First time we brought her to a doctor, Lee seemed nervous. She kept insisting she was fine, but I knew better. It didn't take me long to learn her little quirks about how she was feeling. She slowly failed at keeping her true feelings hidden from me but I didn't mind. It meant she trusted me.
"Lee?" A woman was at a door looking around. I looked down to see Lee was staring down at her hands. She looked up and I knew she was scared. Without thinking I placed my hands on hers. She looked at me and I smiled. I wanted her to feel safe, even for just a moment.
I watched her go to the woman and disappear into the back. After a hour she came back. Her face red and eyes puffy but she seemed like a weight was being taken off her. Almost a glow to her. I stood up and when she saw me her face lit up. That's when my heart jumped and sped up.
Why was I feeling this way?
We got her medicine and went home. I made some dinner but we ate in silence. She seemed to be avoiding eye contact. That hurt and made me sad.
As the day came to an end she went to her room and didn't say anything. I wanted to stay next to her and talk to her. I liked being around to hear a giggle or sigh.
As I laid in bed it dawned on me. I was falling for her. Lee was a person to simply protect until I wasn't needed. I couldn't like her more then that but I did. And I don't want to stop. But we can't. Not yet.
It's been a week since I started my medication. Sleeping aid and anxiety. But I avoided Jin as much as I could. At the doctors office I could barely keep it together. When he placed his hands on mine, I knew that I had grown to like him more then I should. As the contract stated, none of that was allowed.
To try and get over those feelings I avoided him and asked friends to go to a bar and just catch up. Jin said okay and let me know he would take a personal day the same evening and I left it at that. We didn't go into detail of where mostly because I didn't want to know if he was by chance going on a date.
Friday night he left before I did. I remember how handsome he looked last time we went out. I shook my head and headed out.
When I got there my friends gave me an overwhelming welcome back hey and hugs. I felt nervous but not too much like last time. I ordered a drink and sipped on it.
A friend was telling about her last first date and how it was "so sweet and amazing" when another tapped my shoulder. "Isn't that Jin?" she asked.
My eyes followed where she was pointing and sure enough there he was. At the bar ordering a drink. I was about to go to him when a woman walked up and kissed his cheek. My stomach flipped and quickly looked away.
"Yeah. Looks like he's on a date."
"You okay? You seem up set."
The question caught all of their attention. I put on a big smile and nodded. "Yeah of course. He said something about it earlier. Just didn't know he would come here. I'm glad he's going out. He hadn't much because of me. Here. Toast to Jin. May she be the one. " We raised our glasses and took a drink. Once my cup ran empty I decided to go home.
I was more up set then I should have been. As I left I saw Jin. He looked up and made eye contact. His face dropped and I ran out the door. I tried to not show my emotions on my face. That proved to be harder with him.
I got home and quickly changed into something comfortable. I turned on a movie and went for the ice cream. Like mama said, "When emotions are out of control. Eat a little ice cream to make it okay." I got a big bite and put in my mouth when Jin came home. I had full cheeks and looked up. I tried to smile but the cold reminded me to quickly eat. He stared then began to laugh. He walked up and rustled my hair.
"Why must you be so cute? This is why I can't seem to get over you." He kept laughing and walked to his room. I froze. Did he just admit to liking me?
He quickly walked out of his room. No shirt on again. "I didn't mean like as in the romantic way. Just um. yeah." I stared at him and nodded. "Yeah. I get it."
I turned the tv off and put the ice cream away. I said a quick goodnight and went to my room. I didn't try to hide the fact I was up set.
I watched her go to her room and did nothing. I wanted to stop her. But my mind kept my body from reacting. At this rate I don't know how long I can go to keep me from following the heart.