Who: Reader x Lee Seonghwa
What: Angst, Smut (eventually) some fluff.
Story: Social anxiety is the worst thing to deal with. It's amazing you have friends at all but when your crush and friend, Seonghwa, tries to get closer to you your Anxiety and trust issues threaten to push him away.
Soo Ran changed your medication and took back the dosage by a lot but it helped. You felt like you did when you were taking the tranquilzer. Your anxiety was less and most days she'd shut up. She couldn't even break through the barrier that she was in. Her voice was reaching less and less each time. Soo Ran still had you sit in a room with Ju Kyung and she added another until you were comfortable with being able to talk to them. You still weren't able to really talk to two or more people comfortablly. You could only do it after some coaxing kind of like how it worked in the real world. The doctors found that you were a perfect match for your father and they performed the surgery the day after evaluating you. You had to stay in the hospital for twenty four hours and you honestly weren't happy about that. They had set you in the same room as your father but you were happy that he was asleep most of the time. When he was conscious, he tried to talk to you but you just shut him down. You really weren't going to deal with him.
After that you had to spend ten days for recovery but you were at home, you weren't allowed to lift stuff more than ten pounds so Seonghwa did most of the packing for you two when you were moving out. Soo Ran was so grateful to you for saving your father's life, her father's life. You knew you couldn't watch her suffer like that. You didn't like it but it was something you had to get over; it was more for her and yourself than it was for him. He got the benefit of you not wanting to be as evil as he was to you. Still the nerve of your siblings to say straight to your face that you weren't one of them and then moments later beg you to save their father had you further a part from them than ever. Soo Ran tried to get you to talk to them, to meet up with them. Sometime she showed up to places where you and Seonghwa were with one of them but you'd walk out without saying a word to either. You were still just as warm and welcoming to Soo Ran as ever but whenever she brought them or even mentioned them and your father it was almost like how you were when your anxiety kicked up: you just shut down. You wouldn't speak a thing about them. You wouldn't see them. He had tried getting messages to you, he even sent one to Seonghwa. He gave it to you but you ripped it up and threw it away. You felt cruel in your heart but you were hurt. You were burned six years ago from when you were on his door step. He turned you away, he said you weren't his daughter, he said you weren't supposed to be born. You should've died...
He should've died.
You saved him, you gave him a part of you. You hated him with every ounce of you but you wanted a father...
After a full six weeks had passed you were able to exercise normally. You told Seonghwa you missed going to the dance studio to see people dance and so he took you there so you could dance yourself. Ju Kyung was invited but you knew he'd bring Yun Ji. You were never excited when she was involved.
"I don't see why he dates her. Of course I'm sure she says the same when it comes to you dating me." you said in the practice room.
"Well just don't focus on her, we're here to have fun."
"It's hard not to focus on her. I think I spaced out more when she was around so I never really complained about her being a bitch but now it's just obvious and in my face. He doesn't say anything about it." you said looking at him.
Seonghwa sighed and looked the opposite way,
"I think that's because the sex is really good."
"Is that an actual reason?" you said squinting your eyes at him.
He looked at you and smiled. He licked his lips before he walked over to you and picked you up. You held onto his shoulders and laughed and he walked you over to the couch. He sat down and let you sit on his lap.
"Sex with you is amazing I'd let you do anything you wanted." he smiled.
"You'd let me be a bitch?" you questioned surprised.
"I can't believe such a sweet girl can say such dirty words." he laughed.
You kissed him gently. This was normal, you liked being more affectionate with him when no one was around otherwise you two stuck to hand holding, a few hugs and he'd kiss you on the nose. When Ju Kyung was around, especially with Yunji or Hyun Jung, you didn't really want to show a lot of PDA. It made you feel weird and frankly self-concious.
"Are you sure you're okay though? You've been sick for a few weeks." he said.
"No I'm fine. I mean I can still work and everything and the doctors said there's no illness to worry about. No infections from the surgery, beside it's started a few weeks after the surgery anyway so I don't that's what it was. It could've just been food posioning." you said.
"For two weeks?"
"Well I mean I wasn't throwing up every day. It was just certain days it came out of no where. Wait a minute are you concerned because I just kissed you?" you asked suspicious.
"No I'm worried about you. Seriously though, didn't you have a fever last time? I think you should just get a check up one more time just to be sure."
"But I'm fine. Honestly, I am. I've been taking my vitamins and drinking orange juice. I've been taking my medication. I mean I'm fine but we did eat at that food stand twice."
"Yeah but you were the only one that got sick."
"That's because your stomach is made of steel." you joked.
He smiled and kissed your neck out of no where making you moan. You covered your mouth in embarrasment.
"You know I still don't get why you get all embarrassed over the sounds you make. I love to hear them."
You chuckled. You looked down for a second,
"Can I ask you to be honest with me right now?" you said.
He looked at you in wonder and nodded.
"Am I being a bitch for not hearing out my father?"
"That's a really loaded question."
"Explain." You asked settling on his lap.
"Well I understand your side, you came to him years ago and he should've tried to be your father then. He honestly hurt you deeply but that was also six years ago and the man he was then may not be the man he is now."
"I can't be to sure about that."
"You'll never know for sure if you don't give him the chance. Look you don't go through recovery without feeling some pain. You talking to him is going to hurt and he knows how you feel; I think he's just looking for a chance. A little opening to really try and begin to make up, not only for the years he lost as your father but for all the horrible things he said." Seonghwa said.
Your lips sort of pressed together because you didn't want to forgive him but you understood what he was saying. You wanted a father and he was there trying to mend broken bonds that honestly hadn't even formed yet. You held so much hate and resentment for him you weren't sure you could do it. You looked down at his lap lost in your own thoughts when you felt Seonghwa's hands come up to your face and cup your cheeks. He kissed you softly and said,
"I don't know, if it was me I'd feel the same way as you I just wouldn't even deal with the man but looking from the outside in I mean- he's trying. You saved his life I think he believes there's hope for you two. I mean you gave him your kidney that doesn't just happen without some intense feelings inside you." he said.
"He doesn't love me Seonghwa."
"Well- he doesn't know you. Same goes for you so maybe you two don't start out as father and daughter maybe you two start out as strangers meeting for the first time." he said.
You looked at him and nodded. He laughed at your pout and he wrapped his arm around your shoulders to pull you down to kiss him. His kisses were addicting and always so soft. His hand moved up your flat stomach right under your shirt and to your breast. You let out a little moan but the door opened and both of you turned to see Ju Kyung and Yun Ji walking in. Ju Kyung looked the other way while Seonghwa laughed.
"Of all the days you two are late the time I finally get her in the mood and you ruin it." he said.
You looked down at Seonghwa and he laughed.
"You guys need to do that somewhere else, right Y/n?" Ju Kyung said.
You laughed and nodded.
"I'm sure they were just looking for some place exciting. I'm not sure how fun sex can be with someone that needs to breathe through a bag." Yun Ji said.
Ju Kyung glared at her and Seonghwa pulled you off his lap and stood up.
"Are you jealous of her?" Seonghwa said.
Yun Ji laughed. Seonghwa seemed pissed off and you held onto his shirt to keep him back. He held onto you. You looked back and forth between Yun Ji and Ju Kyung.
"Jealous of what? Hyperventilating? Over reacting to almost everything." she spit.
You felt your heart sting.
Damn she's hardcore.
You looked away. How did her voice come back? You were thinking too much. You started to pull away from Seonghwa but he went and wrapped his arms around you and held you closer to him. He wasn't letting you go.
"What's the matter Yun Ji not getting all the attention you want?" Seonghwa bit.
"Seonghwa just leave it alone." Ju Kyung whispered.
"No, I've left it alone too many times and for you to have been her friend longer than you've been dating this cheap plastic walking stick I would expect you to defend her. Y/n is a beautiful girl, she loving and kind and she the best person I know. She's honest and heart felt and I would protect her to the ends of the earth if necessary."
"Protect her from what exactly? She's a victim of her own mind. She's probably just making up all this anxiety shit to get attention for them both of you." Yun Ji bit back.
It wasn't a lie, you were a victim of your own mind. You tried to pull away again but he held you tighter.
"So that's it, you're upset because Ju Kyung drops everything to be by her side. You're upset that she got me too aren't you? Did you happen to tell him your little offers?" Seonghwa said.
"What offers?" Ju Kyung asked.
"She snuck me in the stuido one night, she almost kissed me but at the time I don't think she was dating you. The second time she was but she said she wanted to have a three way. She said it would be more fun. When I told her I was interested in someone else she got burned, she figured out it was Y/n faster than you or she did but she wasn't happy about it. Now I see why she's always after her. She's jealous. She doesn't like being rejected."
"Whatever." Yun Ji said.
"You tried to get a three way with my best friend?" Ju Kyung said annoyed.
"It was only to make things interesting." she said.
"Interesting, you did that behind my back. You're constantly picking on Y/n-"
"You're constantly babying her." she snapped.
"She's my friend and I'm not babying her I try to help her when I can." Ju Kyung snapped.
Look what you've done princess.
You pushed off of Seonghwa and ran out of the building. Seonghwa ran and called after you. Your feet carried you as far as they could. He called after you not stoping the chase. You only stopped because your abdominals were in pain. You were panting heavy from the run and you dropped to your knees. He came and hugged you while panting heavily himself. You started crying through your pants.
"I did that. I did that." you cried.
"Wait no, Y/n that had nothing to do with you." he said.
"She's right I rely on you guys a lot. She's right I'm taking your attention away I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." you said.
You leaned your head against his forearm and cried.
"Why is this happening, I took my medicine." you said.
"It's okay baby. It's okay. Come here." he said coming closer to hold you.
He lifted you up and you rested your head on his chest while you tried to collect yourself. You stomach was upset, you wondered if the running had caused it to get upset again. You sniffed and your eyes shifted to look at the sidewalk across the street. A mother pushing her stroller with her girlfriend was walking by. Your head popped up and you thought for a second. You looked at Seonghwa wide eyed.
"No." you breathed.
"Oh no, no. That can't be it. What's today?" you asked.
"Um March fifteeth, why?"
"No." you breathed again.
You looked at the mother crossing the street. You turned and headed down the street. Seonghwa followed behind you and caught your hand.
"What's going on Y/n?" He asked.
"I just have to check something." you said.
You walked down to the store a few blocks away. Seonghwa stayed outside at your request and you went in to buy three different pregenancy tests. You took the first one in the bathroom and waited to see the results. You walked out of the store after throwing it away and Seonghwa looked at you as you stared off at the ground in distress.
"What did you get in there?" he asked.
"I want to go home." you said.
"Y/n what's going on? You're scaring me." he said nervous.
You touched his face gently.
"I don't feel well right now. I just want to go home." you said.
He sighed and hailed a cab. He took you home with the cab but then he took the cab back out to the dance studio to get his car. You drank a lot of water and laid down until you had to pee again. You used the second test and waited for the results. You snuck the test back into the box before you shoved it under your clothes in your dresser draw. You had one more test. You had to wait for the right moment to take it. Seonghwa had kept his eyes on you all day since he came back home. He didn't really let you out of his sight for a minute. He started some kissing here and there but he stayed in bed with you to watch a movie. Eventually, he tucked you in beside him to go to sleep but he drifted off before you. The medication had worn off now and you knew it had becasue your anxiety kicked up again.
Oh boy look at you. What are you gonna do princess?
Not listen to you at the moment this is too stressful.
Don't let your throat close up.
Don't even start with that again. I'm so scared.
You went to the bathroom after quietly slipping out of the bed and took your last test. You were just trying to be sure. Extra sure. A knock came on the door while you were waiting for the test.
"Babe are you feeling okay?" he asked sleepy.
You looked at the test, you were sniffing through tears.
"Seonghwa." you whined.
You could hear the door jiggle a little.
"Y/n unlock the door now." he said worried.
You cried a little more while sitting at the toliet.
"Y/n, baby tell me what's going on what are you doing in there?" he asked.
Your mind had let the idea slip that he was worried you might be cutting yourself again because he had seen the scars. You couldn't exactly explain the tears or the things that you were feeling at the moment.
"Baby, open the door." he sighed trying to remain calm.
You walked over to the bathroom door and slipped the test under it. You saw the test move and you knew he'd picked it up. He was silent for a long time. Probably processing first that you were taking a pregnancy test and then the results of it. You heard a little sniff and then Seonghwa's voice crack as he said.
"Baby open the door."
You unlocked it and slowly opened it to see he had the test in his hands but he saw you and immediately dropped it and kissed you. He kissed you hard like he was drinking you in.
"I love you." he breathed.
"You're not upset?"
"No, no. Of course not. We have to take you to get a doctors appointment. I'm sure stress isn't good for you... Y/n, we're going to have a baby."
"I'm scared." you said even though he was excited.
"How do you be a parent with anxiety? What if I over stress and something happens to the baby? I don't know if I can keep taking those pills now. I've been taking them for weeks, what if there's damage already?" you said.
He cupped your face and kissed you. He picked you up and took you back to the bed. He sat down on the edge and allowed you to sit on his lap. He cupped your cheek and gave you a soft smile.
"Baby these are things we can figure out. We can ask Soo Ran if there's something else she can give you that won't hurt the baby. We'll take you to the doctors to get checked. I'll make sure you're not stressed. I'll do anything for you."
"I thought about telling my mom when I saw the first test."
"You don't want to? After all she had you, I'm sure she'll be the perfect one to ask about pregnancy."
"I haven't spoken to her for six years. Same as my father. I don't know if I can try to repair a family while building one at the same time."
"Baby all it takes is one step at a time. Your father is trying I know you don't want to but maybe you should consider hearing him out."
"I'm scared. I don't think I have the energy to try and build that relationship with him only for him to go back to the same man I met six years ago." you said.
"I'll do it with you. I'll follow you where ever you go. I won't let him hurt you. If you see him I'll go with you. It doesn't guarentee that you'll be okay but it guarentee's that you won't be alone."
"My anxiety likes to kick up a lot. We've been practicing talking to people and I've been doing better but I don't really know if I can handle it. I would just feel awful if I lost it because I can't control my emotions."
"Look at me, I'll be your anchor. So anytime you feel like you're floating off in the waves know I'm holding you down. I'm not going to let you go any where. You said you were drowning I jumped in head first to save you. I won't let you go. We can fix your broken bonds," he placed his hand on your stomach.
Somehow that small action made you inhale shakily but it was beautiful and took you by surprise. It made you feel warm and loved. He stared you straight in the eyes.
"And this baby will be loved and protected. I'm not going to let a thing happen to either of you. No matter what happens, I'm your anchor so don't worry about a thing because I've got you... I've got you."
You gave him a soft smile and wrapped your arms around his neck. You leaned down and kissed him. He leaned back with you on top of him while he kissed you. He rolled over so you were laying on the bed and kissed you deeper. His hand was in your hair and the other held you close to him. Anxiety was silent, perhaps in awe, perhaps powerless. She was stunned and had no argument.
You didn't win...
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