I suffer from depression. It sucks. It is like this obnoxious imp that constantly gets between me and whatever I desire. I wake up ready to take on the world, but this melancholy washes over me and wears me down. This growing, dark cloud wraps around me, slowly tightening like the coils of a giant serpent. As it blocks out more and more of the bright, beautiful world, it pushes me farther and farther from the cheery, passionate person I would much rather be.
People ask me why I'm sad, what do I have to be sad about, why don't I just "snap out of it"? The problem is that I carry around a great deal of pain from trauma and I spend so much energy on pushing it down that when it springs back I just don't have the energy to contain it or keep it hidden anymore. And so, it trounces out like a once caged puppy and tangles itself all up in my life. It's like trying to shove a balloon into a box that's a bit too small.
It's not like I haven't faced down the source of my depression, either. I've dealt with both my childhood trauma and more recent trauma. However, depression doesn't come from unresolved injury, depression is the scar left by trauma...the sudden flaring sensation long after the flames have died and the flesh has mended.
And so, I struggle in this constant battle for control, with a foe that I know may never be entirely vanquished. Don't worry about me, though....I'll rise up, stronger than before.