2 years ago1,000+ Views
Who: Reader x Kwon Hyukwoo
What: Angst, Smut (eventually)
Story: Letters come in from your ex explaining his actions that led to your break up. While he seeks redemption he also wonders if you're happier now that you've moved on or if there's a chance to win you back.
Hyukwoo's POV

Hyukwoo had been sitting at the old cafe that they used to go on dates at. Y/n was just constantly on his mind. He kept seeing her around with Kiseok and jealousy continued to grow in him. What was he doing with her? Was she happy with him? He wondered was she reading his letters. He'd just finished writing her one, he contemplated whether or not he should send it. He missed her smile, she smiled at him all the time. That Carnival he was supposed to take her to, he could only think about how she was going to wipe off the seats of the rides, how people behind them would get upset and he'd just stand behind her willing her to hurry up. Back then the little things she did didn't bug him at first but then it just started to weigh on him. Everyone would look and see that his girlfriend was werid and in those moments he would look at Y/n and think the exact same thing. He felt horrible for that, he felt even worse for breaking her heart. He invested so much time in himself that he didn't even try to figure out what was going on in her head. How trapped she must feel. She must feel like she's a freak too and he didn't help her, he didn't make it better. He missed her so much and now she was dating again. He tried to keep seeing her, he tried to find someone else, he tried to get her back. He ruined the best thing he ever had. Ju Kyung was furious with him for a few months. He wouldn't speak to him for weeks after finding out what he'd done. Then it was just that he would acknowledge that he was in the room but nothing else. Then he started including him in the conversation but things weren't normal. They weren't like they used to be. He didn't understand why Ju Kyung seemed so hurt by it but he didn't focus on that either. Jay and Mintaek felt aweful but they included him in everything still. Seonghwa was stand offish for a while, Hyukwoo believed he was just trying to figure out where they all stood. None of them had really spoken to Y/n since after the break up and he wasn't sure if it was because she didn't want to talk to them or if it was because they felt too guilty to reach out to her. Aside from Ju Kyung the others had known what he was doing and had the situation been reversed he would've wanted to tell the girl. It just wouldn't have seemed fair.

Why didn't he think of that before though?

Why did he let his image cloud his feelings? That's what he was worried about, being seen with an innocent little girl that was afraid of germs and had odd habits and strict rules. He didn't care about how he might hurt her or how he'd end the relationship. He didn't even think about how he might have to act as her boyfriend when they started dating. She was just gone now, it was like a piece of his life had just been dropped out of his timeline like it didn't exist or it was insignificant. He wanted her back but she was with someone else. He didn't know how he might get her back. He happened to look up and see her come into the cafe, he could feel his heart kick start like an engine. He watched her walk in with her white and blue flower dress on. She looked so beautiful and she was holding hands with Kiseok. He was looking down at her with a huge grin, he looked like he loved her. That half made him angry like he had no right to love her but who wouldn't love her? She was just a purely sweet human being. She had her quirks but she was loving and so sweet. He lifted her chin so that she'd look at him more, he gave her a warm smile and it just made Hyukwoo more jealous. He looked away feeling like someone had punched him in the stomach. He did this to himself, he lost her because of his thoughtless actions but he didn't want her moving on from him. He wanted her to look at him again. He wanted her to come back and look at him with her bright smile even if she didn't like it when he touched her face. She let Kiseok touch her face though.

She had shared a drink with him once too, he hated this, what was he doing to break through her walls? What was he doing to get her to relax enough to not let her OCD take over her? Was he forcing her to change or was she doing it on her own?

They soon sat down after grabbing coffee with each other; they sat near a window with a few other people. She was looking for a seat when Kiseok just pulled her down on his lap. She looked around but he held her firmly. He wrapped his arms around her tighter and brought her closer. He seemed to whisper in her ear and then she nodded.

She stayed seated on his lap.

What was he doing with her? Was he convincing her of these things or was he forcing her? She seemed uncomfortable at first but then she was calm and relaxed. She acted pleasant around the people with her. Someone came up to them and asked him for a picture and he looked at Y/n. Y/n got up like it was no problem. He took the picture with the girl and then sent her off. He came up to Y/n and she looked like she didn't want him touching her because he had hugged the girl. He looked like he was coaxing her but she didn't want to hug him. He chuckled and reached out for her hand instead. It took her a minute but she took his hand. He pulled her close and kissed her but he made sure not to let their bodies touch. This only added to Hyukwoo's annoyance. What was he doing to get her to do this? Why had she never acted like that with him? He simply talked to her and she would comply. It wasn't like he wanted her to obey every command that he had but he wanted to touch her just as freely as Kiseok was touching her now. It was irritating, it was like he was purposely doing this to him. Perhaps he was, perhaps he noticed him in here and that he was making him jealous, he was showing that she was no longer his but Kiseok's. She belonged to him and in the most beautiful way but still his heart kept wondering.

Are you happy?

Maybe it was because he was unhappy, maybe he kept asking because he wanted her to say no she wasn't happy she was faking it. She was faking smiles and laughs, she was faking her comfort. He didn't want her to love Kiseok he wanted her to love him and only him. He wanted her heart back, her support, her smiles, her everything. Hearts break uneven, there's one that ends up with the heavier piece of the heart break; Y/n had the worst of it but somehow as she started to heal Hyukwook, himself, became worse. He was still working, he still had friends, he might flirt with a girl or two but it could never go beyond that. He couldn't find the energy to do it, he couldn't find the heart to get into another realtionship or even a one night stand. Y/n was all he wanted and now she didn't even belong to him.

He saw Kiseok pull her away from the table for a moment, it looked like he was telling them they'd be back for a second and he led her to the bathrooms. The bathrooms were blocked but he figured she'd go in and wash her hands and her face. She didn't like public bathroom's though. The cafe was mostly dead and not a lot of people were coming to stay. No one had come or gone from the bathroom for several minutes and that was annoying Hyukwoo. What was she doing? What was he doing? He stood up after another few minutes had passed. Was it ten or fiffteen now? He wasn't sure but he walked over to the bathroom expecting the worst, like seeing them kissing in front of the bathrooms but neither one was hanging outside. He could hear slightly pants from the men's room. He pushed the door open slightly and heard Y/n's cries mixed in with Kiseok's groan. Hyukwook recognized those whines she was making. He hadn't even seen her yet but he knew that they were having sex.

How the hell did he get her to do that?

There's no way in hell that she'd ever do something like that with him. He was beyond annoyed at this point and he walked deeper into the bathroom to hear her panting and he heard Kiseok praising her.

"You're such a good girl. Very good Y/n. Good girl." he was calming her down.

"I need to get clean. I need to get clean." she said.

He chuckled,

"Alright I'll take you home."

He pulled her off the counter completely and she looked up to see him standing there looking at them. She had grown pale in the face and looked horribly embarrassed. He wanted her to feel embarrassed. She could do this with Kiseok but just getting her into his bed was hard. Just kissing her, just holding her fucking hand and she could do all of this for Kiseok. She looked ready to cry and she looked away from him. She buried her face in Kiseok's chest. He'd been cleaning himself off.

Did he release inside of her?

Hyukwoo never noticed a condom. That was pissing him off even more. When Kiseok felt her burry her face in his chest, he said,

"Whoa, what's going on baby girl?"

His hand went to the back of her head to pet her and he turned his head to kiss the side of it. That's when he saw Hyukwoo standing there. He sighed softly and gave him a little smile,

"Sorry, she'll be out in a second." he said.

He turned her around and covered her from behind and let her get soap, she started scrubbing her hands and he started whispering in her ear. She was scrubbing her hands hard and fast and her hands were shaking. He had stayed calm for her and ran his hands slowly down her arms and met hers under the water. He grabbed some soap and washed his hands with her. He kissed the back of her head lightly and she slowed down her furious scrubbing. She started telling him where he needed to wash his hands.

Under the nails, back of the hands, palms, in between the fingers and up the wrists. Scrub the knuckles and then under the nails again.

God he remembered the pattern like a song he had to perform. So many times she'd told him he needed to wash his hands more. He thought about the house that he went to with the lady that hoards stuff. Y/n would lose her mind in there, even if she was releasing some control to Kiseok she would've lost it. It was too dirty even for him and any one with claustrophobia was going to start hyperventailting the moment they stepped through the door. It was just too much. Kiseok grabbed a paper towel and gave it to her and then he took one and they dried their hands. He grabbed her shoulders and turned her to the bathroom door and walked her past him. He watched her pass him with Kiseok. Her head was down and she avoided making eye contact with him. He hated that.

Show me your pretty face.

He wanted so bad to see her. He wanted so bad to be with her. He wanted to take her away from him but he could see that Kiseok cared about her. Hyukwoo walked out of the bathroom not being able to stand it.

"Y/n." he called her.

She stopped walking and Kiseok looked back at him. He looked like he was hoping he'd just leave her alone.

"Angel I'm sorry." he said softly.

"It's best if you don't do that right now." Kiseok said calmly.

He looked at Kiseok like he was going to throw something at his head. He was right though, this was probably already a bad situation for her. She was just caught doing something she'd otherwise never do. The last time they had really spoken to each other she was screaming at him to get out. The last date he was supposed to take her on was the Carnival. The only time she was going to step out of her habits even though she'd probably still try and get things clean and make him use hand sanitzer. She had gotten drunk because of him, he let that happen. He caused that to happen. If he kept pushing her he didn't know what else would happen. An apology was the only thing that would come out after a year of being away. What was he going to do? What else could he say? He explained his actions that didn't mean she'd come back to him but he wanted her back in his arms. Kiseok turned back to Y/n and walked her out of the cafe. This was her favortie place to drink, they hadn't even said goodbye to their friends. Maybe they did while he was in the bathroom, he didn't care he just cared that she was gone and that he might not ever see her here again. He missed her already. He wanted her to come back to him...


It had seemed like Kiseok had been at your place everyday after work since the night you two slept together in the shower. Honestly, that was your favorite place for him to take you, everything was contained to one area and you could easily clean it out. Although, he decided to take the responsiblity of cleaning out the tub afterwards. It was at least three weeks later and he and you had just been getting closer and closer the more he spent time with you. He stayed over some nights and other nights he went home. A few times he invited you over and you went but you wouldn't stay the night. Your habit of cleaning before bed got in the way and you wanted to start cleaning his place. His place was clean though and everything was in order and very neat, it was like someone had just moved in every time you stepped through the door. He wanted you to stay most nights you came over but you wouldn't. You didn't bring clothes to change but he had a spare tooth brush for you to use. He said he'd let you borrow his t-shirt to sleep in and a pair of boxers. He'd wash your clothes over night and they'd be ready for you in the morning. He usually had a complete plan laid out when he asked you to stay. It was like he had a stragey for every time you came over, he had answers for all your questions and refutes. He was ten steps ahead of you because he knew how your thought process worked but you just couldn't bring yourself to stay with him. You couldn't leave your house it would be too weird. You wanted to clean you had to clean, even when his place was clean you had the urge to wipe down his counters just in case, you wanted to vaccum the floor and dust but his place didn't need it. It was really hard to get out of your place and go to his.

He came over today as a surprise,

"Hey you're off today right?" he asked once you opened the door.

You laughed and nodded.

"Okay then get dressed Minho and Hyun Jung are at the cafe and they want us to meet them." he said.

"Wait now? What cafe?"

"The one you like that has the really good carmel cappachino. They clean the counters every sixty seconds because of you." he teased.

You laughed,

"Okay give me a second." you said.

You went and changed into your white and blue dress. You liked the flowers and it was nice and warm outside that the dress would look really pretty and be comfortable. You came out of your room after taking a shower again and getting dressed, you had been cleaning before hand so you had to shower again. Kiseok hadn't moved from the front door, he stepped outside and then came back in twice, the first time was to take a call the second was because he thought you said you were ready. You came out of the house with him, locking the door behind you and then you got in his car. You sat in silence for a moment while he played music and then your hands started finding things to organize.

"Baby girl I know you have to organize but I need all those papers to stay how they are." he said

"They're not even in alphabetical order how do you live with this?" you asked.

He laughed,

"I adapt."

You looked at him and thought for a second, you knew he was just talking about the papers but for some reason you felt a little off about that. It made you ask,

"Like you do with me?"

He took at second to look at you and he looked a bit confused and concered about how you were feeling. You looked away from him and out the window. He sighed,

"Y/n don't do that to yourself."

"Do what?"

"Don't convince yourself that I'm as bad as him. I wouldn't fake this and I'm not. I've gotten used to the way you work. I like you just the way you are so feel free to clean and organize as much as you want I wouldn't change a thing about you." he smiled.

You looked back at him,

"You'll just keep adapting? Until what? Until the rules drive you crazy? Until you-"

"Don't. Because I wouldn't and you have to know that. I know what he did to you. I know that he hurt you but I am not him and I will never be. Rules are fine but you've adapted to me as well Y/n. You have changed, not so much that you're not you but you've adapted to how I am. I like holding your hand and bringing you into my arms. I love it when you burry your face in my chest and you'll let me hold you when we fall asleep together. You're starting to let me hold your hand a little more without freaking out and I've started keeping my hands clean. That's what relationships are about. If you act single while you're in a relationship it doesn't work but if you adjust to what your partner loves and hates then it works better. It's about give and take, you give me all of you and I'll give you all of me and whatever you don't like I'll do my best to stop doing and whatever I don't like you would do the same right?" he said.

You looked up at him and nodded.

"I'm not selfish, I love you I don't think there's ever a bad time to admit that. Adapting isn't a bad thing baby. It's just means you're willing to do whatever it takes to make sure things run smoothly." he said.

"I think I understand." you said softly.

He smiled big while looking at the road.


He parked and he opened the door for you. He showed you that he was using hand sanitzer and then held your hand. Some part of you felt bad that you had him do that. If he cleaned like that too much would you cause problems for him? He talked to you as you two headed to the cafe. This place you used to come with Hyukwoo all the time. It would be hard for you to hold his hand but you liked talking to him. There was a table you two used to always sit at. You made sure to keep your eyes on Kiseok so you didn't see it. You really didn't want to be reminded of him while you were with Kiseok. You were happy with Kiseok. You two went up to wait in line to get your coffee and the girl at the counter already knew your drink which made you happy but it was also kind of funny because you had been there so much she knew you by name. She said once that she missed you coming in with Hyukwoo but after you told her that you two broke up she didn't mention him again, you suspected it was out of curtousy for what happened that she didn't speak of him and that made you happy because talking about him was hard on you even now. Kiseok led you over to the table Minho and Hyun Jung were at. They were dating as well and wanted someone to come out and hang with them but Kiseok was also working on some solo music and he hadn't seen Minho in a while. Kiseok sat down and you started looking for a fourth chair, when he grabbed you by the waist and had you sit on his lap. You got nervous and looked at him like you didn't really want to be in that situation at the moment. He came up to your ear and he smiled, he said,

"Relax baby besides if you sit in a chair you'll get dirty. It's best if you take a seat on my lap."

"Won't your legs get tired?" you asked him.

"I like you on my lap." he smiled.

That didn't answer your question but you gave into his wish and nodded. Hyun Jung laughed as she leaned into Minho.

"You two are so cute." she said.

"We try." Kiseok retorted.

You chuckled along with Hyun Jung and Minho. Minho wrapped his arm around Hyun Jung and you wondered if that's how casual Kiseok wanted to be with you. He didn't have to ask he just did it and she melted into his touch.

"You keep this guy out of a lot of trouble I hear Y/n." Minho said.

You looked at him curiously.

"I do?"

"Yeah I hear his manager threatens to tell you that he's misbehaving when he refuses to do something." Minho laughed.'

You looked at Kiseok,


Kiseok sighed and looked like he was shooting daggers at Minho which made him laugh harder with Hyun Jung.

"Yeah, sometimes I'll say I don't want to do something and he'll use you as a trigger. What will your girlfriend think? Poor Y/n she'll fell like she's the reason you're not doing this. If I tell Y/n that you're not feeling well how will she react? He's such a worm." Kiseok shook his head.

You covered your mouth in a little chuckle and he looked at you with soft eyes, he liked your chuckle even though you kind of hated the way it sounded. You were happy with him. He slid his hand down to lace his fingers with yours and held your hand. He kissed your shoulder before going back into a conversation with Minho which you and Hyun Jung listened to. A girl that was a fan of Kiseok's came up to the table and asked for a picture and he was about to say yes before he looked at you to get permission. You weren't going to deny her the picture though you stood up and he got up and stood next to her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and he took her phone to hold above them. He did that little nose scrunch thing you loved to see and snapped the photo. She thanked him and headed off to show her friend that was waiting for her by the door. Kiseok looked at you and held out his arms to you. You didn't want to hug him though. It wasn't that you were jealous but your mind started going, what had she touched? Were her clothes clean, maybe you two should just stick to handle holding. He chuckled when it took you some time. He used his forefinger to beckon you closer to him. When you didn't move, he held his hand out to you. You finally caved after a few minutes and just grabbed his hand willing yourself to not freak out. He pulled you close but he didn't let your bodies touch, he lifted your chin and kiseed you softly before he looked up at Minho and Hyun Jung.

"They're sweet." she laughed.

"Yeah so sweet they're giving me cavities." he retorted.

They both laughed and you kind of chuckled a little embarrassed.

"Hey we'll be right back okay." Kiseok said.

Minho nodded and shooed you two away as a goodbye. Hyun Jung laughed and cuddled closer to Minho to talk to him. Kiseok pulled you over to the bathrooms and when you headed for the ladies room he yanked you back towards him and pulled you into the boys room.

"What no, we can't- I can't be in here." you said freaking out.

"It's okay baby, there aren't a lot of people here . We'll leave as soon as we're done." he smiled.

"Done? Done with that?" you asked.

He slid his hand up your dress and started touching your womanhood. You moaned slightly, caught off guard.

"Kiseok, didn't you use that hand to open the door?" you said trying to stop your body from reacting.

"Shush, just enjoy it." he whispered.

He unzipped his pants with his other hand and pulled out his swollen heat from his boxers. He was so hard already and you were panting. Your eyes rolled back the more you started to feel. You tried to hold back your moans and they came out as shaky soft breaths. He pushed your panties to the side and lifted you a little on the counter.

"Kiseok it's dirty." you whined.

"So are we." he chuckled.

He kissed you full on the lips, his tongue took over yours while his fingers dipped inside of you. You squirmed on the counter you felt like you were going to make a mess on your dress. You were wet and ready for him and that's what he was working for. He pushed your dress up and kissed your clit, making you bite your lip to cover a moan. Your hand went to his hair and he went deeper. You were moaning and trying to quiet yourself. Your eyes were closing and rolling back then you'd pop them open to make sure you didn't fall too deep into it.

"Kiseok, what if someone comes in?" you asked.

"Then we better make it quick." he smiled when he looked up at you.

He pumpped two fingers into you again and he kissed you. You wanted to stop him but your body was begging to let him continue. You didn't know what to do. Your mind lost all reason, even the part that said you were on top of the bathroom sink doing this. He pulled you down a bit to meet his length and you felt his tip slip into you. You moaned long and low in his ear as he filled you up. He started moving his hips. He was running along your walls drawing you closer and closer. He was looking to come as well and that made him go a little harder on you. You whined into his neck,

"You like it baby girl?" he said in a heated voice.

"Yes." you moaned truthfully.

"Say my name baby. Call for me Y/n let me hear you."

"Kiseok." you mewled.

He moved faster.

"Just like that, keep calling me."

He kept going,

"Kiseok, Kiseok, Kiseok. Oh- my god- Kiseok please." you whined.

You were panting hard and he had brought his finger to your clit to start rubbing.

"Don't you want to cum for me baby girl?"

"Yes. Yes I want to- cum." you bit your lip whining and almost crying while doing so.

"Come for me princess. You can do it." he said.

You didn't know what sparked this need for you but you weren't able to deny it much longer and your core was so hot and squeezing him tight. Blood rushed to your heat threatening an orgasam.

"Kiseok- I'm gonna-"

"Come for me." he growled.

You couldn't even finish your warning. You wrapped your arms around his neck and released your moans into his neck to muffle them as much as you could. He groaned when he came. He had released inside of you, it felt odd and sticky but it felt strangely good. Condoms or pulling out was the normal choice method when having sex, this was the first time you had it where someone came inside you. You were panting heavily and trying to catch your breath.

"You're such a good girl. Very good Y/n. Good girl." he said trying to calm you down.

Your mind was back though. What you had done was so dirty. The sink, your dress, he had come inside you, your panties were wet, you didn't like how that felt.

"I need to get clean. I need to get clean." you said not realizing you were repeating yourself.

He chuckled,

"Alright I'll take you home."

He helped you off the counter completely. He had sat you back up there after he had come probably because he needed a break from holding you up against his body. Once you were done you happened to look up and see Hyukwoo looking at you upset. You felt so embarrassed, of all the times for you two to see each other again he saw you doing this. How long had he been watching? You hid your face in Kiseok's chest, he was just finishing cleaning himself up and sliping himself back into his pants. He brought his hand to the back of your head and said

"Whoa, what's going on baby girl?"

He kissed the side of your head then you heard him sigh and he said,

"Sorry, she'll be out in a second." he said.

He turned you around and he turned on the water and started to let you wash your hands. You were shaking so much that you started scrubbing your hands hard and quick. He whispered in your ear,

"It's okay baby girl, we'll wash our hands together and I'll take you home and run you a hot shower. Just calm down, everything will be okay. We'll get you nice and clean."

He was talking to you as if your ex wasn't in the bathroom with you, as if he hadn't heard or saw what you two had just done but he started washing his hands with you and part of you wanted to turn around and cry in his chest but the other part needed to get your hands clean. He kissed the back of your head lightly, classic Kiseok, gentle just when you needed him to be. He turned off the water after you two were done, you didn't even realize you were instructing him on how to wash his hands which was really how you wanted him to wash his hands especially since his fingers were inside of you. He gave you a paper towel to dry your hands off and he walked you past Hyukwoo. You couldn't even look him in the face when you passed him you wanted to die. Kiseok told Hyun Jung and Minho that you weren't feeling well and so he was going to take you home. You felt bad for ruining the little double date you wanted to tell him to stay and you'd just take a cab back home, or walk because cabs were dirty. He wasn't going to let you go alone though you knew that much. You two were headed for the door and you were thankfull Hyukwoo hadn't made a scene until you heard him say,


You stopped in your tracks unable to really handle it but you couldn't run from him. It hurt so much to be around him. He did this to you. You were happy with Kiseok, you liked Kiseok, you wanted to be with him but Hyukwoo had your heart screaming. Sometimes you thought about what you two had and you wanted it back but you didn't want to let go of Kiseok. Hyukwoo was the past, going back to him was a mistake.
"Angel I'm sorry." he said softly.

"It's best if you don't do that right now." Kiseok said calmly.

You were happy he remained so calm because you were dying inside. He took you outside and you lost yourself in tears. Kiseok held you close to him,

"I'm sorry Y/n we won't do that again." he said.

You held him tighter you weren't able to speak just cry. Any time you thought of him or heard his voice or thought about what he had done you wanted to cry. How ironic was it that you had over heard him having sex with a woman that led to your break up and now he had heard you with Kiseok and probably even saw you two. How did he feel? Did he feel even half the pain you felt? You two weren't together, you and Kiseok were; he had no right to be upset at you. You two had moved on, you were over. Kiseok was the one you wanted right now but embarrassing was still embarrassing and there was nothing in you that wanted to be caught by someone coming in and even less by him. You didn't like this feeling but you heard him over and over again apologizing and telling you he'd never do it again. He was going to take you home and help you get ready for bed...

Sunshine Squad: @Parktaemi @TwistedPDnim

Dang, imma get personality disorders with all these character issues. Thanks Kiseok for being main bae and understanding my crazy faults.πŸ‘πŸ™‹
πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘ how much we went through with this one.. goodness. seems like the bond with Simon is become stronger and stronger. I hope the trust grows and the doubt dissipates. he is not Loco, but I fear if the doubt doesn't subside and the thought of Loco grow Simon might feel inferior and leave for that reason. we need to forgive, forget and fully move on... i wonder what the next letter will be like and if she'll even read it after getting embarrassed like that.