Fangirl101
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The Gold Box (BTS Fanfic) Chapter 18 18+

A/N: IGNORE THE TYPOS!!! THIS HAS NOT BEEN PROOFREAD.

Yoongi grabs Raejin's waist pulling her closer as he deepens the kiss. Raejin bites his lip, and pushes him away angrily and walks around sitting in the passenger seat, wearing her seat belt. She glares at him. 
Yoongi opens the door and sits in the driver's seat slamming the door, making her jump.
He shifts the gear and steps on gas making the car jolt forward. Raejin gasps as the car goes to main road. She yells for him to slow down but he ignores, only looking ahead. Raejin sees hands tightly holding the steering wheel to the point his arms veins are popping up in the dim lights of car. She looks out of the window crossing her legs. Trying to face away from him.

I hope that girl was okay. By now they must have been in the ambulance at least.

She suddenly remembered that she hasn't told Yoongi about seeing Jungkook.
"By the way I saw Jung...."

"Shut It! Raejin!" He says his deep voice making her nervous. She rolls her eyes and turns around again, looking outside. The rest of the car ride is spent in silence. No one dares to speak or even look at the others direction. They both know it's the result of bottling up their feelings. They are both at fault and blaming themselves on the inside for not being able to treat the other better.
Raejin looks outside at the full moon, she smiles slightly remembering their first kiss. She remembers it was a full moon that day too. 

------------------------FLASHBACK START------------------------
Raejin sits on the floor starring at the beautiful moon her feet in the cold pool. They had come to Jeju island for business.
Namjoon and Suzy were in their room. Of course they were sharing a room. They had been dating for 6 months. She hoped she was as straightforward and brave about her feeling as her friends were. 

She had liked Yoongi for a long time, 1 and half year to be exact, but was unable to confess.

Recently, she had tried being distant and talk to him less. He had asked many times what was wrong but she didn't answer. She would only give yes or no answers when they worked together. She noticed how frustrated he would get but she couldn't confess.

She thought it would never work out and she wold lose a friend too. Every time she thought about confessing her insecurities flooded inside her mind. 

What if he doesn't like me back?

What if I am not good enough?

I don't think he deserves a girl like me

I mean he works with other girls....that are not awkward and they don't have a body filled with scars. 

Raejin pulls her cardigan around her body. Her body is filled with deep dark scars. And she thinks no guy would ever find a girl like her attractive. But every time she was with him she just wanted to confess. She hated hiding her feelings like that. So she did what she was best at, she avoided him. She doesn't want him find out that she likes him, ever. 

Yoongi walks out of his room, knocking Raejin's bedroom door. He doesn't get an answer. He walks around the hotel. Holding two cans of beer in his hand and a bag of chips. He finally had the courage to ask her out today. But, she didn't open the door. 

Might be sleeping....or maybe I have been too obvious with my feelings lately and she knows? No I do't think so....

AHHH! Fuck....I hate myself

What if she sensed that I might like her she is being distant because she doesn't like me back.
I wouldn't blame her...I am not the best guy to be liked by someone. 

Yoongi walks outside to sit by the pool . He stops suddenly seeing a tiny figure sitting by the pool on the floor. Splashing water by swinging her feet in. Her head up, looking at the moon, as the faint moonlight  hits her face. Her hair in a bun, having small strands of her hair falling on her face and neck. He takes of his shoes and walks near her quietly. He bites his lip as he almost trips on one of the chairs. He tries to put his shoes near them. 

He looks up expecting her to be looking at him. But she didn't he frowns but sighs in relieve. He walks near her and notices she has headphones in. He sits beside her rolling is pants up and puts his feet in the cold water.  As he puts the beer and snacks beside him, he hears a gasp. He look around and sees her big eyes staring at him, her hand on her heart. 

"Fucking holy fuck! Scared the fucking shit out of me...." She whispers. 

He smiles, he has gotten used to the constant cursing. Plus, he himself has a mouth of a sailor so he does't really care. But at the same time he sometimes finds it funny how her tiny figure and face doesn't match the crude curses that come out of her mouth. 

He grins at her point to his ear telling her to give one of her earbuds to him. She doesn't respond but only stares at him. He sighs taking one of her earbuds out  and putting it in his ear.
 
"Ohhh nice choice" He whispers as he splashes water with his feet too.  "Fur Elise isn't it?" 
She nods. "It's my favorite, also Mozart Symphony #40 in G Minor, Paris Symphony, Beethoven's Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Misery and many more" She says looking at him and smiling, showing  her dimples. 

She splashes water towards his feet having a mischievous look in her eyes. He smiles and splashes some water back. His heart skips a beat as he hears her laugh.
Clearing his throat he grabs one of the beer cans, opens it, and, hands it to her. He opens one for himself still looking at her as she takes the first sip as she scrunches her face because it hits the back of her throat. 

She leans forward, making him freeze, he stops breathing for a second. She tries to look on the other side. Her eyes lighting up seeing the snack as she leans closer and grabs the pack.

She tears the pack apart almost spilling it clumsily. He finally breathes as she hands the pack to him, offering him the chips. He takes one and smirks as she munches on her chips like a kid.

She hums along the piano piece. Yoongi stares at her, his eyes fall on her neck and then her lips. His heart beats faster. Before he could stop himself he leans closer and kisses her cheek. Raejin jumps and stares at him. 

".....What was that?" She asks 

Scared by her reaction he says "I am sorry..I just couldn't stop myself..so I did that" He whispers looking down. 

"Well, is there a meaning behind it or did you just do it because you feel lonely" She asks her voice stern as she looks ahead.

"I am not lonely....and yes there is...I ummm I think I like you?" he looks at her. She turns around looking back him. She bites her lips. 

Raejin looks at Yoongi, her heart hammering against her chest.
She feels excited that she has confessed but at the same time she is scared that he would laugh at any moment saying he was joking. She waits for it but he doesn't. Instead he looks at her seriously, not breaking the eye contact waiting for an answer. She thinks of many things or possibilities to deal this situation. 

1. She can run away and lock herself in her room. 
2. She can slap him.
3. She can say she doesn't like him even if its the biggest lie on earth. 

Ah!! Raejin!! DO SOMETHING!!

 Fuck this shit!! 

She grabs his neck and pulls him closer kissing his lips. She feels him getting stiff against her and gets ready for him to push her away and call her crazy. 

But he doesn't. 

Instead he puts his arm around her waist, sliding her closer and responds to her kiss. 

"Fucking finally..." he whispers between their kisses

--------------FLASHBACK END---------------

The car stops abruptly pulling Raejin out of the beautiful memory. She closes her eyes and sighs. 

Yoongi turns the car off and looks at Raejin hearing her sigh. He looks down at her legs her dress riding up on her thigh revealing her scar.  He looks at her lower part of her leg and sees the bullet scar gone. She must have used that make up shit to hide it. 

His eyes travel back to her dress. As much as he loves that dress on her, he hates someone else seeing that on her body. He takes a deep breath, she turns around to look and him and rolls her eyes. Opening the car door she walks out storming towards the house.

He follows her and grabs her arm but she she reacts by twisting his hand behind his back. She turns around and opens the front door and walks in throwing her bag at the couch she walks upstairs as he closes the door behind him. 

"Raejin!" he yells

"Fuck off!" She yells back. He runs upstairs and sees her loosening her hair. He grabs her arm again pulling her close but earns a punch in his stomach. 

"Never...Ever manhandle me like that? Got it? Or I will make sure to break your hand off"  She says in her stern voice glaring at him. He smirks tilting her head as if to challenge her. 

He knows he shouldn't have done that She has always told him how that triggers to remember her memories of her father abusing her mother. But right now, he doesn't want to care. He is angry that she keeps bottling her feels in, getting angry at him for no reason and then leaves to go with that player. 

And out of all people in the club who does she meet? 

Jungkook..fucking Jungkook. 

She walks away angrily throwing her heels off. He notices her leg trembling. It hasn't been long since her wounds started healing and she decides it's the best idea to go out wearing heels and make it worse. 

"GODDAMN IT RAE! CAN YOU JUST TALK INSTEAD OF BEING QUITE LIKE THAT?!" He yells. "FOR FUCKS SAKE JUST SAY WHAT'S ON YOUR DAMN MIND!" 

She turns around looking him. 

"Stop...bottling your feelings in and ...just talk. For the past month I have seen you get quite and....and walk around like a dead person. I waited that maybe one day you would talk but you don't! You keep it in! And the cry at night in the bathroom! You think I don't know that? You think I don't hear you muffling your cries in the bathroom?! You thing that doesn't affect me?!"

He continues. 

He sees her face getting red and eyes watering up.

"And what if I do say it? Does it change anything?
Does it bring her back?
Does it stop myself from thinking about killing myself every fucking day!?" She yells.

"Does me saying all of that change the reality? No it doesn't! Why? because talking doesn't do anything!
Every single day I think of the scenarios of what might be happening to her, each worse than the other and it makes me feel sick!

And I just want to end it!

Tell me can you stop those thoughts or my desire of ending my life?

No you can't! No one can.

So why should I tell you?

Why should I bother you?

Why should I annoy you with these things when it won't change anything!

It would only make you get tired of me more and more" She yells as tears stream down her face. She looks away trying to control herself from crying. 

"I never said I was tired of you...And you know it doesn't bother me Fuck! I want you to talk more so we can solve this...whatever goes on in your mind....together" He yells walking towards her. He grabs her shoulders, pulling her closer. 

"And why does only Ali matter? 

I get that she is your sister, your only family. But what about me?

 Do you not care about me at all when you say you want to end your life or harm yourself? 

Do you not know how I feel thinking and worrying that one day you just leave without telling me? All I want us to be a normal couple...at least in terms of sharing our feelings but you always have this fucking wall around yourself. 

I......I try hard to break it but you make it impossible for me."

"You do it too. You don't share your feelings either. You keep it inside too! So don't blame me only" She yells back trying to break his grip away but he just pulls her even more close. 

"BUT AT LEAST I TRY NOT TO RAEJIN! At least....I try" 

"Bullshit" She whispers looking down but he shakes her forcing her to look at him. 

"You only care about your only family...and want to harm yourself if something happens to her...but...what about my family...what about my family that is YOU! and you only!

And tell me something do you not consider me as family at all?

 What am I to you? 

What do I mean to you? 

Just someone you can sleep with? Just so you can have sex?" 

As soon as she hears him say that she forces his hands off and slaps him across the face. She  turns around to walk away in the bathroom slamming the door behind. He looks at his reflection in the mirror, his pale face red from her slap. He hears the shower turn on but her cries get louder. 

Raejin walks away from him towards the bathroom, turning on the shower she collapses down on the floor finally breaking apart as she cries loudly. His last words stung her hard. She blames herself for being like this.

But no matter how hard she tries she can't open herself to him. Every time she tries to, the fear of him backstabbing her or leaving her follows. She cries louder pulling her hair. Letting the cold water pour down on her body. 

Yoongi opens the bathroom door and finds her inside collapsed, helpless, and weak. Her tiny body trembling. He walks to her slowly stepping inside the shower.

The cold water hitting his body. She looks up at him, her eye makeup ruined, her big eyes red, and her hands in her hair. He tries to pull her up but she doesn't let him. He crouches down sitting in front of her, pulling her hands away from her gently. She starts hiccuping and she cries even harder. 

He puts her hands down gently, pulling her close hugging her. She muffles her cries in his chest grabbing his shirt as he rubs her back. They stay there for a long time until she finally stops, pulling him closer as she slides her hands around his neck, he grabs her waist, burying his head in her neck, kissing it gently. 

"I....love you a lot...more than I should. More than I have loved anyone. To the point that I even scare myself sometimes. But I can't say it....I don't know how to say it or express it." She whispers. "Every time I try, the fear of you leaving or betraying follows. I hate being abandoned and everyday I fear that you will. Because...you don't like me anymore...or you have found someone better...or you are just tired of me" 

"I told you that I would never be tired of you...why can't you understand that? What should I do to make you believe me"  he whispers pulling himself back and looking at her.

"I know it's not something you have to do. It's my job to make myself feel more secure." She says looking down.

"But we can work on it together. How about this? From now every time you feel that way just tell me and we will work on it together? Just promise me that hmmm?" 

She nods and looks up.

"And....every time I feel that way..I will tell you. We can work on this together instead of keeping it in and fighting all the time" He says wiping her tears.

She smiles at him. 

"Also...never say that I am only with you because of.......because I am not. I really..like...no love you. I really do. I know I don't say it.  And this is the first time in four years that you are hearing me say it but....but trust me I do. And I will try to say it more often...." She whispers looking at him. 

"I am sorry about that....I got angry and was just frustrated and jealous so it slipped I didn't mean it. I swear." He says cupping her face. "You didn't talk to me and then left with that fucking player and then met Jungkook of all people...wearing that dress and I....lost it"  He says sighing.

"Why do they bother you so much?"

"He has a flirty smile...and to be honest he has charms and is good with affection...so I feel I don't know and Jungkook....he use to like you." 

"But, I don't like him or Jimin. And we both know I am not affectionate either so...."

"I know I know it was just childish jealousy plus you challenged me that you won't block off any guys that flirted with you so yeah...and then you wore this damn dress, knowing that it was my favorite" He mumbles looking down. Raejin smiles slightly. 

"Well...that was because I wanted you to get jealous and come with me....I even had a bet with Jimin for $1000" She says her voice light. He looks up at her.

"His bet was that you won't come and mine was you would. And I won" She continues winking at him as her smiles deepens. Yoongi narrows her eyes at her.  

"Whatever..." He responds rolling his eyes but smiles. He gets up turning the water off and then helps her stand up. They both walk out  as he grabs a bathrobe and wraps it around her.

He takes his shirt off walking into the closet. He comes back with his pants changed into trousers, a towel around his neck, and one of his hoodies in his hand.

He hands his hoodie to Raejin who has taken her dress and stockings off already and is wrapped in her bathrobe. She grabs the hoodie and motions him to turn around. He gives her a weird look. 

"Its not like I haven't seen...." he says rolling his eyes. 

She takes a step towards him and smacks his head.

 "Owwww what??  it's the truth" he says mumbling but turns around anyways, rubbing his head. Raejin quickly takes of her robe and puts on his hoodie. 

"I am done" She says as she picks up his thrown shirt and her clothes and throws it in the laundry basket for now. 

"I don't even know why we are wearing clothes right now...I mean we just had a this emotional moment and had a fight so according to me we should be doing something." He says walking up to her. 

"I know sleeping..." She says pushing him away. 

"Ughhh FINE!"  He says and pushes past her towards the bed. Raejin smiles as he sits down on the edge looking at her with disappointment. She walks into the closet and picks up his wet pants and throws them in the basket too. She picks his shoes up and takes them outside. His eyes follow her tiny body as she avoids eye contact. 

She comes back and stands in front of him taking the towel around his neck and drying his hair. He grabs her waist and puts his head against her body.  She throws the towel at the chair lightly stroking his hair as he looks up showing his smile.

He lays back down on the bed pulling her with him making her squeal.  He pushes her on the bed, so he is on top, stroking her hair away from her face. She smiles as she slides her arms around his neck pulling him closer and kissing him. He responds deepening the kiss, his hands traveling down to take of her hoodie. Her hands travel down to his chest, her fingertips slightly touching his skin.

When he tries to take the hoodie she freezes. Like always, tensingup at this part. He knows she feels insecure about her scars but he proceeds anyways and takes it off.

Like a habit she wraps her arms around her body. And like always, she kisses her cheek taking them away. 

"Why do you keep doing it? You know I don't care" he mumbles in her neck, kissing collarbones.
 
"I know...its a habit..I am sorry. I....will try not to" She whispers.

"It's okay you can keep doing it if you want....and I will keep showing you how much I don't care about about them...they are a part of you and your past so I love them." He says kissing her scars.  

"Just like I love you." He says kissing her lips again. They smile against each others lips, pulling one another closer.

 For the first time in four years they have finally told each other how much they love one another.

Something that is so easy for other couples yet so difficult for them. It is the most challenging thing two broken people face as they try to heal each other.  
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