a year ago1,000+ Views
Who: Reader x Lee Seonghwa What: Angst, Smut (eventually) some fluff. Story: Social anxiety is the worst thing to deal with. It's amazing you have friends at all but when your crush and friend, Seonghwa, tries to get closer to you your Anxiety and trust issues threaten to push him away. Y/n's POV He was the most beautiful thing you'd ever laid eyes on, everything about him was unforgettable. Ju Kyung oppa had introduced him to you. They were friends; he was his hyung by four years. Just about. He had this boyish charm smile that was hard for you to look away from. This was back when you two first met. You and Lee Seonghwa. He was amazing, he had this big smile that made your heart flutter but when he was asleep he was so precious. You stole glances of him every time he slept. Like you were now. He was asleep on your lap. He just made himself comfortable without even thinking about it. Your hand raked through his hair. Beautiful. He had an amazing voice, you'd hear him singing all the time. His voice attracted women to him like bears to honey. Yeah, women were the bears in that analogy. They certainly were as viscous. They spiked up your anxiety more because you hung out with Ju Kyung and Seonghwa. He knew you had issues. Trust issue, panic issue, anxiety issues. You shook when you couldn't handle certain things. Your leg got restless, that was a sign. Anytime you got too deep in your own mind the little voice in the back of your head told you that you were a burden or that no one liked you. It begged you to just shut up when you were talking. That always annoyed Ju Kyung. He'd always go,
"Yah! Y/n don't just fade out mid-sentence finish your thought." You always wondered did they care about what came out of your mouth. You were thinking too much now. Your breathing was just uneven. Your leg wanted to move but you didn't want to wake him up but you had to leave the room. You hated this, you were always trapped within yourself. You built walls to keep people out but that built up insanity inside you. You collected harsh words and bad thoughts and kept them in the walls. That much negativity was destroying you but you had no idea how to let go of it. You had no idea how to make it stop. You finally lifted Seonghwa's head from your lap. You couldn't sit here anymore. You laid his head down gently on the couch in the dance room. You were here to see Ju Kyung and he was late for some reason but you needed air. You got up quickly but Seonghwa began to stir. Your arms were shaking. How could you be panicking already? Because you were the queen of over reaction that's how. You tried to move faster but your feet felt like they were moving slow. You felt so weak. Just a little air. They don't care about you, you freak. Good god please just leave me alone. Let those thoughts wait until I get outside. "Y/n? Are you leaving?" You nodded. You couldn't speak. You weren't even facing him anymore. You felt like you were going to cry. Make it to the door Y/n just go and apologize later. He knew what was going on though. He'd seen it too many times already. You knew it hurt him, annoyed him even; he wanted you to trust him with this but you couldn't, your mind wouldn't let you. You had brief periods where the voice didn't talk to you. Anxiety wouldn't try to ruin your good time out with Hyun Jung and Ju Kyung. You'd enjoy a day out with Seonghwa but then everything came crashing down in one swift movement. Anxiety woke from her small nap and tormented you. You little freak. You're such a pain in the ass you know that. They don't want you here. "Y/n." "I-i just need some air." You were almost breathless. You couldn't take it you were going to fall to your knees the moment you made it out the door. Then his arms slipped around your waist and your breath hitched. You felt his lips meet the back of your neck. "Don't go." He said. "Uh- um S-Seonghwa." You stuttered. "Just breathe Y/n. Everything's okay." He said. You wanted to cry but your body was tense from trying to keep yourself from melting and breaking down. You were shaking violently. You were going to pass out or something. He circled around you and cupped your face in his hands. He kissed your forehead. "Why do you worry so much? How can we prove we're your friends?" "It doesn't work that way." You answered. You had a tear spilling over and his thumb wiped it away. He smiled at you and you got your breath back. "There's nothing? You know you can tell me I'll help you. We can do breathing techniques." He started doing the breathing from birthing classes and you started to laugh. Your hands stopped shaking. Your tears dried up. He looked at you and smiled. "Ah there it is." he said. He had quickly settled the panic in you. He shut Anxiety up and she went back to sleep. For now. "You should talk to someone." He said. "Who'd understand? By all outside appearances, when I'm not hyperventilating, I seem fine but- I'm not." "What causes it?" "Anything if I let it. Simply saying hi is a challenge." "Is that why it takes you so long to text back?" He chuckled. "I think I was just born into the world broken." "Hey you're not broken, we all have set backs it makes us human." He said. "Mine makes me a freak." He sighed and shook his head. Did you annoy him already? You looked away upset at yourself. Seonghwa was really nice. Over the past year you two had become close. He noticed quickly that you had social anxiety but the more he learned about you the more he found that it often went deeper. He tried helping you break out more. He invited you to parties bit you could never get out the door to show up. He tried picking you up to take you there but you ended up getting so panicked you ran off before you walked in the door. He chased after you but lost you and you hid away in an alley until you caught your breath. You spent the night crying your eyes out after taking a taxi home. He called you and texted you but you didn't pick up. He and Ju Kyung came to your house that next morning to see if you had made it home okay. He hugged you in relief that you were okay but your issues had you pull away from them. You had a habit of pushing away when you got too close. She didn't like you getting close. Anxiety liked you being alone, why else would she torment you when you felt even an inkling of happiness? "You dance really well, you should teach it." He said. You shook your head. Your mind was just full of memories again. She wasn't asleep she was just waiting for another moment to strike. Poor little Y/n. So in love but who would love you. He's just being nice because Ju Kyung is his friend. "Stop it." You whispered. His hand rested on the top of your head. "Let's settle your mind, will you dance with me?" He said. You blinked at him. You're normal one second then weird the next. He just kept acting like you were normal. That gave you some peace. He grinned and took your hand. He pulled you close to him and began to move to imaginary music. You smiled and found his pace. You danced along with him and he spun you around. He picked you up in his arms making you laugh. He set you down on your feet and you were letting your chuckles settle. You looked at him smiling and he smiled back at you. He had that ultimate dream boy face. He suddenly cupped your face and brought his lips to yours. You gasped and he slipped his tongue in your mouth. He kissed you softly but your became as hard as a statue, every muscle in your body tensed in shock while your lips molded together. Seonghwa and you were kissing! His tongue explored your mouth like foreign territory. He stepped closer kissing you just a bit deeper. The way he took control over your lips and tasted them like they were a brand new flavor of his favorite ice cream had your heart beating like a drum. The kiss felt good and smooth and the less you fought him the more he pulled you in. You finally got a burst of movement to push away from him when your heart rate picked up. You stared at him with wide eyes. "Shit, I scared you didn't I?" He said disappointed. He tried to step forward and you stepped back shaking your head. That's what you've always wanted from him but you pulled away. You were shaking your head at yourself not him but that was too hard to explain when you were starting to panic. You turned and ran out the room. "Y/n!" He called after you. You just ran, you ran until you were out of the building and sucking in fresh air. You ran to the side of the building to hide. Hiding was easy for you, getting away, running away, all of it was easy. Necessary. You sat down and made yourself small by the bushes on the side of the building. You were freaking out, your breathing was rushed so you tried to calm it. You tried taking in easy breaths, your hands were balled into fists while tears from you little panic attack streamed your face. You calmed down a bit more. You touched your lips softly. You and him really kissed. His lips were soft and they felt amazing. Your face was burning, your heart was still pounding and Anxiety was in pure shock. Once that shock faded though she spoke. This doesn't mean a thing. He doesn't love you. He probably just wanted to tease you. You didn't want to believe that but you believed everything that Anxiety said. She ruled over you... 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HEAVY!!! She sounds like me. I love it!
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@FromBlue2U you're legendary she's meh LMFAO
hmmmm i have that voice all the time. but with out the anxiety or panic attacks. idk about the anxiety tho. lol. i may have them im not sure lol.
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@Starbell808 same I hide it as much as I can
damn this is deep 😔