no, this isnt a joke.
and im not gonna leave for a week or two and come back "all happy and better and wow I just missed this place and everyones doing fine and dandy so I should too."
I don't know if anyone has noticed (I doubt it) but its already been a week or so since I last made an actual update (batw doesnt count)
I just wanna explain
ive done this before, so I dont blame anyone if they think I'm just doing this for more attention. im not, but it sure does look like it..
everything just sucks right now
I dont know what it is, but ive been more depressed than usual lately. and I havent been posting because I dont want to affect any of your moods by it.
every. single. day... I just hate everything and everyone I look at.
at school, it completely awful. everyone i look and and everyone that basically talks to me, whether theyre my friend or not, i just get so mad. I end up talking to myself in the halls saying sht like "eveyone in this school is so damn gross" or "I hate this school" or "youre all ugly asf stop trying to act cute." not because im trying to be mean. its just because ive been getting mad s o easily and I can't help myself. 95% of people in my school are fake asf and I have no other way to deal with it other than getting pissed.
my best friend hasnt been at school in two or three weeks.. I lost count and dont feel like checking. she came to school once a couple days ago and left after two hours. and not only that, but shes switching school next year because of how much school shes missed all year. and probably being with drawled from our school even before the year is over. after shes gone, I have no one to walk around the halls with and tlk to about how we want food every ten minutes. who I can sit with at lunch and flick intervention with. who i can wait for in biology class to sit next to me. who I can partner up with since I dont know anyone else in the classes we were both put in.
I'll have nobody that can make me genuinely happy by their presence anymore.
and not only have i lost/will lose just bout everyone I love and cherish the most..
I'm behind in school
my anger issues have been through the roof. and its affecting my grades. ive been stressed with credit recovey this past week, and teachers aren't making it any better. ive been losing sleep because of it and ive developed dark bags under my eyes..
I'm sorry for complaing via card but I just needed to explain myself.. my mood has also affected that spark i used to have making card. hopefully it'll come back (most likely it will because if I ever get an attachment to something/someone, it doesnt just go away)
but for now, I need some time to get myself together and hopefully think more positive.. because right now, I just hate everyone that I look at (if I text you, you're fine. its literally just face to face contact that pisses me off now)
until i feel healthy enough to come back, I hope everyone has a good rest of their day :) and pls stay positive. if I cant, I want other people to. stay healthy, eat and drink normally, and dont forget that someone out there loves you :) whether its one person or a whole group of people, each and every one of you are held dearly to someone else :)
see ya guys soon
[Update] I will still be posting BATW stuff for the team. I dont want to stress any of them out thinking that they have to take over for me. but if i dont participate a day or even a week (since I do two members), please understand. everyone here and the team.
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