Probably, I was too happy recently for the fact that my boyfriend is not going home this vacation.
Yesterday, I figured out that my boyfriend didn't really like who I was anymore. He wanted me to change. For the sake of our love, I, too, decided to change. But, from the minute that I decided so, I started to feel so small and numb. I felt small for the fact that my boyfriend couldn't accept who I really was. I liked acting like a little girl when asking for something, and sometimes I didn't want anything at all but still did it anyway. "You don't want me to do anything at all just to stay with you?", his question when I mumbled that I didn't want him to go. It numbed me to hear him say so. But I was just kidding, I knew you had to go and I did this all the time and you had always loved me for asking you to stay a little more. Why is it different now?
Today is the first day in my life that I feel abnormal. I was always good at faking smile. People always complimented me about the smile I always had on my face. But today is the first day I just can't fake a smile. My boyfriend tried every way to make me smile again but it was just impossible. I had to pull my cheeks side to side to force myself to smile. I tried to but every way seemed impossible. I hate it when I can't hold my tear. Once a drop comes out, the others follow continuously. Sorry bong, sorry that you had to see me in that way. Sorry, I'll try to be the girl you want me to be :(