Who: Chase Malone x Reader
What: Angst (I'm sure Smut eventually)
Story: One happy night turns his life upside down. Business man Chase Malone must do everything he can to deal with loss, keep his business and bring back the woman he loves.
"Chase I'm only ten weeks you don't have to run around like a chicken with its head cut off." You said.
Chase was moving quickly trying to get you comfortable on the couch. You two were only meant to talk for a moment and then watch a movie but he was fixing a pillow for your back and grabbing you a glass of water. He was asking you if you needed anything else and even after you said you were fine he still offered getting you a drink or a snack. You grabbed his face and kissed him just to get him to shut up. It seemed to relax him too because he sighed into the kiss and leaned over you. He ended up sinking you into the couch more and he started kissing down your neck. You hummed enjoying his kiss but you pushed on his chest lightly.
"Baby wait." You said.
He looked up at you and knelt between your parted legs. You thought he was going to do something dirty at first when he dipped his head down but he actually just lifted your shirt to kiss your stomach. You had been back home for a few weeks now and it seemed like the only time Cha Cha got any relief was when he was at home trying to take care of you. He was in the middle of a law suit with Daniel, his former employee that had been stealing from the company. He was trying to force him to pay back everything he'd stolen. You didn't think it would take long since HR had gathered enough evidence to convict him but after Daniel was fired he fled. Chase was more pissed that they didn't have him arrested as soon as they fired him.
On top of that though, you hadn't talked about Sammy since you moved back in. He was focused on the new baby. You didn't have a problem with that but it seemed like he was using your new pregnancy as a distraction from Samuel's death. Since he had packed all of Sammy's stuff in his room, he hadn't gone in there. You walked in a few times just to look at his stuff. It still brought you to tears. He caught you in it one day and he pulled you out and closed the door without talking about it or asking why you were in the room. He simply kissed you and your stomach and told you he loved you both.
He was kissing your stomach now, humming a song as he did. He started to whisper against your stomach and you looked down at him.
"What kind of ritual are you performing down there?" You asked with a light chuckle.
He looked up at you with a chuckle of his own.
"I was telling the baby how beautiful you looked today." He said.
"You're such a sweetheart Cha Cha but will you sit up and talk to me? Please?" You said.
He nodded and got up off the floor. He sat down on the couch beside you and you turned and crossed your legs so you could face him.
"Cha Cha I remember you." You said.
He looked at you confused,
"I know that."
"No I mean I remember you. I think there are some parts still missing but for the most part I remember you. Like three years ago, you took me to a lobster fest and your mother happened to walk in with her girlfriends. You wanted it to be just us but she kind of invited herself into the date. You apologized to me because you had meant for it to be our time alone but you just couldn't say no to your mother."
"It's not like you would've let me anyway." He said.
"You're right because she's your mother."
"So you got your memories back." He said.
"Yes which brings me to why I want to talk to you,"
He looked at you curiously.
"I think we should go to grief counseling." You said.
"What for?" He said turning to face the TV.
"You still get cold towards me if Sammy is mentioned and I hate it. You're not the only one hurting from it Chase."
"Sammy's gone Y/n and you're pregnant again let's just focus on that."
"Chase you can't use this new baby as a replacement for Sammy, you'll be holding it over its head all its life. Look I want to deal with this for all our sakes."
"I don't want to talk about it, least of all with a stranger."
"Chase look at me." You said getting upset.
He turned to look at you.
"We have to mourn. That's healthy, it helps us work through the grief. It's never going to not hurt when we think about him but I don't want to wake up five or ten years from now with our child resenting us because they're not Sammy."
"I would never do that."
"You're starting to just by the comment you made; you're on that path now. Chase how many times have I almost self destructed in your arms and you've stopped the count down before it could reach zero? I want to save you and us and this baby. It's just grief counseling, we can deal with this ghost in the room and move on."
Chase looked at you and sighed,
"Fine. Fine we'll go to grief counseling."
He didn't sound enthusiastic at all about it but at the very least he agreed. You just didn't know what to do any more. He was gentle one moment and he was angry the next. With your memory back, you knew he was never this angry before. Sammy's death was taking a toll on him and he was just taking the new baby inside you as scape goat.
It was a second chance, that was a beautiful thing. Your lives didn't stop after Sammy died, it was okay to continue living. It was okay to have another baby but him being this angry was not okay. He released some pain the night you told him you were pregnant but it wasn't truly dealing with what was going on in his heart and head. You were focusing on Chase so much you also weren't dealing with Sammy's death; you were just existing, if that. You didn't think it was healthy for the baby either, some days you just had to force yourself to eat for the baby's sake. Other times you craved food and Chase jumped to get it for you even when you told him he didn't have to.
Chase started the movie and you crawled over to lean against him. He leaned back and wrapped his arm around you so you could lay your head on his chest. These were the sweet moments you were talking about. Further into the movie, your head slid down his chest to lay in his lap. His hand gently raked through your hair until you eventually fell asleep minutes before the movie ended.
Y/n proposing grief counseling wasn't an ideal thing for Chase. It wasn't that he was too prideful but he didn't see what good it would do. He loved her though, it was hard to refuse her when she got upset like that. It was like watching a two year old throw a tantrum. He could've been kinder about it but hiding his annoyance was harder to do now than it was before. He wasn't surprised that she crawled over to him to lay her head on his chest though.
He was still the man of the house so he had to make sure he protected her no matter what. Saturday afternoon she took him to a grief counselor.
"Can you try to be a little open minded?" She whispered.
"Y/n the fact that I'm here should count as being open minded." He said.
"Chase you're being so mean lately." She sighed.
"Mean? Why because I don't want to talk about it?" He said.
"Talking about it is healthy."
"Y/n it doesn't change the facts."
"I never said it would." She sighed.
He sighed in return and wrapped his arm around her to kiss the side of her head.
"The important thing is that I love you, you know that right?" He said.
"Yeah I know." She said softly.
He lifted her chin,
"Hey look at me. Look. The two most important things in my life are you and this baby okay?"
"I know." She said.
He kissed her lightly.
The woman at the desk called their last names and Chase stood up helping Y/n to her feet. She gave him a look like he didn't need to do that she was only a little more than two months it's not like her stomach was even showing yet. He just couldn't help it and if she had her memories back she should've been a little used to it. He did the same thing when he found out she was pregnant with Sammy.
They walked into the counselors office and sat down on the couch. The woman was in a gray suit with nude stockings going up her long legs. She had a pencil skirt on but she was still able to cross her legs in it. She had a pad in her hand and she fixed her glasses as she looked up at them. Her brown hair was long and wavy and she had a dark purple shirt under her suit jacket. She stood up for a moment and leaned over to offer her hand to shake. With a warm smile, she said,
"Hi my name's Vanessa."
Chase and Y/n shook her hand, introducing themselves individually. She sat down with her legs crossed again and said,
"So what brings you in here today?"
"Um- We have some thing's to work through. About nine months ago-w-we lost our son." Y/n said struggling to answer the question.
"How did you lose him?" She asked.
"Car accident." Chase answered shortly.
Y/n's hand met his forearm and slid down to find his hand. She locked her fingers with his and used her other hand to cover the back of the hand she held.
"It's been difficult. More so for my husband than me unfortunately." She said.
"Why do you say that?" She asked.
"After the accident, I was in a coma for six months and when I woke up I lost my memories. I've only recently regained them."
"How is life at home?" She asked.
"Fine." Chase said just as Y/n was saying,
Chase looked at her and she looked at him for a second and then looked away. His hand held hers tighter as he looked at her.
"Two different answers. Chase what makes you think things are fine?" Vanessa asked.
"What do you mean things are tense?" He asked Y/n ignoring Vanessa's question.
"You don't like it when I go into Sammy's room." She said.
"Yeah because you shouldn't be putting that kind of stress on yourself, especially while your pregnant." He said.
"But Chase you get upset every time I do it. You don't say it but it's in your posture, you just walking into the kitchen after pulling me out of his room, I can see it " she said looking at him.
"Y/n why do you go in Sammy's room?" Vanessa asked.
"It helps." She said wiping a tear from her eye before it could fall.
"It's therapeutic for you?" She asked.
"I forgot I even had a son. There was a time in my life I didn't even want kids-"
She stopped talking to wipe her eyes. Vanessa offered her a tissue and she took one and walked behind the couch to wipe her eyes and calm herself down. Chase sat there for a minute and then turned around,
She looked down at him with wet eyes.
"What if it's just the universe giving me what I asked? No kids, no commitment. What if the decision I made five years ago after Cody- what if it was me?" She said crying.
Chase stood up and hugged her. His eyes were wet too.
"Babe this wasn't you. None of it was you. You're having a baby now this can't be some design in the universe because of a split second decision you made when you were upset." He said.
"Y/n can you describe to Chase how your feeling right now?"
"I think it's obvious she's sad." Chase retorted.
"No I'm scared." She spoke up.
Chase looked her in the eyes. Her short small body clung to him while his arms stayed wrapped around her neck.
"I'm scared I'll lose another baby. I'm scared we're going to fall apart because we're not talking about this. You're not talking to me. I'm scared I'm going to get what asked for. I'm scared I'm going to lose hope." She cried lightly.
"Chase tell me why you won't go into your son's room. Better yet tell Y/n." Vanessa said.
Chase looked at Vanessa and then at Y/n. He didn't want to tell her, either of them. She looked up at him and he looked down at her. He wiped his face and then cupped hers.
"Baby girl you know I love you." He said.
"None of this is your fault I promise."
"Chase why won't you go in his room anymore." She asked.
He shook his head. He pressed his forehead to hers. He kissed her, he couldn't say it. It was killing him, he just couldn't say it.
"Chase." She begged.
"No I can't. I can't."
"Chase what's going on?" Vanessa asked.
"I'm angry okay. I'm so happy we're having a baby. I'm so happy you have your memories but I'm angry.... I'm still angry." He said.
"Why? Are you mad at me?" she asked crying a little more.
"What? No? Why would I be upset?" He said.
"Because I forgot him and I keep pushing you to talk about him."
Chase shook his head he placed her head on his chest. He kissed the top of her head.
"I didn't want you to remember him Y/n. I didn't want you to be as angry I was. I didn't want you to feel this pain. I wanted to move on." He said.
"Is that why you won't go into his room Chase? Because you want to move on?" Vanessa asked.
"It's more than that. It's so much more than that." He finally answered her.
He was still hugging Y/n, her arms were pressed to his chest as he rocked her from side to side. The session ended soon after and Y/n made another appointment for next weekend much to Chase's chagrin. She walked with him to the car in silence. When they got in the car and Chase drove off, she still hadn't said anything.
"We're not going to fall apart Y/n." He said.
"How can you say that when you wouldn't answer her question?"
"Y/n this is stuff that people go through normally, why do we need a third party in our business?"
"Because Chase the odds are against us and we have a baby on the way. Normally, couples divorce after the loss of a child. I love you and I know you love me but how long before that anger in you consumes you or my fear takes over me? A few months a few years? Everything will fester inside of us until we've destroyed each other. I'm trying to saves us before we fall." She said.
"So what do you want me to do?"
"I want you to try and answer her question. I want you to be honest with what you're feeling Chase. I want you to talk to me about it. I want you to stop pulling me out of our son's room while I'm trying to sort out my feelings. And I want you to stop off at the deli because I really want some honey baked ham and that rainbow lollipop from the candy shop by it."
The last half made him smile. She was still upset but the baby was making her crave food. She maintained her attitude while asking for food. Chase drove to the deli and parked. She hoped out of the car before he could get to her side and she stumbled a little. He caught her before she fell.
"Don't move so quickly. Are you okay?" He asked.
She scrunched her nose and then stood up straight.
"Yeah just got a little light headed for a second." She said.
"Morning sickness back?"
"No just a little dizzy, she's going to be a handful."
"She? We don't know what it is yet." He laughed.
She looked up at him and shrugged,
"It feels like a girl."
"If we have a daughter your not allowed to laugh when I cry." He said.
She chuckled. He kissed her forehead and walked her into the deli. She got a sample of the ham while Chase paid for the half a pound so she could make a sandwich at home. He walked her to the candy store next door and she immediately went to grab the rainbow lollipop and took it to the counter. He kissed the back of her head and paid for her lollipop. He had her hold onto his arm as he walked her outside. When he opened the door, they stopped in their tracks and Chase glared at the person in front of them.
"Cody." Y/n breathed.
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