Who: Reader x Kwon Hyukwoo
What: Angst, Smut (eventually)
Story: Letters come in from your ex explaining his actions that led to your break up. While he seeks redemption he also wonders if you're happier now that you've moved on or if there's a chance to win you back.
I don't think there's ever going to be something I can say to you to get you to forgive me. There are times I think I should give up, you'll never really come back to me. You're happy... Aren't you? I guess there's something I have to confess. Sometime six months, maybe longer, before you found out I was cheating I had met that woman at a concert. It was the one you couldn't come to. I forget the reason that you couldn't I think your parents were coming into town or you had work you couldn't get out of. I was annoyed that you wouldn't be there, anytime I wanted you to come you had this huge fit about the cleaning situation and we'd spend a good hour arguing over how clean it would be. You'd say you weren't going and then two days before you'd tell me you were and that you had been planning too the whole time. Turns out you were talking to Jay and Ju Kyung to arrange something so that you could attend without having to be in a crowd of people. I don't know why I always picked a fight with you when it came to my concerts. You always came, all you ever did was ask questions like where it was, how good was their cleaning staff, was there a way you could watch in an area where you didn't have to be in the crowd. I knew you didn't like big crowds of people. I knew you had rules and you didn't like germs and after the first three times I should've realized that you were going to come anyway but I just kept getting into fights with you. I don't think I understand your obsession as much as I thought I did. The things that started out as adorable and cute became very trying for me. I just didn't know where I stood with you, kissing you was hard to do; you always seemed sheepish about it. Sex was even harder, I remember the first few times we did it you had me wash before I touched you and then you washed and then afterwards we had to leave the bed so you could wash the sheets. It was funny the first time but then it became something like a joke set on repeat... It started to bug me and it wasn't funny anymore. I think that's why I cheated. I'm not writing this to hurt you but I want you to understand, I cheated on you with her because she was...normal. It wasn't hard to get her to go to bed with me. There weren't rules to follow, in fact there weren't rules at all and once I felt that again, I don't know, I just couldn't stop. We were off and on, we met a few times just for sex and then left after that. You were such a great girlfriend to me. God I miss your smile and I just keep thinking about how you yelled at me to get out of your place. I just never thought you'd leave me. I never thought we'd be over. I loved you I just wanted to feel like I wasn't in such a restrictive zone. There were rules all over the place, talking to you about it seemed pointless so I said nothing but that made the situation worse. I hurt you even more. I ruined us. I know I did, I knew it then but I didn't want to take the blame for it. I didn't think I had to. You were so good to me, always supporting me and I just threw it away. I left you alone for two days, I let you get drunk and didn't even come to get you. You never get drunk and I was your reason to. Sometimes I wonder what would've happened to you if Mintaek didn't come to get you. That scares me, how could I hurt you so much to make you do something you hate so much. These letters are probably much too late but I've been learning. I started learning about your OCD. I started learning about what you go through, I've been around a few other people, they're more extreme than you. They repeat their sentences two or three times and sometimes I don't think they realize it. I met someone that hoards. Their house is so gross you'd never step up to the front door let alone touch the door knob. I think you might lose your mind in there. I don't know why you go through it, I don't even know if you know why you go through it. Your mom was kind of like that when I met her. I mean she checked her silverware and made us check ours. Your father seemed used to it but she functioned normally and she didn't seem afraid to shake my hand or give me a hug after that lunch. I heard it could be genetic, well that's what they think but maybe she doesn't have it maybe she's just careful and as you grew up you became twice as careful. I don't know I'm just- I'm learning right now that's all I can say. I'm learning about myself and why this didn't work. I'm doing what I should've done when I was with you. I was so selfish and worried more about my career than you. I'm an idiot, I'm sorry Y/n. Maybe it's too cruel to ask you this but I really want you to forgive me. Please.
P.s Are you happy?
Your mind went blank, he was gliding in and out of you so smoothly it was incredible. You liked sex but it was just so hard to get the little thoughts of what was mixing, bodily fluids every where it freaked you out just a bit but once you reached a point where your mind stopped thinking you could feel it. Kiseok kept telling you not to think and just feel. Kiseok understood more about what was going on in your head than Hyukwoo ever did. He was a neat freak himself but no where near your level. Still you weren't bad enough to need medication. Sure you checked your apartment every few moments to make sure it was clean. You cleaned when you got home before bed even if no one but you had been in the house. It was habit, it was precaution.
"Kiseok." You moaned.
His lips met the nape of your neck softly before he came to your ear and whispered,
Your hand was holding the washcloth and his hand continued to cover yours and washed under one of your breast. He chuckled when you craned your neck back to see him a little more. He kissed your panting lips; you looked at him with half opened eyes. He was still moving slow inside of you.
"Kiseok." You whispered.
"How can you get so turned on from being cleaned?"
"Don't laugh at me." You pouted.
He shook his head a little.
"No baby girl I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing behind you. I think it's cute." He said.
His hand pushed yours down your body. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth.
"Don't do that baby. I'll get rough with you." He whispered while he kissed your cheek.
You pulled away making him leave from inside of you and you turned to face him. He chuckled,
"I can't get a little rough?" He asked.
You looked at him unsure, he nodded. He took your hand in his and kissed the back of your fingers lightly.
"I understand." He said.
You stepped up closer to him but that was about all you could do. You just stared at him for a moment.
"Relax." He smiled.
When Kiseok smiled, his cheek bones became really defined but he always looked like he was giving you some smooth smirk. His lips where kind of thin, when he smiled it was different from Jay's smile. They both had big smiles but Jay's lips were so big and full that they almost kept that plump shape. Kiseok seemed to have pouting lips so his smile seemed smug but it was such a beautiful smile it made your heart flutter and you felt like you'd blush. Hyukwoo had puffy cheeks they weren't defined like Kiseok's, Hyukwoo was close to his thirties but his smile made him look like a puppy dog. Sometimes you'd run your hand through his hair when you were staring off into space and not thinking about what your hands were doing. You'd just enjoy his cute innocent puppy face. His innocent face made you blind to what he was capable of doing to you. You didn't even realize he could kill you like that. That he could hurt you so much. You still didn't know whether or not he was genuine in his letters you just knew that he had hurt you very much.
Kiseok's hand came to meet your cheek gently snapping you out of your little trance. You looked away from him to get his hand off of your cheek.
"Hey, hey look at me baby girl." He said.
You turned back to look at him. He gave you a softer smile,
"You're absolutely adorable."
"My ex used to say the same thing." You said softly.
"Well he wasn't wrong. Although, he was probably an idiot for letting you go in the first place."
"It's because of this. My OCD because I'm this way he just- couldn't." You said softly.
"Like I said he was an idiot. It's not something that's hard to deal with but not all people can deal with it especially if they don't understand it. It's not your fault, you just need a little gentle coaxing." He smiled.
He leaned down to kiss you softly, just your lips brushing against each other. He looked you in the eyes and he brushed his lips up against yours again. They were soft and gentle. The way he kept coming close and backing away in little pecks made you come to him without you realizing it. He held both your hands in his and the closer you got the more he pulled your hands up to his shoulders and had them wrapped around his neck. He smiled and kissed you a little more, a little deeper. He started getting a little hard, making you pull back so he softened his lips.
"You can wash me." He chuckled.
He grabbed his wash cloth and used the same cherry blossom soap. He gave it to you and you started on his chest. You made slow circle motions, you watched your hand move on his chest and the soap over flow from his wash cloth onto your hands.
"You used too much." You said.
"You'll appreciate that in a few minutes." He smiled.
You looked up at him while your hands continued to move on him. You washed his neck and collarbone but he took your hand and pulled it lower just below his chest to his abdominals.
"This is dirty too." He whispered.
You continued moving in circles washing his body. He was watching you very intensely. It made your heart rush and feel like it was going to burst. You started trying to breathe through your mouth as if breathing through your nose wasn't getting you air fast enough. He stepped closer and you stepped back cautious of him.
"Go lower that's dirty too." He said.
You looked up at him hesitant. He guided your hand down slowly with a soft smile on. The way he looked down at you because you were smaller than him made you feel a little more intimidated. He guided your hand lower, you took in a breath knowing where he was leading. You backed up but he moved forward.
"It's okay don't get shaky." He smiled.
You swallowed and he came closer, he lifted your leg and placed it on the edge of your tub. He placed his hand on the back of the shower wall and leaned closer to you,
"Let's get dirty before we get clean." He whispered against your lips.
He kissed you before you could respond. The approach of his tongue spooked you but you settled as he pulled his wash cloth out of your hand. He hung it on the rack above your head. You opened your eyes to look at him after he broke the kiss. He was aligning with you. You put your hand to his chest,
"Wait." You breathed nervously.
"We've done this before and you still get scared. You're very cute Y/n." He said coming up to nuzzle his nose against yours.
You made a small noise that sounded like defeat. He kissed you again and slipped inside of you. You whined as he did and he brought his hand to your waist. He started to move in you again. He was sliding in and out of you so smoothly. Your mind went blank again because he felt so good. He was long and thick and making you cry. He kissed your neck softly but his heavy panting was so erotic in your ear. You whined more and your arm wrapped around his shoulders to hold onto him.
"That's it baby girl. Don't you want to come for me?" He said.
"Yes." You mewled.
"Such a good little girl. Come for me baby give it to me." He said.
He spoke through a growl that made you tighten around him. He buried his face in the crook of your neck. He kissed your neck lightly, his other hand scooped up your leg on the tub and brought it around him more. Your bodies molded into each other.
"Come for me baby." He whispered in your ear.
The deeper his voice was in the whisper the more turned on you were.
"Kiseok- I'm gonna."
"Shit baby girl." He groaned.
He raised you up higher on the wall. Your hand went to the nape of his neck and you found some hair to grab on.
"That's it princess." He said kissing your breast now.
"Kiseok- Kiseok." You were breaking while trying to warn him.
"Come on baby girl."
"Ahh! Oh my- Ki-seooook." You said reaching a climax.
He kept moving, he kept thrusting into you and you squeezed his shoulders.
"No. More." You whined not being able to take it.
"Hold on baby girl. I'm close- just a little more." he moaned.
He wrapped his hand behind your head and ran it up your hair. He pulled you down to kiss him again. He was sounding rough, like he was growling. He then set you down and finished outside of you. You watched as he sprayed his seed onto your bath tub floor. You looked up at him and he cupped your face and stepped closer to come give you a harsh kiss.
"Kiseok." You said between the kiss.
"I know baby but not right now okay." He said.
He already knew what you were going to say but he wanted to eat up your lips instead. You started to pull from him after a long while of kissing.
"Kiseok." You whined a little.
He chuckled and smiled,
"Okay I'll stop. Do you want me to clean the tub after this?" He asked.
You looked away, you really didn't want to touch it but you didn't want to ask him to do. He laughed,
"I'll do it don't worry." He said.
He pecked your lips and he gave you space to shower. He kept his eyes on you though even as he washed himself. You'd look up every now and again and see him smiling softly at you while you scrubbed at places you had scrubbed minutes ago. You'd move to another area then go back to the same area. Then you'd move back to the other and then a new spot. You must've wash the same place fifty times as if you hadn't touched the area at all.
"Y/n." He whispered.
You looked up at him again not even realizing you'd been scrubbing the same spot you washed two minutes again.
"I think you're clean baby girl." He smiled.
You looked at him then you looked a little troubled and looked out of the shower.
"Did I forget something? You have new clothes right? I also have your shirt you left behind. I washed it and if you don't have a tooth brush I have a few under the sink-"
"Y/n." He said sternly.
You looked to him and caught your breath.
"Calm down babe this isn't anything new to me. I'm not confused, I don't think you're weird I think you're absolutely adorable. I have everything I need to stay with you tonight okay?" He said calmly.
He walked up to you after turning off the shower and pecked your lips.
"Now get your cute little ass out of the tub so I can wash it." He laughed.
"Kiseok." You whispered.
"It's okay, I know how you like it. Just go ahead and get ready for bed."
"I think there's a glass in the kitchen I didn't wash." You said.
He laughed and combed his fingers through your hair.
"Then go wash it baby and be in bed by the time I'm done." He said.
He opened the shower curtain and tapped your ass to get you out of it.
"I don't think I washed my feet though."
"You washed your feet three times Y/n I watched you and I was counting. Besides do you really want to step back in there? Your feet will get dirty again if I don't clean it now." He said.
"No." You turned to your bathroom closet and got out a towel to dry off.
He chuckled softly at you as you put on your bathroom flip flops to walk out of the bathroom.
Were you stressing him out as much as you did Hyukwoo or did he really understand this?
You went and got dressed and then went to the kitchen. You did leave a cup on the counter, how did you leave it on the counter? There was a ring of water just under it. You washed the glass and put it in your drying rack. You cleaned off the counter tops and swept the kitchen floor then you moped. You ran the cycle for the dish washer and then cleaned off the sink. You walked into your living room to look around. You vacuumed before you left did you need to vacuum again? If you vacuumed now you'd need to change clothes. Kiseok wanted you in bed. He was cleaning your tub, was everything in your cabinet put away? You went to check the front door. The locks were set; you checked yours and Kiseok's shoes, both sets were on the shoe rack neatly. His book bag hung on the hook just above your shoes. You swept in front of the front door. You didn't shake out the mat, if you went outside you'd have to change.
"Y/n do you want to come check the bathroom?" Kiseok popped out to see you.
You were staring at the front door.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"I forgot- I forgot to shake the front mat but if I go out I have to change and if I change and go out then I have to take another shower and I don't want to have to redo what you've done but I don't want to leave the mat there."
"Y/n." He said softly.
You looked back at him.
"I shook the mat out after we walked in. I was the last one in so I shook it out after I took off my shoes." He gave you a sympathetic smile.
You sighed that was relief. He came up to you and held your shoulders.
"Do you want to check the bathroom?" He asked again.
You nodded. As you headed to the bathroom, you heard your vacuum going off in the living room you looked back at him and saw him vacuuming your carpet. You felt grateful and then you felt bad. You crept into the bathroom to check the tub. He'd removed your wash cloths, it looked like he had wrung them out as much as he could and placed them in your basket so you could wash them. The tub was spotless your soap was back on your bathroom rack. Your towels were in the basket too. He aligned your bath rug with the tub, everything was in order. You started to brush your teeth and after that you washed your face and put that wash cloth in the basket.
Okay maybe you were extreme but it's not like you needed medication for your OCD. You functioned just as normally as others without freaking out except when it came to germs. You saw the disgusting things people did when they thought you weren't looking why would you trust that everyone was clean? It just made your skin crawl. The vacuum stopped and you ran through your check list in your head before you finally lifted up your two large fluffy blankets and crawled into bed. Kiseok strolled in with clothes from his back pack and put on boxers after dropping the towel he wore around his waist. He put that in your basket and started to brush his teeth. You listened to the water run, and the familiar brushing sound while you laid on your side. Kiseok had his habits too, when he came over he brought his toothbrush in a plastic bag after he used it he dried it off and left it a few centimeters from your toothbrush. When he left the next day he placed his toothbrush in a new plastic bag and threw away the old one. He rinsed his face off and used your soap to wash it. Kiseok didn't sleep in clothes except his boxers and he liked to touch in his sleep. He was the type to curl up before he fell asleep but you two would be separated when you woke up, you knew you moved in your sleep maybe he just adjusted or he moved too but starting out, he liked to be close. He came to the bed after getting himself dry and slipped in behind you.
"Can I?" He asked softly.
You nodded. You felt his arm wrap around your waist. He nuzzled his nose into the back of your neck. Your hair probably covered his face.
"Kiseok." You whispered.
"Yes baby girl?" He murmured into your neck.
"Are you going to get sick of this one day?" You asked.
He sat up and looked over to see your face. You turned back to see him a little. He looked at you confused,
"Why would I get tired of holding you?" He smiled.
"Will you get tired of the rules? Hyukwoo did." You asked.
"Hyukwoo? That's the guy you dated? Was he your first?" He asked.
You shook your head.
"My first was a guy I knew in highschool named Jiho. He spiked my drink to get me to relax and it just happened." You said.
"He raped you?" He asked utterly annoyed.
"No, no I told him I was scared and I couldn't relax so he told me he'd put something in my drink to help but I told him I had to watch him do it. So he mixed my drink with some alcohol, I'm not sure what it was but it was strong that was technically my first drink but it was a big cup and he had me drink it all. I got tipsy but it was enough that I didn't even care about germs. So he took me to his room. I completely freaked out when I saw blood but he calmed me down before he kept going."
"Okay but you do know that was extremely dangerous right? I mean he could've done so much worse to you."
"Well I was in high school I was already the freak that didn't like germs. I don't know when he said he could get me relaxed I believed him. Besides you kind of tried to kill me today so-"
"Oh how dare you." He chuckled.
He kissed you softly making you laugh.
"Seriously though, Hyukwoo? He's kind of self absorbed and kind of an ass when he drinks." He said.
"Yeah he doesn't even remember much the next day. He blacks out, it's weird because he's such a sweet guy and then he just-" you trailed off thinking about what happened a year ago.
"I'm not Hyukwoo, it's hard to get you to do stuff but it's not impossible. I don't have to or even want to force you to do things you don't want to do. I like your obsession."
"So did he."
"Hyukwoo is a kid compared to me Y/n. I actually know something about OCD and I've been around people that have it it's not new to me plus I'm grown up and not stupid. If I couldn't handle the rules I wouldn't bother you. He shouldn't have been with you if he couldn't handle it, that only ended up hurting you." He said.
"I was in love with him." You said looking away.
"Was is past tense. Don't love him, don't even give him a second thought, love me instead and I'll show you I'll stay close by."
"Even with the rules?"
"Even with the rules. I'm a man I don't throw a fit when ever rules come into play but I may ask you on occasion to break a rule or two." He grinned.
He kissed your cheek and nuzzled into your neck. You moaned softly and brought your hand to the back of his head. You liked Kiseok maybe he really did get you....
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