cmcuff30
9 months ago100+ Views
This is my entry for the B.A.P. FanFic contest. Tagging the Matoki Team: @MaeLyn, @ChaErica, @XxGummybear92xX, @yehetmyohorat97, @Starbell808

You and Yongguk had been best friends for as long as you could remember. Your parents joked that you were best of friends since you were in the womb. Both of your mothers had been best friends since kindergarten and just happened to get pregnant with you both at the same time. From the day the two of you were released from the hospital as newborns, your moms had set you up on play dates, so it was no surprise that you two became inseparable. You could tell each other anything and knew everything about one another. You couldn’t remember going even one day without talking to each other. Growing up, everyone referred to you as the two peas in a pod, or as your mothers said two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. That was why nobody was surprised when you two decided to move to Seoul in order to pursue the dreams you had discussed since you were young children. You hoped to become a renowned actress, and Yongguk was planning on pursuing his dream of becoming a rapper and music producer.
After moving to Seoul you both went through many challenges on the path to achieving your dreams, but luckily you had each other. Any time you faced a challenge, Yongguk was just a phone call or text away to help you get through it, and you repaid the favor whenever he needed it. Before you knew it both of your dreams were realized. You started getting cast in TV dramas, and Yongguk became the leader, main rapper, and producer of the idol group B.A.P. You both became increasingly busy with your schedules, but that didn’t stop you from talking everyday or seeing each other whenever your schedules would allow. The rest of the members always joked that you were the honorary member of the group, since you spent so much time with Yongguk, and the rest of the boys. Over time, you started to count them as some of your best friends as well. Although it was wonderful having great friends that made being away from home easier, getting close to them meant they were able to discover your deep dark secret that you were in love with Yongguk.
You had a crush on Yongguk since you were five. Pretty much everyone back home, and now his fellow members all could tell how you felt about him. He seemed to be the only one oblivious to your feelings. You were okay with that however, because you were never going to tell him how you really felt. You didn’t want anything to destroy the friendship that the two of you had cultivated over the years and which meant so much to you. Despite all the teasing you had to endure at the hands of the boys of B.A.P. when you were alone with them, they had sworn never to divulge your secret. You knew you could count on them, because they knew how much damage could be done, if your relationship with Yongguk fell apart.
Ever since you were young, Yongguk suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. Growing up the attacks were relatively infrequent, but you had witnessed a few episodes. Whenever Yongguk was having a tough time, he would turn to you and you were usually able to help him through it. After moving to Seoul, you noticed that the episodes of anxiety and panic attacks started to get worse and would happen more frequently. It was clear that the busier Yongguk got, and the more responsibility that he had to take on as leader really affected him. The guys were really good and accepting of Yongguk and would try to help him, if they could tell he was having a tough time, but the truth was you were the only one who was really able to pull him out of his funk when his anxiety hit at full force. Anytime the group was making a comeback, or was busy with promotions you expected a call.
You knew that B.A.P. was planning a comeback, it was all the guys would talk about whenever you saw them, so you were expecting there to be another episode since you knew how much stress Yongguk would be under, but you weren’t expecting it to be as bad as Himchan described when he called you late one night. “Hi Y/N.” “Hi Channie, what are you doing calling so late?” You asked. “We need your help. Yongguk is a mess. He hasn’t slept or eaten in days, and has barely left the studio. When we try to get him to leave, he just gets mad at us and locks us out. We don’t know what to do. We met with PDnim and he is thinking of forcing him to take a break and go away for a while. We know Yongguk would never do it willingly, so we were wondering if you could maybe talk him into it.” Himchan explained. “When was PDnim planning on sending him on the trip?” You asked. “As soon as possible. He wants him to get better quickly.” “Himchan, I’m scheduled to start filming my drama in a few days, could you go with him?” You asked. “I tried suggesting that to Yongguk before calling you since I knew you had your own schedule, but he refused. PDnim wants someone to go with him so he gets distracted from work. Do you think you could maybe see if filming could be postponed just a week? We really have no other options right now.” “I will call my manager and see what I can do and let you know.” “Thanks Y/N, we really owe you.” After getting off the phone with Himchan, you had a lot to think about.
You were so excited to be working on your upcoming drama. The story was great, and you were going to be filming with Choi Tae Joon, who you had been dying to work with, but you knew that if Himchan was asking you for this favor, there was only one thing for you to do. You were left to just hope that they would be willing to postpone filming just for a little while. You called your manager to discuss your options but unfortunately they weren’t what you wanted to hear. You could either film the show, which meant you couldn’t help with Yongguk, or you could drop out of filming. After thinking it over, you told your manager what you would be doing. As soon, as you got off the phone with your manager, you called to let Himchan know that you would be by the dorm the next day to pick up Yongguk, and you started to pack your bags.
The next day you woke up nice and early and headed to the dorm to meet the boys. Himchan had told you that the trip to Jeju Island was all set, the tickets were purchased and PDnim had his home on the island prepped for you two to stay there. All you had to do was talk Yongguk into going with you. As soon as you walked into the dorm the faces of five guys who looked to be out of sorts greeted you. You could tell that they were all stressed and worried about the Yongguk situation, and you knew you had made the right decision to not only help Yongguk, but the rest of the group as well. After exchanging hellos, you made your way to Yongguk’s room. The moment you walked into his room, you realized the severity of this episode. Yongguk’s normally organized room was a mess, Yongguk looked as though he had lost weight and you could tell he hadn’t slept in days. “Hi Gukie! I’m here to pick you up and take you on a trip!” You exclaimed with as much enthusiasm as you could muster. “Y/N, I can’t go I don’t have the time. There is just so much for me to do to prepare for the comeback. Why don’t you just go by yourself?” “Please, it’s the only week I have before filming starts. I think it was a sign, that filming got postponed. You could use a vacation too it may recharge you and be just what you need to be back and better than ever for your comeback. And I really don’t want to go alone. Please, please, please with a cherry on top.” You begged with your best puppy dog pout face. “Okay, fine I will go with you. You know I can’t say no when you beg like that.” “I know that’s why I do it.” You responded with a laugh. “If I feel like the group needs me, I’m going to return to Seoul right away.” Yongguk said. “Deal. The flight leaves in a few hours so lets get you packed.” You quickly got Yongguk things together and left for the airport.
Before you knew it you had landed in Jeju. Although you wished that the vacation was happening under better circumstances, you knew that this was just what Yongguk needed, and you were determined to have a great time. After getting picked up at the airport the two of you made your way to the house that you would be staying at. As soon as you pulled up, your breath was taken away. The house was huge and beautiful; you couldn’t wait to check it out. You and Yongguk made your way into the house. Every room was decorated beautifully. You both chose your bedrooms and made your way to check out the rest of the house. The kitchen was fully stocked, there was an outdoor grill, and in the back yard, there was a pool that looked out over the ocean. Staying at the house for a week would not be a bad thing at all. After settling in for a bit you decided to cook dinner. You cooked a dinner feast for you and Yongguk, with all of his favorites. You had barely seen or heard him since you had arrived, so once dinner was about to be done you went in search for him. After looking through the house for him, you finally found him sitting by the pool, reading. You were happy to see him doing something relaxing. You told him dinner was ready, and asked him to help you set up the deck for the meal, since it was such a nice night out.
The two of you finally sat down for the delicious meal. Throughout the meal, you noticed how silent Yongguk was. When you tried to make conversation, he barely responded. You had never seen Yongguk like this, so your concern grew. Eventually you stopped trying to make him converse, with you so the two of you finished your meal in silence. The two of you cleared the table, and ended up making your ways to the bedrooms to turn in for the night. You hoped that the rest of the trip wouldn’t be like that the whole time and you would be able to help Yongguk through this episode.
As the days passed, you had started to see that Yongguk was returning to his usual self. You had forced him, to go to the beach with you, and to walk through town, among other typical vacation activities to get his mind away from work and his stress, and it seemed to be working. When you received a text from Himchan, checking in on Yongguk’s status, you were happy to report that he was doing much better. It had been five days since you had arrived in Jeju, and you were so happy to see the improvement in your best friend, you decided to have a barbecue. “Gukie, I’m going to head into town to pick up supplies for dinner. Do you want to come?” “No thanks, I think I’m going to stay here, and try to do a little work since I haven’t touched it in a few days. Is that okay?” Yongguk responded. “Yes of course, I will be back soon.” You responded, as you headed out of the house. You made your way downtown and arrived at the grocery store. You took your time to stock up on all of your and Yongguk’s favorite food and drinks. After grabbing everything you could think of, you checked out and made your way back to the house.
As soon as you entered the house, all you could hear was what sounded like things being thrown around, from what seemed like the direction of Yongguk’s room. You threw down the groceries you were holding, and made your way quickly to Yongguk’s room. You opened the door, and just barely missed getting hit by the book that Yongguk had been reading over the last few days. You took in the site before you. The room was a disaster and in the middle of it was Yongguk starting to pack his suitcase. “Yongguk, what’s going on what are you doing?” You asked. “I’m going home Y/N. I can’t stand to stay in this house or with you any longer.” Yongguk responded. “What do you mean, what happened while I was gone?” You asked confused as to how Yongguk could go from being happy to this angry in the time since had left the house. “I just found out that you have been lying to me since we left Seoul. Did you really think I was such an idiot I would never find out that your filming wasn’t postponed?” “What are you talking about?” “There was an article in the news today about how you dropped out of filming for personal reasons. Was I the personal reason? How could you be so stupid and drop out of that show? Because you felt sorry for me, because you felt like you had to save me from myself yet again? Tell me why you did it Y/N?” “Because I love you.” You blurted out. “Himchan told me you needed help, and because I love you, I made the decision to do what I had to do to help you. I knew you would never agree to go away if I told you I dropped out of filming, so I thought it would be best to tell you it was postponed. I’m sorry I lied to you, but I was just trying to help.” You explained. “Well I don’t need or want your help Y/N, and I sure as hell don’t love you. Don’t you realize how pathetic you seem when you drop everything to run to my side anytime I call? I’m sick of it quite honestly. As soon as I finish packing I’m leaving to go back to Seoul, and I hope to never see or speak to you ever again.” After hearing those words come out of Yongguk’s mouth, you didn’t know what to do. You realized that trying to talk to him wouldn’t work, so you let him leave. As you watched him walk out of the house you feared that you were really watching him walk out of your life forever.
After a night of tossing and turning, and some crying, you packed your bags and headed back to Seoul. As soon as you landed, and turned your phone back on, you were inundated with texts from all of the B.A.P. members. They were all curious as to why Yongguk had returned, in an even worse state than he was before he left for Jeju. You were too exhausted to explain so you told Himchan to stop by your place the following day. As soon as you got back to your apartment, you went to back to your apartment. Once you arrived, you went and fell asleep. You awoke the next day to the sound of knocking at your door. You got out of bed and saw Himchan through the peephole of your door. You let him in and led him to your couch. As soon as you sat down, you relayed the whole story of what happened. As you told Himchan the story, you started crying yet again. “It’s okay, Y/N. Just give him time. I don’t know what got into him that day, but he will realize just how bad he hurt you and what a mistake pushing you away was.” Himchan, said to comfort you. “I’m afraid that he might not realize the mistake. Maybe it wasn’t a mistake, maybe it was what he has really wanted to say to me during all of our years of friendship.” “Y/N, give him time, but don’t give up on him yet.” After your conversation, Himchan left and you decided to do what he suggested. You would give Yongguk time and space, and would go on living your life. A life potentially without him in it ever again.
Before you knew it, several weeks had passed and you had not heard a word from Yongguk. Although you were still hurt from what he said to you that day on Jeju Island, you couldn’t help but miss. You couldn’t help but feel like a piece of you was missing. You were lucky you had work to distract you, and you spent time with your friends, but your thoughts would always wonder back to Yongguk. After a long day on set, you were finally sitting down to eat your dinner, when you received a call from Himchan. “Y/N, we are at the hospital, you need to come now.” “What’s going on Himchan? Who’s hurt? “ You asked. “It’s Yongguk. He hasn’t been eating or sleeping well since he came back to Seoul. We tried to get him to a doctor, but he refused to listen to us. Today, I found him passed out at the studio. The doctors say it is exhaustion and that he will be fine after some rest and getting some fluids in his system. I think you should come by to see him.” “Himchan, I’m not sure that is such a good idea.” You replied. “Please Y/N.” “Okay, I’ll be there shortly.” After hanging up, you grabbed your purse and ran out the door and grabbed a taxi. The taxi ride seemed like it took forever, but eventually you arrived.
Once you arrived at the hospital, you made your way to the front desk and were informed by the administrative assistant were Yongguk was located. You made your way down the hall to his room. Outside of his room sat his members. You had never seen them look so miserable and scared in all of the years you had known them. “Hi Y/N.” Daehyun greeted. “Hi. Is Yongguk awake, can I go into his room?” “Yeah, he is. Himchan was just in there, and he was awake enough to ask for food.” Daehyun told you. After taking a deep breath, and bracing yourself for what was to come you walked into his room.
The sight of Yongguk lying in the bed, hooked up to the machines, was a sight you never wanted to see. Although you knew he was going to be fine, you were saddened to see how sick he looked. You could tell he had lost weight and say the exhaustion on his face. “Hi Yongguk.” You mumbled quietly. “Y/N, what are you doing here?” “Himchan told me you landed yourself in the hospital. He asked me to stop by.” “You didn’t have to.” “I know, and I know that you probably hate that I’m here, but after 24 years, I can’t help but be concerned about you.” You responded. “I’m sorry Y/N.” “For what? Yelling at me? Calling me pathetic? Telling me there is no way in hell you could love me? Telling me to leave you alone? Or all of the above?” You asked. “All of the above. I know I shouldn’t have said any of those things to you.” Yongguk responded. “Then why did you? Give me one good reason as to why you said such hurtful things to me.” “Because I was angry with myself, and scared, and ashamed. I’m a mess Y/N. I go through periods of time where I can’t even take care of myself. Look at where I am right now, I get stressed and anxious and I can’t function. Ever since we were young, you were there to help pull me out of these episodes. I never realized how much I relied on you. I thought we were equal friends that could depend on each other. That day, when I saw the article and saw what you were willing to give up for me, I realized just how bad of a friend I really was. How I had taken advantage of you for so long. And when you told me that you were in love with me, I got scared. I was afraid, that if I let myself tell you how I felt, how I have been in love with you since I was five, I would only end up hurting you and losing you.” “What are you talking about?” You asked. “Y/N, I don’t deserve your friendship or your love. You deserve someone who supports you, makes you happy all of the time, and makes your life easier so you can achieve your dreams. You shouldn’t care about someone who is only a burden on you and makes you give up what you have worked so hard for.” Yongguk told you. “Gukie, what am I to you?” “Everything.” “And you just admitted you were in love with me right?” “Yes.” “Then that’s all that will ever matter to me.” You said as you laid a gentle kiss on the lips of the idiot you were in love with. “So does that mean I’m forgiven?” Yongguk asked with a laugh. “Yes, but since you were a real jerk, you will have to spend the rest of your life making it up to me.” You said with a smile on your face, since the missing puzzle piece was finally back where it belonged, with you.
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Thanks for entering!!
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