw his face would have no idea what he was doing under the covers. And he definitely wasn’t faking it, she could tell he was still asleep. She let out a moan when his fingers started to move. No way. This was definitely not going to happen. If he was going to do something, he was going to do it properly.

With a definite regret, she pulled his hand out from between her legs and flipped over to face him. He truly did look angelic. She raised her hand and traced a finger along the contours of his face. She started with his eyebrows, which twitched when she reached the spot between them, trailing down to the tip of his nose, back up to his eyes that somehow could seamlessly transition from beautiful and sweet to sexy and dominant. Then they traced down to his cute cheeks, up the cheekbone to his ears, then down to his mesmerizingly sharp jawline, to the tip of his chin, then to his lips. She spent time letting her finger soak in the feel of his soft lips, lips that had been all over her body a few hours previous. She blushed slightly at the memory.

SooJin started her tracing again. This time, though, it finally managed to rouse Jimin. He groaned and pulled her tighter against him. SooJin let out a small giggle. That appeared to catch his attention. One eye opened groggily and blinked. The other eye joined in and in a few seconds, they both opened to stare at SooJin. His eyes grew wide in confusion and he pulled back from her. SooJin’s smile fell. There was no way... after last night... he couldn’t... he hadn’t been that intoxicated... His eyes took a couple more seconds and then his hand gripped her arm tightly.

“You’re really here, right?” Jimin asked, his voice gravelly with sleep. SooJin smiled again. That was what the look was.

“I’ll pinch you if you like,” SooJin responded. When Jimin just continued to stare, SooJin pinched his side.

“Ow!”

“So... is it real?” SooJin gasped in surprise when Jimin pulled her against him and buried his face in her hair and neck.

“I was so afraid it was a dream again,” he mumbled. SooJin stroked his head.

“Again?” Jimin jerked his head back, his face red.

“I—uh—that is, um—“ he stuttered.

SooJin laughed. “It’s okay. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have dreams too. Though not nearly as hot as last night was. That... I could have never dreamed that up.”

Jimin smiled, a hint of cockiness in it. “It was that good, huh?”

SooJin just laughed. Her musical laugh sent Jimin’s heart racing. “Yes. It was amazing. Now...” She made him look her in the eye. The look she had now made blood rush to a very specific part of Jimin’s body. “Why don’t you finish what you started?” Internally, SooJin chuckled to herself over how quick Jimin was to respond to her.

“Wh-what I started?”

“Yeah,” she grabbed his hand that had woken her up and set it on her breast, “you and your wandering hand.”

It took a second for Jimin to understand. “Oh!”

“Yeah, oh.”

In a fraction of a second, Jimin rolled her onto her back, him on top. The look in his eye sent heat blazing through her body. “Then shall we begin?”

Just as Jimin started attacking her neck, there was a knock on the door. Jungkook’s knock.

“Oh shit,” they said in unison. The door opened a crack. Just their luck to forget to lock the door. There was nothing they could do so Jimin pulled the covers up more and moved to where he could block Jungkook’s view of her. Jungkook would know that Jimin had someone in bed with him, but he wouldn’t know who. Jimin and SooJin had discussed what to do about their relationship for a few minutes before they fell asleep. All they knew for certain was that they weren’t ready to tell the others.

Jimin was worried about what they would think of SooJin for sleeping with him. He was certain they would think badly of her for allowing herself to sleep with playboy Jimin. SooJin was worried what they, especially Jin, would think of Jimin because of her sleeping with him. Would they think he manipulated her or coerced her or something of that nature? She couldn’t bear the thought of them thinking that about him.

“Hyung, are you up?” Jungkook called. Without waiting, he pushed the door open more. “Hyung—what the—son of a bitch!”

“Jungkook...” Jimin warned. But Jungkook wouldn’t have any of that. Jungkook closed the door behind him so that the others wouldn’t hear.

“You son of a bitch! How could you?!”

“Jungkook!” SooJin looked up at Jimin. Jimin shook his head.

“Are you even paying attention? How could you do this?! After everything—after—I can’t believe it! And I told her to give you a chance. I told noona to wait. I made her promise to not give up on you. And this—“ Jungkook was livid.

“Jungkook. You need to watch your mouth.”

“No, hyung. You know what? I’m sick of sticking up for you and defending you. You’re a bastard. You don’t deserve noona. And I’ll be damned if I let you break her heart.”

“It’s okay,” SooJin told Jimin almost inaudibly. He knew what she was going to do and he didn’t like it. But SooJin couldn’t let Jungkook think like that about his brother. Jungkook would just have to keep his mouth shut.

“You know what? I’m glad you’re not trying to defend yourself because that would just make you look more pathetic.” Jungkook turned and grabbed the door handle, ready to storm out.

“Jeon Jungkook!” SooJin yelled. Jimin sighed and moved back to the other side of her so Jungkook could now see her. Jungkook froze at the sound of her voice. SooJin pulled the covers higher, held a pillow to her torso, and sat up. Jungkook slowly turned around.

“N-n-n-noona. H-h-how... Hyung! Did you—“ His face was red from both embarrassment and anger.

“Don’t talk to your hyung like that, Jungkook. You should know your brother better than the thoughts that just crossed your mind. Actually... I was the one who had to convince him that... that this was okay, that I really did want this. So... you should apologize to your hyung for the things you just said.”

“B-but, how was I supposed to know—“

“Exactly. You assumed. Something you should know better than to do.”

Jungkook looked down sheepishly. “Sorry... hyung.”

Jimin sighed. He wanted to be angry at his brother, but he couldn’t be. He deserved everything that Jungkook had said. “It’s alright Kookie. It’s not like I didn’t deserve it.”

“Okay then,” SooJin said, clapping her hands together. “Now for the problem at hand. You came to look for Jimin, did anyone come to look for me?”

“No. Everyone’s at the table. Since I was coming to get Jimin, they volunteered me to get you too.”

“Okay, good, one less complication.”

“So... what do I do? I’m guessing you don’t want the others to know.”

“If we hadn’t already discussed it, your reaction was definitely enough of an indication that we shouldn’t tell them.” Jungkook looked down again. “It’s okay, Jungkook, we aren’t mad. Though I would’ve thought you would’ve learned your lesson about waiting by now... But that’s beside the point. Stay up here for a minute, outside, while we get changed. We’ll discuss it more in a minute.” Jungkook nodded and headed outside. As soon as Jungkook left, SooJin threw back the covers. Jimin smirked at the sight. His smile fell when she turned to the side and he saw the old, faded scars he had discovered the previous night.

Jimin scooted over to her and began kissing the scars. SooJin stopped moving and reveled in the feeling of his lips on her skin. “If you don’t stop,” she said breathily, “I’m not going to be able to leave. Then they’ll figure it out pretty quickly.” With an annoyed groan, Jimin stopped. SooJin laughed. “You’re too cute.”

“That’s not what you were saying last night...”

SooJin turned her head to look at him. “Am I going to be able to leave or is this your way of asking me to stay in bed all day?” Jimin smirked. SooJin laughed it off and stood up. Jimin watched her bend over to pick up her clothes making appreciative noises. “I swear, Jimin, you’re going to be the death of me.” Jimin chuckled. SooJin quickly put on her clothes. She came back to the bed for a second to kiss Jimin, barely escaping when he tried to pull her back down.

On the way back to her room to change, SooJin talked to Jungkook about what to say or not say to the others.

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So, did that make up for all the pain I put you through? I hope so. Aside from the slight closet-perv side of me, this was actually one of my favorite scenes to write. Maybe because it was so dramatic. I really hope you enjoyed it.
Side note: I know Jimin's whole promise thing may seem a bit far-fetched or weird to some, but I actually know someone who went through that whole 'tainted' phase thing and let it mess with their relationships. I thought it would be an interesting way to confront this issue for Jimin. Hopefully I didn't do a bad job of it and offend anyone. If so, I apologize.

There's only a few more chapters in the story, so I hope I can continue to do well until the end. If I'm able to schedule it ahead of time, the next chapter will be out on Saturday. I'm going on a long weekend trip so it will be difficult for me to upload. I hope I have time before then. One way or the other, I'll see you guys next chapter!!!

Thank you @Mavis2478 for the story.

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Bruh Squad
2 comments
THE PAINS OF MY TODAY FAM HELP
6 months ago·Reply
10
see that made up for the pain thank you but now I need more Dx
6 months ago·Reply
11
@KittenFear glad I made up for the pain. And uh oh, lol *searches pockets for more *
6 months ago