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Role Play

Last night we fighted again. I came to realize that we both changed. He had never told me what he didn't like about me. He had just kept it inside until he lost interest in me. I had so many dreams about us, but now? Lol. It's hard to even think of how to behave in front of him now. He doesn't like what I do anymore. How do I behave to not worsen the situation anymore? I feel so tired. Why am I not living for myself? I've lost my value because of this love. :(
Even though you've changed a lot, never have I ever lost the love I have for you. I love you even more every single day. How about you? I tried so hard to satisfy you and what do I get in return? You can't accept me. :( I don't want to fight for this battle anymore. I can never be like someone you loved. I already told you from the very start that I could never replace her but you wanted to give it a try. And now? I am the one who gets hurt so badly. Please go back to her. I can't play the role of hers in your life. I just can't.
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These days we've been partying a lot since there are too many seniors having different reasons to celebrate different stuffs. Honestly, I'm not really happy to spend more than 500$ now in less than a month. Spending too much on nonsense is now what bothers me the most. Today, all the seniors and juniors had a lunch together. We all went to a coffee shop straight after the lunch. That coffee shop is simply where me and my boyfriend spend our days. We sat face to face by one end of the table. Just like other times, I asked him to come and sit next to me, but he refused. I thought it wasn't big of a deal so I let it pass and started reading. I asked him again and this time he came and sat by my side. Again, just like other times, I leaned on his arm. But this time, he immediately told me to sit up. I had no choice, I had to sit up now. I awkwardly left some gaps between us and continued reading. The group gathering ended so we all separated our ways. My boyfriend and I headed to a study lounge in the school (where we spent our evening when we first started). As we were walking, I could see that something was annoying in his mind. I kept asking and he wouldn't tell. As soon as we sat down, he told me that he didn't feel okay that I stayed close to him in front of everyone...(Now that I remembered days ago when I wanted to take a picture with him, he madly tried to avoid the camera. Maybe he was afraid I would post it, but what was he exactly afraid of? Couples can't post pictures together?)...He kept complaining how he felt about being close in front of people. Who the hell hugged me in front of everyone at first? Who the hell kissed me shamelessly at first? Now who the hell blames me for everything I do for us?...I bursted saying " Talk no more, I understand now ". He faced down on the table for a little while then walked away. I calmly tried to read and there he came back and apologized. I can't seem to be strong enough to not forgive him. Now we're fine together again. I wonder what it'll be like tomorrow and the next. What else will he blame me for? How will we withstand living together?