Who: Reader x Lee Seonghwa
What: Angst, Smut (eventually) some fluff.
Story: Social anxiety is the worst thing to deal with. It's amazing you have friends at all but when your crush and friend, Seonghwa, tries to get closer to you your Anxiety and trust issues threaten to push him away.
I low key forgot to post the last chapter my bad.
Two months had passed by since your father and you made up. Your reservations were still there but you were giving him more chances than he had before. You didn't meet with him alone though. You never trusted yourself to meet him alone and function well. You weren't trying to risk another attack. It seemed like you were coping better. Perhaps because you had more worries about the baby and what your attack would do. Soo Ran was studying to be your mid wife since you decided you were doing a water birth. It just sounded easier than having to be rushed to the hosptial and have the baby. Seonghwa was a little more persistent with sleeping with you and you weren't sure if it was because he knew by the end of this deadline he wouldn't be having sex with you for a while or if it was because you being pregnant turned him on. You often joked with him about not knowing which one it was but it may have more to do with him trying to make you feel pretty. A few times you mentioned you were just too big but it was your stomach that had grown to make more room for the baby. He kept saying that,
"She's getting bigger she just needs some room."
Yeah more room to kick your organs, she was kicking away at your organs like it was soccer ball. Your office was about to let you off for maternity leave and you wondered what you'd do around the house all day now that you didn't have anything to do at work. Seonghwa started taking you to his and Ju Kyung's studio. Seonghwa was producing most of Ju kyung's beats and you got to listen to him rap in the booth. You liked his flow and the way he seemed to get lost in his own lyrics. Most times Ju Kyung sounded like he was just telling you a casual story rather than rapping, which wasn't a bad thing. It had your mind going wild. When they took their breaks Seonghwa would play his music in headphones and place them on your stomach for the baby to hear.
"What if she stops liking your music because you played it too much for her?" you said picking on him one day.
"That's so mean. How can she hate her daddy's music when her mommy loves my voice so much?"
He came closer, using his thumb to gently pull your lips apart so he could come down and kiss you.
"You've done really well my little kitten." he whispered.
"I know, I haven't panicked in a while." you smiled.
"It almost feels weird, not like I miss it but it's just like, I'm mostly normal now. It's freeing." you said.
He smiled and kissed your forehead,
"I'm glad you feel free."
He took your hand in his and kissed the back of it, he looked up at you and stared you deep in the eyes. He bit his lip but it wasn't in the manner like he was turned on it was like he had something to say that he was a bit reserved about. You looked at him feeling a little odd and wondering what was going on. The baby kicked and you jolted a little with your hand to the side,
"She's kicking so much lately." you said.
"Maybe she's happy." he said.
You looked at him wondering what he meant by that. His voice was in a whisper and his other hand was rounded on your belly. He started to pet your stomach a little, adoring the fact that were was life inside of you. Something you both made, it was beautiful and you couldn't stop thinking about what your father said. You had a sister you never met and didn't know about but she had anxiety too. He had mentioned once that he felt he failed as a father to her because he didn't see anxiety as a serious issue it was something that would just pass. You couldn't help but feel like he was selfish for saying that, he had no idea how hard it was to be breathless and how tormenting and how lonely it was to feel like your very existence was hurting or annoying everyone around you. Still he said that a father is his daughter's first love and you couldn't help but think your little girl would undoubtly fall in love with her father. She'd run down the hall calling his name asking him to pick her up and he'd spin her around and you'd worry and tell him to be careful and not to drop her. He'd hold her still in his arms and wrap his hand around the back of your head and gently pull you in to kiss your forehead then lightly peck your lips. Maybe your daughter would say ew or maybe she'd tell him to do it again. You could see it very easily, loving her with everything in you and then him loving you both with everything in him. You didn't know what you did to deserve him but you adored him, you adored the little girl inside of you and you couldn't wait until you could hold her in your arms.
"Moon." you whispered.
He looked up at you, after he'd lost himself in thought while he watched his hand graze your belly. He raised his eyebrows wondering what you had said and you smiled,
"Moon. Lee Moon that should be her name." you said.
"I like that name." he said.
You smiled and he kissed you.
"We should go out for dinner tonight, that old resturant just past the bridge. We can get a private room, no one will see us, or up on the roof. You like it up there. What do you say?" he said kissing your hand.
"Do I have to dress up because honestly I don't think it's going to happen right now."
"Baby you have cute maternity clothes and, though she'll be out of you soon, you can't wait two months to eat." he smiled at you.
You rolled your eyes,
"Okay, let's go out to eat." you agreed.
He kissed you softly and the baby stirred for a moment then stayed still. You placed your hand on your stomach with his while he kissed you slowly. He pulled away almost in regret that he couldn't keep his lips on yours but he had to go back to his work. You stayed in there until he was finished producing and then he called it a night. Ju Kyung decided to stay behind in the building and gave Seonghwa the ability to leave early. He took you home first so that you could change. You made it to the resturant that he was talking about just shortly after and you two were escorted to a table on the roof. The wind blew lightly and it was a little cool the way it touched your skin. You had a glass of ginger ale and since you couldn't drink he did his best not to drink around you. You two talked like everything was normal and even discussed what you two might do after the baby was born. You were hoping to look for a new job but you were a little nervous about what might happen with your anxiety. You had to push through it though because you didn't want to stay in the same field for the rest of your life. You were getting better and the medication that Soo Ran had gave you helped you stay stable enough, she was still helping you train yourself to beat the anxiety but she couldn't put as much stress on you as she used to for the sake of the baby. She was giving you a little more therapy now and teaching you different techniques to conquer your anxiety which was probably how you made it out of this for so long.
"What about you mother?" he asked.
You looked up at him,
"What about her, last time I talked to her she wanted nothing to do with me." you said.
"Things change, you're her daughter she raised you. I think she'd want to be apart of your life still. She'd want to see you again and be apart of her grand daughter's life."
"Then she shouldn't have pushed me out the door." you said.
"Don't be bitter kitten, she's your mother how would you feel if our little girl grew up to hate you? What if she didn't want to be around you anymore? It would break your heart wouldn't it?" he said.
You looked up at him,
"It's been six years since I've talked to her; I just wouldn't even know where to begin let alone. I've already had to deal with a lot with my father coming back it's just- too much. What would I say?" you said.
"Hi mom? Y/n she's your mother and sure Moon will have my mother but she should have your mother too. She'll want to know." he said.
You sighed and pulled your phone out of your purse and looked through your contacts.
"What are you doing?" he asked confused and almost worried.
You held up a finger and pressed the number to the contact you were looking for. The phone rang but you heard a ringing come from behind you. You turned to see a woman going through her purse and picking up the phone, she put it to her ear.
"Mom?" you breathed in surprise.
She chuckled softly and turned around with the phone pressed to her ear.
"Hi baby." she said.
You hung up and turned to look at Seonghwa,
"What is my mother doing here?"
"You kind of ruined the surprise Y/n."
You looked at him as he stood up and walked over to you. He moved your chair so that your legs weren't under the table anymore. Seonghwa knelt down and touched your stomach,
"Little one, I want you to know how much I love your mommy. I intend to stay with her for a long time. To love her and protect her and you too for the rest of my life." he said.
You felt the baby kick a little as if to respond to what he said. He smiled and looked up at you still on his knee. He pulled out a black velvet box and opened it to you,
"Oh my god, Seonghwa." you smiled.
"We should be a family, a proper family. Our daughter and you as my wife. I want you both with me forever and a day. I love you so much Y/n, will you marry me?"
"Yes! In what world would I say no?" you laughed as you tried to lean over to kiss him.
He came up and kissed you instead and slipped the ring onto your finger. He stood you up and you looked around to see photographers taking a picture of you and him together. He had planned this all out from the beginning, even photographers to take a picture of the moment you two were engaged. Ju Kyung was there and your father and Soo Ran. Hyun Jung as well. They were mixed in and well hidden with the rest of the crowd that you hadn't even realized that they were all there. Your mother walked over and cautiously came close to you.
"It's been a while since we've seen each other hasn't it?" she said.
"The last time I saw you, you were telling me how I betrayed you."
"Y/n I never wanted you to leave. I was upset and hurt but I never meant any of the things I said in anger. Admittedly, I wanted to hurt you but that was rather childish. I was in the wrong, I always had been because I continued the affiar knowing how he felt about you. I hated how he treated you and I felt like I failed you for allowing you to deal with him on your own. I'm so sorry and I don't expect you to forgive me right away but Seonghwa says that you're making progress with your father. Perhaps you'd find it in you somewhere to forgive me?" she asked.
You wrapped your arms around her having heard every word she said but not really caring. One thing that was different between her and your father was that she was your mother. She may have broke your heart but she raised you, she held you and she loved you. She comforted you when you were sad and healed you when you were sick. She was your everything. Aside from the adultry and the hateful words you wanted to be like her a little, you wanted to be better than her as well. You never would've reached out to her on your own, you were still a bit bitter to what she had said but having her face you right then and there, especially after you had been proposed to but she was your mother. She was easily forgiven for the things she said because you really wanted your mommy right now. You needed her. No one beat having your mother around. She pulled away to give you a smile,
"You're all grown up. It's only been six years and you're just so grown up. I missed out on it all it feels like." she said
You shook your head,
"No you came in at just the right time. I don't think I would've wanted you to see the way I was the past six years." you said.
She kissed your forehead,
"A mother's love never truly dies Y/n, we get mad and we fuss but we never fall out of love with our children. You're gonna learn that pretty soon." she smiled.
You chuckled while placing a hand on your stomach. Despite the order of events, you were glad that your relationship with Seonghwa was leading you somewhere. You never thought it would get this serious but you two had a stronger bond the longer you two were together. You were forever grateful for the day he scared you with a kiss because it led to this, the change in your anixety, meeting your sister, fixing things with your father. It was worth some of the heartache and even the kidney transplant if it meant getting here and you'd do it all again as long as it meant being with him. You looked to the side of your mother and saw Seonghwa talking to your father. He was smiling kindly at him as they spoke, he was giving congradulations. Seonghwa looked your way probably feeling you watching him and he gave you a wink that made you blush in return. His boyish charm never dying.
"Are you okay with dad being here?" you asked.
"Yeah I wouldn't cause any trouble for you on such a happy occasion especially when you're pregnant."
"Hey did you ever get weird dreams when you were pregnant with me?" you asked.
She laughed and slung her arm over your shoulder,
"Baby the things you did to me drove me nuts. You were so active I swear it felt like every five minutes you were taking a kick at my kidney like it was toy."
"That's what she keeps doing to me she settles when Seonghwa touches my stomach, or if he talks to her, or sings to her, or plays music for her. I'm beginning to think the baby already has a favorite parent." You laughed.
"You settled when I played music too, I played a lot of ballads for you and the piano instumentals. It got you very calm, you should be happy she's kicking though and trust me sweety when you have her and you hold her, you hear her first cries, you feed her, you'll see your entire world in your hands and you'll never want to let her go." she said.
You smiled with wet eyes. Your father came over and your mother nodded to him. He returned the nod with a small smile. There was no tension but it seemed a bit awkward between those two. He said he'd apologized to her but you didn't really know if she had forgiven him and you weren't going to ask. If you could keep anything from erupting at the moment you would, especially if it might trigger your anxiety. Your medication only went so far. You were tense for a moment but your father turned to you and placed a hand on your shoulder. He looked you in the eyes and you wanted so bad for you two to have known each other longer.
"Your daughter has one excellent father and I'm so proud of who you've become despite my failings as one. I hope you'll allow me to continue to be part of both your lives." he said.
"Of course." you said.
He kissed your cheek and you cried a little without meaning too. You were trying to let him in and he was getting there but things were still so formal between you two. As your father's hands started to slide off your arms, you grabbed his hands and gave him a hug as best you could. For a moment, the hug stunned him because it came out of nowhere but his arms wrapped around you and you felt yourself cry a little more. You didn't want to cry it wasn't your intention but this was what you wanted for so long. You wanted your dad. You pulled back trying to wipe tears from your eyes and he gave you his handkerchief. Seonghwa came over and wrapped his arms around you,
"What's wrong with my little kitten?" he chuckled.
"I'm happy- I'm just very happy." you said.
He kissed your cheek.
"I'm happy too and just think in a few months our little princess will be in our arms, crying and keeping us awake until two o'clock in the morning." he joked.
"Think about the loss of sleep." you said.
"I'm thinking about how cranky you'll be. You get evil when you're sleepy." he laughed.
You smacked his chest but your mother laughed because she knew it was the truth. Your father chuckled softly. Soo Ran and Hyun Jung came over and gave you a hug Ju Kyung followed behind them. Ever sense his confession to you, Ju Kyung seemed to act like normal. In fact, he acted as if he'd never confessed at all. You wondered how he felt about you being engaged to Seonghwa now. He wanted you to be happy even if it wasn't with him and he was excited about the baby but still you wondered. When he wrapped his arms around you and his hand went to the back of your head, he whispered,
"Your smile is ten times brighter than I've ever seen and I'm so glad I could be here to see it." he kissed your cheek and pulled back.
You smiled at him and he held your hands in his,
"I'm proud of you."
"You know I love you Ju Kyung." you smiled.
"You know I love you too. To the moon and back."
He looked to Seonghwa,
"Hey if you don't take good care of her I'm stealing her from you." he laughed.
Seonghwa came up behind you and pulled you back into his arms. He kissed your cheek then looked at Seonghwa,
"Oh don't worry like I'd ever give you the chance to take away my heart and soul. Maybe in another life." he smiled.
Ju Kyung laughed at him and Seonghwa became a little possessive by keeping you next to him for the rest of the night. You all finished dinner with tables being combined and talked amongst each other. The night grew long with smiles and laughter and for the first time in a long time you realized her voice was put to death... Anixety lived no more.
You and Seonghwa had a spring wedding the following year, Moon was about seven months by then and Ju Kyung was Seonghwa's best man. You had met Seonghwa's parents and his younger brother who was the co best man with Ju Kyung. As the months passed by, leading up to the wedding, you and your father became closer, close enough for you to ask him to walk you down the isle. Your mother brought her newest boyfriend with her which was weird at first but at the very least you had met him a few times before the wedding. Soo Ran and Hyun Jung both acted as your maids of honor but your other siblings hadn't been invited to the wedding. It wasn't for a lack of not liking them but you just didn't know them and you and Seonghwa wanted a small wedding nothing too big. Hyun Jung walked down the isle with Moon, she looked like you but had a bit of Seonghwa's personality that was just too sweet to deny. Ju Kyung gave you the rings and you two shared vows with both of you crying, in fact, Seonghwa started crying when you walked down the isle which took you down as you walked down with your father. He was always handy with a tissue so you didn't ruin your make up.
It wasn't until three months prior to the wedding you even found out that Soo Ran had been married all this time. Her and her husband were taking Moon for the honeymoon while you and Seonghwa got away. Seonghwa was looking forward to the break; you were still a little nervous about leaving for a week without your baby. Soo Ran promised to check in the same time everyday so that you could see her on a video call and know that she was doing just fine which calmed down your nerves so much more. It seemed just after your wedding both Ju Kyung and Seonghwa blew up as artists and even met up with Jay Park, the one Hyun Jung was always talking about working with. Seonghwa always stood by you when he was around it made you laugh. Jay had a reputation but you were sure innocent girls with babies weren't his thing especially a married innocent girl with a baby.
The chart that used to hang in your living room that said Days without attack, you'd thrown in the garbage. Even though you still had to take medication for it, you got your wish you were by all accounts... Normal. You didn't need the count down and you had switched jobs, you went to school for photography and worked at the magzine company that followed actors and idols which meant sometimes when you got to cover a story you got to go on tour with Seonghwa because he was normally involved with the artists you were taking photos of. You mostly had to take Moon where ever you went but you and Seonghwa had hired a nanny that either stayed at home or came on the trips with you to tend to her while you worked.
Now, the only time you were breathless was when Seonghwa was kissing your lips so passionately, so deeply and so hard you had no choice but to gasp for breaths...
And you wouldn't have it any other way.
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