Who: Reader x Kwon Hyukwoo
What: Angst, Smut (eventually)
Story: Letters come in from your ex explaining his actions that led to your break up. While he seeks redemption he also wonders if you're happier now that you've moved on or if there's a chance to win you back.
It was wrong of me to hurt you the way I did. I hear that your new boyrfriend treats you like a princess. I've seen you two walking around. He let you drink out of the same cup as him. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't shocked. You had this thing about you, you didn't like too many germs which made sex with you a bit difficult. You weren't overly obsessive to the point that I couldn't ever touch you but there were rules when it came to you. I was okay with that. I thought your crazy little obsessive side was adorable and that's why I wanted to be with you. I keep thinking about the things I said and the things I didn't but I should've. For one I should've said I loved you more. I should've said that I wanted to take care of you and get you to trust me. I think I cracked under pressure and thought that you might never trust me enough to want to sleep with me more, kiss me more, hold my hand without having to use hand sanitizer. I wanted to be the reason you broke out of your germ fears. I remember you spent hours scrubbing down the kitchen with bleach after we made love in there. The whole house smelled like chemicals even when you had the windows open. You liked it though, at least you said you did. You acted like you did, you seemed like you didn't mind having sex. Maybe I was too pushy with you. I let my body's physical needs take over me so much that it caused me to ruin us. I destroyed us and I hurt you and I have no idea where to begin to try and mend your heart. Everytime I seceretly stumble upon you two I hate seeing him holding you and kissing you. You were just always supposed to be mine. I loved you so much. I was selfish though, most of what I had done was selfish. The things that I said to you- it was never your fault I know what I did. I made it seem like it was your fault. I blamed you when you weren't to blame at all. I don't know how I expected to make you stay. It's really a terrible way now that I look at it, to have blamed you, thinking you might stay to try and fix it. I don't know what I was thinking. I just didn't want to place the blame of it on myself even though it was all my fault. Unfortunately, it's only something I've realized after I've already lost you. I'd like to change that. I'd like to go back and make a difference and force myself to speak up and say "hey right now, I'm not happy. It has nothing to do with you because I love you so much but there's a lot of pressure on me right now." I wish I just would've said something to you rather than cheated, rather than blamed you. I guess my problem was I just didn't see what I had... until you were gone.
~One year ago~
"Go to hell." you said completely heart broken and angry.
"Y/n just listen to me." he said.
You felt the bed sink down beside you letting you know he had sat down on it. He leaned a bit over you to pull the covers away from your face.
"I'm too damn hungover to deal with you." you yelled.
"You don't get hungover."
"You cheated on me I think that calls for drinking until I have no brain cells left." you said.
"Y/n listen it's not with you think. Babe just look at me."
He was finally able to snatch the covers away from you. He made you look at him and you stared at him with teary eyes.
"What did you do to your hair?" he said.
It was blond now and it was obvious he was surprised but he hadn't talked to you in two days. How could he do that? How could he act like everything was okay? How could he just leave you in the dust? How could he act like two years meant so little to the both of you? Your heart broke more and more as you looked at him and thought about it. He came close to kiss you and you pushed him away.
"Don't you ever touch me! Don't you dare!" you screamed as you swatted his hand away.
He looked at you shocked at the fact that you yelled at him. You rarely ever raised your voice at him or anyone for that matter. Your head was pounding but your anger had bested your terrible hangover. You got up from the bed and made it over to another corner of the room. Two years together and the reason your never moved in with him was because you didn't want to intrude on Ju Kyung and his life. The other reason you didn't want him moving in here was because you had a thing about germs that he was just learning about. You didn't necessarily like them and you normally cleaned everything up as soon as you possibly could. Your house was psychotically clean and it slightly annoyed Hyukwoo, you could tell. You just didn't like dirty stuff. You didn't like feet on your couch or on your table. You didn't like shoes on the bed, you didn't like it when someone spent all day working and then came to lay in the bed before taking a shower and getting into new clean clothes. You were obsessive and you were always worried about whether or not you could find someone that could deal with that. Sex was a hard thing for you to ease yourself into. You liked it but you really had to get your mind to settle and fall into the feeling of ecstasy before you could do anything. Kissing was gross to you unless it was on the cheek and even then you wanted lips to be clean and your face to be washed. You just had rules, too many of them but ones that helped you kind of survive. Hanging out with you people, they probably wouldn't tell from the first few minutes that you were a slight germ-a-phob. In fact, most of your little habits just seemed like a normal person liking things clean but the more they got to know you the more they realized it was just a part of a semi long list of rules. You inspected silverware, you wiped down shoes, you had clean socks with you all the time. You refused to use public bathrooms unless it was an absolute emergency, it was always one thing after the other and Hyukwoo had stuck with you for two years enduring all of that. You thought he was the one. You thought he'd never leave you.
How could you have been so wrong?
"What did I do? Why did you do this, why didn't you just tell me you felt like this?" you asked.
"Stop it! Why would you sleep with her? Why would you touch her? Were you sleeping with her then kissing me? Oh my god."
You turned to the bathroom to start washing your face thinking about how gross it was for him to have been doing all the things he liked to do to you to her and then coming back to you without having cleaned himself. You were repulsed. You scrubbed your face and he didn't seem to say anything but just let you do it. He knew that you had to go through it, it was just something you had to do.
"How could you do this to us Hyukwoo?"
"I love you." he said.
"How can you sit there and lie to me like that? Get off my bed I have no idea where you've been." You said.
He sighed and stood up, he walked over to you and you backed away from him still upset. He stopped his movements and sighed once again.
"Y/n it's not like I meant to do this."
"So she just slipped into your bed and forced you to fuck her?" you said.
"Look you don't have to be sarcastic."
"I can be what ever I want. What I want is to be single. I don't ever want to see or speak to you again. The boys knew about this and they didn't tell me and you were doing this behind my back. You made that decision Hyukwoo nobody forced you to sleep with her."
"Well it's not like you were volunteering it. It's a working process to get you into bed." He snapped.
"So you settle for loose and easy? Ready and willing to go at your beck and call. You two obviously belong together." you looked away hurt.
"Look Y/n I love you, I want you. It's just I have needs that you're not giving to me."
"So it's my fault that I don't ask to jump your bone every time you walk through my door? Get out!"
"I'm not saying you have to fuck me twice a day every day but honestly I feel like I'm in this relationship by myself."
"Well now you are. I have always been there. What more could I have done? I have suffered dirty concert halls and thousands of fans reaching out to touch you and me and cars and all types of things that freak me out just to show you support. I came to your concerts. I supported you when you were still trying to get big. I was trying so hard to make you feel good and feel important and then you blew up and got too busy. I tried to do things with you but you always made the excuse not to come see me."
"Every time I tried to sleep with you, you went off into some cleaning rant."
"Jesus Hyukwoo not everything leads back to sex don't you get that? Sex is what got you into this mess in the first place. If all you wanted was a fuck buddy got to a sex club or put an add out on Craig's list don't fucking find a girlfriend and promise to be faithful, when in reality, the moment I refuse to give you head you fuck the bitch down the street. I will say this for the last time. Get out! I will send you your things later but you need to go and I never want to see you again." You looked at him disgusted.
"No, no please Y/n this can't be over."
"It is." you said.
You stood your ground but inside you were screaming and breaking down. You wanted to cry, you wanted to float away. This was too much, this was too painful. You just didn't want to be here at the moment. You felt horrible. Hyukwoo looked down like a dejected puppy and for a moment your stomach twisted and you wanted to tell him to come back. You wanted to hug him but you couldn't. He tried to turn this all around on you like it was your fault in the first place for his cheating. Like you had been the one to push him out of your arms, you heard the front door creak open then shut behind him and you broke down on your bathroom floor crying hard and feeling too broken to care about the millions of germs on the floor.
"Hey baby girl hurry up."
Your boyfriend looked behind him to see you while holding your smoothie; he had walked far ahead of you. You had been broken up with Hyukwoo for eight months and this new guy found a way to get you back into the dating pool. You two had been dating for about three and a half months. Already, he was starting to break you from your obsessive germ habit. Although some of your obsessions, he praised. Like wiping down the table at a resturant with a paper napkin before eating. You would use a different napkin and ask for a cup of hot water to sterilize your silverware. You wondered if he thought you were weird but it turned out that he was kind of a neat freak too so you two worked well together. His neatness was no where near as obsessive as yours was but he was putting up with it. As you knew now, that didn't necessarily mean that you could trust him but he liked you enough and you liked him that you were comfortable with him.
"Yah! You can't keep drinking out of my smoothie." you cried after him.
You ran to catch up to his side and he laughed and handed you the smoothie.
"I told you to hurry your cute short ass up or I would drink it."
"Kiseok-ah! You have spit on my straw." you grumbled.
He laughed and handed you a new straw.
"You probably backwashed in it." you looked away with a pout.
"Think of it as a ghost kiss, you can't feel it but it's there."
"I don't know what's worse, this or your lollipop habit." you looked at him oddly.
He laughed and then looked like he remembered something. He fished into his pocket and pulled out a lollipop and handed it to you.
"It's a new flavor it's really good. Watermelon and kiwi." he said.
You sighed softly and looked at the entire wrapper to judge whether or not you were going to eat it.
"The more you think about it baby girl the less likely you're going to eat it. Don't miss out on the taste because you over think things." He chuckled.
You looked at him and huffed. He laughed louder at your pout. He thought it was cute when you got upset at him but honestly you liked his smile and he was very attractive. He was smiling hard at you while you tried to unwrap the lollipop with the smoothie in your hand. He took the lollipop out of your hand and unwrapped it for you. He placed it up against your lips and you smiled and let him push it in your mouth. You two headed down the street and you said,
"Hey where are you taking me by the way?"
"Just to the park so we can drink these." he said.
"Yours is almost gone already."
"That's okay I'll just drink yours." He laughed.
You handed him the smoothie and he laughed.
"I was only kidding babe that's for you." he said.
You smiled, while you two were walking down the road though you felt like you couldn't breathe. Kiseok stopped to look at you when you started breathing oddly. You looked at him feeling like your throat was closing up.
"Y/n?" he asked confused.
You looked at him trying to speak but it felt like your tongue had swollen and you couldn't speak. He quickly hailed a cap and told them to take you to the hospital. He tried to keep you calm while you tried to get any air past your throat. He'd thrown your smoothie and your lollipop away and got you to the hospital. Turns out you were having an allergic reaction to the Kiwi in both your drink and your lollipop. You had no idea you were allergic to it in fact it was the first time you had Kiwi. The only thing you were allergic to that you knew of was a medicine that could only be prescribed by a doctor so you never had any allergic reactions to anything else. Kiseok gave you a sad look when he came into the hospital room. His hand was rubbing the back of his neck and he said,
"Baby girl I'm sorry."
"It's okay you didn't know."
"Yeah but I still could've killed you. I guess now I see why you're not so big on sharing." he said.
You chuckled lightly.
"Do you want me to take you home?" he asked.
"Yeah, the medicine they gave me is making me really sleepy."
"Okay. I'm sorry I'll plan something better next time."
"You don't have to apologize, even I didn't know who could've warned you? The important thing is that you knew to get me to a hospital and that you kept me calm because honestly I was freaking out."
He gave you a soft smile and came close to you, he raised his hands to your cheeks but let them hover over you like he was asking for permission to touch you. You smiled knowing that he was far more careful than Hyukwoo was when it came to touching you. You took his hands and forced yourself to ignore the little voice in your mind saying his hands were covered in germs and you let him cup your cheeks. He smiled and whispered,
He came closer to kiss your forehead and you sighed and let yourself accept it then he came to your lips. He moved slowly, giving you a chance to run away. He looked up into your eyes searching for something that said stop. He smiled a little that you hadn't and he kissed you softly only allowing your lips to touch; he didn't try to push past that. He let you go and you sighed.
"How bad do you want to wash your face right now?" he asked with a chuckle.
"I really want to wash my face right now." You admitted.
He laughed and nodded for you to come along so he could get you home. He always had a small bag he brought over to your place when he came to see you. This bag was a just in case he was staying the night or he decided to sit on the couch or your bed. It just had a bag of clean clothes in it and anything else that he would need to keep himself clean. You thought it was funny at first but the fact that it actually worked with your little obsessive habit made you like it so you always welcomed the bag and when he didn't bring it over you knew he wasn't expecting to stay with you. He drove you home and he had dropped off his little bag before you two went out to get smoothies. He took your hand even though he knew it was driving you insane and he told you to get undressed. For some reason, the command wasn't so odd to you so you dropped your clothes and he did the same. He held out his hand to you and pulled you into the shower with him. Water ran over your head and body and you saw his naked chest in front of you. You felt embarrassed everytime this happened. Hyukwoo had a small tummy that you would poke when you two were in the shower and he would tickle you and hold you from behind. You tried not to think about Hyukwoo but his letters kept coming in. He asked you for forgiveness and you weren't sure you were ready for that but he knew about Kiseok, at the very least he knew he was in your life now and you were slowly beginning to trust again, you didn't want to bring Hyukwoo back in your life.
You just hadn't thrown away the letters.
You kept them in the treasure box on your desk, you read through them and then put them out of sight so that you wouldn't think of them. Your mind kept thinking back to the day that you heard him sleeping with another woman and the way he tried to blame you for the reason that he had done it. It seemed in his most recently letter he was taking responsibility for what he had done but it was already too late. You liked Kiseok and he seemed to really like you and you wanted to try and make it work. Hyukwoo had already lost your trust. Why would you give it back to him?
"Turn around." Kiseok whispered in your ear.
He pushed your shoulders gently and made you turn around. He had your wash cloth in his hand and he had let it get wet before putting soap on it. He placed it in your hand and then let his hand slip over yours. He started leading your hand around your stomach so that you could wash the surface really well. The smell of your cherry blossom soap filled the bathroom and helped you relax more. Kiseok whispered in your ear,
"Have you ever made love in the shower before."
His voice was low and seductive, it reached your core and made your heart rise. Your body began to stir almost amazed at how a small little whisper could excite you so much.
"No." you answered.
"It's the best place to do it baby girl. Here you can get nice and wet and dirty," he kissed your ear gently before he continued,
"And then get nice and clean afterwards just like that."
"Are you saying you want me?" you asked.
"I'm saying I need my baby girl. Come please your Master will you?" he teased.
You were feeling hesitant but when he guided your hand down to your woman hood you couldn't help the escape of a moan into the bathroom that echoed off the walls.
"That's it baby. Good girl." he chuckled.
He came down to kiss your neck, making your heartrate rise even more. Your empty hand came up to touch his face as you moaned his name....
Fire writers fanfiction
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