"Rae." It was the scene from that night. That wretched night where I wrecked it all in four shots. I can't even begin to explain where it all went wrong. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." If only you were still here so I can tell you face to face. I just want to be able to breathe you and see you. "But you can see me Simon. I'm right here. Just reach out your hand towards me. I'm right here. I never left you." I reached out my hands to touch hers. It felt so real. The tips of her fingers touching mine and watching closely as our hands joined together. The softness of her hands and the warmth. I miss this feeling so much. Getting closer and closer to each other, I can make out every defining curve of her body. How much I longed to just hold her one more time. "It's okay Simon. I know, it's weird right. Being here.... With me?" "It's just.. How can this be?.... Why would you even want to see me. I have done so much wrong to you?" "But I also did wrong.. I just never expected you to..." How could I face her? I don't deserve to see her. I caused her so much heartache and she was the one I truly loved. I have never ever loved any of the other women the way that I loved her. I don't know why I betrayed her and slept with that bitch. "Simon it's okay. Let's not talk about that now. I forgive you Simon." "I don't deserve your forgiveness Rae." "Just hold me, please. That's all I want. Is to be in your arms again." So I did. I took her in my arms and I held her the way I used to hold her when we would fall asleep after a long night. She could always calm my soul and fueled my heart's desire. She helped me to take the beast that lurks inside of me. And yet I still threw it all away. Having her here, laying down on the bed with me was and still is what I had always wanted. Stroking her arms with my finger, I can see her smile and feel her smile. I kissed her her arm, then her shoulder, her neck and her cheek. I couldn't help but feel that she bared a similar resemblance to someone I know. But I couldn't think who. "What's wrong Simon?" "Its nothing.. Its just that you remind me so much of her." "Her who?" Before I could say her name, Rae turns to face me only for her face to change and become "MJ?" She smiled and I woke up instantly. Heavy breathing, my heart pounding loudly in my chest, the room spinning and my head whirling trying to figure out exactly what happened. Simon?! Are you okay?! I can still hear her. Where is she? I don't understand why her face would disappear like that and go to MJs. I don't understand. Rae has never appeared before in my dreams. This is the first time I have dreamt of her in a long time. I could feel hands wrapping around my shoulders massaging them. "Babe are you okay? I've been calling your name for the last 2 minutes?" "I.. Uh.. I yea.. Yea I am.. It was just a dream." "Are you sure? You look as though you've seen a ghost." "Yea, babe I'm sure. I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you or wake you." "I was already woke. I couldn't sleep myself." "Here come lay on my chest." Motioning with my hand for MJ to come closer we snuggled up under the blanket together with her head resting on my chest and her right hand swung across me in a half a hug. I brought my right arm down to wrap it around her body and just held her. I kissed her on her forehead. "You're heart's beating fast." "Yea but now that I have you wrapped in my arms, I'm okay. It will come down in a bit." "You sure you don't wanna talk about it?" "Yea babe I'm sure. Just get some rest huh." "Okay." No more words exchanged she shifted a bit to be more comfortable and drifted off into a dream state whilst I stayed up for a bit wondering exactly what this dream meant. I feel as though there is something amiss here and I can't seem to figure it out. It was an amazing dream and I miss her so much. 13 Years Ago.... The music was loud and the vibrations were bouncing off of every corner in this place. It was thrilling and lively. My place of peace. My domain. Yes I'm an arrogant son of a bitch and I earned that right. No one was ever allowed in or out without my knowledge. I trusted no one. Not even my right hand man. The only thing I knew was that the only person I could trust was myself. I wasn’t always like this and no i wasn’t your typical “bad boy” who just liked getting into fights and came from a broken home. The only thing I can tell you is that my father was a force that no one dared to fuck with. He owned his own business and what it was that he did, I didn’t know since we were never allowed to ask questions. So I never did until I was forced to do so.
Other than that I had pretty damn good life and was as smart as they came. I could have been one of those ivy league types but no. Life decided that it wanted to play a game with me and test my limits. I was always at peace with life and felt like nothing could ever go wrong until the day she left me and would never return. My future wife, the one I had planned on spending the rest of my life with was gone within the blur of a moment.
I can still remember that day and how it felt when I got the news. I honestly couldn’t explain it then, but there was this ominous feeling in the air as if something bad were going to happen. But I shrugged it off and went on about my day. Later on that night, I got the call. That one call no one ever wants to receive. My phone had rang and it was her father calling to see if I had seen or heard from her, which I hadn’t. We searched everywhere for her and couldn’t find her. There was finally police call that had been received about the body of a young college girl floating in the Han River with a gunshot wound to the head. It was a professional killing with no evidence left behind except for one thing. A recording of a man’s voice. Since I was the boyfriend, I was brought in for questioning to establish my alibi and all that shit. Then they played the recording to confirm that it wasn’t me and to see if maybe I knew who the person was.
At first I couldn’t tell who it was, but then I heard. That distinct deep but yet charming and smooth voice. It was none other than my own father. Shocked and confused, I didn’t know what to do. But one thing was for damn sure, I couldn’t say anything until I got all the information from him first. Confronting my father, I found out that everything was true. He did have her killed because she was a witness to a murder that he had just committed. So not only did the bastard kill the love of my life, but he also killed someone. This was the beginning of my decent into my hell and my heaven. All he could do was pat my shoulder and say, “She was a bitched who fucked everything that came her. So the way I see it son, I did you a fucking favor you ungrateful bastard.” With that he walked away. From that day on, I quit school and decided to learn the business.
Of course that motherfucker was proud that his son wanted to learn his business, the business that he kept hidden, hoping that I would eventually take it over. But of course, no one else was too keen on this idea. The years went by and I learned faster and quicker than anyone else. When it was time, I was going to take over but in my own way. He didn’t see it coming. He never thought it would be the closest person to him. We were having a business meeting with a few of his associates to discuss a new business venture. What father didn’t know, is that they were more afraid of me than they were of him. My father had this idea that it was okay to just belittle me in front of his people as if he were trying to show who had the power. But that was okay cause that night it all ended.
Halfway during the meeting my father kept belittling me and hitting me in my head saying that in order for me to be able to take over from him that I needed to learn how to take better care of what was going on around me. What my father didn’t know was that it wasn’t me who was doing the dirty deeds of selling his business under to the partners/associates but his right hand man. I finally grabbed my father’s hand and twisted it behind his back, pulled out the gun he had given me and placed it to his head. He was smiling so big because I had fought him back but he didn’t realize what I was about to do next.
“I’m so proud of you son. You’re finally fucking getting it.”
“Father. I’m proud you are. But you won’t be here to see what I’m about to turn your business into.”
“What do you mean yes I will.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yea I am you bastard. What the fuck are you getting at?”
“Remember that girl you killed, well father I’m here to repay the favor and yea I know you think it’s weak cause I’m doing this over a girl who has long been deceased but the truth of the matter is that you lied about somethings. Such as forcing her to have sex with your partners to get them to agree to whatever terms you had on the table and then blackmail them with it.”
“Yea she kept all kinds of records. Even ones of you father and your transgressions. It was an innocent life lost due to your greed. So for that I can’t let it go. She was the only thing good in my life and you took it and made me who I am today. See you in hell.”
And without any hesitation, and my finger on the trigger I squeezed and blew his brains out all over his associates. Watching his body fall limp and seeing all the blood on the floor just pouring out, it was an amazing feeling. I smiled and laughed a little before grabbing a towel and continuing on the conversation with the associates. Thus was the beginning of my new life. Hated, feared and arrogant. I didn’t give a shit, but from that day forward I never trusted anyone and never gave my heart away fearing that another enemy would take the most precious thing to me and I couldn’t have that. I have lived by that rule for as long as I could remember. They were only allowed in my bed but never in my heart.
No matter how many woman I had in my bed at night, I never kept anyone longer than one night. Until I met her…. I honestly don’t know what it was about her but she made my whole life so much better. The first night I noticed her was when the twins had protected her from some asshole that had been approaching her in my club. Usually I wouldn’t pay attention to shit like this, but this particular situation was different. The fact that the twins were so protective of her and she knew the bartender made me wonder, what was different about her.
She didn’t act like all these other bitches just throwing themselves at me or at other men. She swayed to the music and from what I could tell only had a few close friends besides the ones who worked here. My curiosity was getting to me and I had to find out what she was like for myself. But me being the selfish arrogant bastard that I am, I wasn’t gonna be the first one to make a move unless absolutely necessary. Whoever knew that that chance was gonna come so soon.
Being the gentleman that I am, I felt the need to step in. Not to mention this asshole has been ruining my business ever since he brought his ass here. Taking care of him was gonna be easy, but I wanted her and I didn’t even know her. The way she looked and feigned innocence. Her lip and the way she turned them into a smile. Her long legs and that body. It was calling me in more ways than one. I had my guys handle the asshole and took him outside. WHile they were clearing out the fucking garbage, I came down to make sure everything was taken care of.
"Did you take care of that asshole?" "Yes Boss." "Good. Now make sure that bastard doesn't show his face around here again. Let it be known, that if he does he will fucking regret it. Got it?" "Got it Boss. We'll get it take on care of."
Looking at her she looked so shocked and so much more beautiful up close. I can feel that she might either be what I have been looking for or be the death of me. But at some point I lost all reason. I just didn’t give a shit. I was willing to break my own cardinal rule for her. That night I took her home like I did all the other women. Of course for me it was all fun and games and I’m sure it started out the same for her as well. But we all know shit can change in a second. That night shit changed for me.
Yea, the first time I ever felt like I was making love to someone and not fucking them just to fuck them. She was different. She talked back. She didn’t give a shit either. I could tell she knew somewhat about my reputation and I’m sure ‘fuckboy’ was thrown in there but hey the shit was true. From that moment forward, she was my everything and she changed. For the better yes. She was still the same Rae I fell in love with but with a lot more edge now.
We were soo fucking great together until I fucked it up and everything went downhill from there. From my fucking around her with my business partners girl to me killing her. How the fuck did we get there and why did I ever go down that road? Maybe it was my punishment. I did a lot of shit and none of it I regretted. But this, this was the one time that I actually regretted doing anything.
“Yea Simon. That was so long ago and living with that regret won’t bring her back.” I said to myself in a low tone as I watched MJ sleep in my arms. I had one of the most beautiful women sleeping right next to me but yet I can’t help but get this feeling that something very bad is going to happen. Almost as if history is about to repeat itself. I trusted MJ, way the fuck more than I trusted Alex’s bitchass. But her disappearing like that without a word made me wonder, that there may be something more than what she is telling me.
I don’t know what it is. But there is a storm coming and maybe the dream about Rae is a warning. What kind of warning I don’t know I said looking out the window as the sky became dark and the moonlight disappeared. Only revealing lightning is streaked across the sky. As the lightening lit up the sky, I could see my reflection in the window, except only it wasn’t my face but the face. It was the face of someone that I had not seen in a long time and forgot what that person looked like. The old me. The one who was vulnerable and never afraid to let anyone or take chances. I made my decision long ago and the path that I chose to take I did it for a reason. I can’t turn back and I have come too far. I will do whatever it takes to protect me and mine. No matter what and at any cost. The monster in me wants to come out and play and I think it’s about time that it did.
Well I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. From here it will get more intense. I know you probably think why these chapters but they’re important for what will happen within the next chapters. We are almost close to the end. Thank you for hanging in there with me. Thank you for loving this story.
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