A/N: I am not familiar with the mental illness I have set for Hyuk. So please bare with me. I am trying to write this with the little research I have done. ***SLOW UPDATES***
"Ms. Han, from the test we have done on your son, we have the results that your son has been diagnose with PTSD, Schizophrenia, Borderline Personality disorder, Anorexia, Social Anxiety and many more disorders." Doctor Park said to Ms. Han, my mother. I sat outside the office with the door slightly ajar. I fidget my leg up and down as I heard my mother broke down crying in the room with the doctor handing her tissues and explaining the conditions I would be facing as an eighteen year old.
"Hyukie? Hyuk? SangHyuk?" My mother waved her hand in front of my face. I snapped out of my thoughts. Looking at her, I could see many concerns that held within her eyes. "Hmm" I respond giving her my full attention.
"You okay?" her voice was laced with worry, just as her eyes did. "uh Umma" giving her a small smirk as she leaned forward and pet the back of my head. 'Worthless son you are to your mother.' I pushed the thoughts back to the back of my mind but they kept coming back to pester me even more. "So what do you think of the new house?" She asked pointing to a house where we can see through the gate. I turned to see a grey building, that was in the oddest shape form I've seen. It was a two story house with lots of space for the both of us. 'Tell her that we hate it.' the voices said. "It's nice Umma." telling her so she could smile. 'worthless, so stupid you are.'
"I'm glad you like it Hyukie. I was afraid you would hate it." she said turning the car off and getting out of the car. Only if she knew what the voices in my head were saying. Unbuckling my seat belt, I stepped out the car and walked through the now open gate that my mom had now opened. I looked at the house again and this time I had a hallucinations that the house was going to eat me. I panic and ran to my mom who was getting things from the back of the car. I threw myself on her, wrapping my arms around her waist and hiding my face into her back.
"Hyuk? What's wrong?" Once again worried was mixed in with her voice and words. She managed to set the boxes back in the car and turned around in my arms. She cupped my face with her hands and lift my face to look at her. I had small tears rolling down my cheeks. "The house is going to eat me." I cried between a sob. She pulled me close to her chest. "Hyuk the house isn't going to eat you." she rocked me. I had pulled back with the tears blurring my vision. "You promise." holding my pinky out for her to loop hers with mine and stamping it. "I promise my dear Hyukie." her comforting aroma had settled my emotions down it so I could help her move boxes in the house.
After taking boxes one by one from the car to the inside of the house. All of our furniture had been moved a few days ago and set in their rightful place. I had started placing my room items around the new room, I would be staying in until we decided to move again. "Hyukie, I'm running to the store real quick to get eggs, so I can use it to cook dinner with." She had called out from the bottom of the staircase.
I had rushed out of my room, "Wait Umma, I'll go to the store for you." I said. It was rarely when I get to do these things for my mom. Since I was diagnosed with many problems, my mom just want me to stay home and not worry about anything. But this was my chance to try to act like a normal teenager that I have dreamed of. I had reached the bottom stair, facing a unsure mother. "Are you sure you can do it?" She asked again as I nod, while she thought some more on it. With a sigh of defeat of my puppy face, she took money out of her wallet and hand it to me."I trust you okay. Call if anything happens, okay" she kissed my forehead, as I nod and went on my way to the store.
The weather had darken by big rain clouds, It had started drizzling when I walked in the store. I had token my time to go down every aisle to have finally find the eggs. When heading to the check out, I had picked out a small bag of candy. Setting both items on the counter to be checked out.
An average lady had greeted me as she scan the items. "Your new here, aren't you?" She asked as I nod and waited for her to tell me the total. "$5.60. You have to be careful around here. There's a reason why we don't have much teenagers like you around here. He always gets them or the families move away. There's always someone going missing or dying." she had said while giving me the amount of cash back. I grabbed the bag and headed out the door where it showed that it was now pouring rain. "You been warned boy, I would be careful if I were you on when walking the streets." I heard the last words of the lady as I nod and put my hood over my head.
'Get home the rain will kill you.' 'Your stupid for walking in the rain.' 'How stupid are you?' 'Hurry there's someone following you.' I had looked back over my shoulder to see a tall dark figure standing there. Stopping in the steps, I turned around but it wasn't there. I thought it was my hallucination that was messing with my brain. Shrugging it off, I made my way again to get home as possible. Half way to the house I heard footsteps behind me. I had tried to block it out but with all of my disorders, I had rushed home by running. I had thought I heard the footsteps following but once I got through the gate of my home and inside where I could take off my shoes. My Umma came to me.
"Your so soaking wet, Go take a shower and into dry clothes" she helped take the jacket off of me before getting the eggs and heading to the kitchen again. I did what I was told and went up stairs to take a warm shower. Peeling the wet clothes took time to do, they were heavy from being soaked in the rain. Turning on the water to a lukewarm temp, I stepped in to wash my whole body and hair. I had traced the cut marks on the side of my hip. Some freshly new and some weeks old. I had let the water run as I stood there staring at a blank spot on the wall.
There was a soft knock on the door. "Sanghyuk? Honey? You okay in there? You been in there for a while." My mom called through the door. I snapped out of my thoughts and turn the water off. I shook off the excess water off my feet and stepped on the soft rug that was neatly placed on the bathroom tile floor. "I'm fine mom." I wrapped the towel around my waist before opening the door to see my mom standing there. She nod when she saw me in the doorway entry. "Well dry off and get dress. Dinner is ready." She told me before turning to go back down stairs.
I had walked to my room, closing the door behind me and turning the light off. It was even darker with the rain clouds and the moon hidden from the clouds. I had dried off and pulled out clean clothes of pajamas. Walking by the small window of my room, I had seen in the corner of my eye of a tall dark figure again. When I had look to see it again, it wasn't there again. Getting chills down my spine and the hair of my neck standing up. I felt that there was something there that didn't seem like it was.
I quickly left my room and rushed down stairs to be with my Umma. I had ended up in the dining room table, panting because I was out of breathe. My Umma had looked up from the food she had been putting on plates to look at me. "Sanghyuk?" she rushed to me. She held my face, making me look into her eyes. "It's okay sweetie, breathe in and out." She did it along with me as I copied her and was able to calm my heart beat down.
"You okay?" She asked as I nod. She seemed to ask more questions. "I'm really okay Umma, I just had a hallucination that scared me." Sitting in the seat next to hers. I had started putting small amounts of food in my mouth.
Finishing what was on my plate was impossible for me. I rather starve and survive only on water, but there is time that I think I'll drown by drinking a cup of water. My thoughts have always gotten the best of me. Helping my Umma with the dishes, taking my medicine. I was sent to bed in the dark. The darkness consumed me, surrounding me and my thoughts. 'Would Umma be better of without a child like me?' 'Of course she would you worthless waste of air.' 'You should die.' 'No one will miss you.' ' Your worthless.' 'stupid.' the voices kept going as I curled into a ball and covered my ears to make them stop as I slowly drift to sleep.
It was another gloomy rainy day as I sat in the second living room, looking at the rain drops run down along the glass of the window. My Umma was in her study office, working on her work. I sighed for the fifteenth time as the weather was inviting me to go out for a walk in it. The problem was that I had a fear of when storms get worse then I wanted them too. Deciding not to bother my Umma as she worked. I wrote a note that explained that I will be out for not too long. Grabbing a hoodie and jacket from the hall closet next to the front door. I placed the hood over my head and stepped out of the house quietly.
I didn't think of a special place in mind as I had let my feet wonder. The rain had picked up and roars of thunder rolled through the dark heavy clouds. A crackle of lightning lit up the sky with thunder following along with it. I had started to panic as I had looked around my surroundings. There was a pathway that had sent chills down my next. 'Don't go down there.' my voices told me but it was only way I could look for shelter. The rocks crunched under my feet as I took each step. The trees draped down from the rain that was being stored in the leaves and limbs of the trees.
A few miles of walking aimlessly and a crackle of lightning again, there stood in front of me a old house, that hasn't been used in centuries. The paint of the bricks had faded to a lighter red-ish brown color, the roof looked like it was caving in but sturdy at the same time. I pushed on the gate, having it squealing a high pitch sound. I had more chills run down my body. I couldn't tell if the chills were caused by how creep this house looked or from the cold rain. Another roar of thunder had me running inside the house.
I had took my jacket and shoes off as I looked around the old dusty place. Sheets were covering some of the furniture and some of it was laying on the floor. Bits of trash laid here and there but not enough to be noticeable. 'Told you don't come down here.' 'Your gonna die.' 'Die.' voices said in my head. There voices rang in my ear as if they were from a real human being. I had slowly creeped into a room that looked like a family room. There was a piano half cover from a sheet.
I walked over and tapped on the keys. It was tuned from all these years of not being touched. Running my fingers over the keys and looking around the room. I saw a small pile of cut wood with paper and a box of matches by fireplace. It had clearly seem that someone has been here not to long ago. Crouching down to the fireplace. I set the wood in it, dusting my hands together and throwing a paper that had flames on it towards the wood. I had sat back watching the flames flicker.
I had flinched in my spot when I heard rustling noises coming from behind me. I turned to look behind me but didn't see anything. Turning back to the fire, in the corner of my eye, I had seen a movie black shadow move. I looked around my area again, swallowing down my nerves. It was every second I had seen a black shadow move from spot to spot in the flickering lighted room. When I felt a tap on the shoulder, I closed eyes. Thousand of thoughts, voices running through my mind as I slowly turned to see a brown hair guy with red eyes staring back at me.