Dear Significant other,
I am learning about struggle. Mostly internal. I now believe it is something we all go through, it seems to come about more often when you don't agree with the things going on around you so it can be a sign that you're living "right" but that also depends on what causes this struggle... I want to hold on to my morals, not for your sake... for mine. I always address these letters to you but they are more for me if I am totally honest.
This struggle makes reaching out to people feel like such a challenge. I am trying to unlearn a lot. There is a thin line that separates a funny joke from an offensive one, that line has been shifting a lot lately; the more I learn, the more I get stressed. There is so much evil in this world. I feel like there is a lot of evil in me. I don't like it. I don't like the fact that it is even possible. I know there is good as well, I love the good. I love watching it grow but the bad does haunt me a lot, the endless possibilities. Sometimes tears flow out of one eye but just collect in the other, I don't understand it. Clearly I don't understand a lot but that is okay, I am learning to love the things I can't understand. Learning to hate them as well.
"Being given the strength to endure doesn't mean it won't hurt to do so." I just saw this. It hit deep. It hurts so much and I am tired. I am so tired but quiting is not an option. I belong to God, God gives me rest, God comforts me, God guides me. I need to follow more.
I think about peace a lot. Peace of mind I mean. It is strange but I do not think it is a constant thing in this world. It comes and goes like the wind. I don't mind anymore. I wonder if I will ever let myself fully pursue love... Maybe one day I will expand on that thought, farewell for now...