Who: Reader x Lee Seonghwa
What: Angst, Smut (eventually) some fluff.
Story: Social anxiety is the worst thing to deal with. It's amazing you have friends at all but when your crush and friend, Seonghwa, tries to get closer to you your Anxiety and trust issues threaten to push him away.
It seemed like with the reveal of your pregnancy you had more questions than answers. Within the first month a few things happened, you had to take down your medication and Soo Ran suggested keeping you away from stress as much as you possibly could. Anytime you got home you found a new little surprise from Seonghwa. He would run you a special bath or he'd make dinner for you. He tried to take as much pressure off of you as possible. Seonghwa seemed to be getting a little worried about you because you weren't talking as much, you weren't hanging out as much and there was really nothing wrong with you. Ironically enough, that's what you were wondering about. You remembered the voice in your head and she was never truly gone but her voice was so low most times you didn't hear her, she was just in a whisper. You were feeling good and you'd made it to thrity days again with no attack, no voice, no problems. This was a good thing but it had you feeling a little uneasy. You were waiting for the other shoe to drop. What would happen next? Would you have an attack that made you lose the baby? You remembered the attack Myung Joon sent you through and you just wondered if that might happen again. You almost died. Losing your baby wasn't an option. You wouldn't have it. Then there was a close call with Yun-Ji, she was blaming you for her and Ju Kyung's break up which you had already felt bad about in the first place. The words that she said to you had stung you to the point that you felt your anxiety attack coming on.
It would be better if you just died.
The thought had you wanting to run off the Han Bridge. You thought for a moment she was right but Ju Kyung had heard her say that to you and the moment you were about to walk off he grabbed your hand and stopped you. He looked straight at Yun-Ji.
"Someone like you makes people miserable just to make yourself feel good. The reality of it all Yun-ji is that you're just a pathetic human being looking for someone to give you some self satisfaction. Y/n is a good person and her heart is more real and more pure than your own. That's why we like her, that's why we protect her and that's why you were no good for me anyway." he said.
He spoke up for you and you throat tightened only because you had tears welling up. He was finally sticking up for you. He could now see the person she was, the person that made you uncomfortable because she was so cruel. Ju Kyung happened to take you to the park that day to try and keep you calm. Your mind still lingered with her words but when you placed your hand on your stomach and thought of Seonghwa you wondered how selfish you were being to want to take that away from him. To throw an innocent life away like it was nothing, you'd be like your father.
"She's wrong you know that." he said.
You looked over at Ju Kyung.
"She's wrong we'd be miserable without you. We adore you, you know that right?"
You looked at his face and saw something in his eyes. Something that hinted a sadness. You nodded anyway and he continued.
"Seonghwa told me you're pregnant. Isn't that exciting?" he said.
"You don't sound as happy about that as he did." you said.
He turned and smiled at you with a genuine feeling,
"I'm happy to be an uncle. It's just I'm thinking about how much of an idiot I was for hooking up with her in the first place." he said softly.
"You weren't an idiot you liked her." you said.
"No, that's the problem. I really didn't. I mean it's not like we were lying to ourselves. We knew what we were doing wasn't serious but she wanted me to only be with her and I perferred the same so we gave ourselves labels. Boyfriend and Girlfriend but they were just titles. It didn't mean anything...That's why I feel really bad. I let her get away with so much when it came to you. I was protective of you, no one could hurt you when I was around I was even annoyed with Seonghwa when he kissed you and scared you but anytime she said anything, instead of cutting her off or nipping it in the butt then and there I fought with her behind the scenes. I let her get away with saying harsh things to you without making her apologize, without leaving her... It was just about sex." he said like he was disappointed in himself.
You looked out to the open grass of the park. Children were flying kites and playing with their parents. You could see Seonghwa and you doing the same thing with your child one day. You gave a small smile and then it grew bigger.
"I once heard diamonds go through the rough and at the end of the process they're the most beautiful and most valuable things you can ever see. I don't think I have much value but when I think about all the things you and Seonghwa have done for me. I feel so grateful. Maybe everything happens for a reason, maybe people have to go through the bad to appreciate the good. Maybe if my father didn't hate me and my mother hid me from him and I didn't get bullied, I don't know, maybe I'd just be too normal to find you guys." You chuckled.
"I think that makes me sound a little selfish but I don't know. I like how my life has turned out despite the rough beginning. I think I've come to a pretty good ending worth appreciating. I've got friends I can trust. A sister I actually love and more than anything I found love. I'm having a baby I think I should be pretty good from here on out. My anxiety will come back there's no doubt about it but maybe there will be a day I've cured it. Maybe there will be a day where even if I'm severly anitsocial I'm not afriad of anything anymore. I have more to live for now than I did then. Maybe that's why I couldn't really take my life all those years ago. Maybe the universe or God or whoever is out there watching me was whispering wait it gets better. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't ever a little hope in me that I'd come to a day where I wasn't afraid anymore. I wasn't panicking anymore I was just purely and utterly- normal." You said.
Ju Kyung turned to you with a smile.
"Yun-Ji knew something that I still don't think you figured out yet." he said.
You looked down at him curiously.
"I was in love with you." he admitted.
You looked at him in surprise. He started to laugh and your face started to heat up.
"I should've known you didn't see it, you're pretty dense kid." he laughed.
"Ju Kyung." you said.
He settled his laughter and looked at you seriously,
"Honestly I was really in love with you. You didn't even realize the first night we met I was hitting on you. Even when you were slightly drunk, I think it was that innocently worried face you had on the next morning that made me want to stay close. I wondered what might happen if someone actually took advantage of you. I thought it would be cruel. The more I got to know you and the more I learned about your anxiety the more I realized that maybe I could never really have you but I always wanted you to be safe. I cared about you a lot. When I introduced you to Seonghwa, the last thing I expected was for you and him to get together. I noticed your feelings for him pretty quick and then I happened to recognize that Seonghwa felt the same. A part of me didn't want to try an encourage anything, it wasn't because I thought he'd hurt you. In fact, I think he had more patience than I did. He was determined to find a way where I just accepted that I couldn't have you. It was more because I was jealous that I didn't try to push you two together but I also thought I'd be selfish if I tried to keep you two apart. I know now that he was the one meant for you. I think he reached your heart deeper than I ever could and that makes me feel a lot better about the situation. He loved you harder and deeper and was far more persistent at getting you than I was. You two were meant to be." he smiled.
"Ju Kyung I'm sorry." you said.
"Don't be because you're right. Things happen for a reason, your reason for meeting me wasn't to be with me but to meet Seonghwa. Already he's helped you trust, help you deal with your anxiety and started building a family with you. So when the baby comes I will happily play Uncle Duck." he smiled.
You laughed and he gave you a hug. It made everything seem so much better. When you got home, you felt like you were walking on air and Seonghwa was completely surprised by it but you were in a better mood than you had been in weeks.
The following four months passed and your stomach began to grow. Each week Soo Ran tried to get you to meet your father but you refused because you weren't sure you could handle the stress. You didn't want to ruin your streak either. Each day your numbers went up higher and higher. You'd reached five months of no attacks and Seonghwa had taken you out for ice cream to celebrate passing the third month mark. You made sure to tell Soo Ran not to tell your father about you being pregnant but when you looked at yourself in the mirror one night you wondered if you could handle it. Thinking about meeting him didn't add so much stress on you and maybe it was the fact that you could feel the baby moving a little that made you reconsider meeting him. Everytime you though about meeting your father you kind of felt the baby shift. She wasn't kicking, she was just shifting. Your stomach had blown up but it wasn't so bad, you had another few months before it would be widely noticeable that you were pregnant. Right now you were just wearing maternity clothes. Seonghwa had snuck up behind you to hug you from behind. He touched your stomach and kissed your cheek and while he whispered in your ear,
"You look beautiful."
"Hey Soo Ran wants to have coffee tomorrow but she says that your father wants to come along to see you. Should I tell her we can't make it?" he asked.
"No there's no sense in lying." you said.
"I could tell her the truth."
"What is the truth?" you said.
"You don't want to see him."
"Yeah but maybe that's not the truth. I mean, maybe it's not the whole truth. I've wanted a father for so long and he's here now. He wants to know me, he wants to fix it. I don't see much hope with my other siblings but I wanted a dad. You were right, he's trying so maybe I need to set aside my reservations and my fears and just take the leap. I'm scared he'll hurt me again but I'm also scared he'll get tired of trying and he'll just stop. I'm scared of missing an opprotunity because of a 'he might hurt me again' feeling."
"You know you won't be alone. We'll be there and I promise to punch him in the face if he says anything rude."
"Well with that kind of promise how can I refuse?" you smiled.
"I'll go tell her we'll see her tomorrow."
You nodded and he walked out of the bathroom. The next morning came all too quickly and you weren't sure if you had butterflies in your stomach or if the baby was shifting again. She was honestly going to make you throw up if she kept moving. You could see Soo Ran and your father talking as you and Seonghwa walked up to the table. You stopped for a second and Seonghwa looked at you. You took deep breaths.
"I don't know if I can do this." you said.
"Hey look at me. Don't miss your chance because of a 'he might hurt me again' feeling." he smiled.
You smiled back and he kissed your forehead then pecked your lips. He led you to the table to see your father, who stood up and looked at you with soft eyes. You shifted your gaze to Soo Ran who came over to give you a hug. She whipsered to you,
"Please hear him out."
You nodded and sat down, Seonghwa sat next to you and Soo Ran took a seat next to your father.
"How far are you?" he asked.
"Five months." you answered softly.
"Do you know what it is?" he asked.
"A girl." Seonghwa said with a smile.
He was happy about a daughter you were too. Your father nodded again.
"Daughters are such rays of sunlight in a mans life. Every little girl looks for their first love in their father. They live in their father's hearts." he said.
You felt youself tearing up already.
You didn't love me. You hated me, you left me. You wanted me dead.
"It's a father's job to give his heart to his daughter, to love her and take care of her. To teach her how to find a man that will love her the same."
"Why are you doing this?" you asked looking up at him with tears streaming your face.
"Talking as if you that's what you've done for me. Bragging about what you've done for my sisters. Why are you being this cruel? Because I yelled at you? Because I told you I hated you? Why?" you said.
"Because it's the way I should've treated you Y/n and I didn't. I denyed you, I ignored you. For sixteen years I didn't even know you were born and for the past six I pretended I didn't know you. I have been such a cruel father to you. You were right I'm a stranger to you. I don't want to be a stranger anymore."
You looked up at him like a veil had been lifted. Seonghwa had said it before too, that maybe you shouldn't show up as his daughter maybe just come as a stranger. He didn't love you because he didn't know you. You didn't know whether to run or keep listening.
"I've been trying to change my life around, be there for my kids more often. I have been righting my wrongs but I don't know how I can ever right what I've done to you. I broke your heart and I understand that you don't want me to be in it but I really want to get to know you. I want to be your father give me a chance to be a good grandfather. I just want to fix what I've done."
"Y/n?" Soo Ran said concerned.
You took in a deep breath.
"It's not going to be easy you know that. I'm not just going to allow you to step back in like you haven't done what you've done. I can give you a chance but one is all you get and the second you betray me I'm done." you said wiping tears away.
"I will not allow you into my life or my daughters life if you're only playing games or trying to get back at me. It won't happen. I didn't let you die because I couldn't it would've been wrong of me and I came here because I knew what I wanted. I wanted a Dad but everytime I see you those memories come back to me and it hurts even more than it did before. So I'm giving you a chance to fix it but you can't- you can't act like you've never hurt me. You can't act like that pain doesn't exist and you can't build onto that pain. This will only work if we both surrender and right now I'm chossing to give in. Be my father." You said.
He stood up and came over to you and hugged you and you broke down in his arms without meaning to. Your father hugging you, that was something you could only dream about as a kid but he was hugging you right now.....
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