How do I survive each day?
I take each day as it comes. When a new problem arises, I push all other problems aside and focus on solving the new one. (Which is as much an ability as it is a disability...executive function disorder, another pesky facet of Asperger's syndrome.)
Others think I have it all figured out. Even my therapist has admitted to taking notes on my coping skills (mechanisms). I don't. I don't have anything figured out. I try to admit this, and people say I'm so "self-aware". They can't help me if they think I've already figured out some secret they have yet to glean.
I'm exhausted, though. Worn down by the constant conflict. Dragged across the terrain by nightmares and memories, hell bent on chasing away the shattered shreds of light that dare to encroach their territory. Stretched too thin by the torments traumas, old and new.
So tired that weariness has crept from my mind, to reside in my bones. Muscles, once brimming with energy and life, drag against joints like rubber on granite. I feel so slow, mentally and physically, like I'm fighting the winds of a tempest, and it cuts right through to my very spirit.
But I push on. One word, one step, one day at a time. And the demons concede, for now.