Dear Significant Other,
I realise now that these letters are for me more than they are for you. It is easier like this, exploring myself. It is easier when it is addressed to a currently imaginary person. I've been trying to write about apathy and I do not know why, it's like I want to feel more but whenever I start I think of a million reasons not to.
I believe that hearts are safer in cages but extremely beautiful when set free. I'm just not 100% sure if I want to be beautiful or safe.
C.S.Lewis was spot on for this but I am at a crossroad, I keep alternating between the two paths even though I know love I where I want to live, it is the only way I know how to live. I don't like apathy. I don't like safety. I think feeling anything at all is beautiful, reminds us that we are alive yet I still consider emptiness. This is all so frustrating. It's like the flow in my writing is disappearing because these are all things I would rather not think about. I'm actually so used to hearing "wow, you're overthinking" or "be happy" but what people fail to understand is I am happy. I have sad moments but I am a happy person. I want love. I really want love. Not boyfriend/girlfriend things, although they would be nice. I mean actual love, the type of love where you can be who you are around people without fear of judgement even though they are probably judging you. I know I am an idealist more often than not but I'm cool with that. I'm silly. I'm playful. I'm serious when I need to be but Lord help me, I need to feel. I need to write to you more.