Who: Reader x Jung Kiseok
What: Angst, Smut (eventually)
Story: Letters come in from your ex explaining his actions that led to your break up. While he seeks redemption he also wonders if you're happier now that you've moved on or if there's a chance to win you back.
Hyukwoo walked around the bridge back and forth. He was amazed that she had texted him to meet her out here. He wondered if it was Kiseok setting him up or if they would both come. She just told him when to meet her. He was there early. He wanted to see her again on good terms. He couldn't get the image of her wrapped up in Kiseok's arms in the mens room out of his head. That was their favorite spot, her favorite place for coffee. A place they shared together. It seemed like all of their good memories were tainted now not because of what she did but because of what he did. Everything that they were and had built, two years spent together and it was all torn down because of the decision he made. He sat down with a soft sigh. He had another letter in his hand that he had written but he hadn't sent it. At this point he wondered what he really wanted out of this meeting, what was he really hoping for. She was happy, wasn't she? She looked like it but then again he looked like he was happy with her when he wasn't. He fooled her but he wasn't happy with all the rules and the inability to touch her. Kiseok could touch her, if she came back to him would she still be reserved and not let him touch her. He understood now what was going on in her head, the stuggle that she was going through. He didn't really understand it before, he saw her as obsessive and cute and then it became trying and annoying. Had she changed or was it that Kiseok had brainwashed her? What did he do to get closer to her? What did Hyukwoo do to push her away? Aside from the cheating what had he done to keep her from growing with him?
He didn't understand her then... Did Kiseok understand her? More now than he had then? It was irritating to think that Kiseok could just come in and change her life and love her like Hyukwoo had never loved her. He was pushing Hyukwoo out of her heart and he didn't like that. He had already done that himself he didn't need Kiseok adding extra measures. He leaned against the bridge and looked out at the water. He wasn't going to ever get Y/n back, he could feel it. Kiseok had gotten deep into her system. He couldn't out beat him, he had lost against Kiseok. So why was he standing here waiting for her to show up with a small inkling of hope to hear that maybe she still loved him. That she still wanted him. She had texted him out of the blue when she could've called him and ended everything. Maybe she wanted to give his letters back, maybe she just wanted to see his face. His mind came up with a million different scenarios. As he looked out into the water he thought about the time they were dating for at least three months. The relationship was fresh and it didn't seem like they were together for long. He took her to the museum that had a lot of art in it and then he took her to the aquarium. They were in the half that was dark and the blue light and sun rays passing through the water of the tanks set a mood far too unforgetable for both of them. He remembered looking over and seeing her face in awe, she was staring at the water and the three sea turtles swimming past them. One of the small ones seemed to see her and get curious, it came close to the glass and stared at her. She held her hand up almost too mesmerized by the creature to think about germs but then her hand stopped short from the glass and she stared at the Turtle. She blinked a few times and her face was just apinted in curiousity and awe. The turtle swam away after his curiousty was filled but she watched it as it swam to catch up with the other two. They saw around with each other. He coudn't describe the way that he felt about her when he saw that moment. To others it would've been a very insignificant moment to just kind of look past and never think about again but something about her seemed very inocent and vulnerable in that moment and that's why he couldn't forget it. She was absolutely captivated but something she couldn't touch...
So was he.
He sighed and thought about how he runined her. How she told him to go to hell when he came to meet her. He had given her a few days to calm down when he found out that she heard him having sex with another woman but he didn't expect her to be that mad. There was something in him that believed that she would just always forgive him and love him no matter what he did. Perhaps a part of him was under and illusion he created for himself, that as long as he was getting away with cheating on her then he'd never lose her. She wanted more time and attention from him when he was getting more busy and he knew that but he also knew that when he told her he had to work she would accept that and not argue because she didn't want to cause him any trouble. She was a good girlfriend, supportive and caring and she didn't want to cause problems she wanted to be loved and in turn she loved him but he was the worst person in the world to her. He not only cheated but when they fought he complained about the very things that he used to believe were really cute. Her straying from holding his hand or her not wanting to hug, the way she checked forks and wiped down silverware. How she inspected a seat before siting or cover it so that her skin wouldn't touch it. She was cute and paranoid but the only thing that had changed about her since they broke up a year ago was that she wasn't as paranoid anymore. She was kissing Kiseok and holding his hand and drinking after him.
Sex in the public bathroom.
She was moving on from him and something in her was changing so much so that he was finding himself more aware of the fact that he no longer fit anywhere in her life.
Hyukwoo looked from the water to his right and saw Y/n standing there in a yellow dress. Her hair in big beach waves and laying on her shoulders. She looked delicate and girly. She looked beautiful. Kiseok wasn't in sight but still there was very little hope living in him now. How could he ask to touch what he had destroyed? The very reason there was a do not touch sign on her was because he wasn't careful with her in the first place. The very reason there was a new care taker was because he lost his right to take care of her. She looked happy, healthy. She looked brand new. She bounced back and she was brought back from the dead. Hyukwoo broke her heart and he could see it so clearly in her face right now that Kiseok had mended it. That he still was but she was almost completely healed. He smiled half heartedly.
I've never seen something so clear than I have now. You don't even have to say it for me to know it now... You're not mine.....And you never will be again.
You stood before him in silence taking in the half hearted smile he wore when he saw you. You were going to be meeting Kiseok later on and you wanted to look your best. You wanted to tell him what you did. You were going to tell Hyukwoo straight up how you felt. That you loved Kiseok and he was the only one for you. You had actually come from a therapy session already and she had given you your medication. She said it would take sometime before you felt really different but you already kind of felt a little less scared of touching. You still didn't want to but there was less anxiety than you were used to and it felt freeing. It was relaxing and you felt happier because of it. That meant you could get closer to Kiseok.
"Hi." Hyukwoo whispered.
"Hi." you said back.
You didn't really know how you were supposed to start this. You wanted to be gentle, he had written to you with the hope that he could be with you again and you were about to take that hope away from him. Perhaps already sensing it Hyukwoo walked over and said,
"If you don't ever want to see me again- I will respect that."
You felt like a destroyer because you could hear it in his voice that he was hurting and you were wanting to tell him that it was best if you two didn't speak again. You took in a deep inhale and chose you words carefully.
"You've asked me a few questions in your letter that I think you deserve a response to." you said.
He looekd at you and you could sense this troubled feeling he had. YOu swallowed and said,
"I love Kiseok, Hyukwoo. I really want everything to work between us so I really need to make sure this is clear but after today- You can't send me anymore letters. We shouldn't text, we shouldn't call each other and if we see each other in the same place we should politly smile and keep going our own way."
"I understand." he said.
"I loved you too, you know. You know you broke my heart, I'm not going to keep bringing up old wounds but a part of me feels the need to thank you for at the very least providing me an explanation. I may not like the reason why you cheated but I really needed to know because it was eating me up inside and I felt like I was dying and then I got closure."
"I regret doing it Y/n. I regret being an idiot and I wish I wasn't so selfish that I didn't think of the consequences of my actions before I made them."
"Hyukwoo we shouldn't go through life with regrets we should treat them as life lessons and move on from that. Next time you find a girl that has OCD and you think she's cute either be a man enough to deal with her OCD or leave her alone. You know this now. I know that I value the truth a lot more than I thought I did but it's so essential. I voice my pain now, I let Kiseok know that I'm scared to go through that pain again and he understands it. I just know more of what I want now and I hope that you do too but that you should know that you can't have me. And it's not because I'm with Kiseok, it's because it's in the intrest of perserving me. We tried and we failed and I just don't think I could ever go back to you knowing you've done that to me once. I'd always be paranoid. I'd drive you crazy again. For what it's worht Hyukwoo I do forgive you. I just- don't trust you and I can never forget what you did. A part of me will always have a bit of doubt, a par tof me will always be scared if you're going to do it again. We're not right for each other Hyukwoo. We loved each other for two years now it's time to move on." you said.
He put his hands in his pocket but his eyes looked wet. He looked like he had been sucker punched.
"When you said that this was over the first time, I walked away so upset and I just came up with more ways to blame you until Ju Kyung knocked some sense into me. There was just so much that you did for me that I didn't realize until it was over. I took your worth for granted and I lost you. I don't blame you for doubting me, for not wanting to come back to me but I did love you and I still do. It kills me to see you with him but it's a justified death when I think about what I did to you. I just need to hear you say it no matter how much you think it hurts. Tell me-"
"I'm happier with him than I was with you." you said.
He nodded and looked away. He took a deep breath like he just got finished swallowing a hard pill. The wind blew lightly and your hair floated a little with it. He looked at the water and then back at you and nodded.
"Losing you has never been easy Y/n. Knowing I'll never get you back isn't any easier but if he loves you and he takes care of you... If he makes you happy-- I want you to be happy. I won't get in the way of that again." he said.
You stepped up closer to Hyukwoo and gave him a hug and you heard a slight whimper come from him. A tear rolled down your eye as well. He cried a little more,
"Y/n you're hugging me." he said happy and surprised.
"Yeah I am." you said laughing a little.
You pulled away to wipe your eyes.
"I don't know it just felt appropriate to do. Still I think that was something you've always wanted from me. Not having to ask, not having to clean yourself before you do it. You're not the soul reason we fell. I know now my rules can be over bareing and I don't think I tired to get you to understand I just let you continue seeing it the way you saw it. I have some blame in this too. It's not like we'll never se each other again."
"I wish I had loved you better, then this wouldn't have been goodbye."
"Well it's not goodbye it's- untill we meet again." you gave him a teary smile.
He smiled and wiped his eyes he took in a deep breath and you looked behind him. Kiseok was there, perhaps by coiencidence. He stood their watching but he smiled when he saw that you noticed him. You smiled back and looked up to Hyukwoo.
"I've got to go." you said.
"See you later alligator." you smiled.
"Not for a while Crocadile." he whispered.
You walked away and headed over to Kiseok. He held out his hands to you and you took them and came over and pecked his lips. He looked at you wide eyed,
"Wow there's a change in you." he smiled.
He wiped remaining tears from your face and then looked at you,
"I used hand sanitizer too." he mentioned.
"Yeah I saw you putting it on before you looked up at me that's the only reason I'm holding your hands." you laughed.
"Oh that's the only reason? Are you sure it's not because you love my hands all over you?" he chuckled.
You made a face and shook your head,
"Oh." he said feigning he was offended.
"So you don't like this?"
He wrapped his arm around your neck and started rapidly pecking your cheeks making you laugh and squeal a little. You pushed on his chest a little and he laughed while pulling away and you wiped your face. He laughed and cupped your face instead and he kissed you deep and soft and slowly.
"I love you." he whispered.
"I love you too." you said back.
He smiled at you like he was proud of the person you've become.
"I got medication today and I survived therapy so if I keep this up, all will be well. I will be normal." you said.
"Ah normality is overrated anyway. You're as weird as you want to be and I love it. I love you for you flaws and all."
You looked up at him and smiled. You grabbed his arm and wrapped it around your shoulders. He looked at your surprised adn you looked up at him with a smile. There was a big part of you that wanted this and the small part of you that was screaming germs was horribly insignificant in this moment because you were close to him and you had no regrets.
"So let's go and you can tell me what you're doing out here and I'll tell you what happened with Hyukwoo because I know you've been dying to ask."
"Damn am I that transpartent?" he smiled.
You laughed and you two walked down were the food market was looking unshamefully like a couple....
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