Dear significant other,
I am frustrated. I have probably said this before but I feel like letting go of emotions. They rarely stop me from getting work done, which is a good thing but I am tired.
I don't know why I still write these, I just do. I'm sitting here, thinking about the life I want to live. How I want to handle things. Recently I've been thinking about what God wants as well, what God wants for my life. I came to the realisation that forgiveness is for my sake, not God's. I am so tired.
I apologise when I express myself too much... maybe it's because part of me still has that macho attitude I grew up learning. It's like I am fighting two different sides of me, I know that both sides are accepted in society to an extent and both are rejected as well so I have to choose for me. It actually hurts. Knowing that a side of me believes that this is not what a "man" is, a side of me questions this so much. Sometimes when I cry my face is blank. The tears aren't hot. I don't weep. They leave a trail as they travel down my face and that's it. I don't try to wipe them. I want to believe that there is nothing wrong with me, that this is normal, every one goes through this. I really do. "I am tired" is what I say when I don't want to deal with things. I think the world needs more spaces where people can just go and scream. Scream their lungs out until they feel like they don't need to scream anymore.
I pray my heart can love you.