a year ago1,000+ Views
I just wanted to share something I've been thinking about and I hope it helps some of you too.

First I was shocked and I was deeply upset about the passing of Jonghyun, as the shock begins to subside of course I am still upset but it is transforming into a sad acceptance rather than me constantly wishing it wasn't real.

But then I felt an emotion I didn't expect: anger

I made the mistake of clicking one video on youtube that showed some idols entering the place of mourning and I was livid. The amount of camera flashes and zooming in to get the best angle of their dispair made me sick.

Because I'm not on youtube often suddenly all my recommended videos were this kind of thing - all different news outlets all diffferent angles. The thumbnail making a big deal over certain idols, and using this tragedy for money. I was so angry.

But then as I was watching the funeral procession, and watched Key, Onew, Minho, Taemin and others walk Jonghyun's body out of the hospital I realized something. It felt somewhat cathartic and therapudic to cry along with the crowd and to be able to watch it. I felt a sort of release and a sad sense of calm came over me. Watching other people, especially ones I recognize and respect, be in such pain like I was, helped release some of my emotions and I felt so much better.

So while I'm still so angry at the news sites for sending hundreds of reporters and for making money off of this tragedy, I did get something positive from their video (I only watched it once) so at least there is that.

So if you were feeling the anger I felt, remember that everyone grieves in different ways and watching these videos might help someone release and calm their emotions.

I hope you are all doing okay, and I love you all.
I saw Jae's tweet from day6 and he didn't mention a name so I looked at the replies and saw people mentioning shawols. My heart dropped and I looked it up on Google and as soon as I saw it in words I started sobbing. I cried for a good hour and a half nonstop. I've always been closed off and bottled up and I thought that celebrity deaths wouldn't get to me. But obviously I was way wrong because I've been miserable for these past few days. I'm drowning myself in work to try to stop thinking about it. It doesn't help when nobody around me understands either... My family kinda gets why I'm sad but they don't think it should be affecting me this much. They don't understand how much of an influence he was (and kpop in general) to me and it feels like a close friend has died... sorry for the long comment but I've been avoiding these posts like the plague because I wasn't ready to face reality. But I feel a little more stable now so it's good to be able to voice my thoughts somewhere that I know people understand.
I definitely understand. He was much more than just a kpop star, he was a voice for the lgbtq ommunity, and for those suffering with mental health. he was someone who was really making a difference and for that light to have gone out, its a tragedy. i hope youre' okay!
I totally understand. At first I was sort of disgusted that the media was there on what should've been private events, but seeing how many of his colleagues and fans showed up to say their final goodbyes and grieve together was somewhat comforting to me. It showed that Jonghyun was well loved and that made me a bit happy, despite the sad occasion.
To this day, i am emotionally numb. It was a shock and i just haven't assimilated that he's gone... I want to cry but i can't.
I watched it and I cried. I cried 3 days straight my mind wouldn't let me realize it was real he's really gone I couldn't accept it until I saw this video and I saw his brothers carry him out and when key broke I totally broke I wanted to hold them all and let them know that although we can't believe our bling bling is gone so suddenly it's gonna be alright because we have them and they have us this tragic even will only make us all stronger and our love for him will always be running strong.
I understand. I cried a lot too the first 3 days. even now its still hard but I know I have to stay strong for the remaining members.
i understand about the videos too. I could not be on the internet for the first day at all. but its nice to know how much Jonghyun affected other kpop idols and singers. but the last video i saw was what hit me the most because key started crying and onew was helping him. I started to cry and all I wanted to do was cry. but I couldn't because I had to go to work.
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