a year ago1,000+ Views
Dear significant other,

I am frustrated. I have probably said this before but I feel like letting go of emotions. They rarely stop me from getting work done, which is a good thing but I am tired.

I don't know why I still write these, I just do. I'm sitting here, thinking about the life I want to live. How I want to handle things. Recently I've been thinking about what God wants as well, what God wants for my life. I came to the realisation that forgiveness is for my sake, not God's. I am so tired.

I apologise when I express myself too much... maybe it's because part of me still has that macho attitude I grew up learning. It's like I am fighting two different sides of me, I know that both sides are accepted in society to an extent and both are rejected as well so I have to choose for me. It actually hurts. Knowing that a side of me believes that this is not what a "man" is, a side of me questions this so much. Sometimes when I cry my face is blank. The tears aren't hot. I don't weep. They leave a trail as they travel down my face and that's it. I don't try to wipe them. I want to believe that there is nothing wrong with me, that this is normal, every one goes through this. I really do. "I am tired" is what I say when I don't want to deal with things. I think the world needs more spaces where people can just go and scream. Scream their lungs out until they feel like they don't need to scream anymore.

I'm tired.

I pray my heart can love you.

Love yours,
WOW! You are so right. There should be MANY designated "scteaming" areas, Maybe some lifelike"targets" and a large supply of pillows. I'm tired too. Thankfully I am a woman so crying is ok for me.Sometimes tho when I am tiredand can't cry my inner self and others think I'm bad because I SHOULD be crying. Hang in there. There really are people out there who Love and Support BOTH sides of men!
Yeah! There are really are lots of people, but men also have to let all of their sides show and let themselves be supported. What others think will matter less and less as you go along, just feel whatever comes naturally to you and you'll be good :D