A cotton hoodie hugged your body, pulling the sleeves over your hands, you rested your arm on the door of the car, while your eyes tried to occupy you with something that was outside, your other hand gently rested in your kangaroo pocket, gently stroking your stomach where your baby used to be. Choked sobs occasionally spilled from your lips as tears ran down your face at their will.
Doojoon carefully drove home, looking over at you every few minutes and his hand rubbing soothing circles on your thigh, with the radio turned off, Doojoon just focused on you, the love of his life and his everything as he tried to distract from the pain in his heart from yet another loss.
The long car ride home from the hospital came to a stop when Doojoon pulled in front of your apartment complex. Looking over at you, he put the car in park and leaned over kissing your head sweetly. Getting out of the car, he grabbed your bag and opened your door gently, careful of you not to fall out. Leaning down, he unbuckled you, placing your hand on his, his eyes moved up to yours as you looked at him desperately.
“How come this happened to us?” You asked through your cracking voice.
“I don’t know, maybe the timing wasn’t right” He laced his fingers with yours as you closed your eyes and he helped you out of the car.
“This is our second time that we lost the baby” You rested your head against his shoulder while he closed the door and locked it behind the two of you.
“I know, but maybe we are just thinking of too many things at once.” He whispered against your hair. “Let’s focus on you for right now and when you get better we can think about another baby, okay?”
Nodding your head to his plan, he wrapped his arm around your waist and walked with you to the front doors, pulling them open for you, the two of you made it to the elevator, pressing your floor, the matte black doors closed and you just clung tighter to Doojoon. Rubbing your back in circles, he tried to hold back his tears from loosing yet another baby, however he was happy that he still had you by his side.
Reaching your floor the doors retracted into the wall and he walked through with you to the apartment door. Punching in the code, the entrance chime sounded and he pushed the door open. Slipping off your shoes, he followed you and lead you back into the bedroom.
“Can I get you anything?” He asked carefully laying you down on your side of the bed. Shaking your head, you turned away from him and pulled the covers up over your shoulders.
“Let me know if I can do anything for you, love” He kissed your cheek gently, rubbing your arm softly. Turning down the blinds over the window he knew that you wanted it to be dark and you wanted to be alone. Shutting all of the doors he walked out keeping the hallway door slightly open in case you needed him for anything.
Heading into the kitchen, he washed the breakfast dishes, pots and pans, drying them and putting them away, he walked around trying to keep his mind busy however he knew that he needed to make sure that he could hear you or any actions you did.
Ever since the first baby that you lost, you had fallen into a deep sadness, deeper than any ice cream or cuddles could cheer you up with. Honestly Doojoon had tried to help you get over this but he just decided to take it one day at a time with you. Two years ago, when you first had lost your baby, the doctor predicted this sort of thing, but as time grew on, you started to get a little better since Doojoon was around you. Falling back down into a depression again after you lost the baby, Doojoon gave up his dream and just stayed with you full time. Working from home to support you, he tried his hardest to be there when you needed him.
Settling down at his desk, he covered his eyes and let a few tears fall in sadness. A picture of you sat on his desk with you smiling. Oh how he missed to hear your laugh and to see you smile. More tears fell from his eyes as he lifted up the lid of his laptop and saw your wedding photos with him as the screen saver. Quickly moving the mouse, he got right to work, typing and putting together a presentation for the company.
Hours ticked by and Doojoon grew a little curious as to what you were doing, getting up he moved back over to the bedroom and looked through the opened door. Seeing you fast asleep and your shoulders moving up and down with every breath, he closed the door again.
With the doctor’s orders to keep a close eye on you from all of the suicidal thoughts, he headed back to his desk and spun from side to side in his chair. Tapping his lips he tried to think of what could help you, however more time passed as you finished your nap and got up from the bed.
Heading out of the bedroom, you wrapped a warm blanket around you and your bare feet padded against the wood floor, turning the corner, you headed into the kitchen. Pulling the refrigerator door open caught Doojoon’s attention as he spun around in his chair and got to his feet.
“Did you need something, beautiful?” He asked walking over to you as you reached up and pulled down a glass cup.
“Just some water” You whispered with a hoarse voice from all of your crying.
Nodding his head, he watched you as you poured the water and sipped it slowly. Watching you drink the whole glass you set the glass beside the sink and the water back into the refrigerator.
“_______” Doojoon called you sweetly, looking up you walked over in front of him as you looked up into his blood shot eyes. “You know I love you right?”
“I know” You whispered, gently moving closer to him, you wrapped your arms around him and rested your head on his chest while he leaned back onto the counter top.
“Doojoon?” You gripped his shirt tighter between your hands, “What if we can’t have another baby?”
“We will keep trying and if we can’t then we can try other things” He tells you, wrapping his arms around you and holding you protectively in his arms. Nodding your head against his chest, he always knew what to say to make you feel just a little better.
The whole day you both spent most of it together, watching movies and drowning in sorrow from your precious loss. Once the moon hung high up in the sky, Doojoon carried you carefully to bed, your head rested on his chest while he set you down on the disheveled covers.
“I’ll go shower then I will be back” Doojoon whispered against your hair, your body cuddled under the the blankets as you nodded. Knowing that he couldn’t leave you for two long or you would try to leave him, he made the shower quick and changed into some black sweats and a grey tank top.
Flicking off the lights, he knelt down beside you, soaking in your peaceful face.
“I love you so much, I am sorry that the baby didn’t make it” He whispered softly while his hand gently pet your hair, moving under his touch, your hand reached up and wrapped around his wrist, your wrists became exposed while he glanced down and seeing the cuts along the inside of your wrists from your several attempts to leave him.
Finding new blood on the scabs that were ripped off, he pulled out the side table drawer and placed some bandages along the cut. Leaning down he gently kissed the bandage, giving them all of the love that they need to heal and then gently kissed your lips. Walking around to his side of the bed, he slipped under the covers and pulled you close to him, tucking your head under his chin, he felt your body move closer and relax against his warm body.
“Sleep well, babe” He whispered and kissed your forehead.
A year and a half passed, with little steps taken everyday, you started to smile, laugh and enjoy life again. When you found out you were pregnant for a third time, Doojoon told you that this was going to be okay despite your nerves from the previous failed attempts.
Following his orders and the doctors, you were confined to bed rest for most of the pregnancy, only allowed to get up and walk around a little. Doojoon made sure that you had everything you ever needed. He was going to be the perfect father, if you ever could have a child of your own.
Months passed and you managed to make it through your full pregnancy without loosing the baby. Now finding yourself in the hospital ready to deliver, the doctor came in with his white jacket hanging over his shoulders.
“Are you ready?” The doctor looked at you with a smile, knowing that it was time, you nodded your head and Doojoon held your hand tightly. Moving you down the hall to a delivery room, machines and tubes filled the room as you were wheeled into the center.
Doojoon was asked to scrub up and he was in a green blue gown like the others in the room. Holding his hand, you looked up at him as he gave you a smile and leaned down kissing your lips.
“We have made it this far, we just need the baby to hold on a little longer, then we will be a family” He smiled and kissed your forehead as you nodded in agreement.
Hours of contractions and complications lengthened the procedure, forcing the doctors to do a C-section, you held onto Doojoon’s hand until you saw a limp body being passed to the nurses and carried over to the glass bed where they were checking out the little life.
Gripping onto Doojoon’s hand, he held it tightly right back, looking over at the baby he looked down at you with a small smile.
“The baby will be fine” He whispered while his thumb moved over your fingers, his other fingers pushed away your sweaty hair and tucked it behind your ear.
A loud, strong cry filled the room as tears instantly filled your eyes and you kissed Doojoon’s hand in happiness, hearing your baby cry for the first time, you just looked up at him until there was a different cry heard in the room. Doojoon’s eyes widened and looked over at the doctor as he was smiling brightly.
“You were carrying twins” The doctor announced with a proud smile on his face. The small bed were wheeled out of the room for further tests as Doojoon stayed right by your side.
Once they stitched you up, they wheeled you back to your room so that you could get some rest. Your head rolled over to Doojoon once all of the doctors and nurses left.
“Will you let me know when our babies come back?” You whispered ever so softly.
“Of course, just rest and I will wake you up” Doojoon leaned over and pressed his lips on yours, a smile curled on your lips after he pulled away.
“I love you” You held his hand tighter.
“I love you too” He kissed the tip of your nose causing you to giggle, your eyes fell closed from exhaustion while he stayed by your side, thinking of what each twin could be and what they looked like.
A few hours later the door opened and Doojoon woke up from resting his eyes as two glass cribs rolled into the room.
“Jagi, jagi” He gently woke you, your eyes opened and you carefully sat up. “They’re here” he whispered with bright eyes as two nurses stood there.
“They are perfect twins” The head nurse said as she passed you the first and oldest baby “This one is the oldest, it is a girl” She gently shuffled the sleeping bundle into your arms.
“She’s so beautiful” You whispered, gently bouncing her in your arms while she slept and cuddled closer to you.
“This one is younger and it is a boy” The other nurse announced as she shuffled the baby into Doojoon’s arms.
“Thank you two so much” Doojoon bowed to them as his eyes started to fill with tears.
“You are very welcome, press your nurses’ button if you need anything, but we will come and check up with you in a while” They both bowed and left you and your family alone.
“A little boy and little girl” Doojoon whispered leaning and getting a glance of his little girl, you did the same and smiled at your little boy.
“Do you have any names that you want to name them?” You questioned, your fingers gently brushing over the little boy’s cheek.
“It would be cute if their names matched each other” Doojoon whispered trying not to wake the sleeping babies.
“I like Miles for our boy” You smiled just getting lost in his precious face, that looked just like Doojoon’s when he slept.
“I think Mackenzie fits our little princess” Doojoon looked up at you then down at the little girl as he saw the beauty that each of you carried in your small smiles.