Today is another long chapter for you all so I hope you enjoy it!
Have fun reading ;)
Need a recap? Or new to the story? I gotchu~
Day 40 | Knew Better
It's been two days since we have run into their group. I was hoping that we were going to be able to leave yesterday but I underestimated how much that escape affected all of us.
Emotionally and physically.
We lost so many people. Taehyung, and half the girls. I still can't get his face out of my mind. He eyes blank as he stared into the barrel of the gun, acting as if he was going to be able to escape. As if he was going to be able to live. I tried to tell myself that it wasn't my fault but it was no use. Maybe they should have never come to save us. Maybe then he would still be alive.
I tried to shake the thoughts from my mind, but they always seemed to wander back. It didn't help that Somin was still mourning the loss of her sister either. She was quieter than usual and more distant. Every time I would try to approach her, she would give me a small smile and then return to fiddling with her fingers or whatever else she was trying to distract herself with.
Yoongi and his group pretty much left us alone as well. They didn't seem to take us as too much of a threat, especially since we were all incapable of moving too far.
They were nice enough to give us some of their food though, probably wanting to help us get better so we could leave them as quickly as we found them. And before I knew it, a day had already passed. It was our second day with their group and I was determined to leave today, if not tomorrow. I wanted to find somewhere else.
Someplace I knew for sure no one could find and that no walkers were occupying.
As I was thinking about where to go next, a familiar figure came into view, holding out a piece of bread in my face. I glanced up to see Jimin standing there, motioning me to take the slice in his hand. I smiled softly at him and took it. I started to nibble on it right away, not realizing how hungry I was until that very moment.
"Whatcha thinking about?" He asked as he plopped down beside me, our shoulders briefly rubbing together. The contact startled me at first but I quickly shook it off.
"Where to go next," I replied, taking another bite out of the bread. It was soft and light, the perfect type of bread. He hummed in response, as if not knowing what else to say at that moment. We both just sat there for a bit, eating and just enjoying the silence for once. I watched as the two groups mingled, the guys talking with some of the girls. It was almost like we were just a group of people hanging out, getting to know one another. But I knew better.
"Hey Avri," Jimin suddenly spoke, snapping me back to reality.
"Can I ask you something?" He continued, refusing to look at me. Intrigued, I nodded slightly, telling him that it was okay. He took a deep breath before asking the one question I knew was coming eventually. The one I didn't want to answer.
"What did the ringleader mean? When he said you asked for it? What happened back there?" He prodded, making unwanted feelings starting to rise again. Moments started to flash in my mind, of the humiliating abuse I got from the men, the assault, and the tears I shed. I looked down, avoiding his unwavering gaze.
"I... don't want to talk about it," I mumbled, taking another piece of bread and plopping it into my mouth, hoping to the heavens above that he wouldn't continue. He shifted slightly, becoming uneasy.
"It wasn't...what I think it was, right?" He asked once more, hoping that I would answer the opposite of what he was thinking. But he knew better. "Avri, you can tell me anything. You know that right?" He continued, wanting to comfort me but the only thing it was doing was making me scared. I don't want to think back to that time. I just want to forget it. All of it.
Suddenly, he reached for my arm and before he could touch it, I flinched, moving it out of his way. Fear showing in my eyes, he looked at me in shock. I slowly shifted away, feeling more and more uncomfortable with the silence then before. Tears started to well up again in my eyes as I turned away.
I was trying to hard to be strong. Trying so hard to show that it didn't hurt me, that it didn't scar me, but with just one touch, I was falling apart. I started to sniffle, showing that I was on the verge of bursting. I crumpled my sleeves into my hand, moving it to wipe at my eyes. I could sense that Jimin now knew what had happened. But he didn't say anything. He just sat there as I tried to regain my composure. He was here for me. I know that well.
But I won't ever be the same again. I don't know if I could ever be comfortable enough with a man again. I brought my hands and placed them on both sides of my arms, rubbing them to try to comfort myself in anyway I could.
I turned to glance over at Jimin to see him staring at me out of concern. I tried my best to muster a smile, my eyes probably showing him otherwise.
"All that matters is that we are okay," I replied finally. "We are okay." I stated, as if trying to tell to convince myself of that statement. Slowly, he reached out once more, wanting to make sure not to scare me again. He gently placed his hand on mine and although the touch frightened me at first, I slowly leaned into it. I wrapped my fingers around his and squeezed his hand tightly, trying to at least reassure him in some way. He squeezed back and moved our hands to our side, trying to be there for me the best he could be.
That day quickly went by after that and after talking with the rest of the group we have decided to move on tomorrow. We haven't told Yoongi or his group yet but they should be happy that we are leaving. I went to sleep that night happy for the first time in a while.
I curled up next to Bomi, hugging her while I slept, hoping to heavens that luck would be on our side after everything this world has thrown at us. I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off, hoping to dream of something not frightening and peaceful.
Late into the night, and deep into sleep, I was suddenly forced awake when a hand went over my mouth and a gun was pushed into my head. My eyes opened immediately, scared and petrified. I turned my head to see a dark silhouette hovering over my body, forcing me down.
"Make any sudden movements," The voice spat, making my heart race.
"And I shoot."
(Seriously though, why won't my mind give Avri a break T-T)
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