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BabydollBre
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Letters from Sender Ch.5
Who: Reader x Kwon Hyukwoo
What: Angst, Smut (eventually)
Story: Letters come in from your ex explaining his actions that led to your break up. While he seeks redemption he also wonders if you're happier now that you've moved on or if there's a chance to win you back.
Y/n's POV

Kiseok decided to take you back to his place after dismissing you two from the Cafe. He went to get something from his bedroom while you took off your shoes and replaced them with the slippers he had sitting at his front door. You knew they were your specific slippers because they were all white with bunny faces on them. They always made you smile when you saw them, this time there was a slight smile, nothing big like you normally did. He came back out of his bedroom with a T-shirt that was all folded up as you walked in deeper to his penthouse. To the left was the kitchen and you walked over to it and looked at how clean it was.

"Get undressed." he told you.

You looked back at him confused and then you saw him presenting the T-shirt to you again. You nodded and walked out of the kitchen and started to pull your dress over your head. He watched you as you undressed and then you reached out for the T-shirt.

"Underwear too." he said.

You looked at him curiously but he normally washed your clothes when you came in that way you'd feel comfortable sitting on his couch. You didn't bring your bag of clothes because you honestly weren't expecting to come back to his place but you complied and took off your bra and underwear. You felt naked and exposed and that was slightly embarassing. He stepped up to you and brushed hair behind your head. He gave you the T-shirt and you noticed his boxers were mixed in with them. You looked up at him oddly; he chuckled.

"Don't worry they're clean." he said.

You slipped the T-shirt on while he took your clothes and headed for his laundry room. You hurriedly put on the boxers and slipped your slippers back on. You liked looking around at his place it was clean too. Sometimes when you came over to Hyukwoo's he'd have things out of order and scattered on the ground like his sheet music and it would have you freaking out so bad you'd walk out of his place just to calm down. Nothing was more aggrivating to you than a mess. You had to respect that, that was how he worked but you couldn't handle that kind of disorganization, there was just too much spread out for you to be comfortable. That made you sit down on the couch and curl up.

Did you push Hyukwoo into cheating on you?

Maybe he was right, maybe you were just too over bearing. Maybe it was just that the rules were too much and he just couldn't handle being with you. He was the one sending you those letters, he was the one trying to see if you were happy and you were; you were just- in recovery. You and Hyukwoo had been dating for two years and now that you were broken up for a year it seemed like you should've been able to move on from him. You had, you didn't want him back but there was just so much pain that weld up when you saw him in the men's room. Seeing Kiseok stuffing himself into his pants after cumming inside of you, that made you jump up, which startled Kiseok as he was coming back down the steps from his laundry room. You stared at the spot that you had just been sitting at. You started pacing for a second.

"What's wrong baby girl?" he said coming over to you.

"You came inside of me. He was there and you came inside of me in a men's bathroom. On the counter. I sat on the couch and I put on new clothes without washing." you freaked.

"Okay Y/n I need you to breathe okay." he said cupping your face.

You pulled way from him, his hands on your face after touching everything.

"Sorry, look do you want to use the shower I'll change out those clothes for something else. I'll even leave you alone I won't touch you. Just go take a nice hot shower, wash your face. I've got a spare tooth brush under the sink you can use; it's brand new, never been opened. It's okay jagi." he said.

"Why aren't you tired of me? Why do you put up with this, with me? Aren't I tiring? Isn't it me?" you cried a little.

"You can not blame yourself for Hyukwoo's actions. The decent thing he could've done for you to avoid that lingering pain inside of you was be honest and say that he could not handle it. Instead, he chose to try and keep you while cheating that was his own stupidity it had nothing to do with you and I promise you Y/n I will not do the same to you. I've been honest with you. I've done all of this for you,"

"But why? Why are you trying so hard, eventually you will get tired." you said.

"No. I'll adjust and you'll adjust with me. You've already changed a lot more than you know. Having sex in the men's public bathroom, sure it makes your skin crawl but back when you were with Hyukwoo would you have ever done that with him? You wouldn't even slightly entertain the idea of it. You sometimes drink out of the same straw as me and you've gotten to a point where you don't immediately freak out. Look, you may never be free from your OCD and I'm okay with that. I'm not asking you to change for me I'm asking you to make it to a place that you're comfortable with me. I want you to be able to explore with me, we can explore with each other and if you'll just continue to try to be open yourself I will never get bored, I will never get tired of your rules I will let you freak out and adjust and I will adore you for everything you do. I love you baby girl I wouldn't have you any other way, you're beautiful and you're mine." he said.

He held his arms open for you to come in to hug him. You stepped up to him for a moment and then hesitated. He smiled and said,

"Oh come on you're going to take a shower anyway, hugging me won't kill you."

You took a moment to stare at him but you had calmed down without even realizing that you had. You walked up to him and gave him a hug, he brushed the back of your hair. You snuggled into his chest allowing yourself to enjoy his embrace for a moment. Hyukwoo used to pull you on his chest in bed. He'd brush your hair with his fingers till you fell asleep, by then both of you where clean, you had him shower and you showered so that your sheets wouldn't get dirty. The more you snuggled into Kiseok the more you could smell his scent, the comfort you got from him. He smelled like spice, his colonge lasted for hours even on his clothes. Hyukwoo would smell like fresh soap in bed both smells brought you a sense of comfort but in different ways. Hyukwoo was there, the one you loved, the one that thought you were cute but you could feel distance parting the two of you the more famous he grew. That's why you were so excited for the Carnival, just because you had OCD didn't mean you didn't want to do normal couple things and you were so excited about getting to go with him, that he'd finally set the day aside for you two and the others to hang out. You wanted to go on the Feris wheel with him and maybe even kiss him if you could work up the nerve. Then the memory of what he had done came back to you. You heard him with another woman, his bed must've been hitting the wall that's how passionate they had been. The more you thought about it the more tears came welling up to your eyes. You hugged Kiseok tighter, Hyukwoo had seen you two in the bathroom, that was so embarrassing.

"Shh, it's okay Y/n."

"Am I no better than him?" you cried in his chest.

"Why would you say that?" he pulled you away so that he could look you in the eyes.

You wiped away tears as you said,

"I heard him when he cheated on me and now he's seen me with you. Isn't that cruel? Am I wrong?"

"Y/n you had no idea that he was in there or that he'd even come in. If it's anyone's fault baby it's mine. I should've known how that would make you feel. I'm so sorry." he said.

He kissed your forehead. You sniffed and looked up at him and pulled him down for a kiss. You fought your mind to continue the kiss and feel more than think. Kiseok pulled away for a second.

"Let's go in the shower." he said.

You shook your head.

In the bedroom.

You kissed him again and fell into it, he picked you up and you wrapped your legs around his body and he carried you into the bedroom. He laid you on the bed and took off the T-shirt he'd given you. His hands grasped your breast and he started to lick them hungrily. You moaned out and let yourself give in. Your head went back into the pillow the more his tongue licked your nipples. Your hands gripped his sheets. The perfect symmetry of his bed was now wrinkled by your bodies. The neatly made pillows were now being shifted by him as he crawled up higher and set your head on one pillow. He then pulled another pillow under your butt and raised you up. He pulled his boxers off of you slowly and let them slide off the bed. You closed your eyes to try and feed out the voice that said he had to place them in the laundry basket they couldn't just sit on the floor. You only knew one reason why you were doing this, it was something that Hyukwoo wanted from you that you couldn't give to him. You didn't show that you wanted him in that way so he found someone else that would give him what he wanted. They were in his bed together; you wanted to be in bed with Kiseok. Here you were on top of his blanket, the smooth surface kissing your skin sweetly as Kiseok removed his shirt and pants as quickly as he could. He was probably aware that there wouldn't be another time where you'd be like this and he didn't want you backing out of it; although, if you had stopped him he would. That's what you loved about him, he accepted it, where as Hyukwoo would huff and get annoyed. He'd be pissed that right in the middle of a good session of love making you'd tell him to stop because your mind was looking at how he had something out of order on the desk or that his clothes, along with yours, were scattered on the floor and your high had left you. Instead of feeling aroused, you felt annoyed by the fact that there were clothes on the floor and he would be annoyed that he was no longer having sex.

Kiseok climbed back over you and kissed you, his hands by your head and then one crawling down your side so softly and slow that it gave you shivers. He came off your lips with a smile as if he enjoyed the way your body shook for him.

"I'm going to make my baby girl cum so fucking hard." He whispered against your lips.

That had your core twisting and tingling. It felt good, you liked it. He crawled down your body with little kisses, he made a trail down your stomach until he reached just between your legs. He parted them a little more, taking his time to kiss from your heat all the way up your inner thigh. You could feel your clit aching and wanting more but you didn't beg; you just breathed shallowly and looked down every once in a while to see him kissing up the other thigh slowly. He moved from one thigh to the other as he trailed down. You could hear the sounds of his kisses coming down until you felt his lips on your clit. You gasped, that felt really good. His tongue came next and your back arched off the bed a little. You took in a deep breath. You looked down to see his eyes looking up at you. You saw his tongue a little, poked out and ready to give you a lick again. You were panting just from that,

"Kiseok." you whined.

"Does it feel good baby girl?" he said.

The were was a smile in his voice but you couldn't help the small moan that came afterwards,

"Yes." you said.

He smiled and your threw your head back again to enjoy the way his tongue took short flicks on your clit. You moaned as he did it. Amazing, the feeling had you wanting to cry and you could feel blood rushing to your heat. You started to roll your hips up into his face by reflex not even realizing that you were doing it. Kiseok's hands came to your hipbone and he pushed you down and came back up from between your legs. He came to your lips and kissed you without hesitation. You could taste yourself on his lips and you jerked back against the bed. He kept kissing you but your mind was getting in the way. He was just licking you down there and now kissing you. You brought your hands to his chest and in return he held your hands in his. You calmed by just that action and he pulled away on his own.

"You taste so good baby." he said.

You panted in disbelief. He looked down so that he could adjust himself to meet you. He slid inside of you making you raise your chest and arc your back again. You felt him stretch out your walls, twice in one day. He started to move more in you but slowly so that you could adjust at first. He let his fingers play in your hair and he came down to kiss you again then he looked you in the eyes. His gaze sent you into a trance that you couldn't break free from. He was breathing against your lips and he kissed you again, so hard and so long you weren't sure whose breath you were taking in. He pulled off your lips and came to your neck and you heard him growl.

"Mine."

Your hand ran up the back of his head and through his hair. He looked up at you,

"You're mine, all of you is mine do you understand baby girl?" he said.

"Kiseok."

"All of you belongs to me. Only me baby girl." he said pressing his forehead to yours while he went harder and deeper into you.

"Yes." you moaned.

"Say it." he said.

"I'm yours." you cried softly.

"All mine." he said.

"All yours." you said.

He lifted up your leg and some how it felt like he'd gone deeper into you. You pulled at the bed sheets and cried but you heard the way the bed hit the wall and you let out some gasp of relief. You looked up at him and grabbed his arm, You kept eye contact with him,

"Kiseok."

He looked down at you, his eyes contecting with yours so deeply it felt like your souls had merged.

"Don't cum yet." he commanded.

You nodded, though you weren't sure how you could control that. He flipped over onto his back and sat up with you on top of him. He turned so that his feet hit the floor and you stayed seated on his lap. He looked up at you and ran his fingers through your hair.

"My baby girl is going to ride me." he said.

"I've never-"

"It's okay. I'll guide you baby." he said.

He placed his hands on your hips and moved you up and down slowly, you moved at his pace and you held onto his shoulders. He kissed your breast as you moved up and down, you felt his teeth nip at your skin, which caught you off guard and made you yelp in surprise. He licked your chest and then let his tongue circle around your nipple. At some point you started moving faster, you weren't sure if it was because he was moving you that fast or if you had just been going with what you felt. His other hand came to your clit and he started to play with it which made you hug him while you rode him. You were panting and whining as you rode him, the bed was bouncing up and down and you were enjoying every sensation he was giving you. You felt him bring his hand to the back of your head and grip your hair and pull your head back. He licked your neck making you moan out into the room. You felt more pressure building and your core tighten around him.

"That's a good girl. Fucking ride daddy baby girl." he said.

You looked at him and nodded, pleasure kind of clouding your vision. You didn't even realize he'd called himself daddy and you weren't about to argue it or ask him about it. You felt so good. He grabbed your neck and pulled you back down to the bed. Your legs hung over the bed and he was still between your legs. He started to ride into you while he closed his hand a little to choke you a bit. You were surprised by it but it felt oddly amazing. He wasn't choking you to hurt you. He came close to you groaning and panting and he kissed you. His tongue started to roll over yours and it felt more like a sloppy hot kiss then a sweet passionate one. It felt dirty but good. You felt yourself coming closer and your heart was beating faster. It felt so good with him inside of you.

"You need to cum baby girl. I want you to cum for me." he growled.

He was defintely bringing you closer to that. He relased your neck and pulled your legs up onto his shoulders and moved faster and harder, deeper .He felt longer and he made you cry, how loud were you? You didn't even care, it felt amazing. You loved the way the sheets felt against your skin while he fucked you hard and he was closing in on your climax. It was building and buidling,

"Come on baby. Cum for me. Come so fucking hard." he groaned as his hips snapped harder into you.

You gripped the sheets and moaned,

"Ki- Seok!"

Your body jerked under his and your back arched up. It felt like you were releasing a spirit inside of you. It felt like a shock wave or an earthquake that left your body trembling as he quickly pulled out of you and started to rub himself. He rubbed himself quickly and he aimed for your stomach as he groaned and his dick spurted out his white substance onto you. You looked down at it in a haze and he quickly came to kiss you, pushing you back into the bed so that you two could make out for a minute. His hand played with your naked breast almost proud out how well behaved you had been for him.

"You're mine." he whispered.

You nodded.

"Yours." you said feeling drained.

"Go take a shower baby. I'll change the sheets. Your dress should be done washing I'll put it in the dryer." he said.

You nodded and he lifted you up. He grabbed a tissue and quickly cleaned your stomach off and then led you in the direction of his bathroom, despite you already knowing where it was. He kissed the back of your head and told you to take however long you needed. You were scrubbing yourself for a while, especially where he'd come on your stomach and inbetween your legs but you couldn't deny how great that felt. To be in his bed with him and have sex. You thought back to Hyukwoo's face in the bathroom. He looked so upset at you, he had no right to be upset but still somehow you felt bad. Kiseok wasn't Hyukwoo and you didn't want to bring that doubt onto him but still you couldn't help but wonder how long would this last? How long before he was tired of how you were wired? Hyukwoo and you were together for two years and he proved to be unfaithful even after he said he liked all your weird quirks. You just couldn't handle getting crushed again. You had finsihed washing your face and you were brushing your teeth while Kiseok went to go and get the door. He ordered take out for you two and you were spitting your tooth paste into the water to go down the drain when you heard someone say,

"I heard he was there."

"Yeah but it's fine. She's fine." Kiseok said.

The voice was familiar, you listened as you turned off the water and dried your face with the towel.

"Is she really okay or are you saying that so I don't worry?"

Seonghwa?

You stepped out to see Seonghwa leaned against the hall opening by the door. He was looking at Kiseok and wasn't paying attention to you standing there looking at them talking.

"She's fine, she's just getting cleaned up. I told you I can take care of her." he said

"Hyukwoo said the same thing and look where that's got us all? We were all friends and now there's this huge gap. He's been trying to get her back- maybe she should stay away from the cafe for a while." Seonghwa said.

"Hyukwoo is not me. He has no idea how much I love her and I will never let her go. He was an idiot for what he's done and he's broken her in ways that-"

"Kiseok."

"I can't lose her." he said softly.

"Kiseok." you called as if you just walked into the conversation.

Kiseok's head whipped around to see you. His eyes were wide for a second then he cleared his throat and smiled at you. He walked over to you, you were dressed in a new pair of his boxers and his tank top with his black oversized hoody on. He gave you a hug and whispered,

"Don't worry I took a shower in the other bathroom."

You smiled at him when he pulled back. You looked to Seonghwa who was looking down at your feet. He didn't seem to be able to look you in the face,

"It's been a long time Seonghwa." you said.

He nodded,

"Yeah it has. We miss you, Jay and the others. Me too. I miss you." he said awkwardly.

"You miss the oblivious girl that has OCD?" you said in pain.

"No we miss you. Just you." he said

You looked at him for a moment and gave him a soft smile,

"Maybe we can hang out sometime." you said.

He gave you a smile back,

"We'd really like that."

"I didn't know you and Kiseok knew each other." you said.

"Yeah we've collaberated a few times. By collaberate I mean, I've made his beats and he pays me for them." he said.

You chuckled,

"I really should start listening to your music more often."

"Classical music is fine, it's calming and that's important. As long as you like it why change?" Seonghwa said.

"I guess you have a point." you smiled.

Seonghwa stood there for a few seconds with nothing else to say and you weren't going to force converstation. Things between you and the others were awkward because you assumed that they would either take his side or stay friends with him over staying friends with you. You weeded yourself out of their lives to make the transition easier even though you'd get an occasional text or snap from Ju kyung out of no where. Seonghwa was the hardest to gauge during that transition because it seemed like he wanted to stay your friend but he was friends with Hyukwoo first. He felt wrong about everything that had happened and he was too conflicted. You thought you had made things easier for him but you still weren't sure if they were or not. He obviously heard from Hyukwoo that something had happened at the Cafe. You didn't realize that he was still trying to keep up with you but that made you happy.

"Do you want to stay and watch a movie with us?" Kiseok offered.

"No I should be getting back to the studio I just wanted to drop by and say hi." he said.

They didn't know that you had heard them. You waved goodbye as he left. Kiseok walked over to the door and locked it behind him. He turned back to you and gave you a soft smile.

"So what movie do you want to watch?" he said.

You laughed and walked back into the bedroom to sit on the bed. He came in after you and sat down next to you,

"Hey Y/n I know your dress will be dry in a few minutes but I'd really like it if you stayed the night with me tonight."

You looked at him and took in a deep breath. You laid back on the bed and placed your hand on the pillows where your body was connected with his.

"Okay." you whispered.

He smiled,

"Great." he said.

You two looked for a movie on TV and waited for the take out to arrive. He'd taken your dress out of the dryer and put the pillow cases that you two had fucked on in the dryer. You two ate in the kitchen and then you helped clean things up before he got you back into bed. You two decided to watch train to Busan before you went to bed but during the movie you put it on mute and looked up at Kiseok.

"You've said a few times that you've dealt with OCD before what do you mean?" you asked.

He looked down at you and combed his fingers through your hair. You loved the way his fingers tips felt against your scalp.

"When I was a kid, there was this little girl that used to get picked on, on her way to school. She had OCD she was terrified of germs. She hated them and these local kids would find some sick pleasure in picking up worms and dirt and touching her with them. I'd see her coming home in tears bawling her eyes out just broken down. So one day I came up to the kids and I told them if they ever came near her again I'd send them to the hosptial for the rest of their lives."

You chuckled,

"You're a hero." you said.

"Maybe- I took care of her though. I would stop by and meet her where the boys would come and I'd kind of ward them off and walk her home. It took her a while to talk to me but she finally started to speak. She wouldn't hold my hand or anything but she started getting closer and closer to me. She relied on me a lot, she was kind of like a little sister to me for a while I just protected her."

"What happened to her?"

"She- she got into a car accident one day. I didn't come get her- I had stayed after school to help another girl with some work and I just - I was running late. I ran to get there but by then she had already been hit. The witnesses said that she was running from something and she just didn't look before she ran out."

"Kiseok I'm sorry." you said.

"It's alright. Sometimes I wish maybe I had been a jackass to that girl and just went to go meet her, maybe I could've stopped it but- At some point in time you begin to accept that you can't change fate. It wasn't my fault no matter how much I blamed myself but pain is still pain." he said.

You cupped his face and scooted closer to him in bed and kissed him lightly. He smiled he laced his fingers with yours and whispered,

"I love you so much."

"I love you too." you whispered back...

Hyukwoo's POV

I want to take back everything I've done to you, I want to erase the mistakes or pretend like they haven't hapened. There's no way to do that though, there's no way to jump into a time machine and slap myself in the face and say that I had a good thing going with a beautiful girl that loves me. You should've left me a long time ago, my selfishness had broken you and your heart. I don't know if I can mend it, I doubt you'll ever let me close enough to try. I remember our first date, we went to the diner and you ordered a burger but you sent the plate back because there were spots on it. I thought it was funny. You looked really cute because you were nervous but you also thought I thought you were some kind of weirdo. I didn't think that, I just kept looking at you and thinking how beautiful you were. You wore that white and red dress with the cherries on it. It tied behind your neck with the red ribbon. I remember retying the ribbon for you and letting the back of my hand soflty slide down your back. I remember the shiver you got, it was so beautiful. I wanted to kiss you, I got close enough to kiss you but you pulled away nervous. You didn't really want to touch, not yet. I don't know if it was a lack of trust at the time or if it was your OCD, maybe both but god I remember how hypnotized I was by you. I couldn't wait to see you again, I wanted to know when I could kiss you, when I could have you again. I sometimes wish I could go back to that first date and just enjoy your innocent prescene again. When we both were still fresh in the realtionship, I wish I could've taken a better interest in you and asked you more about your OCD, maybe even asked you how I could work with you and make you comfortable. I wish I would've just looked up things on my own and learned more. There's medication for it I'm not sure if you've considered it or if it's even severe enough for you to need it but I really want you to be happy. I don't know if you are but I want you to be. I don't want you to forget the good times we had together because those times are worth remembering. I want you to forget the bad because those are only going to hurt more. I wish I could've taken it back because it's been eating me alive. I really need you to forgive me Angel. Are you happy?




Sunshine Squad: @Parktaemi @TwistedPDnim

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